Coveting Love (Jessica Crawford)

by Schwimley, Victoria

  “Well, look who didn’t get enough sleep last night,” Amy retorted. She blushed. Despite her comeback, she knew what Jessica said was true. She was lucky to have been born with such natural beauty. She remembered the awkwardness Jessica had gone through when they were roommates.

  She softened her reply as an afterthought. “Thank you. I guess I am a bit overdressed. Do you think I should change?”

  “No, don’t bother. You really look fine. My jealousy is showing through again.”

  Sarah rolled her eyes. “If you two are through, can we be on our way? I’d like to get to the restaurant before that breakfast you promised me turns into lunch.”

  They all laughed as they grabbed their purses and headed for the front door. Jessica suddenly began looking forward to the day. Lightness had taken over her mood. She could think of nothing better than spending a day shopping with her best friend and her mother.

  They ate at a little café that Sarah frequented. They always went there when Jessica visited. Sarah knew the owner, and a little extra care always went into the preparation of their meals.

  They talked about what was happening in all their lives. Jessica wondered if perhaps Amy would tell Sarah about the baby, but she said nothing.

  As usual, her mother gave her a run down on all the eligible bachelors she had managed to find for her.

  “Jessie, I have found the perfect man this time.”

  Jessica sighed and started to object, but Sarah hurried on before she could even start talking.

  “I know you don’t like me to do this, but he really is just perfect for you.” Jessica eyed her suspiciously. Sarah rushed on, “His father owns the new pharmacy that just opened up. He is so charming. I know you two would hit it off.”

  Spencer’s Junction was a rather small community, but a lot of new construction had taken way, much to the protest of most of the people in town. One could say there was almost a civil war going on within the county limits.

  Sarah continued on, despite the cold stare Jessica was giving her. “Grant Jackson has just moved here from California, and his son has come with him to help him set up the store. He has a Master’s degree in Business,” she added gleefully. “He would make a prize husband.”

  She listened to her mother without much interest as she picked at her breakfast. She wished she would stop carrying on so. She was happy with things just the way they were. Why couldn’t Sarah see that?

  Sarah took a deep breath. “I have invited him to dinner tonight, so you can meet him.” She squeezed her eyes shut against the anger that would inevitably erupt from her daughter.

  Jessica almost choked on her food as the words spilled from her mouth. “Mother, how could you do that without checking with me first?” She stopped to take a few breaths, gulping for air before continuing. “This just has to stop.” Her face flushed red. “I happen to like my life the way it is. Please don’t do this again!”

  Jessica glanced over at Amy, who was trying hard to avert her attention somewhere else. She knew she had been too rough on her mother, just as she knew Sarah was only trying to be helpful.

  She softened her voice. “I’m sorry for hurting you. I didn’t mean it. But I really do wish you could accept me for who I am, by myself, and not with someone standing beside me placing a ring on my finger. I love my career. I have worked hard to get where I am. I am successful, and I have plenty of friends to keep me company.” She paused, placing her hand on top of her mother’s hand. “And I have you,” she added with tears in her eyes.

  Sarah looked a long time at her daughter before speaking, trying to decide the best way to phrase her words. She took a deep breath and said a silent prayer.

  Finally, she began. “You know I love you with all my heart, and I think you know how proud I am of you. You are the best daughter any woman could ever ask for, but what you think is everything you need now, will not keep you company in the future.

  “I spent a lifetime working hard to give you the things you needed: a nice home, a good education, food, and clothing. You have rewarded me nicely; not only by the love you give, but also by the success you have made of yourself. However, there is one thing I didn’t plan for, and that was spending the years after you had left alone. I too have friends, and I have you, too. What I don’t have is a man to keep me company at night, someone with whom I can share my dreams and successes.

  “Because of your caring and generosity, I was able to retire at a young age, but I have nobody to share this part of my life with. Sure, I go to parties, and eat out with friends, go shopping with the ladies, run church bazaars, fundraisers, and social groups, but then all those women I spend my days with go home to their husbands, children, and grandchildren. I go home to an empty house.

