In Cassie's Corner

by Mayer, Dale

  Mr. Spence was still in Emergency. According to the ER doctor he was still in danger. Gerome walked to the waiting room. Jessie sat holding an older woman’s hands.

  "Jessie. Good to see you."

  Standing up, Jessie asked, "Deputy. Any news on my father? This is my mother. We haven’t been able to find out anything."

  Gerome acknowledged her and glanced back at the chaos going on behind him. "They’re doing what they can for him.""I’m going to check out Mr. Spence’s house." He glanced at Sandra. "Ma’am, I hate to ask, but other than Todd’s death, was there anything else going wrong in his world?"

  Sandra’s red-rimmed eyes stared in fear. "His world was falling apart. His drinking has gotten worse. He lost his job because of it, and I don’t know what else. He probably doesn’t either. Since Todd’s accident…well, he’s been drunk most of the time."

  Gerome studied Jessie. "Jessie, I heard you and Cassie found him. Did you see any note or some kind of message like a suicide note?"

  Jessie stiffened. He opened his mouth, then closed it and shook his head. "No. But I honestly didn’t look." He swallowed loudly. "Is it possible this was an accident?"

  "Anything is possible." Gerome shoved his hands in his pockets, trying to formulate the questions that needed to be asked. "I need to ask you something else. Has Adam said anything about the night that Todd died?"

  Jessie and Sandra exchanged looks.

  Gerome continued. "According to Todd’s cell phone, Adam called him just before eleven that night. However, Adam and Todd have been placed at the liquor store at Benton Square, close to quarter after eleven, just before the accident. They were together."

  "Oh no," Sandra whispered. Her teary gaze locked on the chaos happening around her husband’s bed. "You think he was there – in the car with Todd."

  "I’m sorry to say, he was. Todd was driving and Adam was in the passenger seat as they left the parking lot."

  Silence

  "So Todd was the driver?" Jessie asked.

  "Unless they stopped somewhere and switched places?" Gerome nodded. "That isn’t likely, although it’s not impossible."

  Jessie leaned forward, needing to know one more thing. "The person who saw them… Did they say whether Todd was drunk?"

  Gerome smiled, grateful to have this answer. "Cassie was right. Todd didn’t appear to have been drinking that night."

  Relief washed over the young man’s face. He might not have been close to his brother, still he obviously cared. "Thank you for that."

  Sandra shook her head in confusion. "So what are you saying? That my son wasn’t drinking and driving?"

  "No, I don’t think so. Todd was sober just after eleven and his accident was within minutes."

  "So you were wrong?" Sandra sounded confused. Her face pinched as she took in the new information. "All this time, I thought he’d gone so far wrong that he was out drinking and carousing and getting into all sorts of trouble that night." She stood up, staring at him. "And instead of doing something wrong, he was actually helping his father?"

  "That’s possible. It would be good to speak with Adam. Maybe we could get a few answers."

  Sandra crossed her arms over her chest, rocking slightly in place. Hope lit her eyes. "This might have been just a bad accident. Todd might have taken the corner too fast or overcorrected? He was a young driver. Could it have been so simple?"

  "That is possible."

  Jessie continued to puzzle the mess over. Understanding dawned. "So where was my father? How did they meet? Did Todd have time to go home, pick him up and then go to the liquor store?"

  Gerome sighed. He’d hope the young man might take a little longer to work this out. Kids were smart these days. "I can’t say for sure until I speak with Adam. I can only surmise how they hooked up, but on the way home, I think he was in the car. I think your father pulled Todd free, climbed up to the highway and called for help, using Todd’s cell phone. I think he either walked or hitched a ride back into town."

  "And never said anything? Never stayed with Todd?"

  "He was probably too drunk to really comprehend what had happened. And afterwards… Honestly? He probably didn’t remember." Gerome motioned to forestall Jessie’s next comment. "Before we continue speculating, we should give Adam a chance to explain."

  "That won’t be today." Dr. McIntosh came up behind them. "He’s in critical condition and is being moved to the ICU."

  Sandra covered her face with her hands, trying to halt her instinctive cry of pain. "May I see him?"

  "Only for a few minutes now, because he’s being moved. Once he’s settled, you’ll be able to see him again."

  Jessie stood up and helped his mother to his father’s bedside.

  Gerome spoke quietly with the doctor. "Will he wake up soon?"

  "No."

  Gerome nodded. "In that case, I’ll take my leave." With a final glance back, he headed to Adam Spence’s house.

  ***

  Cassie slowed her pace as she reached the corner of her block. She tilted her face to the sun and felt sheer joy at the warmth. At being alive and wanting to be alive. How much pain did it take before a person wanted to end it all? How ironic that Todd desperately wanted to live and his own father had been as desperate to die.

  How sad.

