No Repeats

by Emily Hudson

  A short while later, I was confirmed onto the 23:50 from Euston. ‘I can never sleep on trains, wouldn’t it be more convenient if I flew?’ I questioned. ‘Look at it this way…you’ll have more time to prepare. If you have things to organise, you can leave at four.’ She smiled, ‘How gracious,’ I muttered under my breath.

  Obviously my day wasn’t set to get better; making my way out of the office to the tube I saw him, Marcus. There was no denying it, it was definitely him. Those striking features and muscular shoulders, nobody else was that striking. My heart did a little flutter only to sink as I realised he wasn’t alone. He stood holding the door for someone who could only be described as drop dead gorgeous. She was beautiful and young, considerably younger than him. Her long legs were accentuated by the glove tight trousers that, might I add, left nothing to the imagination. With just a few inches in height between them, she was graceful as she slid through the door, sliding her arm around him as they hailed a cab. I turned away, I’d seen enough.

  The tube journey seemed endless as I tried my best to avoid the stare of the middle-aged banker, red braces and all, across from me. My mind flashed back to what I’d just seen; jealousy seeping from every pore. She looked a model type, probably Victoria’s Secret knowing my luck I thought, as the train ground to a halt in a tunnel. Waiting for the signal to turn, the image replayed in my head. Before we’d got moving, I’d married them off with kids; they were the perfect looking couple. Her dark hair matched his, she wouldn’t have to crane her neck to kiss his, thus preventing a whole host of future back problems. The train hurtled along again at breakneck speed. I could get over the fact that it’s only been four days. God what if, they were together all along? No, Licia would have known, she would have told me. As the train halted for my stop I pulled myself together. You knew the score Luce, no repeats, you walked out on him remember…So why does seeing him with someone else hurt so much then? I stood on auto-pilot and made my way to the door. I had a sense of being followed I looked round to see the same eyes that felt as though they had never left me. Preparing a mouthful of retribution if he so much as uttered a word. ‘Excuse me Miss. I’ve been trying to get your attention, your blouse…’ Just before my rage boiled over, I looked down to realise I had indeed been exposing my, albeit favourite, bra to the city at large. Mortified, I felt my neck then face redden as my blush took hold. ‘Thank you.’ I murmured after him as I fastened my blouse and considered how many people I’d exposed myself to today. Yes today, could get worse!

  * * *

  ‘This is a bad idea Livvy, seriously what was I thinking letting you drag me even this far, if she sees me she will think I’m some kind of stalker. Let’s just have a coffee or something and go.’ Livvy had been like a dog with a bone the moment Kitty had let it slip about Lucy.

  ‘Good idea, you can tell me all about her and maybe, if we stay long enough, I’ll get a glimpse of the woman that’s turned your head.’ I reluctantly sighed, holding the door open to the coffee shop across from Lucy’s office and Livvy flounced in ordering something ridiculous; I lost track after decaf, soy latte and something about extra shots. Settling down with our drinks, of course only the window seat would do, I peered up at the building Lucy worked in. Where was she? What was she doing? I knew how she looked both naked and in a beautiful satin blue gown but what would she be wearing today?

  ‘So, tell me all about her. Well not everything, you’re still my brother, huh, gross!’ Livvy said, dramatically shaking the thought of me intimate with anyone out of her head.

  So, I started, ‘It was the morning of the wedding; Ethan, Rhys and I were staying at Lawrence’s, you remember Ethan’s grandfather. Lucy rang the doorbell delivering a gift from Alicia to Ethan.’

  Livvy’s hands shoot up to her mouth, ‘Oh, that’s so romantic, what was it?’

  ‘I don’t know, a key or something. Do you want to know about Lucy or not?’ Livvy mimed zipping her mouth, that wouldn’t last for long and I knew it. ‘So, the poor girl was sent on an innocent errand and gets greeted by the three of us, half naked, freshly showered.’

  3…2…1

  ‘Half naked?’ Livvy spurts her soy latte all over the table. ‘Corr, lucky girl,’ she says as I hand her a paper napkin.

