Marriage may not be part of a student’s home life, and a biological relationship to a parent might not be either. Consider the rise of students who live in adoptive homes. In 2014, The US Department of State reported that 6,441 children were adopted from abroad. The Congressional Coalition Adoption Institute also compiles statistics on adoption and foster care. They state that “adopted children make up roughly 2 percent of the total child population under the age of 18.”
For some students, the status of their family can be changing and transitional. Every September 30, the US Department of Health and Human Services takes a count of children in foster care. The number has been trending upward. In 2014, there were 415,129 children in foster care and 66 percent of them were school age. For some of these children, a foster care placement may lead to a permanent home, but for more than half, the stated goal in their case plan is to return to the custody of their parents or primary caregiver. This means that not only are there a lot of children in our schools who go home to a foster family, but also there are a lot of children whose placement in that family is likely to change.
The traditional definition of family doesn’t always fit these students, but there are moves teachers can make to support them. The most important step to support all forms of families is to ask students what their family looks like. Allow students to define their family. Instead of asking questions that make assumptions about a family, leave them open-ended. Simply saying, “Tell me about your family,” “Who lives in your home?” “Is there anyone you can read with at home?” instead of asking, “Does your dad live with you?” or “Is he your real brother?” will allow students to speak freely about their family situations without having to correct your understanding of family.
Included Families Can Become Involved Families
It’s important to include family in all its forms at school, because research has overwhelmingly shown that the more involved a student’s family is with their education, the more likely it is the student will perform well in school, graduate from high school, and even attend college. In fact, a study conducted by Stanford Center for the Study of Families, Children, and Youth demonstrated that when adult family members were involved in the decisions an adolescent student made about school, the result was more academic effort and better grades for the student regardless of gender, sex, ethnicity, or social status.
In order to include all families, our schools need to engage all families. Leading researchers in this area, Anne T. Henderson and Karen L. Mapp, outlined six major action steps to establishing effective family engagement programs in schools:
1.Recognize that all parents, regardless of income, education level, or cultural background are involved in their children’s education and want their children to do well in school;
2.Link family and community engagement efforts to student learning;
3.Create initiatives that will support families to guide their children’s learning, from preschool through high school;
4.Develop the capacity of school staff to work with families;
5.Focus efforts to engage families on developing trusting and respectful relationships; and
6.Embrace a philosophy of partnership and be willing to share power with families. Make sure that parents and school staff understand that the responsibility for children’s educational development is a collaborative enterprise.
These recommendations speak to a school’s philosophy about making families meaningful partners in students’ education. These are big-picture ideas, and they can gain traction when attitudes about including all families trickle down to individual classrooms, individual teachers, even individual lessons.
Don’t be squeamish about bringing the idea of family into your lessons. I teach a powerful lesson each year where students identify the habits of good readers by describing the best reader they know, which almost always ends up being a parent or sibling. After you find out more about your students’ families you can include family members’ names in math problems. Find opportunities for students to authentically communicate with their families. This can even be done on the fly.
One day in class, my lesson plan was to summarize a book about tide pools. One student commented, “My grandmother lives next to tide pools in Mexico.” Immediately we changed our summary paragraph into a letter to his grandmother so we could tell her what we had learned. We still summarized the text, but it was so much more meaningful to write to a family member.
The definition of family is different for every child. The reality of modern American families is that there is no norm; there is no one perfect family. If we are to leverage the power of families in our classrooms, we must ensure that all families are included.
Diversity in Families
All schools and educators should work to include families in every form. But equally as important is including families who come from diverse backgrounds and cultures. The issue of how cultural and socioeconomic diversity influence learning is a topic worthy of deep exploration by researchers and educators alike. How to best support diverse families could make up a whole book, and has.
But all teachers can observe and analyze the cultural and ethnic backgrounds that make up their individual school community. In my experience, even when a school community seems relatively homogeneous, there are always families with different situations, backgrounds, and experiences present. For example, my school serves nearly 90 percent of students and families who identify as Latino. Yet within that group there are families from different cultural experiences, families with multiple children, families from recent immigrant backgrounds, and families dealing with housing insecurity. Despite having similar cultural identities on paper, families at my school observe different holidays, hold various belief systems, and have a wide range of schedules and priorities. Each family can present different strengths and barriers to interacting with teachers and the school community.
