Powerless

by Catherine Johnson

  “Thank you, I think.”

  “Don’t worry, it’s a compliment. I knew you were a strong wolf, I just hadn’t realised how strong.”

  “I’ve never tried to do it before. I’ve no idea if I could do it again.”

  “I’m sure you could. Have you heard from Callum?”

  The swift change of subject jars my brain, delaying my answer.

  “No. I sent him a couple of texts, but no answer.”

  “Don’t worry, he won’t be ignoring you. If he’s not answering it’s because he can’t. He doesn’t play games.”

  “Hmmmmhmmm. Not because he’s been drinking with Cooper?”

  “Don’t listen to everything Michael tells you. It’s not as if he’s lying, but still. Cooper’s a good guy and drinking isn’t all they do, well, not all they do all the time.”

  “I just.... I don’t know.” I feel very alone, even sat next to my best friend.

  “You’re worried about him?”

  “Yeah, I miss him.”

  “It feels wrong that he’s so far away?”

  “I don’t like it. I mean, it’s not like we’re...together or whatever. I don’t know what we are. It feels weird that it feels wrong that he’s not here and I can’t get hold of him.”

  “I know that feeling.”

  “When Michael’s away?”

  Donna just nods and sips her brew.

  I’ve got a feeling she’s trying to tell me something; but it she’s obviously not planning to spell it out. I settle back and drink my own tea. They have a TV fixed to the wall opposite the bed. We flick it on and watch reality crap until we hear Michael’s key in the door downstairs.

  “Bex, I don’t know what I’m going to say to him. He’s going to go mad.”

  “Probably, but we can’t let him go after them. You stay here. I’ll go downstairs and give him the headlines. Then I’ll send him up here okay?”

  “Okay.” Donna seems to shrink into the bed.

  Michael’s in the kitchen when I get downstairs.

  “Hey Becca.” He’s smiling until he realises that it’s well past midnight and it’s a weekday, his expression sobers immediately from a welcoming smile to concern. “What are you doing here? What’s happened?”

  “Okay, first thing, you need to listen to me.”

  “Becca, what’s happened? Are Donna and the boys okay?”

  “Yes they’re fine.” I can see the relief in the sag of his shoulders.

  “Bryn was here.”

  “What?!” Okay, relief has been replaced by anger.

  “Michael, you need to calm down and listen to me. Bryn was here. He attacked Donna.” I can literally see the rage take over his face. “No, not like that she’s okay, she really is. He scared the living shit out of her but she’s okay. She was bit bruised up but she changed and that’s gone, okay?”

  He nods sharply once. I know it’s because he doesn’t trust himself to speak he’s holding himself in.

  “Honestly Michael, she’s alright. You need control. You know you can’t go after him. The boys are fine, they’re asleep upstairs. Donna’s upstairs too. She’ll fill you in. I was just staying until you got home.”

  Michael heaves in a deep breath and I can almost see the professional side of him take over.

  “Becca, you can’t go home tonight, not after this, not on your own.”

  “I’ll be fine. Really. If Bryn wants to get to me at the flat he’s got to be buzzed in through the main door before he can even get to my front door. I’ve got a spy hole. I’ll lock the door the moment I’m inside and I’m not opening it for anyone. Besides, I’ve got work in the morning and I haven’t brought anything with me. I’ll be alright, Michael. You need to go and be with Donna. She needs you.”

  “Okay alright. I’m not happy about it but you’re right.”

  “I promise, if anything, anything at all, causes even one hair on the back of my neck to rise, I will call you.”

  “You make sure you do that!”

  “I promise.” I go to grab my coat.

  “Have you told Callum about today?” He calls after me.

  “No. He’s not answering my texts.”

  “Do me a favour Bex, don’t tell him. If he’s not answering it’s because he’s thick in it. If that’s the case he needs to carry on what he’s doing. We don’t need to be calling him home and he doesn’t need to be distracted.”

  “Agreed. You and Donna are both very certain he’s not just hungover to the eyeballs.”