  ‘Livvy, enough, they’re both married men.’ Rolling her eyes, she went back to sipping her drink. ‘Anyway, Ethan invited her in and introduced us. I was entranced the moment I took her hand, Ethan could tell. Whereas, Rhys ribbed me mercilessly over breakfast about her being the next notch on my bedpost.’

  ‘Well you do have that reputation.’ My beautiful sister supportively chimed in. ‘I know and I’ve only got myself to blame, but the thing is it angered me when Rhys said it and the more I got to know her as the day wore on, the more I wanted it to be different.’ As I finished off my Americano my mind wandered to her porcelain skin, her wicked sense of humour, the way she felt as I held her in my arms dancing, the smell of her beautiful blonde hair. I wanted more.

  ‘And…?’ My baby sister urged. I placed my now empty cup down.

  ‘I became her notch on the bedpost and I haven’t heard from or seen her since.’

  Livvy eyed me carefully, ‘Ouch! Ego hurting, much? So, that’s why you’re doing it, you’re after the chase. Tell me, what are you going to do when you’ve got her?’

  I looked my baby sister in eye, I knew more than anything what I wanted to do. ‘I want to marry her and have children with her.’ My sister’s jaw dropped, you’d have thought I’d shot her with a tranquillising gun, it would have had the same effect.

  ‘You sure its not, last man standing syndrome?’

  Shaking my head I dismissed her thoughts completely. When the shock had worn off, she got her phone out.

  ‘My my, you never cease to amaze me. I feel this moment needs to be immortalised.’ She said pointing her phone at me. ‘Go on, go on.’ She pestered, urging me to repeat my admission. Humouring her, I piped up. ‘I want to marry Lucy Crawford and have children with her…I’m crazy about her, satisfied?’ I shouted like a mad man, silencing the whole of the coffee shop. I’d indulged my baby sister enough and not wanting to create a further scene, I ushered Livvy to finish up so we could leave. As much as I wanted to see Lucy we still had a million and one other things to think about. Holding the door open for her she slipped her arm around me.

  ‘I hope you catch her, you deserve to be happy.’ I pulled her in tighter as I hailed a cab.

  ‘Thanks Sis.’

  Chapter Six

  It didn’t take long for me to sling a few things into a bag; venturing out again was the last thing I felt like doing. I was shattered, drained and still so mortified I had to keep checking I wasn’t about to be arrested for indecent exposure as I dragged my bag up and down subterranean maze of London. Finally emerging from the depths, I made my way to a member of staff on the platform who was refreshingly polite and courteous for this hour of the evening. Finding my berth, I dumped my bag and went in search of the lounge car, seeking a more comfortable space to absorb the finer details of the tender Jennifer had put together and more importantly a much-needed nightcap. The lounge finally quietened down by half past one; convinced I’d nailed the pitch, I made my way back to seek out the contents of the goody bag on my bed. Steaming past the English countryside and towns unannounced, it wasn’t long before the motion got the better of me and I was sound asleep. The night passed by as quickly as the scenery. Awake before my bacon roll delivery, I made use of the time to perfect the pitch, familiarising myself with the company and my audience. Mark Chapman CEO/MD, his Marketing Director, Lois Ludlow and Sales Director, Niall Chambers. Jennifer’s notes included very little information that couldn’t be gleamed from the briefest of internet searches. The one exception was next to the Marketing Director Lois’ name was written ‘Witch’. The mind boggled; needless to say I would be on my guard. With the tender consolidated in my mind, I did a final check of my emails before I put my phone on silent. “I E
XPECT YOU TO BE ON YOUR ‘A’ GAME!” screamed back at me.

  In the last six months, I have put so much into my work, sacrificing all else. I could be relied upon all hours of the day and for what? This kind of respect? And in effing capital letters too, I thought, slamming my phone down a little too hard.