Taking a critical look at the families who make up our schools helps educators determine what kinds of support are most needed, as well as how to better leverage the resources each family can contribute to the overall school community. There is no one best way to connect with families, which is why teachers and schools should offer a variety of opportunities for families to meaningfully participate in their child’s education, both inside and outside the school environment.
Teacher Tools
1. Inclusive Family Language
Inclusive family language can mean the difference between students feeling alone or different, and students feeling their family experience is validated.
Allow students to self-identify who their family is. It is important, as teachers, not to get hung up on the actual biological definition of family. Don’t correct students; allow students to be in control of who gets designated as “family.” Be inclusive of what a family is or means to students.
Once I had to intervene in a classroom argument between two students who were arguing about who was allowed to be a “twin.” One girl who actually had a twin brother had a second student on the verge of tears, telling her that she was not allowed to have a twin. The second girl had a cousin of the same age who frequently lived in the same home and her family always called them “twins.” I explained that in our classroom family was a status, not a person. Anyone who cares about you deeply could be called your family. In that way, our whole classroom acts as a family.
Being deliberate about using inclusive family language can help all students feel they belong in your classroom. One recommendation from the School of Education at the University of Delaware is to “review forms and regulations that demonstrate a bias towards intact families. Such policies discriminate and embarrass single parents and children of divorce.”
A first and quick swap for teachers is to swap the word “parent” for “family.” Think about all the little things we say: “Tell your parents about the field trip” or “Have your parents sign this.” The word “parent” is everywhere in our classrooms. Even as
I wrote this I realized that my reading homework had a box for “parent signature.” The good news is that this was a quick fix. I timed it for you all. It took me forty-four seconds to change the homework to simply read “signature.”
Then there is the institution of the “parent-teacher conference.” It is so important for teachers to meet regularly with a student’s family, and in some cases this term is accurate: a student’s parents come in to confer with me, the teacher. Yet I often meet with a student’s aunt, uncle, or older sibling. Sometimes I meet with grandparents, foster parents, or other caregivers. Changing the name to “family school conference” is so simple. So simple, in fact, that I emailed my principal and did it. Here is the email I sent her:
Subject: Quick Thought
Hi Jo,
As I am doing research for this book, I had an idea. Looking at the actual makeup of families, I thought it might be a small but important step to change the way we, at Doull, refer to “Parent-Teacher Conferences” to “Family School Conferences.” What do you think?
Thanks,
Kyle
And here is her response:
Re: Quick Thought
That’s a GREAT idea!! LOVE IT!
Jo Carrigan, Principal
I felt so empowered that this change was made in my school that I set about making this inclusive family language benefit more students. I sent a similar email to my superintendent, and within a few hours the chief officer of Family and Community Engagement replied and agreed to make the change in terminology on official documents. Like most larger school districts, we have an entire department dedicated to including and engaging families in school life, but sometimes it takes one of us teachers who is face to face with students every day to advocate for these changes. We teachers can make big impacts advocating for inclusive family language.
These are small but important changes. Some people might argue that this is simply political correctness and that schools are being overly sensitive in making these changes. I argue that students learn best when they feel they belong; when they can see tangible evidence that their home life is accepted and validated by their school.
I encourage teachers either individually or collaboratively to look at all the ways their schools describe families. Really investigate all the groups, organizations, events, and even the terms on forms. Find all the language we use to speak about families and create a simple chart like the one on the previous page to help guide your thinking.
It is worth our time to have a conversation about the language we use when we refer to families. If it is inclusive, keep it. However, if the language we use is not inclusive, if it does not reflect the actual lives of students who attend our schools or could attend in the future, we owe it to our students to discuss what changes need to be made.
2. How Many Family Groups?
Every school year there are several students in my classroom who split their time between different homes. Sometimes this is the effect of divorce or a family separation; sometimes it is a practical solution to dividing up the care of children. Other times students in my classes spend much of their time with a grandparent who would also like to be involved in school events. In these situations, communication between the school and families can become complicated.
A simple yet often neglected question to ask is, “How many family groups do you have?” This can be asked in person or on a beginning-of-the-year survey that is sent home. I like the wording of this question because it does not presuppose that students are part of a traditional nuclear family; it leaves room for students to define their own family.
I used to feel a little squeamish about asking my students clarifying questions about the structures of their families, afraid to step on toes or offend, but I have found there is no need to feel this way. If I am unclear, there is certain to be misunderstanding during the school year, but when I understand a family’s structures and preferences, I can meet a student’s needs better.