  What would she do if her father tried to commit suicide? It seemed so out of character, she couldn’t imagine it. Or what about her mother? She was weaker. If she lost her husband, she might decide life wasn’t worth living. As her daughter, Cassie would feel hurt, abandoned and even betrayed. Even now, just thinking about it all made her heart ache.

  She might not be close to her parents, but she wouldn’t want to be in Jessie’s shoes right now. Her house loomed before her. Pondering the quirks of life and death for those left behind, she realized Todd might not know what had happened.

  Then again, he might have been the first to know.

  Moodily, Cassie kicked a rock along the sidewalk at the front of her house, reaching for the doorknob.

  "Cassie, is that you?"

  "Yes, Mom." Cassie stepped inside.

  "You’re home late," her mother commented.

  "Yeah. I got a little tied up."

  "Oh, I was hoping you’d gone to see that nice Dr. Sanchez again."

  "No. However I probably will need to tomorrow or the next day."

  Abby walked through the living room, her face creased with concern. "Why? What happened?"

  Cassie stood facing her mom and the words couldn’t come. They refused to pass her lips. She tried again, only instead tears flooded her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. "Oh, Mom…"

  "Honey, what’s the matter? You’re scaring me. Tell me, please."

  Cassie sniffled. "Adam Spence tried to commit suicide." At Abby’s horrified gasp, she continued, "Jessie and I found him in Todd’s room where he’d collapsed."

  "Oh no, Cassie."

  With a final sob, Cassie fell into her mother’s arms.

  ***

  Adam groaned, caught in a dense fog of horror and pain that wouldn’t let him escape. Heavy white clouds pressed down tightly, squeezing his chest and face. His throat and stomach hurt. Everything ached.

  His son’s face shone before him. Todd. He smiled. Todd was fine, unhurt. His heart lightened. No father should see his son die before him and definitely not in front of him.

  "Why did you leave me at the accident site to die?"

  Questions tormented Adam’s dreams. His son’s face wove through the dreams, his voice asking questions Adam couldn’t answer.

  Adam groaned again.

  "Dad? Are you there? It’s Jessie."

  Jessie? His son. No, not his son – Sandra’s son. His mind couldn’t make sense of the names. Todd and Jessie. Jessie was Sandra’s. Todd was his. Wasn’t he? No, they were dead, weren’t they? No. Todd was dead.

  Pain swelled in his chest, building to a horrific weight, beyond bearing. It rose to a crescendo before bursting free. Tears p
oured.

  "Adam, it’s okay, honey. Don’t cry, please."

  He sobbed uncontrollably. As the floodgates opened, the pain slowly receded. He gasped for breath and opened his eyes. His beautiful wife sat on the side of his bed, holding his hand.

  Why? Why hadn't she given up on him a long time ago? Worry marred her face. He tried to smile. "Hi."

  "Adam," she cried out. "You’re awake."

  "Yes," he whispered as memories returned with his full consciousness. "But I wish I weren’t." He rolled over, wanting nothing more than to fall back into forgetfulness.

  "Please, don’t say that," Sandra whispered. "Please, Adam. I love you. Please, don’t do this. It’s so hard now without Todd. I can’t lose you, too."

  "How will you feel about me, when you find out the truth?" he asked, rolling over to face her. His tormented gaze met her confused one. "I killed our son."

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  The next day, Cassie strolled along the park edge, a coffee in her hand and Jessie on her mind. Todd had died in a terrible accident. His name had been cleared and the file closed.

  Adam had been responsible. In a horrible, stupid way. Adam had called Todd while he was walking, drunk, to the liquor store. Todd had picked him up and taken him to the store. They’d argued on their way home. Adam had wanted to go back to the store to get a bottle he'd forgotten. Todd had just wanted to get his dad home.

  Pissed, Adam had grabbed the steering wheel on the worst stretch of highway.

  The accident had been inevitable at that point.

  After the vehicle had finally stopped rolling, Adam had pulled Todd free, taken his cell phone to call someone – only he couldn’t get through. Miraculously he wasn’t injured. He’d climbed up the hill and had tried again. When that hadn’t worked, he’d tossed the phone and had walked back to town. Somewhere along the way, the drunken fugue had taken over and he found his way home where he’d collapsed on his own couch. He had awakened to find cops pounding on his door to tell him his son had died in a bad car accident. The memories and reality had blended with every new bottle of liquor he poured down his throat, until he no longer knew where the truth started and his blurred memories began.

  Only he couldn’t forget the look on his son’s face as he’d died in his arms.

  Cassie found no comfort in being right.

  Adam had been just trying to stop the pain. When the booze hadn’t worked, he’d turned to pills.

  "Yay, the swings are empty." She laughed and ran over to sit down on her favorite one. Looking around, she found Todd in front of her, grinning. Her smile turned melancholy. "Toddy bear."

  He grinned, his smile so warm and loving, it brought tears to her eyes. "Hiya, kiddo."