  It didn’t take me long to find my bearings as I disembarked; having set my phone to my map app earlier, I knew my footwear would never get me to the offices in one piece so I opted for a waiting taxi. In less than ten minutes I was being guided through the sleek offices of SI Ware Developments. The pitch was not without its events, but did go well; I knew it had. I’ve been in the business long enough to tell. Mark and Niall had been charm personified but as Jennifer’s notes had hinted, Lois for some unknown reason had her claws out the minutes I walked in. For someone responsible for marketing and communication, the only message she was conveying was “Bite me!” as she scowled across at me and cross questioned; quite simple concepts to the nth degree. If Mark hadn’t have asked her to step outside to check on something, much to her annoyance, I was thinking we could have been here for all eternity. Once she’d made her exit Niall turned to me reassuringly.

  ‘We love your ideas Lucy, we just need to iron out some problems internally.’

  I didn’t really have to guess those problems lay solely with Lois. ‘I hope you don’t mind me saying but we’ve got a great launch planned on paper but are you really capitalising on the marketing side of it?’ Mark relaxed back in his chair.

  ‘We’re listening.’

  Inside my heart was pounding, I had always wanted to offer more than just ‘the event’. Most event management companies were already working with businesses to consider all their needs, not just waltz out once the event was complete. Something Carole had been a little reluctant to develop. Sitting in this ultra sleek conference room offering my ideas was everything I had dreamt of doing since leaving uni; my ideas were valued, I was valued. We spent the next hour discussing the company’s strategic direction, their brand identity and opportunities we could utilise to expand awareness and generate leads. By the time we’d finished board-storming the guys were buzzing, as was I. It was obvious how they had established such a strong business in a relatively short period of time. The pair had even started assigning staff that could assist to make my recommendations a reality. Once we had established a timeline for all their ideas and thrashed out the finer details, Mark turned to Niall. ‘You’ve got a real talent Lucy and we’ve got an opening in our Marketing department!’

  I never took complements well but I’d warmed to the pair so well that I felt comfortable to enjoy their praise.

  ’I’m flattered gentleman, how about we discuss it over lunch.’

  Lunch was an absolute hoot and another reason I love this job; meeting new people, solving problems, creating things. It was what I was destined to do; I’d just rather do it in a less autocratic, micro-managed, dictatorship than I currently do. So why, pray tell, did I turn down the numerous attempts that Mark made over lunch to headhunt me?

  Chapter Seven

  I’d planned to spend the day with Kitty and help her with whatever plans she wanted to put in place. Kitty, however, had other plans. Apparently the silver-haired fraternity of her Zumba class had abandoned the cardio this morning to pile on the calories with an impromptu coffee morning. It wasn’t long before I was shooed away, probably for the best. At a loose end I decided I should check in with work. Not one of my finest ideas. So far, the only thing I’d managed to do was move paper from one side of my desk to the other and rile my clerk, Joanna, to the point she was now categorically avoiding me. Jo was used to me being a sanctimonious pain in the arse at times but when she gave me the silent treatment it was time to rein in my ‘bear with a sore head’ attitude, as Kitty had always taught me, it would get me nowhere.

  Truth was, it wasn’t just everything with Kitty that had unsettled me. I desperately wanted to see Lucy again. I desperately wanted to know why she left? Why couldn’t she face me the next morning? She must have received my gifts? Was it too much? Did I appear desperate? Or perhaps she’d just moved on? If anything I was annoyed that she didn’t appear to have the courtesy to even acknowledge the gifts I’d sent. I’d checked with the courier, they’d been delivered hours ago. Maybe I’d judged her all wrong, but I thought we had something. I turned the piece of scrap paper over in my hands, reading and re-reading it over again.

  I woke wanting to kiss you,

  I’ve thought of nothing else since,

  So, this is my chance to say,

  Good morning beautiful,

  I hope you think of me too.

  My mood hadn’t improved much by the afternoon; radio silence with Jo continued. I did however take pride in having restrained myself from phoning Lucy’s workplace on countless occasions. This was ridiculous, I was achieving nothing sat here. At 3pm I made a bee line for my door just to see another clerk, Aida, handing Jo a muffin with a lit candle on it. Oh, Hells Bells, I’d forgotten her birthday. Obviously, my face said it all, there was no amount of shovelling that would get me out of this. I’d worked with Jo for years, the most unassuming and helpful woman you could expect to work with, she worked tirelessly with me, never questioning the long hours, the least I could do was remember the one day that should be about her. Once Aida made her exit, having tunelessly subjected our ears to a unique rendition of Happy Birthday, I apologised, grovelled and apologised again…profusely.

