Her Pretend Christmas Date: A Lesbian Christmas Romance

by Alexa Woods

  “It’s alright,” Morgun urged. “Continue.”

  Laney knew she was probably bright red. She wasn’t used to feeling flustered, especially not in public, but there was almost no one around and the traffic rushing down the street obviously wasn’t going to overhear them.

  “I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to go back on my word about payment of the deal and I wanted to make sure you got home safely. I’d had way too many drinks to drive and I needed to give you money for a cab to make sure you got back okay, since I was originally going to drive you and I couldn’t. I didn’t mean to make you feel cheap or something.”

  “Well, it was a bargain in the first place, so maybe I overreacted.” Morgun stared down at the sidewalk, but her tone was gentle.

  “My brother and my sister-in-law just announced, at Christmas that they’re pregnant.” Laney couldn’t believe she’d just said that. Apparently, neither could Morgun, because her head snapped up and she stared at her open-mouthed. “I know this is going to sound incredibly stupid and maybe even crazy, but when they told us, I was jealous. I have no idea why. I’m happy with my career. My mom will finally stop bugging me now. There was this feeling that I didn’t understand.” Laney tore her eyes away from Morgun’s.

  Morgun seemed to understand. Both that Laney had no idea why she was telling her that, and that she had to look away.

  “Do you want to get lunch?”

  “What?”

  “Lunch? You know. Where you sit down and eat.”

  “I-I guess so. I don’t have any appointments. Are you sure? That you want to? With me?”

  “No,” Morgun said, slightly sarcastic. “But I’m hungry and I hate going into a place alone. I think it’s sad when people have to have lunch alone or go to a movie alone. And you’re here. So, you’ll do in a pinch.”

  “I think that maybe David was wrong about you. You are nice, but your use of wit and sarcasm are commendable. If I ever do get out there on my own and I need to hire someone, you’ll be first on the list.”

  “What if I refuse? I have plans to get really famous and in demand before then.”

  “I don’t plan on it taking forever.”

  “Neither do I.”

  “Good. I hope that you do. You’d be a good famous person. Not one of those people who lets the money turn them into a jerk.”

  “Thanks. That was nice of you. I’ll take it as a sort of compliment.”

  “Good. I meant it as one.”

  Apologizing hadn’t killed her. Neither did voicing her feelings. She was still alive, so far.

  “There’s this café down the street. They serve breakfast all day. They also make all sorts of fresh baked goods, soups, salads. It’s probably one of the best kept secrets in the entire city. It’s only a few blocks that way. Want to try it?”

  Morgun frowned. She studied Laney and Laney didn’t look away. “Yes.” Her brow smoothed over and her full lips tilted back up. It made Laney think about how much she’d enjoyed kissing Morgun. About how much she knew she’d enjoy it again.

  “Don’t worry,” Morgun said, and Laney was suddenly worried that she’d read her mind. “I’ll keep it a secret.”

  “What?” Laney gasped.

  “The café. You said it was a best kept secret. I promise to keep it that way. If I like it and it gets overcrowded and I have to wait so long that it deters me from going, that wouldn’t be a very good thing now, would it?”

  “No,” Laney choked out. “No, it wouldn’t be.”

  She was relieved that Morgun hadn’t figured out what she was thinking about, but then, right before she turned, her gaze dropped briefly to Laney’s lips and Laney wasn’t quite so sure that Morgun hadn’t known all along.

  Chapter 16

  Morgun

  Over a huge plate of crispy bacon, scrambled eggs, perfectly browned toast, and homemade hash browns, Morgun considered everything that both David and Laney had told her. Maybe she’d come out of it with the best deal possible. Maybe keeping her own company going wasn’t such a bad thing, bridezillas included.

  Not only did she think about that, she went over and over what Laney said about putting on a tough front. Morgun was sure that she couldn’t do that very effectively, so maybe that’s what David meant about knowing who would make it and who wouldn’t.

  She considered what Laney would be like if she didn’t always have to act tough. Under those layers, Morgun believed she was a good person. She’d caught more than a few glimpses of it at the wedding, and back there on the sidewalk, she’d been quite genuine in her apology.

  Morgun took a chance and decided to bring up what Laney had mentioned about her family, just to see if she’d open up to her further. Even if it didn’t really matter. Because it shouldn’t. Because sort of drunken/buzzed things that happened at weddings in dark rooms should stay at weddings in dark rooms.

  Morgun knew she had zero chance of hoping that anything could happen with Laney in the future. Even if Laney was a nice person, that didn’t mean they were a good match. Morgun was sure they were definitely not. She also knew that even if they’d kissed and touched when they were sober, that didn’t lead to people being able to make it work, day to day. Or wanting to. And all signs pointed to Laney really not wanting any sort of attachment in her life other than her career.

  Which was really not why Morgun was bringing up what she’d said on the sidewalk. Because she didn’t need hope. She didn’t need complications. She certainly didn’t need a reminder of why she’d thought about Laney’s soft lips, why she couldn’t banish the taste of her skin from her tongue or the sounds of her moans and whimpers from her ears…

  Stop thinking about that.