  "Hi." Did he know about his father? About all the things they’d been through? She opened her mouth to explain, knowing it would take a bit. "I need to tell you some things."

  "It’s okay. I already know." His eyes glowed with a wealth of knowledge. "It’s time."

  Cassie’s words fell away as the pain and grief stepped up. Her bottom lip trembled. She’d known this time would come, only she’d hoped not so soon. "You’re leaving?"

  "Yes. Soon." His smile had an eerie illumination, as if lit from deep within. "I was there in my room. My dad will be okay. He needs time, but he can make it now." He paused. "I came to say good-bye to you."

  Cassie’s heart ached and her shoulders slumped. She nodded, whispering, "I understand."

  "Do you? Because I’m not sure I do." He laughed. "This extra couple of weeks were special, Cassie. I’m so blessed to have known you. You are truly a light I take with me in my heart."

  "That’s such a nice thing to say." She smiled mistily. "And I feel the same about you. You lit up my life every single day."

  "I know about Jessie, and you need to know, I approve. He’s going through a tough time right now, but he’s strong. He’ll recover faster with you at his side."

  Cassie laughed in delight, feeling his approval like a brush of warmth through her heart. She’d been so concerned that Todd would feel she’d replaced him. Or that Jessie would feel like he was a replacement. "You’re very special, and I’m so blessed to have known you."

  "Thank you." He stood up.

  "Do you know the truth about your accident now?" Cassie couldn’t resist asking. To make sure that he understood that, too.

  "Yes."

  Cassie closed her eyes in relief.

  "As my father admitted what he’d done, my memories returned." He looked around. A huge glowing ray of sunlight shone on the park. He smiled and nodded toward it. "Now I’m at peace. I look back on this life and know how it has enriched my journey. It’s okay. I'm no longer angry. I can leave now, knowing everything is as it should be."

  He opened his arms and Cassie stepped into them. Immediately peace and love wrapped around her. Tears filled her eyes, then trickled past her tremulous smile. "Go in peace, Todd. You will be missed."

  His wicked grin flashed. "Missed, but never forgotten, huh?"

  Cassie laughed out of sheer joy. "Death might have changed your physical form, but not the Todd I know. Your spirit is still here."

  "And I always will be. Live your life to the fullest, Cassie. Take each day as a gift and remember to live a little." He lifted a hand to her chin, and she felt his fingers stroke her cheeks like the kiss of butterfly wings. "And don’t ever forget about me or that I loved you, baby. You were the one."

  He dropped a tender kiss on her lips. Then he stepped back. "I have to go."

  Tears ran in a steady stream down her cheeks. Cassie ignored them. She didn't want to miss one second of her last time with Todd. "Take care, Todd. Enjoy whatever comes next."

  "I intend to." He waved a hand. "Love you, kiddo."

  He turned and walked into the ray of sunshine. Cassie watched him glow, his whole body infused in light so bright it hurt her eyes.

  Just like that he was gone.

  She raced forward into the same sunshine. Just as she reached the spot, the sun went behind a cloud and the golden ray disappeared.

  She sobbed once. Todd was gone. But instead of sadness, her heart swelled with poignant joy, even as tears raced down her cheeks. She spun around in circles, her arms wide open. He was where he belonged now, instead of being caught in a half existence wandering the earth alone.

  She’d miss him. Always. But she was so happy for him, too.

  Slowly, her energy running down, she retook her seat on the swing and picked up her forgotten coffee. Her heart was full of joy. She loved Todd and always would. He had a place in her heart forever.

  Taking a sip of her coffee, she looked around. Colors were brighter, the sunshine stronger. Life was truly a gift. Maybe death wasn’t the horrible experience everyone believed it to be. She watched moms and kids walking across the grass, dogs bouncing alongside. At the old sandbox behind her, a young child was building a sandcastle.

  Cassie smiled with pleasure. She heard her name and turned around.

  Jessie waved at her from across the street; that special smile on his face was just for her. She waved back, watching him pick up the pace to the crosswalk. He’d be with her in a few minutes.

  "Can you help me find my mommy?"

  Cassie grinned down at the toddler staring up at her. "Of course I can. I’m sure she can’t be far away." Cassie, her heart still full of exuberance, spun around looking for the missing parent. She searched the playground then out to the grassy fields. She frowned. There were no adults close by.

  "Honey, what does your mommy look like?"

  A child’s laugh broke free. "Mommy’s pretty."

  Cassie grinned and turned back to smile at the cherub. "Is she?" Her smile fell away. The child was there, only the edges of the sandbox were visible behind her. Through her.

  Shakes started to ripple down Cassie's spine. She closed the distance between them. The child laughed and her form slowly dissipated in front of Cassie. The sand in the box was flat and hard f
rom years of being walked on. No sand sat heaped in the center as she thought she'd seen earlier.

  Could she have been mistaken? Hearing a child’s laughter, she glanced toward the hedge to see the same little girl running through the brush. Through the brush?