Total Amnesia: Forgotten Lives

by J. W. Northrup

  I enter a nearby hospital to the familiar smell of alcohol and sickness, but thankfully not the smell of decomposing bodies. Were they collected up? I find my answer in room 203. There on the bed I see the bones of what was a patient. The skin and the organs have turned to dust and now form a featureless mass on the sheets and pillow of the bed. I take an instrument and touch the bones and they too collapse in a heap. Somehow, rather than decompose, the bodies just turn to dust.

  I move to room 205 and to my horror I see a patent lying in bed but his body has not disintegrated. I move closer and see the faint movement of breathing beneath the sheets. HE’S ALIVE! I move up to the bed and nudge him. There is no response. Of course, he was paralyzed by the gas. Maybe it’s like an induced coma. Looking at the patient I figure he will not be alive much longer. He looks gaunt—probably from extreme dehydration. It’s just a matter of time before he dies.

  Well that makes sense—natural selection is at work here. They probably don’t want the sick and unable, so they just let them die.

  My theory is that they have somehow they’ve “dusted” the planet with a kind of substance that turns dead bodies to dust. They don’t decay, they just disintegrate. I suppose in another few days Espree’s body will disintegrate and that will be it.

  I move through various rooms in the hospital. In OR #3 I see a disintegrated body on the operating table—the face mask still on its face, the IV needle partially covered by the dust of what was once an arm. Evidently they all got up and walked outside when the gas hit, leaving the patient there on the operating table. Obviously the gas paralyzes the conscience too.

  I find only 3 patients still alive in their paralyzed state. They will all be dead soon enough and what remains of the human race on planet Earth will be dust … and me.

  I have another nagging worry. I know the Harvesters or whoever owns this planet now are eventually going to come in and set up shop.

  What will that mean for me?

  Do I need to hide from them or will I just be ignored? I don’t know. I’ve seen no sign. I constantly scan the sky, day and night but I see nothing—no spaceships, no strange lights at night, the planet seems abandoned. And at that’s totally OK with me.

  Frustratingly enough I can’t get the Universal Viewer to work. I am unable to locate the batteries Espree used as a power supply―which probably doesn’t matter―they’ve gone dead and I have no idea where to get replacements. What did she say, somewhere in LA? LA is a big place.

  The viewer is as useless as Espree sitting there in her chair. I’m blind, I’m ignorant. I’m a human being confined to a planet at the whim of some superior alien race―I realize that has always been the case, but now I know it.

  And the worst part of it is that everything I realized in my experiences with Espree seems to be gone. I don’t feel any different now. All the tremendous awareness I gained has become entirely irrelevant.

  I certainly do have a bigger viewpoint―but so what? I have more energy now than I ever had before―but what do I do with it?

  The age-old question; “Is there life out there” has been answered and I feel no better now than when I was ignorant. The “What happens when you die question” has been cleared up. At least I think it has. But again what good does that do me? What good does knowing that do for me right now? I can’t leave my body. I’m no more cognizant of my spirituality than I was before. I’m a human being in the material world and no amount of philosophy or even knowingness about it means anything.

  What if mankind became “aware” that there is life out there and the Harvest had not even happened? What if we discovered―through some telescope or some new device―that a more advanced, intelligent life existed in other worlds and other civilizations and planets. So what?

  If Espree is correct, I now know more about life and existence in this universe than any other inhabitant on all the other planets and galaxies. I know about the Mechanical Mind and the Spirit Trap. Again so what? What if I planted myself upon some big planetary mountain and declared myself an enlightened sage or a prophet or some universal savant and what if the people of the universe lined up to hear me whisper all these newly discovered secrets of existence in their ear. Would they walk away happier or better off? Well I’m not! Would they be more able? I doubt it.

  What would happen? Nothing, that’s what!

  How utterly futile!