  Morgun was sure she was blushing, but she went ahead with her question anyway, though she felt less than confident about it now. She was worried that it was too transparent. That she was too transparent. Unlike Laney, she didn’t have those layers built up to deflect her emotions.

  “What you said about your brother and sister-in-law? Why do you think you felt jealous?”

  Laney’s fork paused on her plate. She’d ordered the same thing Morgun had, the ultra breakfast, but she’d gone for sausage instead. She set the fork down without a sound. Her hand moved to her napkin, but she just gripped it between her fingers.

  “I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about it. If that’s what it really was. I could blame it on hunger, since I hadn’t eaten all day. Jason’s announcement delayed dinner while it was all laid out in front of me. That would be enough to make anyone feel crazy things, wouldn’t it?”

  Morgun laughed, but then she realized that Laney was kind of serious. She cut it off with a sick sounding gurgle/coughing noise. “Oh. Uh, I don’t know. I’m not one of those people who forgets to eat.”

  “I just get busy. I don’t…I’m not…”

  “No. Of course not. I just plan regular meals and when I shoot something, I always have a snack because it is true that a person can’t focus and can’t put in long hours without some sort of fuel.”

  “When I’m working, I totally forget about everything else. I could have a shoot that goes for hours, then go straight home and get to the editing. Sometimes I start at four or five in the morning and go until four or five at night before I even remember to eat. Or have some water. I’m like a camel, I guess. I just get so focused on the work that nothing else exists.”

  “And if it wasn’t hunger?”

  “Hmm?”

  “The feeling,” Morgun pressed. She knew she shouldn’t, because it wasn’t really her business and this lunch certainly wasn’t a date, or even a meeting between friends, but she just couldn’t leave it alone. She had to know. “What if it wasn’t from hunger?”

  “I don’t know.” Laney dropped her eyes down to her plate. “I’m not sure why I felt like that. I should have felt relief, and I guess I did, later when I really thought about the silence that is going to come from my mom now that she has a grandchild on the way. My
brother bought me some time. More time than bringing you to the wedding ever would have. I’m also happy for them. Natasha and Jason are going to be great parents. They’re both so excited, and I’m excited to be an aunt. Despite what you think, I’m promising myself that I’m going to be a good one.”

  “I think you could be a good one, if you wanted to.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes! Why not?”

  “I don’t know. I guess everyone doubts they’re going to be a good something or other when a new baby is on the way. It makes you think about what you want to teach someone and what you want them to see and know about you. I guess I thought about that too. I thought about you. About what everyone else sees. Even my parents. Jason and Natasha. I’m not sure that I’ve been the nicest I could be to anyone. For a long time.”

  “You could always work on that,” Morgun said, to be polite. She thought it was true, though. Unlike most of the world, she did believe that people could change. Maybe not who they were deep down, but if all they needed was an attitude adjustment, that was different.

  “I could. I will.” Laney swallowed thickly. “I don’t know. I have this great career. I have a nice condo. I have a car that’s just about paid off. I have clients booked steadily for the next year and I have no doubt that will continue. I make a killer living. My work is seen all over. It’s everything I could ever have imagined and honestly more than that. I just wanted to do photography. I never cared about getting it seen. I just wanted to be able to make a living doing it. I thought that was all I wanted. To grow this and keep going and keep working. I was totally firm in my conviction too. I wasn’t just doing it to spite my mom or anything. Aside from the whole baby conversation she forces on me regularly, we have a decent enough relationship. I do love her, and I know she loves the heck out of me. So, when Natasha and Jason said they were having a baby, I just…I don’t know. The feeling was weird. It was this strange longing mixed up with the desire to suddenly have that experience. It made no sense, so I just figured it must be jealousy. Of the attention they’ll be getting. Of they’re excitement. Of the experience. That’s fucked up for sure, because I’ve always said, and meant it, that I didn’t want that for myself.”

  Morgun didn’t really know what to do with that. Apparently, when Laney opened up, she really opened up. She was probably one of those people you could ask anything, and she’d give you a straight, honest answer if she was in the right frame of mind. Morgun never really knew how to act or what to say to people who could just drop their guard so completely. She never would have thought Laney was one of them until suddenly she was. Morgun knew she’d never be able to sort through her feelings and put it out there so neatly and plainly like that.

  Maybe Laney didn’t really need that much practice at being herself or being nice.

  “Maybe you just haven’t met the right person yet.”

  Morgun winced. She hated that saying. It was so token. She especially hated when people used it on her.

  She just wasn’t right for you. She wasn’t the one. She clearly wasn’t the right person. You just haven’t found her yet. You’ll know when you do.

  “Obviously not,” Laney laughed. “I have never had the desire to settle down before. And I’ve certainly never met someone and thought to myself that I’d like to have children with them.” She looked like she wanted to say something more, but then looked away quickly, and for some reason, when Laney picked up her fork and went back to eating, that made Morgun feel all sorts of wild and flustered.

  Morgun resumed eating too. Even after she was full, she forced in a couple extra hash browns before she pushed the plate away.

