Empowered

by Cynthia Dane

  “She’s told me enough.”

  “Then you know what a hazard dating someone like her could be. And I would’ve said that before that film and her apparent inclinations came out.”

  “This is going to shock you, Damon, but a situation like that is how we met. I’ve never been shocked by what she gets up to on her days off.”

  “Jesus Christ. You need all the blessings you can get.”

  “Never stopped you from marrying the first women you had a whiff of feelings for. How did that all go down, again? One night you were insisting that you would never bother with women again. Next thing I know, you’re announcing your City Hall marriage and inviting me to your real wedding to be your best man in the Czech Republic.”

  “That was a different situation. Alice never…”

  “Sarah and Alice are different women with different personalities and pasts. Drop it there, Damon. You have no room to judge me.”

  Sarah couldn’t hear their grumbled words after that.

  Alice emerged from the bathroom shortly thereafter and suggested to her husband that they leave. They had never removed their coats, and Sarah did not doubt that their driver kept one of the cars idling by the curb. It was only Monday, yet Mrs. Monroe’s face was so pale with fatigue that even Sarah was compelled to ask if she was all right.

  “Trying, stressful times,” she said, hovering near the front door. Her husband stood in the hallway, on his phone with their driver. “I’ll be fine. Thank you for your concern.”

  “Don’t go into labor on account of us, Alice,” Lucas said drolly.

  “I should hope not. I still have a few weeks until my due date.”

  Yes, Sarah knew all about that. She was the one who had not only scheduled Mrs. Monroe’s ninth month of pregnancy to accommodate possible labor at any moment, but had accompanied her to a few of her doctor’s appointments and overheard talk of “right on schedule,” and “nothing to fear that I can see.” Must have been nice.

  “Keep in touch with what’s going on.” Damon hung up his phone and put his arm around his wife’s midsection. “We’ll be heading home from here. Get some sleep, Luke. I’ll see you in the office at nine sharp.”

  Sarah went back into the kitchen to clean up and to text her brother that the Monroes were gone. Lucas approached from behind, keeping a respectful distance from her, but remaining close enough to only be a call away.

  “Sarah…”

  She finished loading the dishwasher and turned it on. “Lucas.”

  “Please tell me what I can do.”

  “You can tell me what your PR person is saying.”

  He sighed. “My PR manager or my divorce lawyer? Because my lawyer is blowing me up more than my PR manager right now.”

  “How so?”

  “She says this is terrible for my custody case. No judge is going to award me part-time custody, let alone full-time custody, if they think I’m a pervert.”

  “They think you’re a pervert because you’re dating me, a woman who does disgusting gangbangs and says things like ‘Pet me there, sir.’”

  “It freaks me out how easily you say that stuff.”

  “You know what you need to do, Luke.” Sarah didn’t want to say it, but perhaps it was for the best. “You need to let me go.”

  “What? You mean break up with you?”

  “If I’m hindering your ability to get custody of your son, then you need to let me go. He’s more important than me.”

  “Don’t say things like that. You’re both important to me.”

  “If push comes to shove, you need to be willing to give me up over your son.”

  “Would you stop talking like that? You’re scaring me, Sarah.”

  A text from Nigel said he would be home soon. “Don’t worry about me, worry about your upcoming case.” Besides, Sarah had a nagging feeling in the back of her mind regarding Jill Blackbourne. She wanted time to think on it before sharing her thoughts, however.

  “I love you,” Lucas said with such tenderness that Sarah’s instincts told her to write him off. “I’m not giving that up, not even as a last resort.”

  He hugged her from behind, his strong arms encasing her in a suffocating embrace that brought her a fleeting moment of safety.

  “I’ll stay here tonight, if it’s all right with you.”

  “No,” Sarah was quick to say. “You need to go home. I need some space tonight. We’ll see each other tomorrow.”

  “Sarah…”

  “Please, Lucas. If it’s all right with you, I’d rather be apart tonight while I process some of this. If I need someone, Nigel will be here.”