  What is missing is an actual technology. How can you actually undo the trap? It has to be undone, not merely “understood”. Unfortunately neither Espree nor I have been able to produce a methodology that frees another from the Spirit Trap. Now, without Espree, I have absolutely no clue of what to do. I don’t even have a viewer.

  Yes there are other civilizations and cultures and technologies. But apparently they’re just playing a more expansive version of the game we are―or were―playing on Earth. But it’s the same game. And those Citizonians I have witness in the viewer do not look any happier than we do―or did. Apparently they can go anywhere in the universe in a spaceship or on that Universal Viewer. Does that make them happy? Obviously not. Technology does not make you happy. That is my truth. So what?

  The game in this universe is called ‘survival of a body’ and getting an occasional sensation of pleasure from it and all we have in common is one thing; death and amnesia—an amnesia about the amnesia repeated over and over into infinity.

  It’s all pretty depressing if you ask me now. And so my life has become a futile activity of running around doing stuff to amuse myself. I’m even starting to talk to myself. Maybe I’ll find a soccer ball and name it Wilson.

  On the eleventh day I decide not to go to the office. I just don’t want to fiddle with that body any more. It’s gone, and with it, Espree. Of course there’s a faint vestige of hope that somehow we will be reunited. And I will probably hold onto it until I die, at which point apparently there’s a light to go into and after that.

  The strangest thing of all is knowing that when I die I will experience Total Amnesia one more time and when I awaken in a new body, I will have no knowledge of what I know right now. That’s just freaky, and disturbing, but somehow I know that will be the case and as it stands now, there is absolutely nothing I can do about it!

  I may as well travel around. Why hang around here on campus. I need to get out.

  I decide—with all my energy—I’ll just pedal on down the coast on a fancy $10,000 road bike and take that vacation I’ve been planning ever since I arrived here.

  I find a sporting goods store and put on a pair of $300 biker shorts and a $200 jersey. With the bike and all the accessories, I’m probably into this setup about $15,000. Wow….so what.

  It is a beautiful day. The sun is out. The birds are singing. I look hot (so what). I peddle down Highway 1 singing Cheryl Crows “Steve McQueen” at the top of my lungs. Why not? All “social rules” have been cancelled. All irrational conduct is cancelled. I think I’ll go down to Long Beach, then hit San Diego and putter around there for a while.

  I laugh. I am the sole person who knows the secrets of this universe and I am completely powerless. I’m riding down a street on some Podunk planet in the middle of nowhere. Yes indeed, the most enlightened being in the entire universe is pedaling a bike down a street wearing spandex shorts and a yellow jersey yelling some strange tune at the top of his lungs. How absurd!

  But it feels good to ride, to get my attention off this strange situation. It’s nice to stop worrying about my fate and Espree and everything that has happened over the past few weeks. It’s just me and a bike and this beautiful highway along the coast. Why worry? There’s not a thing I can do about it. If there’s one lesson I have learned it is that nobody seems to have much of a clue about this universe, therefore any conclusions or decisions we make are made from an extremely ignorant and erroneous point of view―so as they say – or used to say—“se la vive”.

  I pedal on; working up a good sweat. It feels great to exert myself. The sun is warm;
the only sound is my steady breathing and a distant crash of the waves. It’s so strange and pleasant riding down this road in the absence of the noise of traffic.

  Despite my condition, despite the circumstances, at least for the moment it’s great to be alive.

  CHAPTER 20

  “Sir, scanners have picked up a strange signal.”

  Captain Groot turns to his first officer.

  “What is it Ecok?”

  “Well, it appears to be a 3B, but it does not give off a standard 3B beacon!”

  “Oh? That is highly irregular. Are you sure?”

  “Let’s take a look,” says Ecok.

  He zooms in on the planet. The screen shows a view of the coast of California. There is a red indicator light on a location along the coast south of the San Francisco area.

  “I must be a mutant sir!”

  Captain Groot’s dorsal ridge stiffens and streaks in red with alarm. “Gods! This is terrible! We must look into this immediately! Do you see any other signals?”