  “I get lonely. I have nobody to hold me at night, or to wake up next to, nobody to share breakfast with, or lounge over coffee with, and nobody with whom to spend my evenings. I am just trying to give this one last thing to you. I don’t want you to wake up one day and feel this same kind of loneliness.

  “There is no reason you can’t have both a career and a husband. But please don’t be blind to the fact that you need someone besides your old mother to give your love. So when I’m interfering with your life, I’m doing it for you, not for me.”

  Having said all that, Sarah excused herself from the table and ran into the restroom. She needed a moment to compose herself.

  Jessica stared after her, her guilt driving a wedge into the recesses of her heart. She had never thought of her mother’s interference in that way. She had just thought she was anxious for Jessica to settle down and give her grandchildren.

  The ground could swallow her at that moment and it would be all right with her. Suddenly, she felt very selfish. She would have to think of a way to make it up to her.

  She glanced over at Amy, who was crying. She turned to meet her stare.

  “She’s right you know,” was all Amy said.

  “I know.” Jessica felt foolish. She was staring at her hands when Sarah returned to the table. She rose to meet her and hugged her tightly.

  “I’m sorry. I’ve been foolish. You have a lot of wisdom. I should take advantage of that. However, please try to understand, I do not want to settle down with just any man. If I am going to share my life with someone, I want it to be with someone special.”

  Sarah smiled at her daughter, who was wiser than she had given her credit. “I only hope when that time does come, you will stop being busy long enough to know it.”

  “I hope so too. However, until that time, I have you and my friends to keep me company. And to keep me from spending too much money on our shopping trip,” she joked, pulling the two of them close to her in an attempt to lighten the dreadful mood she had cast upon the table. Picking up the check, she hurried them toward the door, determined to undo the gloom she had cast over their day.

  They made the tour of several dress shops. As they passed a store on Franklin Street, Jessica squealed in delight at the woman dressing a mannequin in the store’s window. She ran inside quickly, throwing her arms around the young woman with the large protruding abdomen. “Veronica,” she squealed in delight. “Look at you. When did this happen?”

  Jessica laughed and rubbed her hand tenderly down the girl’s front. Her hand hovered over one spot that jumped rapidly, apparently pushed back and forth by the inhabitant inside.

  Veronica laughed. “He does it all the time.”

  “He, I take it you know the sex then.”

  “Yes. In fact, we just found out. Paul is so excited. He wants a son so badly. He can’t stop telling everyone. He called his parents from the doctor’s office. He couldn’t even wait until we got home. He’s making plans for all the camping and fishing trips they’re going to take. The other day I caught him trying to buy a Boy Scout manual. I’ll be lucky if this kid even knows his mother.”

  “Oh, come on, you’ll be a terrific mother, and your son will love you every bit as much as he loves his father.�
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  “Oh, I know he will. I really am happy. I never thought there was this much happiness in the world. Becoming a mother is an experience like none other.” She noticed Jessica frowning. “What’s wrong?”

  Jessica shook her head rapidly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to dampen your news. Nothing is wrong.” She turned to indicate her mother’s and Amy’s presence. “You remember my mother, Sarah, and my friend, Amy.”

  Veronica hugged Sarah and smiled at Amy. “Of course, I remember your mother. I believe Amy and I met last Christmas, wasn’t it?”

  Amy smiled, coming forward and giving Veronica a tentative hug. “Yes, it was Christmas. How kind of you to remember. Congratulations on the baby. When is he due?”

  “Next month. I can’t wait. I swear he is playing tackle football in here.” She laughed and rubbed her belly.