  She was sure he didn’t like her brother coming before him, but she also wasn’t in the mood to explain how things didn’t quite work that way. I’m not saying I need him more than you, Luke. I’m saying he’s here if I need someone. Go the hell home!

  “I’ll stay another hour, in case my PR manager breaks a lead…”

  “No. Please. Go home, Luke. I’ll be fine.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes.”

  He gave her a kiss before heading out. Sarah remained in the living room until Nigel came home, staring at the blank TV screen and wishing she had some ice cream to eat. However, she said nothing, not even thanks, when her brother dropped a one-person serving of Haagen Dazs in her lap.

  “Knew you wanted this. I also got a chocolate bar. It’s on the counter.”

  “Watch out for the ants.” Sarah popped the lid on the ice cream and pulled back the foil. “Saw a couple when I was doing dishes earlier.”

  “Where’s your boyfriend?”

  Sarah stiffened. “I sent him home.”

  “I see.”

  What she liked about her brother most in these situations was that he didn’t push her like Lucas was still prone to do. Her boyfriend didn’t yet understand that it was imperative for her to have space during stressful times. She liked quiet. She liked having a safe haven where she could turn off her phone, the TV, and stay far away from the internet.

  Movies from her childhood, ice cream, and a shoulder to cry on was all she needed.

  She didn’t cry, however. Sarah had numbed herself too well that day to cry over what this video leak may mean for her job and relationship. Numbing herself meant she got through it, eventually. It also meant a sleepless night as soon as she attempted going to bed.

  She checked her phone only once. A text from Lucas said that he loved her and wanted to meet for lunch the next day.

  When she rolled over and heard a commotion out in the living room, her first instinct was that Lucas had shown up, demanding to stay the night. Sarah leaped out of bed, ready to go out there and give her boyfriend one last ultimatum telling him to leave her alone for one night.

  She stopped halfway down the hallway, pajama bottoms tangling around her feet, when she realized it was a woman’s voice.

  A very familiar woman’s voice.

  “Sarah!” Her mother, travel-weary in her crimson red trench coat and leather boots, dropped her overnight bag on the living room floor and turned away from her son. “There you are! Are you all right? What’s going on?”

  Her American accent gradually slipped to the British of her upbringing. The more posh Elizabeth Brown-Clayborn spoke, the more Sarah felt like a small child running into her mother’s arms and wishing her day would get over itself. This was the same voice she heard whenever she didn’t perform up to her mother’s standards. It was also the same voice to enter her psyche whenever Elizabeth verbally kicked someone’s ass on her daughter’s behalf.

  She didn’t know which would be a bigger blessing right now. She didn’t care.

  Chapter 22

  “It’s not here! She doesn’t live here!” Elizabeth slammed the landline phone back into its holster and went back to cooking breakfast for her children. After a night of Sarah dodging her mother’s questions – even when the waifish Mrs. Clayborn took up half of her daughter’s bed – she now had
to face some of Elizabeth’s most invasive questions. But not before she gave every reporter and prank caller on the phone a piece of her angry mind. “What cowards. They won’t even introduce themselves before asking all sorts of nasty questions…”

  Sarah sat at the island counter, where a glass of orange juice and some toast awaited her, like every day when she was a kid. “Who’s calling?”

  Her mother kept a straight face when she said, “Reporters looking for you.”

  “I see. Thank you for telling them off.”

  “Didn’t think you wanted anything to do with that chaff. You’ve got better things to do with your day. Like avoiding this mess.”

  Nigel popped out of his room, dressed in his work clothes. “What’s this, now?”

  “You two need a real breakfast. I see all the bagels and bananas around here. Where the hell is the bloody protein?”

  “In the hummus we put in our bagels.”

  Elizabeth scoffed. “Eat your damn ham and like it.”

  “I always do, Mum.”

  Sarah wasn’t sure what her mother expected to find, but if it was uber-depressed, wanting to die Sarah, she was disappointed. That was the Sarah who went to stay with her after her miscarriage. This Sarah was too detached from the world to give a shit about what that same world thought of her.