  “No sir.”

  “Recover the source and do a full planetary scan—levels 1-10. If there’s a mutant strain, we’ve got big problems.”

  “Yes sir.”

  The view zooms in closer and closer to the area with the red light.

  The scene shows a bike rider pedaling down a road.

  “Looks like a 3B sir.”

  “OK, let’s get it picked up, immediately.”

  Ecok turns to a microphone. “Security 293 alert! Lock on to signal 3971A. Suspected 3B mutant. Collect immediately and bring to Lab 803.”

  “Roger that.”

  “I’ve always wanted to take a trip down Highway 1. I’d rather do it in a Ferrari—that was part of my fantasy but this will have to do for now.

  But now I’m getting a very strange sensation, like I’m being watched, like I shouldn’t be out in the open. I just can’t spend my time hiding. I’ve got to find out how far I can go. I scan the sky periodically, watching for some flying object but I see nothing. The Earth has gone silent and I’m hoping the aliens have left for a while—maybe for a few decades, maybe even centuries.

  Suddenly I sense something above me and I look up.

  Oh shit! Where did that come from!

  It’s some strange flying object and its right over me!

  I’ve got to hide. I shouldn’t have come out into the open like this….

  Too late; I feel myself being surrounded by energy and it’s pulling me upward, into the air, moving toward that thing above me! I click out of my pedals and watch the bike fall to the ground.

  As I rise upward, strangely, I’m enjoying the flight. I’m soaring up above the coastline watching the waves break against the rocks below from a perspective far above. It’s really quite a beautiful day.

  Was a beautiful day.

  The beetle-looking space ship comes closer and closer. It is round with slightly protruding “wings” on each side. The color is appropriately black. I would have expected some kind of noise from this thing—like the sound of engines. But aside from a low hum, it is totally silent. As I am moved up to a position level with the craft, I see the eyes of the beetle—which must be the cockpit. I’m wondering if there are some “Citizonians” behind those eyes. I wonder what they think of me. I’m probably just some animal they plucked up —some stray 3B humanoid that the Harvester missed.

  I feel a sudden rush of adrenaline. Am I heading for that big cargo ship—soon to be loaded into a rack and frozen? How horrible! If that’s the case, I wish I were never deactivated by Espree. It only prolonged my doom and now I KNOW of my fate.

  “Damn you Espree! Where the hell are you?” I try to reach out for her in desperation. Why can’t I perceive her? Where is she?

  A door opens on one side of the ship. I am being pulled into it, toward a light source that is shining on me. I move into a small featureless chamber, the light goes off and I’m on my feet. It’s completely dark. I’m just standing here in the dark in an alien spaceship awaiting whatever fate they have in store for me. I get the idea that the ship is moving, the hum is slightly louder, but I feel no sense of movement.

  After a while I see doors open. Oh my god, it’s one of those Citizonians! Just like ones we saw in the viewer. He’s walking toward me, pointing something at my head. My last thoughts are of Espree. She was right―everything she said, everything we saw was real.

  But why did she have to leave…

  CHAPTER 21

  Corcak looks up from the body.

  “This is no mutant.” He says to the uniformed officer. “This one was deactivated.”

  Ecok and Groot stare at each other in a stunned silence.

  Captain Groot’s ridge goes tense and streaked in read. “Good gods, an unauthorized deactivation? We’ve got to find it!” He looks at the clock. “Whoever did this must be found within 10 micro-terms and the device destroyed or we will have to vaporize the whole system.”

  “The whole system?” says Ecok.

  “That’s right. This is a security level 3 event. It must be reported at once. Ecok, call the police!”

  The two head back up to the Bridge.

  Ecok turns to Groot. “I wish it was a mutant.”

  “So do I.”

  Captain Groot arrives on the Bridge.

  Scanner! Scan planet for a deactivator!