  A looked passed between Amy and Veronica, and Jessica knew that Veronica somehow sensed Amy’s pregnancy. Did the look bother her? An uncomfortable feeling briefly touched her. What was it? Was it envy of Veronica, and perhaps Amy, too? But why would she envy either of them. Was it loneliness? If so, could it be just remnants of what Sarah had put into her head this morning? Or could it be jealously over the bond that Veronica shared with her best friend? She loved Amy like a sister. Amy didn’t want her baby. There certainly wasn’t anything to be envied there.

  “Veronica,” she said, breaking into the conversation before her thoughts went any farther. “Do you have any names picked out?”

  “Stephen seems to be popular among most of the family. I am partial to Anthony. It sounds romantic. Paul, of course, wants it to be Paul Jr.” She shook her head. “I don’t like juniors. It’s too confusing.”

  “Well, I like Anthony, too. I think it’s a fine name,” Jessica said.

  “I vote for Anthony,” Amy put in, timidly.

  “I do, too.” Sarah added.

  “Well then, it’s settled. I guess I’ll just tell Paul we need to go with Anthony.”

  They all laughed and Veronica promised to let Jessica know when the baby arrived.

  By the time they left the shop, Jessica had purchased two new dresses for herself, and a new coat and hat for her mother.

  Jessica and Amy began to act like children, and Sarah pulled them from the stores laughing. They couldn’t help but enjoy their morning shopping spree, and their spirits were well lifted by the time they left for home.

  Before leaving, they stopped at the bakery and bought French bread for dinner, some delicious cinnamon rolls for breakfast the next morning, and two dozen sinfully fattening chocolate chip cookies.

  Upon arriving home, they grabbed a quick lunch of tuna salad, and then headed off to the lake with their memo pads, leaving Sarah at home to put away their purchases and begin preparations for dinner.

  “The lake is beautiful. It’s just as I remember it,” Amy noted with amazement. “I haven’t been here in so long. I’ve really missed it.”

  “Yes, as many times as I’ve been here, I still marvel at the beauty. Look over there. See that flock of geese. Look how they watch after each other.”

  “It’s too bad humans don’t care the same way,” Amy said with a hint of cynicism.

  Jessica pulled her friend close. “Don’t worry, Amy. I’ll look after you, and the baby. We have each other.”

  “Thanks. I know I can count on you, but it’s not the same. I was a fool, and since chivalry has gone out of style, I don’t hold much hope of help from Bob.” She smiled, and sighed. “Let’s get to work.”

  They started working by making a list of names. They were able to come up with twenty suitable models. Unfortunately, they would have to narrow that down to ten.

  “This is the hard part,” Amy said.

  “I know. They are all so good. Let’s not worry about that right now. When we get back home we will contact each one of them and set up interviews.”

  She wished she could have all twenty, but Clair had made it clear she was to watch her budget. Selecting the models would not be an easy task, for each one of them had his or her unique beauty.

  Choosing a suitable location would be the hardest part. A sunny location would be of the utmost importance since they were shooting a summer line. They would need to be secluded enough to avoid onlookers (they really could slow down a shoot) yet close enough to the city to capture the essence of the nightlife. The diversity of the clothing line, from casual wear to formal wear, would need to be accommodated. Jessica sighed; she doubted this place even existed. And even if it did, would she have access to it?

  With doubtful success hanging over their heads, Amy and Jessica decided to put aside the project for the day and enjoy what little time was left of the sun. They couldn’t believe their good fortune to not only be unburdened by snow, but also to have sunshine. And although the temperature was still quite icy, they felt warmed inside.

  They watched a group of children playing on the playground. How odd that these human beings didn’t let a little thing like cold interfere with their fun. Amy stared intently at the kids who were trying to ice skate on the pond. She seemed to be following one in particular. The girl was small with ponytails hanging down her back. She noticed Amy watching and waved to her. She then took off and did a double spin. Amy laughed and clapped her hands together. The thick mittens made a hollow sound as they collided. The child bowed, and ran off to skate with her friends.

  “I used to skate when I was little. Did I ever tell you that?” Amy asked, a hint of sadness touching her voice. My mom used to take me. She was such a beautiful skater. She could have gone professional if she wanted, but she wanted me instead.”