  “Bex, even if he was dying of the worst hangover ever, he’d get in touch with you.”

  “I’m glad you both have so much faith in that.”

  “I do. You should too. Come on, I’ll walk you to your car. Text me when you get home to let me know you’re in and locked up.”

  “Will do.” I give him a little salute.

  I’m parked at the bottom of the driveway, but he makes sure I’m in and that I’ve locked my door from the inside before he goes back to the house. When I get back to my building, I park as close to the door as possible. I let my senses reach out before I’ve even unlocked the car door. I can feel that there are no wolves waiting for me as I walk to the main entrance, but I’m on edge anyway until I’m inside.

  I lock the door to my flat behind me, as promised, and send a quick text to both Michael and Donna to let them know I’m home safe and sound. I see that I’ve got a missed call from Callum, I hadn’t even realised my phone had been ringing, it’s been buried in my bag all night. I realise what time it is, or rather what time it isn’t, and there’s so much I can’t say to him, so I send a quick text, simply wishing him good night. The adrenaline finally begins to fade and I realise that I’m completely exhausted and that I haven’t eaten anything since lunchtime. I’m too tired to be bothered even making toast, so I strip and climb into bed.

  I dream the same nightmare that I’ve dreamt since Callum went to London. We’re wolves and we’re running and it’s wonderful; but then I can’t find him and the night is closing in. Only this time the dream twists and changes and Bryn emerges from the darkness.

  Chapter Seventeen

  It’s no’ as if you’re completely cut off from the outside world when you’re inside. You’ve a telly and such, and although there’s s’posed to rules about mobile phones, everyone finds a way tae break them. I might have been away a while, but I’m no’ completely ignorant o’ the way technology has moved on. I still left bookin’ the plane ticket tae Ireland online tae Cooper while I poured us more whisky, seemed like a fair trade o’ labour tae me. He managed tae get me on a flight the next day, but he’s no a sadist; he booked it for the afternoon so I didnae have tae be up at the arse crack o’ dawn.

  The polite thing tae do would’ve been tae call ahead and let them know that I was comin’, but I didnae feel like bein’ all that polite, and I didnae want tae give them chance tae let Daniel know that I’m diggin’ around. I’m sure he’ll find out before I get back tae the mainland, but there’s no point in tippin’ him off earlier than necessary.

  I land in the early evenin’. The flight is just about an hour and a half. It takes me less time tae get from London tae there than it did tae get from Manchester tae London, even though Belfast is further north. The first thing I do is book intae the Travelodge in the city centre. The pack is based in the North o’ the city. It’s no’ the easiest place to live in a city that’s been tearin’ itself apart for more than half a century, but that makes it a fair place for a pack tae keep itself out o’ sight.

  I decide no’ to approach Cameron directly, no’ at first anyways. He’s a strong Alpha, always ruled his pack with a fist o’ iron. Everythin’ that’s been happenin’ in this city makes a great distraction, lets a pack get on with its own business; but it also means there’s a lot o’ eyes. There’s always been a lot o’ law, local and army, and that’s no’ even countin’ the various groups on both sides o’ the conflict. There’s no room here for any error, I can understan
d why he felt the need tae get a wolf such as Bryn out o’ the city. What I cannae understand is why he went tae all the trouble o’ palmin’ him off on another pack instead o’ simply puttin’ him down.

  In the time I spent here with the pack, I got tae know more o’ the pack that just Cameron, but I didnae barely trust a one o’ them. The only one that came anythin’ like close was Aidan. Aidan’s a natural Alpha. Some wolves have the strength tae be an Alpha, but that doesnae mean they’ll automatically be a good one, same as in any other walk o’ life. Aidan’s goin’ tae be good for this pack, when he gets his chance. It’s been more than a decade since I was here last, and obviously I havenae heard anythin’ from them in quite some time. I’ve no idea what state the pack’s in now, so I’m no’ goin’ tae present maself at the front door like a fool.