  Sifit looks back at the Captain with alarm. “A deactivator?”

  “That’s right Sifit!” Get on it!

  “Ecok, have you got the police?”

  “On their way sir.”

  “Good.”

  “Sir!” says Sifit excitedly looking up from the viewer, “deactivator located!”

  The screen shows a view of the Sanford Campus with a red light blinking on the Burnson Building.

  “Get a recovery vessel down there now and scan for any sentients.”

  “None yet sir.” Groot frowns.

  “There must be a sentient somewhere. A 3B would never have access to a deactivator.”

  He turns to Ecok.

  “Ecok! I want a list of every Breeding Agent for the last 5 centi-terms and anyone—and I mean anyone who has been near this planet. The police will want that information first thing.”

  Sifit leans forward toward his screen. “Sir, there is a non-specific life form in the vicinity of the deactivators. It shows very little sign of life, but it could be something.”

  “Bring it in NOW!” Barks Groot.

  I open my eyes. I see a light above me. I’m surrounded by dental equipment. But I know it’s not dental equipment.

  What happened? I was riding my bike….

  Oh no.

  My arms and feet are bound by metallic straps. I can’t sit up.

  Strangely enough I’m sarcastically thinking of alien abductions. I’ve been abducted. Well, that’s another mystery solved. Alien abductions are true.

  What a fool I was, thinking I could just go along doing what I wanted—thinking I could have the planet to myself. A planet is not something you can have to yourself—nothing is yours in this universe. Everything is owned by someone and if you don’t have the legal title or an army, you can’t have it. You may think you do, but in the scheme of things, you’re just ignorant.

  Espree was right. It’s all true. We’re trapped in a universe, and nobody knows—except Espree. And now I think she’s been trapped―which means now I’m the only one who knows. And here I am strapped to a table in a 3B body. Even if I could tell them, I’m probably the only person in the universe who speaks “English” now. And even if I spoke “Moscal”, they’d never believe me. I’m just some silly EHF driven 3B body. I don’t know anything. I’m nothing more than an animal, a dog to these people.

  Imagine some dog “barking” the solutions to immortality and existence in this universe. Even if you understood “bark” you wouldn’t take it serious. It’s just a stupid dog for god’s sake.

  And even if I could communicate and even if they believed me it
’s all completely futile. Because I don’t know how to help―I don’t know what to do any more than a barking dog. I’m not “out”, I just know I’m “in” and nobody else does.

  I notice movement to my side. One of the Citizonians walks up, looking down at me.

  “Dude! Leave me the hell alone!” I shout.

  The creature flinches backward. I suppose that was all I wanted to achieve―some reaction.

  The creature turns and retrieves something and turns back to me.

  Uh oh, I think I pissed him off―another stupid thing I did today.

  It has what looks like a shower head its hand as it walks up to me. It places it on my arm and the room starts to spin and fade. I’ve been drugged and I can’t stay awake.

  CHAPTER 22

  I’m in an incredibly strange dream full of non-sensical clips.

  “Where are you? Where are you Tim?” It’s Judy Garland looking up at the sky.

  “I’m here on official business” Says Jimmy Steward with…what is that a dorsal ridge?

  “Thank god I found you,” says Espree. I’m naked from the waist down again.

  “It’s a Universal Viewer”. I’m explaining to my Dad but he keeps frowning. “Really Dad, it’s like a universal internet!”

  “Sign this release and don’t give me any trouble pilgrim.” says John Wayne.

  “The victim has rights!” It’s Tom Cruise!

  “Our guest is wearing underpants!” Oh no, I’m on David Letterman! Naomi Watts is sitting next to me looking disgusted.

  “Ve vere authorized to use za drugs.” says George Bush.

  Oh my head is spinning! My mind is out of control. I’m out of control.

  I feel a pressure against my arm and the spinning begins to diminish.

  “Relax,” says an unfamiliar voice, “you’re safe now.”