  Amy felt a hand on her arm. She bent and put her head on her friends shoulder.

  “Are you thinking about the baby right now?”

  “You know what? All day I’ve been thinking about what your mother said at breakfast this morning. I just don’t think I can have this baby. I don’t want to be tied down to a baby alone. I don’t even know if I would make a good mother. I’ve decided not to have this baby.”

  “Don’t you think this is a rather sudden decision? Granted, what my mother said made a lot of sense, but you have to do what is right for you. What about the baby’s father? You haven’t even given him a chance yet. What is right for him? Only he can answer that. I think you should tell him. He has a right to know.”

  She turned to make eye contact with Amy. “You want this baby. I can tell. I saw the way you caressed all the baby clothes as we walked by them this morning.” She picked up her hands, gently. “You have a lot of love inside you, certainly enough to share with a tiny little baby.”

  “I do want this baby. I never said I didn’t want it. Do you realize what my chances are of finding a husband while I’m strapped down with a baby? Not to mention the fact that it isn’t fair to the baby to bring him or her up without a father.”

  Jessica started to speak, but Amy held up her hands, staying her words. “I know what you’re going to say; you didn’t have a father and look how well you turned out, but didn’t you listen to anything your mother said this morning? She has been through raising a child on her own, and when it was over, that child went on with her life, and now she’s left all alone. I don’t want that to happen to me. I’m not as strong as your mother is. She did a beautiful job with you, but I’m not so sure I can do the same.”

  She stopped to wipe the tears from her cheeks. “And as far as being fair to Bob goes, do you think it was fair of him to get involved with me when he was married? I can’t tell you how much it hurt when I found out. I haven’t seen him since he told me about his wife, and I miss him terribly. But I just can’t tell him about the baby. He has to make the first move. He has to prove he cares about me. I have to know he cares because he loves me, not just because he got me pregnant.”

  “I understand how you feel. Just promise you’ll give him that chance. What happens if you go out and have an abortion, and a month, or even a week from now, Bob
calls and tells you how foolish he has been and wants to marry you? Do you realize how devastated you’ll feel?

  “Give yourself some time. Think carefully about what you really want to do. You only just found out about your pregnancy; you still have a little time left. Call Bob and give him a chance to love you. You don’t have to tell him about the baby right away. You’re a loveable person. He can’t possibly resist you for long.” She paused, smiling at her friend. “Besides, think about me. That is my niece or nephew in there, and I care very much what happens to him or her.”

  She grinned at Amy, hoping to ease the unhappiness Amy was feeling. She noticed her shivering. “Are you cold?”

  Amy nodded. “I think we should head for home now. Sarah’s probably worried.”

  Jessica agreed. She had barely noticed the sky had begun to cloud over, and the wind was picking up. She glanced off to the west. She could see the black rain clouds beginning to form, moving in at a rapid rate. It looked as though their bout of good weather was going to be even shorter than she had hoped.

  As she pondered this thought, she could feel the wind begin to breathe through her clothes. It whispered down her neck and chilled her through. She shivered, then grabbed Amy’s arm as they ran for the car.

  It was nearly four when they arrived home. Sarah was in the kitchen preparing dinner.

  “Yum,” Jessica said, as she inhaled the delicious aroma. “Your famous lasagna, I hope?” she asked as she took a spoonful of the savory sauce that was simmering in the kettle.

  “Yes, of course, lasagna—your favorite,” Sarah assured her as she nudged her daughter’s hand away from the kettle. “And please don’t eat it all now, or we will not have any for dinner.” She smiled, pleased that she was able to make her daughter happy with a simple meal.

  “Can I give you a hand with that?” Jessica offered, expecting her mother to decline her offer.

  Sarah thought for a moment. “As a matter of fact, you can. It would do you some good to learn to cook. You can’t always eat at restaurants, you know.”