  “Whatever you do, don’t go online and don’t turn on the tele.” Elizabeth turned off the stove the moment Sarah received a text from Lucas. “Trash. Absolute trash.”

  “Got it. Wasn’t gonna.” Sarah read her text. “Still meeting for lunch? I have some news to share with you.”

  “What’s that? Who are you texting?”

  Ugh. Moms.

  “My boyfriend.” Sarah showed her mother a picture of Lucas from their trip that weekend. “Or did you miss that part of the news leak as well.”

  “You don’t want to know what I thought the truth behind that was.”

  “Lucas Blackbourne and I are dating, exclusively. He’s my boyfriend. Not sure how serious it is yet beyond that.”

  Elizabeth scoffed at her daughter’s blasé candor. I know, Mum, I’m the most frustrating child you’ve ever had. Nigel got away with being quiet and withdrawn. Sarah, on the other hand, was expected to be the bubbly girl who lit up the room every time she frolicked in with her Sunday dresses and bouncing curls. The older she grew, the more analytical she became regarding her own life and of those around her. She was the one who kept her cool, remained rational, and thought out plans of actions when everything crumbled to shit. Like that time in high school when her family’s car broke down on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. No cell reception. No familiarity with the area. While her mother had a panic attack and her father cursed out the vehicle (and Nigel fell asleep,) Sarah was the one who walked half a mile within her parents’ line of sight and started flagging other cars down for help. Because freaking out didn’t help anyone.

  Sarah may be at the center of this scandal, but her emotional detachment would be a boon. For a while, at least.

  “Sare,” Elizabeth said, exasperation smacking her across the face. “I hope to God you know what you’re doing.”

  “Lucas has nothing to do with that video leaking. We’re pretty sure that the person who leaked it was trying to get back at him because we’re dating.”

  “Sare…”

  “Everything’s a bit crazy right now. I’m meeting Lucas for lunch tomorrow. Maybe you two can meet afterward. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about him earlier, but we literally just got serious and I was waiting…”

  “God damnit, Sarah!” Elizabeth slapped both of her hands against the kitchen counter. Her daughter’s jerk was the closest thing to surprise she espoused all day. “You’re in a bloody porn video! With half a dozen men! Doing…” She choked, hand pressing against her head. Every time she tried to look her daughter in the eyes, she was compelled to look away again. “Doing things I never thought…”

  Sarah put a consoling hand on her mother’s arm. “Did you watch it?”

  “Rather hard to avoid the screenshots all over the media right now.”

  Oh my God. Nigel seeing parts of it was bad enough. Her mother, though? “Nobody forced me to do anything.”

  “What the hell is wrong with you?”

  Sarah immediately braced herself. “Nothing.”

  “No, Sarah. No woman does that without some force behind it. You need therapy. God, I should’ve arranged it after… is this because of your baby?”

  Sarah turned and went to her room without another word to her mother. Elizabeth Brown-Clayborn didn’t know it, but she was one of the only people in the world who could crash through her daughter’s mental defenses and get to the crux of every emotional issue. To both of their eternal detriments.

  ***

  “Angel? Good Lord, I barely recognized you.”

  That’s what Sarah was going for when she walked out of her building at ten in the morning and saw paparazzi camped out across the street. But she was so used to slipping into Angel’s mannerisms that she had no problem avoiding their cameras as they assumed she was another pretty tenant walking down the street.

  Sunglasses and scarves were too obvious. Instead, Sarah unearthed one of the first wigs she ever bought, a mellow red scooped up into a fashionable bun. Half an hour in front of her vanity gave her contoured cheeks and a nose that looked like someone else’s. From the depths of her closet she pulled out a knee-length black skirt and a poufy gray jacket, two things neither Sarah nor Angel would usually wear. Even her black tights and Mary-Janes didn’t make her too recognizable.

  She only needed to get to Bell Jar’s, anyway. While Sarah should have taken a cab the few blocks to get there, she really needed the exercise.

