For The Path was a whole system: political and spiritual, mated into one, a way for the whole world to live without a single exception. Allowing exceptions and caving into the debauched Western way of life was saying no to The Path, was watering down the teachings he’d been given, and those he knew in his heart of hearts were the one true way. Anyone who would try to alter that, including even his parents and his Westernized cousins who made fun of him and tried to stand in his way, would feel the power of the sword. He would not allow any of them to deter him.
He’d been warned that he should not change his appearance, grow a beard or pray in public. He should be chaste, attend worship, follow the teachings and in his heart, magnify the word for the day all Heaven came to earth. That would be a glorious day. The sick Westerners and their fat and flabby existence would be eliminated or would suffer until they would submit.
Cut by cut, he would help with the millions others of his kind, and they would cut at the legs of the giant Satan until he was injured and then tripped. And once he was down and afraid and had lost the will to fight back, he would be misled and shown mercy before his wives and daughters were taken from him and used as vessels for The Path. Before his eyes, he would see the folly of his ways. He would wish for death, and death would be delivered to this soulless creature.
It would be a triumph, bathed in blood.
“You will look like a Western youth,” his new teacher commanded online. “Understand that there will be some days, maybe even weeks, when you doubt me or what I have said. You will learn to purge that from you. For while you are having doubts, the great Satan parades the streets of the world, his belly bloated and his wealth corrupting the faithful, making it difficult to be a believer. But you will not fail me. You will survive and hate that Satan and all his drunk followers even more as you notice what he has done to your women and children, your parents and your family. We are your new family, a family you may have to die for.”
So today had been a misstep, but it revealed to him that he was vulnerable to the charms of such a woman. He had to remember and be careful. He could not be found out. He would hide in the plain sight of people around him who suspected nothing. He had to work on his impatience while waiting for the call to action. He’d prepared the path, passed the test by showing he could blow up the school and remain undetected to live for another mission.
The teacher had been very pleased. The riches of Heaven awaited him. He was trained, unsuspected and committed to a cause he was willing to die for. He was ready.
So, finally, Amid Khan was coming to see him in three days. Sayid thought about him on the walk home, and what an honor it would be to meet the teacher. Word was he was a harsh man who had been tortured at the hands of the American Special Forces, and he had a special lust for killing them overseas. Khan messaged him that Sayid was given the opportunity to be one of the architects of something glorious being planned in the United States. The fact that he was visiting in person, since travel exposed him to certain risks, meant that perhaps Sayid had been chosen for a special mission, and it might be happening soon.
It was a great honor to know that they believed in him so much, that this most holy man would risk his life to communicate with him in person. He could hardly wait.
Chapter 14
‡
FREDO’S PLANS TO discuss the event at the house earlier were beginning to weigh on him. As was the promise he’d made to Coop. On the drive back to their place he asked her permission.
“I need to discuss some things with you at home, if you’re okay with this.”
Her beautiful face reflected colored traffic lights and streetlamps as they drove the freeway then wound their way back to the start of their neighborhood.
“So serious,” she whispered. “You have a surprise for me, yes?” She was toying with him.
“Always, my love. I hope I always surprise you in many ways, for years and years to come. But this is something different. I need to explain something to you.”
“You and Coop up to something, Fredo?”
“No, nothing like that.” He smiled and tried to sound relaxed, but it was clear she wasn’t quite in the serious mood she’d have to be. Then, upon weighing it further, he decided the light-hearted approach might be the best after all. “Just some things I need to speak with you about. About us and about some things about the Teams. It involves me, and so it involves you.”
She turned back to face front, her profile that of a goddess. How had he been so lucky?
She stared down at her hands, folded in her lap. “Is this going to ruin my perfect day?” She remained focused on her hands, waiting for his answer.
“No.” He lied because he wasn’t sure. But he had to lie. Would she not like the news he was going to tell her?
“Good. As long as it doesn’t stop me from wanting to wake up in your arms in the morning, I’m good with it.”
He admired her courage and wondered if he had the same.
After he parked the car, he held her hand and brought her to the living room, where he took a seat beside her on the couch. “Do you want something?’
Her large brown eyes looked up at him long and did not smile. “Will I need something?”
He wanted to change his mind, but he’d put it off long enough. He took her hands in his, and then brought them to his mouth and kissed them. She followed every movement, waiting. He sensed she was holding her breath or taking small breaths.
“Mia, sweetheart,” he said as he replaced her hands, but remained entangled in her fingers. “We’ve been warned again that there are imminent threats to our local population, especially to the SEAL community.”
“I always understand this to be the case, Fredo.” She was rubbing his fingers with her own. “You don’t have to remind me, but I like that you want to protect me, lover. That’s very sweet.”
Fredo’s stomach clenched. She wasn’t being serious enough, embracing what he was trying to tell her.
“Sweetheart, it’s more than that. We have specific threats against the community, but not just us, our families. We wouldn’t care one whit about us. It’s our families that hurt the most. Like police are targeted—”
“I know, such a disgusting way—”
“Those folks are just crazies, trying to deliver a hateful message, hitting the core of our society: our families, our innocents. Only cowards do that. Cowards that won’t win in the end.”