  I find maself somethin’ tae eat before I contact Aidan. There’s always a chance I’ll run intae someone from the pack or I’ll be spotted, but since they’re no expectin’ me and I’ve changed some since any o’ them last saw me, I’m fairly confident I can get away with one meal. I realise I didnae remember tae switch ma phone back on when I got out o’ the airport. There’s only one message and it’s from Becca, a short text askin’ how I’m gettin’ on. Despite the fact it doesnae say anythin’ else, it still feels like I’ve been punched in the gut. I still have a bad feelin’ about leavin’ the lass, if anythin’ that’s gotten worse since I saw her last. I doona text her back since I have nothin’ tae tell her yet, and anythin’ else I want tae say tae her I’m no’ goin’ tae put in a text.

  Once I’m back at the hotel, plus a bottle o’ whisky I picked up on my way, I call Aidan on the last number I had for him. I checked with Cooper, and he’s no’ got any different details, so I have tae try this avenue first. Tae be honest, I’m surprised when Aidan answers.

  “Hello?”

  “Aidan, it’s Callum. Can you talk?”

  “Sure, just give me a moment.” There’s a pause and I can hear some doors openin’ and closin’ in the back ground. “Aye lad. That’s better. By God it’s good to hear from ye. When did ye get out?”

  “A little over a month ago. How’s tricks in your neck o’ the woods?”

  “Ye know what it’s like lad, nothin’ stays the same for ever, and the times they are a changin’ around here.”

  “Aye, I can see that.”

  “And what would ye be meanin’ by that Callum?”

  “I’m in Belfast. I need tae see Cameron.”

  “Yer in Belfast ye say. Ye didn’t tell us ye were comin’.”

  “No and I have good reason for that. I need tae see Cameron about a couple o’ mutual friends. Do you think he’d be up for a visit?”

  There’s a long pause, long enough that I begin tae worry that I’ve been mistaken about Aidan.

  “Callum, things really have changed around here. Cameron isn’t the Alpha anymore.”

  “Shit! What happened?”

  “Don’t fret lad, he’s still alive if ye want to speak to him, but he’s not in charge any longer. Yer timin’ this well mind, I don’t think ye’d have gotten a chance to talk with him if ye’d left it much longer.”

  “What’s goin’ on Aidan?”

  “Ah Callum, but he’s started to lose his mind some. The old fella’s been feelin’ his age for some time now. It got to the point were we couldn’t ignore it any longer. He’s not so far gone that he can’t run with us for a bit longer, though.”

  “He stepped down just like that did he?”

  “Well he took a bit of persuadin’, but he saw reason in the end before it all got too drastic.”

  “I take it then I’m talking tae the new Alpha o’ the pack?”

  “Aye lad, that ye are. What do ye need to speak to Cameron about?”

  “I need tae know what the craic is with Bryn and Daniel. I need tae know why that dog ended up in our pack.”

  There’s another long pause and I wonder if I’m years too late tae get the truth out o’ anyone.

  “Why’re ye rakin’ over the past Callum?”

  “It’s no’ the past Aidan. Bryn’s still runnin’ around on four paws.”

  “He’s still alive?” I can hear the shock in Aidan’s voice.

  “Aye. After all that he nearly brought the law down on our pack, Daniel did no’ deal with him as he should’ve whilst I was away. I need tae know why he wouldnae do that. I want ma pack back, Aidan, and I need tae know what I’m up against.”

  “I’ve no love lost for Daniel, Callum, ye know that well. Now’s a good time for ye to be askin’ these questions, ye wouldn’t have got the answers before. Look, it’s gettin’ late, and there’s quite some story behind all of this. Tell me where ye’re stayin’. I’ll come and pick ye up Wednesday, about midday. I can’t get free before then. We can eat while I tell ye as much as I know, and then we’ll go and see Cameron. At best he’ll only be able to confirm it all for ye, though, and that’s if he’s in one of his more rememberin’ moods.

  “Thank you. I appreciate your helpin’ me.”

  “It’s not just ye I’m helping. Bryn’s no safe to have around. We should never have let him leave Ireland, but I didn’t have a say in the matter at the time. Callum, if I’d have known that Daniel hadn’t taken care of business, I’d have made sure it was done for ye.”

