Tron hated that the two of them had even had enough time to talk about anything before he had gotten out to the floor. If he could go back in time, he already knew that he would definitely do things differently. Then again, never in a million years did he think that he would be on the news, talking on behalf of the club, and that Desirae would just so happen to be watching.
“Look, tell me what I gotta do to make shit right between me and you again, Shawna, and I will do it,” Tron said.
Shawna just started shaking her head as she looked away. “I don’t know what you can do, Tron,” she said, in a very honest tone. “I mean, you lied right dead in my face that night, and I really don’t know how long you been fuckin’ that hoe and shit behind my back. Nigga, you been putting me at risk for getting STDs and HIV and stuff. And now you want me to think, for just a minute, that we can go back to the way things were and everything will just go on being okay? I was even reluctant to come meet you now, right here and shit. The only reason I did is cause I kind of believed you and dealing with all of this has been hard for me.”
“I know it has,” Tron said, placing his hand on Shawna’s thigh. Immediately, Shawna moved his hand away and off of her thigh. “But, you know I love you, Shawna. I…I…I just don’t know what I was thinking. That’s why I was feeling guilty as hell about all that shit cause after we did…we did our thing, and shit, you know, I started to think.”
“Think what?” Shawna wanted to know. “What did you start to think after you and her was fucking, Tron? I called and heard you, Tron. Your phone answered in your pocket, or on the floor or whatever. And it sure don’t seem like you was feeling guilty at all right then to me. You was hitting that shit hard – didn’t sound like you was anywhere close to slowing down to me.”
Tron shook his head, hating that he had not been more careful with his phone. With all of this going on in the last few days, he really felt like the world was just crashing down on his head in ways that he never would have even imagined. He knew that no matter what he said, it had to be good and it had to be convincing. Sitting next to Shawna got him thinking about how much fun they had together and how he really did like his relationship with her. At the same time, though, Desirae was right at the back of his mind. He still didn’t know what he would do about that entire situation. In fact, he prayed to God that there would be a way that that baby she was carrying did not belong to him. He could only hope at this point, almost feeling a little shitty about how she just slipped up and forgot about taking her birth control without even saying anything to him about it. No matter what, though, he was never going to bring that up to Shawna. He knew, just like Tyrese said, that something like that would be the icing on the cake, so to speak.
“Look, I know how this all must sound and shit, Shawna,” Tron said. “But I’m sorry. And I swear, that is why she was coming up to the club that night. I had told her that I wasn’t gonna try to be kicking it with her anymore and she just couldn’t take it, I guess, and she came up to the club to talk to me about it.”
Shawna looked at Tron, not really believing what was coming out of his mouth right then. All too well, she remembered just how that chick had been standing there and how she had been talking when the two of them were up by the bar. To Shawna, she sure didn’t look like she was there to try to save whatever piece of a relationship she felt she had with Tron. She looked like she was there to represent Tron, actually, and that was solely based on what she was wearing.
“Tron, I just don’t know,” Shawna told him, really starting to regret this. What was she doing there even talking to him? Shawna looked at Tron’s face and thought about how even if they were to get back together, it would probably be a long time, if ever, before the trust that the two of them had for each other would be anywhere close to what it was just a couple of weeks ago. The betrayal was just too much for her to look past, and just sitting across from him made her sick to her stomach. “I mean, I just don’t know. I don’t even feel good about this shit. I’m really starting to wonder why the fuck I even came to talk to you. No matter what you say, I just don’t know if I can believe it. It all sounds just a little too convenient if you ask me.”
Tron took a deep breath, hating that what he was saying to Shawna was not good enough for what he was trying to accomplish. He had to think of something quick to get her to really see that he was done with Desirae and ready to work on what the two of them had together.
“Look,” Tron started to say. He was then cut off by Shawna.
“So, have you talked to her?” Shawna asked.
“Talked to who?” Tron asked, trying to buy himself a little time.