  “Like it?” She didn’t smile as she entered the private room overlooking the downtown business district. Private, but brightly lit. A woman dressed in a smart business suit stood up from her seat at the only table in the room, pulling out the wrinkles in her jacket as she regarded Sarah with nothing but professionalism. “I like to mix it up.”

  “How many wigs do you own?”

  “Three. You don’t want to know what the third one is. Some Cleopatra mess.”

  Lucas gave her a quick kiss before presenting her to the other woman in the room. “Allow me to introduce you to my Stateside public relations manager, Jana Clark. Jana, this is Sarah.”

  “So good to finally meet you.” Ms. Clark shook Sarah’s hand. “As you can imagine, Lucas has told me many good things about you.”

  Sarah spared her a smile. “And you’ve researched all the bad things to make up for that, yes?” She sat down in the seat in front of her.

  Jana’s eyes widened in surprise. Yes, you weren’t expecting me to say that. Let’s move on. “Well, you did say that she was blunt, Lucas.”

  The three of them were now seated around the circular table. Lucas had ordered on Sarah’s behalf, but he and Jana had already plowed through a small basket of breadsticks. Sarah plucked the last one out for herself. “It’s one of her many best traits.”

  “Having a strong character and a thick skin is crucial right now.” That was directed to nobody, but Sarah took it as a compliment from Jana. “But the good news is that I think this scandal will blow over with the public soon. The only sexy person involved is Ms. Clayborn, and nobody cares who she is.”

  How about that? Sexy, yet nobody cares about me. She’d give Jana a fake pout, but the publicist might take that the wrong way.

  “That is good news, but we should tell Sarah the bad news.”

  “Ah, yes… do you still want to be the one to tell her?”

  “Please.”

  Jana flipped her folder shut and was already dialing someone on her phone as she stepped out. Sarah cocked her head to one side as Lucas took her hand.

  “We think we might know who leaked that video.”

  “Who?”

  A dramatic sigh shook Lucas’s large frame. “Jill. M
y ex-wife.”

  Gravity claimed Sarah’s visage. “I see. No surprise, I suppose.”

  “No, it’s not. My divorce lawyer was the one who tipped me off. He says this is going to harm my case for full custody.”

  “I’m sorry, Luke.”

  “It’s not your fault, Angel.” He kissed her hand, cheek nuzzling her knuckles. “I’m not afraid of who you are or what you’ve done. If you’re not ashamed, then neither am I.”

  “That’s admirable, except it won’t help you win your case.” Sarah definitely saw this from the divorce lawyer’s point of view. Lucas dating a woman who showed up in gangbang videos wasn’t going to win him custody, even if he could say, “I’m Scandinavian, and we don’t care about this shit.”

  “Probably not, but I want you to know that, regardless of how this may complicate matters, I intend on sticking by you and helping you in any way I can.” His hand remained wrapped around her. “I love you, Sarah. I don’t say that lightly.”

  “I know.” Sarah believed him, but how could he focus so much on her right now when there was other bullshit going on in their lives? “There’s something I need to tell you.”

  “What?”

  Sarah hadn’t planned on telling him about what happened a few days ago. She didn’t think it relevant, and she sure as hell hadn’t wanted to worry him. Well, those thoughts were out of the window now. “On Friday I had to run some files to the Monroes’ lawyer down in the old townhouse district. You know, where I first saw your son?”

  “Yes? Go on.”

  “As I was getting back in the car, he and his mother returned home in your car. Victor recognized me.”

  Lucas did not otherwise react. “I see. What did he say?”

  “He tried to say hello to me. That’s it.”

  “But Jill saw you, didn’t she? Damnit.” Lucas leaned forward, finger pressed against his temple. “I told her I was seeing someone and that I wanted Victor to meet her. But I hadn’t yet told her who you were. I was waiting until this week, after I told Damon. You know, a checklist of this shit. Tell one person, then the next… I was going to tell my family this weekend when I conference call them for my father’s birthday.”