  “Again, I appreciate that Aidan. I doona trust that the lad’s been a wee boy scout for the past few years. I’m feared it’s only a matter o’ time before we land in some serious shite because o’ him.”

  “Aye, me too. I’ll see ye Wednesday then?”

  “Aye, I’m at the Travelodge in the centre. I’ll be waitin’ for you.”

  We end the call. I doona know if what I’ve heard is good news or bad news. It’s goin’ tae depend on how much Cameron let Aidan know about the whole affair. It’s harder tae read a person over a phone, even another wolf, especially another Alpha, but I didnae hear deceit in Aidan’s voice. He knows I’m here now and where I am. It would’ve been bad faith no’ tae tell him and I suspect I’m goin’ tae need all the good faith I can get, tae get the answers I want.

  I spend Monday and Tuesday gettin’ tae know the city a little again. I get another text from Becca on Tuesday, but I’ve still nothing tae tell her. I decide tae try tae phone her until I realise she’s at work. I try later in the evenin’ when I’m guessin’ ‘she’ll be home, but she doesnae answer. It makes me uneasy but I doona leave a message. I’m no’ talking tae her answerin’ machine. I want tae speak tae the girl herself.

  I lie back in the bed. It’s wonderful tae have a room tae maself after so long, tae have privacy, but I cannae shake the feelin’ that somethin’, or someone, is missin’. I run through a few o’ the things that I wouldnae mind sayin’ tae Becca, it distracts me from worryin’ about her. It distracts me enough that I decide tae take a shower. I intend it tae be a cold one, but then I choose tae indulge ma imagination. Thoughts o’ tellin’ the lass exactly what I’d like tae do tae her when I see her next blend with the idea o’ her bein’ here in this shower with me. I stand under the steamin’ spray and stroke maself tae images o’ clear water runnin’ over skin that shines in the moonlight. When I come, it’s hard enough tae wring a yell from me, but I know it’s a poor substitute for bein’ able tae get ma hands on the woman herself.

  I’m woken by my phone in the wee hours o’ Wednesday mornin’. It’s a text from Becca telling me good night. It’s nigh on two in the mornin’. There’s somethin’ no’ right, I have a bad feelin’ that’s somethin’s happened. When I try tae call her back, she doesnae answer. That doesnae make me feel any better. I’m about tae try callin’ Donna and Michael, but it’s no’ fair tae be wakin’ them up at this time.

  I doona sleep much for the rest of the night, mornin’, whatever. I cannae shake the feeling that I’m missin’ somethin’. I’m up before the night shift have finished their stint and head out tae find somethin’ tae eat and some coffee. There’s no point tossin’
and turnin’. I manage tae waste the mornin’ watchin’ the people o’ the city goin’ about their business. I doona envy them. Sure they doona have tae worry about bein’ furry every so often, but I’ll put money on each person that passes this café window that they’re hidin’ some sort o’ secret from someone. Dealin’ with your own damn family can be every bit as difficult as negotiatin’ the politics of a pack. There’s no’ even a guarantee your own family won’t try and send you tae jail either.

  I make my way back tae where I’m stayin’ and settle maself intae a chair in reception to wait for Aidan. I see him before he sees me, he’s lookin’ for someone who’s no’ only ten years younger, but I didnae have a beard when I last saw him, ma hair was shorter, and I’m sorry tae say, had less grey in it. Aidan’s aged too, but it’s only a few lines around those blue Irish eyes. He’s always kept a beard o’ stubble, as if he cannae be arsed shavin’. The hair on his head is no’ much longer than that o’ his beard; he’s a low maintenance guy. He’s got one o’ those faces, when he’s no’ smilin’ it looks like he’s thinkin’ of nothin’ else ‘cept how tae take you apart. When he does smile, he looks like the friendliest fella in the world. Tae be honest, I prefer it when he’s no’ smilin’, you know better where you are with him then. I stand tae greet him.