“Nigga,” Shawna said, squinting her eyes at Tron. “Tron, don’t even act like you don’t know who the fuck I’m talkin’ bout. Have you talked to her? Your little girlfriend? Did you bump your head and forget who we talkin’ bout?”
Right away, Tron started shaking his head. “Hell naw,” he said, knowing that what he was saying was a lie. “That night, after you left the club all mad and stuff, I went off on that hoe so bad, really telling her about herself and shit.”
“Oh, did you?” Shawna said, having to hold herself back from shaking her head. “And how was that, Tron?”
“I told her to get the fuck on, Shawna,” Tron said. “I swear. I even had a couple of the boys up at the club carry her ass up out there in that tight dress.”
“Nigga, please,” Shawna said. “I saw the looks she was getting from niggas coming through the door. Y’all was loving that little tight, white dress that she had on. I wasn’t born yesterday. I been around a little bit.”
“Okay, but still,” Tron said. “She came up there trying to talk to me about us being together. I told her that she was only….she was only just a fuck and stuff, and she just couldn’t handle it. She started tripping and shit, but all I could think about was you, Shawna. I had them niggas get her up outta there. Later on in the night, I was calling you and been calling you ever since. And you didn’t answer.”
“What you mean I didn’t answer?” Shawna said. “You really expected that I was going to answer after calling you and hearing you fucking some other chick, then coming up to the club and actually seeing the bitch for myself, in the flesh? I been chilling for days now, only doing hair appointments and shit between all this snow we been getting. Every time I look up, all I can think about is how you made all those promises to me then went out and broke them just like that and then lied about it all to my face.”
“I know, Shawna,” Tron said. “I know.”
“And now,” Shawna said. “I don’t even know how I feel.”
“You know I love you, Shawna,” Tron said, sounding as sincere as he possibly could. “And…”
“And what, Tron?” Shawna asked. “If you really loved me… If you really loved me, then how could you step outside of what we have and just go fuck some two-dollar hoe like her?”
“I don’t know,” Tron said with a shrug. He realized that at this point in time, no answer would probably be better than whatever he would come up with. “I don’t know what I was thinking. But I know what I’m thinking now.” He smiled.
“And what the fuck would that be?” Shawna asked, not feeling in any sort of mood to smile back at him. “Huh, Tron? What are you thinking now? Please… I would like to know what the hell you could be thinking.”
“I been thinking about how I miss you, Shawna,” Tron admitted. “That’s all. You know I been staying at the house and shit. And it just ain’t the same without you walking around and shit. I done got so used to texting you at different times of the day that now that we ain’t doing that, for the first time in a while, you know…shit just feel funny to a nigga and shit.”
“Well, Tron, I don’t know,” Shawna said, shaking her head. She then started her car, telling Tron that their conversation was coming to an end. “I just don’t fuckin’ know what I’m supposed to be believe.”
“You think we can work it out, Shawna?”
Tron asked, looking straight across at her.
Shawna looked at Tron, then away as she buckled her seatbelt back and looked forward. “I don’t know right now, Tron. I’m still so fuckin’ angry and embarrassed about that shit. I will say this, though. After that shit that happened between Tyrese and Nalique and whatever her name is, Diamond or whatever, even if we were to ever get to the point where we could start talking again, I just don’t know if I could even bring myself to trust you and what you say…especially with you owning that club and shit with all them girls up there and shit.”
“Now, Shawna,” Tron said, wanting to stop her train of thought right there. “No matter what you think, I understand and shit, and a nigga really is sorry. But, I put on my life, I ain’t never fucked none of them hoes up at that club or nothin’. That was Tyrese’s thing, not mine I swear.”
“Yeah, well,” Shawna said. “You know what they say about shit like that. You are the company you keep.”
Tron took a moment before he even started to think of how to respond. “Look, Shawna,” he started to say.