Understanding how a student’s family is structured can be valuable to a teacher in several ways. Knowing how many family groups a student is part of can help a teacher know how to schedule conferences so that everyone is included, or to know the best person to call when a problem arises at school.
On the most basic level, teachers can communicate better with families when they understand the different family dynamics in their classroom. I know how many field trip announcements and picture-day reminders to send home. Especially in elementary school, communication from the school is often sent home in a take-home folder. Some of my students spend a week in their mother’s home and the following week in the father’s home. In these cases I simply make two folders. For example, several of my students have one folder marked “For Mom” and another marked “For Dad.” Just sending home communication to all the family groups the student interacts with can help ease tensions in a family and keep everyone informed of what is going on at school.
Another benefit of knowing how many family groups a student is a part of concerns sending work home. When I send home a student’s completed work, I include special instructions. I say to my students, “You worked hard on this essay and it deserves to be displayed! Your job is to show this to someone important and hang it up in an important place.” One day a student reported that she hung her essay on the front door of her apartment so everyone in the building could read it.
If I know that a student has two or three homes, that’s two or three refrigerators and doors on which their work could be proudly displayed. As a teacher, it doesn’t take much effort to print out an extra student essay or make a few extra copies of a student’s work. Sometimes I will just ask kids to hold up on their fingers how many copies of their work they need.
It’s meaningful to parents and caregivers to have access to their student’s work. And for students who split their time between several homes, it can provide a small yet important sense of consistency. No matter where a child sleeps on a particular night, their work can be proudly displayed everywhere they call home.
3. Daily CQC: Celebrations, Questions, Concerns
Every day I try to make time in my day for CQC, a time when students can share celebrations, questions, or concerns with the class. I got this idea from our school’s staff meetings, during which our principal would open up the floor for teachers to share whatever was on their minds. I thought my students would like the same opportunity, so I started a daily CQC.
To run a CQC with your class all you need is to ask a simple question: “Does anyone have a celebration, question, or concern to share?” I invite students to share about things happening at school and happening at home, then watch eager hands shoot up. If students seem reluctant, I share my own CQC, which has always been enough to encourage students to share.
My students tell our classroom community about anything they think is important in their lives, which means I learn what kids really care about. They tell me about soccer games and new movies coming out. It helps me understand what makes each student tick. One year, a student updated me every day about the ranking of NFL teams, which told me I could use football as a motivator. We began calling our 7s multiplication tables the “touchdown tables.”
CQC is a particularly good opportunity for students to let our class know what is happening in their families. Often I will hear a countdown to a birthday: “My baby brother’s birthday is in seventeen days.” Or, “We are moving into a new apartment and I am going to get a bunk bed!” Students can opt in, and they can also choose if they want to share something exciting or something they are worried about.
In this way, I have been able to learn about changes in my students’ families. A student once shared, “I’m sad today because my sister and my mom got in a fight and now my sister moved away.” I’ve also heard, “My mom and Eduardo are getting married and I get to wear a suit.” Another student informed the class, “My mom moved to California, but she is coming back for my birthday and we are going to an amusement park.�
� With students sharing about their individual circumstances, it proves to the whole class that family comes in many forms.
All this information helps me be a better teacher to each student. I can understand certain sensitivities they might have or situations that might trigger an emotional reaction. But the support offered is not just top down, from teacher to student; the students in our class support each other. Our class can celebrate together during the good times, like wishing a friend good luck on their baseball tournament. When a student shares a challenge, their classmates can be there to offer support.
When a student shares a concern they have, like “I miss my dad,” I acknowledge and accept their feelings. I confirm that their situation is real and difficult, and resist the urge to offer advice or figure out a solution. Many times a student is really seeking to be heard rather than having their problem fixed. Sometimes other students have dealt with the same issue and offer kind words. It is empowering for a student who has also struggled with a parent not able to be present to share thoughts or encouragement that can help one of their peers. I always elicit an expression from our class community. I will say, “It’s tough, but no matter what . . .” and our class chimes in “. . . we got your back.”
Getting to know students can happen in many different ways. For older students, CQC could be something written down on notes to the teacher. I have seen teachers use Twitter in the classroom to have students share this information. Whatever form CQC takes, asking students about their lives and genuinely listening without judgment will help promote a strong community in your classroom.
4. Reimagining the Family Project
Including family into our lessons is a wonderful way to connect students’ learning to the real world. All forms of families are valued and able to participate.
I Wish My Teacher Knew Page 7