She nodded.
“What I’m talking about are zealots who hate us. Hate everything we stand for. And they’re all around. You might not recognize them. Heck, I might not recognize them, but we can’t take chances and let people like that into our homes, into our lives. We don’t want them to know anything about us.”
She began to tear up. “I’m so sorry, Fredo. I was not thinking.”
“I understand. Believe me, I wish I didn’t have to have this talk with you. But we all are. We all are telling our kids and wives that there are going to be some big things coming up. The chatter is there, and we believe it will happen on our own soil. We’re good once the action starts.”
“So, Fredo, the Center? You think that is involved somehow?”
“The Center, well, we’re not sure. We thought it was some gang element, but now, we just don’t know. Now the winery up in Sonoma County? Yes. It has to be, Mia. That’s partly why I’m telling you this. They’re after kids, innocents, wives and girlfriends. Parents. That’s what drew them to the winery event. Lots of kids. Although the police haven’t found any definite suspects, we believe they are working on it. But after these guys are gone, there will be more. That’s what I’m saying, Mia.”
“Oh God, Fredo. When?”
“Well, that’s just it. We never know, do we? We aren’t good with the waiting. In fact, it’s the hardest thing we have to do, knowing people are watching and planning things—”
Mia had inhaled at that last comment, closing her eyes and holding her breath.
“Mia,
” Fredo reached forward, touching her chin and lifting it so he could look into her eyes. “It serves no good purpose to not be vigilant, ready. To be mentally prepared. You have to watch everything. Study everything. Remember to be careful. Stay amongst the other Team families. Do not reveal anything outside the family, only to first responders, police and fire. But that’s it.”
She nodded her head and tried to smile, but tears were streaming down her cheeks. He wished he didn’t have to deliver the rest of his message. He leaned forward again and kissed her gently on the lips and then stood.
“And there’s one more thing. I’ve struggled with this for days and days, well over a month now.”
Mia’s expression was one of resignation. He paced back and forth, inhaling, drawing strength from what was real. He wasn’t telling stories. He was going to tell her the facts and let it be whatever it was for her. He was willing to face whatever he would find out in her reaction.
“What is it, Fredo?”
He stopped, faced her. With his hands at his sides but fisted, he just began. This would be the point of no return for Fredo. “Mia, I’m sterile.”
She didn’t move except flutter her eyelids several times. He watched as his question sunk in. “Excuse me? How can you say that, Fredo?”
“I’ve been to the doctors. Twice. I’ve seen what my sperm look like, and they come out dead. Blanks.”
“Impossible.” She leaned back into the couch, crossing her arms. “There must be some explanation,” she mumbled, her eyes downcast.
The house was still. His own heart was beating in his chest while he waited for the full import of this to sunk in. Waiting for her to give the explanation that was necessary now. It hadn’t been necessary before, but it sure was now.
You tell me, Mia. Tell me the explanation. He hoped it was something like, I went to a sperm bank. That he could forgive.
“Mia, just tell me. Is there someone else?”
“No!”
“Then, what’s the explanation? Was there someone else? Just be honest with me. There has to be an explanation, honey.” He was beginning to lose his footing.
“How could you ask me that?”
“Because I love you anyway, Mia. I forgive you. But don’t lie to me. Tell me the truth.”
Her face formed a cruel smile. She adjusted her neck as if she’d been hit, then started to shake her head from side to side. Looking up at him, he could see the hurt and pain in her soul.
“So that’s what’s burdened you? All this time we’ve been dancing together, and all this time you’ve been wondering about me? You’ve made love to me still with this burden? What, did you think that just by doing this it would all go away?”
He didn’t know what to say. “Maybe. I didn’t know what to think. Please tell me.”
She slowly stood. “So you think I’ve been screwing around on you? You don’t think this is your child?”
He didn’t want to answer her. But he did so anyway. “How could it be? I can’t be a father. I’ve seen the proof.”
She picked up the cushion from the couch, threw it at him, and screamed, “Bastard!”
“Mia. Wait. Stop this.”
“No, you stop this. How dare you ask me that question? So now I see why you are concerned about men hanging around the house. You are afraid I would go back to my old ways? Is this true? You think I’m a slut. You go away for a couple of days, and I’ve got myself a little love interest, is that right?”
“Initially, yes, I thought this could be so.”
“All the I love you’s to the end of time are just hollow words, Fredo? You struggled with not being able to tell me this?”
“I did. I admit that.” There was only one way through it. He had to stick to reality as he knew it. “I’m not proud. But how could you get pregnant when I can’t father children? Tell me that? And that leaves one additional question I need answered. I deserve an answer. Who got you pregnant, since I cannot?”
“You actually think I’m sleeping around, Fredo?” Her eyes were hard.
“What else am I supposed to think? Did you go get a sperm donor? Or, did someone—?”