“Look nothing, Tron,” Shawna said, dismissing the situation. “I’mma go ahead and head back now.”
“Where you staying?” Tron asked.
“None of your fuckin’ business, Tron,” Shawna said. “Ain’t like we together or nothing.”
Tron nodded. “Okay, okay,” he said, not really wanting to get into an argument about the answer to that question. He pushed his car door open and started to get out. “Tell me one thing, though.”
“What?” Shawna snapped.
“Are we gon at least still talk and shit?” Tron asked.
Shawna looked across and into Tron’s face. “Fuck if I know at this point, Tron,” she answered. “We just talked right now, right here. I just don’t know what else there is to say. Part of me is wishing I just wouldn’t have even come down here cause now I really got questions.”
“Questions?” Tron asked, sounding very concerned. “Questions about what, baby?”
“What I tell you?” Shawna snapped back. “Don’t be calling me that. And I just got too many questions about whether or not I can really believe what it is that you telling me or if you comin’ up with some more bullshit that is just a cover up for what is really going on. So, there you have it. Fuck, I just don’t know. I’mma need some time to think about this shit.”
“That’s cool,” Tron said, trying to sound understanding. “I can just hit you up in a few days or something and give you some time to think.”
Shawna put her car into REVERSE. “Don’t worry about hitting me up in a couple of days, Tron,” she told him. “I will hit you up when I’m ready to talk to you and shit. That’s really all I got to say.”
On that note, Tron shut the door and stepped up onto the sidewalk. He now stood in front of the Indiana Statehouse while he watched as Shawna carefully backed out of the parking spot, into Washington Street, and drove off. Deep down, while he walked back to his Tyrese’s SUV, he hoped that whatever he had said to Shawna would be enough to at least get her to think about talking to him again. If he could at least get that much, then he would be happy.
As he climbed in behind the wheel of the SUV, he thought about Desirae. At that moment, he knew for sure that the situation with her was going to be a game changer. He knew that he had to prepare for the worst – had to prepare in case the baby actually was his. And he had no fucking idea how in the world he would ever break something like that to Shawna, or if he would ever even tell her that he had a baby by this other chick. As he headed back to the townhouse, his mind was so preoccupied that he didn’t even think to turn on the radio. He just took his sweet time heading back to the townhouse, wondering all the way what he was going to do about Desirae.
***
When Tron got back to the house, as soon as he opened the door, he could hear a clapping noise. Immediately, he shook his head. Next, he could hear moans of a dude and chick, telling him that Tyrese had some hoe over and was in his living room fucking her, probably on the couch. Rather than even say anything to him about it, Tron just headed upstairs. Between what had happened today with Desirae and Shawna, he knew that he just needed to think about some things – to clear his mind. When he got upstairs, he walked into his bedroom, slammed the door closed behind him, and lay there, in the dark.
“Fuck,” he said to himself. “Damn, nigga, you done really fucked some shit up now.”
Tron started to grab his phone, wanting to call Desirae. At the same time, though, he knew that he really didn’t have much to say to her that would be worth the call. He was still too busy processing everything that she had said, as well as trying to figure out if he really did believe or not that she was pregnant with his child. After several minutes of going back and forth and back and forth in his mind, Tron started to consider the question that Desirae had asked him about if he wanted her to get rid of the baby. Something told Tron that Desirae, because she had a body that any woman in Naptown would spend all her check in the gym trying to get, would really go through with an abortion. As much as he hated to think of it that way, he started to think that maybe if he could convince Desirae to actually go through with getting an abortion, he could then be done with her and not have to worry about anything else popping off between him and Shawna.
“Damn, not having that baby would make shit a lot simpler,” Tron said to himself.
As he thought about that, he realized he was exhausted and eventually nodded off to sleep.