  ‘I can’t say I’m not hurt.’ She stated, staring at me intently. ‘We’ve worked together, how long? It’s not just that.’

  ‘I truly will make it up to you, but what else is it?’ I naively asked.

  ‘I…I hoped, one day you would wake wanting to kiss me.’

  My eyes went wide, Oh shit, bunny boiler alert! She had used the same words I’d asked her to send to the courier. I stood open mouthed seriously could the world stop turning for a moment, it was all too much. ‘I know you and I,’ Jo paused, as I shook my head. ‘I know our relationship can’t be anything other than professional but I just needed you to know. Please don’t ask me to send anymore gifts on your behalf.’

  Well she had a point, it wasn’t exactly in her job description.

  ‘Of course, I apologise I was taking liberties, it was wrong.’ I said frowning, I was at a loss. I’d worked alongside Jo, day in day out, how didn’t I see it?

  ‘This is going to get weird, isn’t it?’

  Oh, you could say that? She started collecting up her bag.

  ‘What are you doing?’ I asked.

  ‘Well I can’t exactly stay now, can I?’ she said looking up expectantly into my eyes. ‘Leave your things Jo, I can understand you not wanting to work for me, but let me speak to my father; let’s see what we can do.’ She looked mortified, ‘No you can’t, you can’t tell him.’

  ‘Trust me, I won’t, just leave it with me. Call it a day and enjoy the rest of yours.’ With a degree of hesitation she left, leaving me to retreat back to my office in search of my bottle of whiskey. This was the bottle I turned to in celebration of a case won; when was the last time I felt happy enough to celebrate, it had been a while, despite my success.

  Sadly, life as a barrister is not as glamorous as people think it may be. I’d been lucky, if you can call it that, working the commercial side of things; I didn’t have to deal with the harrowing cases such as paedophilia or abuse. I’d overseen Alicia’s case as a favour for two people I held dear but generally, I preferred the corporate side of things. My strengths lay in problem solving, ironing out issues of contracts, look for resolutions or dare I say it, loopholes. Unfortunately, it’s rare these days that I actually step inside a courtroom. I opened a folder and started skimming through the preliminary information regarding another case. Same old same old. Alleged fraud, it screamed months of preparation, vicious accusations and inevitably one person proved right and one proved wrong. I used to live and breathe this stuff but to be honest,
now it bores me; there must be more to life than this? With that in mind there was only one person I needed to see, my father, but I knew better than to do that unannounced.

  There was nothing different as my father’s voice summoned me to enter as I knocked his door. But the warmth with which he greeted me, drawing me in for a hug was more than a little unusual. Can’t remember the last time he held me in an embrace, I tried not to think about it too much, I had something that needed to be said.

  ‘Sit down son. How’s Katherine.’

  My father had always refused to call Kitty by our childish nickname.

  ‘She’s…well she’s formidable Dad.’ I smiled weakly as I thought of the brave woman batting me out of her front door this morning.

  ‘She always has been, Son. Now, you wanted a word.’

  ‘Yes, I do.’ I took a deep breath and Kitty’s words came to me, “Tell him straight, that’s what he appreciates.” He looked concerned as I took my time to build up the courage.

  ‘Whatever it is Marcus, just spit it out.’ His irritation beginning to resurface.

  ‘Dad? I need some time out, a year, maybe more.’

  His brow furrowed, ‘Why has this come about?’

  I set to, explaining how I’d never done anything for myself, my life had evolved around the process of becoming and being a barrister. I tried not to sound ungrateful as I explained I needed time to consider what it was I wanted for myself. I waited for the fallout, it never came as he studied me.

  ‘I’m proud of everything you have achieved son, I can’t say this will not disappoint your mother but I understand; I sometimes wonder, if I’d had a choice, where I would be now.’ He turned and looked out the window pensively.