“You think I would fuck someone else when you’re gone? You really think I’m capable of doing that? How could you, Fredo?”
He was cautious and became uncertain. What had he done?
“I don’t have any other explanation. Like I said, I’ve been tested twice. I cannot have children. So tell me, how did you get pregnant?”
He began to wonder if he’d made a huge mistake, and he partly blamed his best friend, Coop. He started hating Coop, and then stopped himself.
Get a grip, asshole. Keep it together.
“Mia, just be honest with me. I deserve the truth. I need to know.”
But he was thinking the fantasy was better than the truth of it all. Yes, he found enough in her and her past to doubt her. It was a fact. And now he’d told her as much. And maybe he’d ruined their marriage, irreparably damaged her love for him.
The truth wasn’t setting him free. It was an undelivered promise.
“Get out. I’m not going to dignify that question with an answer.” She delivered the ultimatum with cool detachment.
“Mia,” he began, “Wait. Let’s talk about this. I mean you no disrespect, but try to see it from my perspective. You have to understand how I feel about all this, where I am coming from.”
“I do? Really? No, Fredo. I don’t.” Her calm collection cut him to the core. “I don’t have to accept anything you tell me now. You just told me you think I’ve been lying to you about the pregnancy. You think I’ve slept with another man. Maybe lots of men, right? Well, I have, but in my past.”
“See, honey, that’s what I—”
“Get out. Get out now. I want you to leave me alone.”
“But I love you. I don’t want to leave.”
She walked past him and headed toward the hallway to the back bedroom, looking at him like road kill. He felt like road kill. She stopped at the doorway.
“Yes. You love me. But you do not trust me. I never would have thought in a million years this would be coming from you. Get your things and get out of the house tonight. I don’t want to see your face.”
Chapter 15
‡
HE KNEW THAT pleading wouldn’t work with Mia. Before they’d gotten together, when he’d been her devoted admirer, she had shunned him, treated him with disdain. He never gave up then. He knew then that somehow, it would all turn out. Coop had warned him. Armando, her brother, had suggested he perhaps give up on the unrequited love for the beautiful Mia. But Fredo knew he could fill her heart with joy and make her life bloom as no other could.
His instincts had been correct, he thought as he put things together in a large bag. She had softened her heart, seen him for the first time on that cruise ship, and opened herself to a life with him. He’d been ready to protect her, to die for her if need be. He was the most grateful man on the planet.
So he’d waited until that glorious day when she’d fallen in love with him. He could be patient then because he knew once she fell in love with him, there would never be a separation. That was before he would have to endure the loss of the love he once had tasted. After he saw how perfect they were for one another. Trying to live without it now was impossible. He’d rather die.
It was a fleeting thought, but a dangerous one.
He finished with the clothes, then checked to make sure he had all his guns and ammo. He wasn’t going to leave anything behind in the house, just out of an abundance of caution, even though he knew he didn’t have to worry. It was just habit. The guns would stay with him.
She balanced against the wall in the corner of their living room, her arms crossed, tears making her eyes puffy, streaming down her face. He was near the front door ready to exit for what he hoped would be a short departure. He wanted desperately for her to change her mind. And he knew he couldn’t force her in any way. He couldn’t beg. If she was going to
let him back into her life she would have to do it on her own terms. He also worried her upset would affect the baby.
He decided to try one more time.
“Mia, please don’t do this. I love you. I will always love you,” he whispered to her, dropping his bags, taking one tentative step to her direction. “Let me explain. This should not be happening.”
“Stop. No farther, Fredo.” She angled her head and stared at his feet, not wanting to look at his eyes.
“I am the same person I was when I came home, the same person I was way back then onboard the ship. The same person who held you in my arms and carried you out of the burning house where you were held hostage. There will never be another woman for me, Mia. And now you are to be the mother of my child.”
She drilled him with a look he never thought her capable of.
“Words, Fredo. Now you say I am the mother of your child, yet you doubt the very foundation of our relationship, my integrity.” She melted to the floor, sobbing, her face buried in her arms.
He ran to her. “Mia,” he whispered. He threw his arms around her shaking body and was grateful she did not resist. He smoothed her hair back from her forehead, allowed her head to rest against his chest, hoping she could feel his heart limping in pain but beating still ardently for her. “I will never stop loving you, Mia. I never have and I never will. You must believe me.” He kissed the top of her head.
He waited, though he wanted to pick her up, bring her over to the couch where she would be comfortable and warm. But he continued to stroke her hair, pulling long curls back behind her ears, whispering what he felt, how he loved her as she sobbed. He hoped she could hear it through her heaving chest.
He’d stay there all night if she allowed him to. He’d stay squatting in the corner with her, letting her cry and hoping by God she would come to her senses. He wondered why he’d decided to even bring up the subject of paternity tonight. Wasn’t it better to just keep it a secret? Look what he’d done. He’d made a mistake. It was a terrible mistake with consequences he would bear the rest of his life.
Fredo's Dream: SEAL Brotherhood: Fredo Page 11