Chapter 7
The next day, Desirae woke up with so much on her mind that she didn’t even jump out of bed to get ready for work. Rather, she just lay there for several minutes – maybe even up to an hour – just thinking about everything. Every so often, as it had become a habit now, she looked down at her stomach and thought about how she was carrying the child of the man who had basically told her that she was nothing. Even though the words played over in her mind, she still could not really believe it.
As she lay there, in the quiet and privacy of her own bedroom, she heard her phone vibrate. Immediately, she grabbed it. The vibration was a text from Tron. It read: Can you talk?
Desirae rolled her eyes, hating that anytime Tron came calling, she was giving him all of her attention. At the same time, she knew that she couldn’t help it. She grabbed the phone with both hands and replied to Tron’s text message, telling him that she could indeed talk. Within moments, her phone was ringing. She answered.
“Hello?” Desirae said.
“Hey,” Tron said, trying to sound as nice as possible. “What you doin?”
“Guess I’m just hoeing around at the moment,” Desirae said, in a very sarcastic way. “Since that’s all I ever do and ever been good at.”
“Look, I was just calling to talk to you about everything, Desirae,” Tron said. “That is all, for real. No lie.”
Desirae nodded, glancing at her phone. “Hmm, hmm,” she said. “I bet. So what’s up, Tron? Huh? What you wanna talk about?”
“I just wanna talk about what was said earlier, is all,” Tron said. “I was thinking about that shit all night, and I can’t lie, it’s getting to me.”
Instantly, Desirae got into a better mood. From her point of view, it really sounded like Tron might be seeing the real deal now that she was having his baby. That still didn’t change some of the things that he had said to her yesterday, or up at the club for that matter, but at least it was something and in the right direction.
“Yeah?” she said.
“Yeah,” Tron said. “And I just wanted to call and tell you, even if you don’t believe me or whatever, that if you want to keep the baby, or not or whatever, I won’t be mad either way.”
Desirae nodded, thinking about the words that were coming through her phone. She had thought that he wanted her to get rid of the baby. However, based on how he was talking right then, she was starting to think that maybe that is not what he really wanted.
“Is that so?” Desirae
asked. “Well, let me take this dick out of my mouth so we can really talk about this.” The sarcasm was all through her voice. “I wouldn’t want you to misunderstand anything that I’m saying, you know, cause I’m such a big dick sucker.”
“I’m sorry, Desirae,” Tron said, trying to sound as sincere as possible. “You know I was just mad and I wasn’t really thinking about that shit I was saying to you when I was over there.”
“Oh, Tron, please,” Desirae said. “For all we know, like you said, it might not even be your baby. Maybe I’m like Virgin Mary and just got pregnant out of nowhere, or somewhere in between when you would be over here busting nuts inside of me.”
Desirae could hear Tron hyperventilate, telling her that he was indeed calling her to talk seriously.
“Look, I just didn’t know how to take that kind of information all of the sudden,” Tron told her. “I mean, the last thing I ever thought either of us would be talking about would be you being pregnant. And I’m past all that about how you slipped up and forgot about taking your pill and shit. I swear… I ain’t even trying to call and talk about none of that shit. I’m just trying to call and talk about this baby with you and see what you gon’ do so I can come up with the money or whatever.”
“So, what then, Tron?” Desirae asked. “What are you saying? Are you saying that you want me to go wherever and have an abortion or something? Is that what you’re saying, Tron?”
“No,” Tron said. “No, that’s not what I’m saying. I ain’t saying that shit at all. I’m saying that whatever you decide is best for Desirae and her body and everything that you got going for yourself, I’mma do my part and be there to support.”
Desirae was a little suspicious of such a change of heart – a change that had miraculously occurred within the last twenty-four hours. It was definitely something that had caught her attention.
“So, what happened, Tron, huh?” Desirae asked. “Did you talk to yo bitch and she say no way to the two of y’all getting back together or something? Why the sudden change of heart and shit?”
The Diary of a Side Chick 2 (Side Chick Diaries) Page 9