  Something had changed. The atmosphere in the little corner café with the tiled floor and soulless tables and chairs was different. The food was amazing, though. Laney was right about that. Morgun could see why she called it a best kept secret. The place didn’t look like much, but what came out of the kitchen wasn’t just a breakfast special. It was a breakfast special and then some. Like pure magic.

  Maybe some of that leaped off the plate to glisten in the air between them. Morgun couldn’t say what it was exactly, but something was definitely different. Charged. Electric. She wouldn’t be surprised if she stuck her fork into the space between them and got a jolt.

  They finished up their coffees in silence, then Laney surprised Morgun yet again by producing a card from her purse and passing it across the table. “Just in case you need to get a hold of me. In case anyone ever tries to fuck with you here or something. Or if you have any problems with the shoot or editing or questions. I know it’s only casual work, but I also know you want to do it right. I’ve been there. The first few shoots I did for my new position, I was a wreck. A total, freaking, not so hot mess. I don’t want you to have to go through that. So, if you need to, send me a text or an email. I promise I’ll answer.”

  Morgun took the card. “Umm, thanks.”

  Again, she had the feeling that Laney wanted to say something more, but she didn’t, and Morgun didn’t either.

  “Well, good luck. With everything.” Laney’s lips flattened out and she glanced at the register. “You just go up to pay, but don’t worry. I’ve got it.”

  “What?” Morgun had always been under the impression that having someone else pay for her food, unrelated to a job interview or an interview with a client, was a date. This definitely wasn’t a date.

  Maybe Laney was just being nice. Practicing, like she’d said. It was only six ninety-five. Was that really so bad? Seven dollars? Could she do it? Yes, she decided. She could let Laney pay.

  “Thanks.” She smiled at Laney and slipped the card into her tote. “You too. Good luck. With everything.” Somehow, saying that made her sad. She should have been glad to get away from Laney, but even at the wedding, when she’d climbed in that cab, pissed as all heck, she wasn’t glad.

  Laney nodded and Morgun got her things together and walked out. She’d parked a few blocks away and was glad she’d put in money for a couple hours, anticipating that the interview might run longer than the twenty minutes it had taken.

  She power-walked the few blocks because she was worried about the time left on the meter after taking so long at breakfast, not because her heart was pounding so furiously and pumping blood so fast that her brain was basically on overload and commanded her body to move fast in response. No. It wasn’t that it all. It was the meter. Parking tickets were expensive.

  As Morgun got in her car, with twelve minutes still on the meter, she felt relieved. She’d basically held it against Laney for two years for getting that job that she wanted. It was a long time to detest someone. She’d met Laney and Laney seemed to prove to her that she was indeed deserving of that detesting. She made it easy not to like her, but maybe that was because Morgun was just primed for it. It’s easy not to like someone when you’re only looking for the bad in them.

  Now she’d seen the good. She’d seen so much more than that.

  This time she couldn’t blame the meter for her furious heartbeat.

  Chapter 17

  Laney

  After giving Morgun her card, Laney didn’t really expect her to call. Or text. Or email. She didn’t expect to hear from her at all. So she had no idea why she found herself checking her phone more often. Finding excuses to take it out of her pocket. Getting her hopes up when it did ring. She’d given herself hope, and any spark of hope was a terrible thing, in her opinion, especially when it came to another person.

  She didn’t realize that was what she was doing when she handed over her card. She just wanted Morgun to have her contact info for work. Starting a new job was hard. Morgun was bound to have questions. Laney felt she owed her this for going to the wedding with her. She just wanted to make sure she was able to succeed at her first assignment, and if she needed help, she was there. Everyone should have someone to fall back on because first days sucked. That’s why she’d done it.

  Not because she wanted Morgun to call for an
y other reason.

  It was illogical, what she was doing. Checking her phone. Holding that little spark in her chest and nurturing it. It was never going to turn into a flame, because Laney didn’t play with fire.

  She wasn’t entirely surprised when Morgun sent her a text nine days after their lunch together, asking her if she could spare half an hour to go over the edits from her first shoot. It was a commercial building that was going up for sale and Morgun wrote in her text that she was worried her shots were too artsy and wouldn’t be acceptable. She was going to die of embarrassment if she had to ask to reshoot it.

  Laney was busy. She had clients booked solid and anticipated a full evening of editing, but she sent a text back asking if seven was okay, and Morgun replied that it was.

  Laney made sure she was just slightly late, so that she didn’t look desperate or eager. In reality, she’d circled the block no less than twenty times so that she would show up ten minutes after seven. She’d come straight from her last shoot. She still had on her work clothes, which were nicer than what she wore around the house, but she was glad she had an excuse to look good. She was mortified when she lifted her hand to ring the buzzer and found that it was both damp and trembling slightly.

  She set her finger on the button she remembered well from the last time she was there. Christmas. When Morgun hadn’t answered. It was a good thing she hadn’t answered. Laney had no idea what would have happened if she had.

  She was about to push the button when a strange noise, a hissing sort of whisper, came from behind her. She whirled, already reaching into her purse for the can of hairspray she kept in it. It wasn’t pepper spray, but hairspray was supposed to work just as well, or so she’d heard. She’d never had to use the little travel sized bottle before. Her fingers curled around the metal can, but when she turned, there was no one there.