Her Pretend Christmas Date: A Lesbian Christmas Romance

by Alexa Woods

  “No,” Morgun whisper-yelled back. “I think that would just scare it. I don’t think they spray unless they’re threatened. We should just back away. Carefully. Slowly. Little steps.”

  She started to move, and Laney followed. They back-peddled slowly. Maybe they should have run, because apparently the skunk was now curious about the two strange creatures creeping back the way they’d come in ultra slow motion.

  “What’s it doing?” Laney whispered.

  “I don’t know.”

  The skunk was acting weird. Turning around in a circle. Stamping its back feet. Stamping its front. It looked like it would flip over onto its face at any given moment. It didn’t make a sound, which was perhaps most frightening of all.

  “Should we run?”

  “I don’t know!”

  The skunk stamped the ground again. Circled around. Stamped one more time.

  Morgun’s hair stood up all over her body. “I think we should run!”

  It was a good call. Right as she said the words, the skunk stamped one more time and it was game over. The stink bomb that hit took a minute to register, but when it did, Morgun gasped. She was running. Laney was sprinting beside her. They were peeling past the barn, back towards their stuff, but there was no escaping the cloud that followed them. Her eyes watered. Her nose felt singed. Her throat and mouth were thick with the ungodly smell. Her brain could barely process the horror of it.

  “Oh my God,” Laney gasped. She made a choking noise. “Oh my God, it’s so bad! How is it that bad? Did we get sprayed?”

  “No, I don’t think so. It’s just that bad.”

  “There isn’t any wind!”

  “I know. But when one gets hit on the road, you can smell it for miles and probably for days.”

  Laney and Morgun started grabbing up their bags, the costumes, and their equipment. They both went running towards the car, which wasn’t parked far.

  “I can’t tell if it smells or not,” Laney moaned as she bent to smell her bag.

  “I can’t either. I think my nose is wrecked for life. I can’t get the stench of it out! I can’t smell anything but the skunk! Ugh, God, it’s making my eyes water. It smells like straight sulphur.”

  Laney gagged as she opened the trunk. They threw everything in and turned at the sound of gravel crunching behind them. For one terrible second, Morgun was afraid the skunk had followed them, but it was only Silas. She was afraid he was going to be incredibly angry with them over the terrible smell, and she opened her mouth, ready to plead their case, to say that they hadn’t done anything at all to the creature to cause it to spray, but Silas just slapped his denim covered leg and let out a loud cackle.

  “Oh, sweet lord, it’s plain you girls found yourself a bunch of trouble. Did you get sprayed?”

  “I-I don’t know,” Morgun stammered. “I don’t think so. But your barn…I’m so sorry!”

  “Don’t worry about it. Happens all the time out here. Always creatures going back and forth. I had two dogs, both passed now, poor things, but they couldn’t help themselves. Whenever a skunk came around, they were sure to find it. My black lab got sprayed I can’t tell you how many times. Sometimes twice in a night if there was more than one, or on back to back nights. It got to the point, when I had a family of skunks living out here, that I just gave up on trying to get the stench out of the dogs and let it dissipate on its own. It does fade after a couple weeks. The first couple days are the worst.”

  “It smells like sulphur!” Morgun wailed. “I’ve never smelled anything so awful.”

  “It is sulphur, I think, that comes out of them. That fades though, and then it’s just the skunk smell after a while.”

  “I’m sorry again! We thought it was a cat and went to look. We were backing away and running when it sprayed. We weren’t threatening it at all.”

  “I know. Sometimes they just get scared and spray, that’s all. Anyway, no harm done. The barn’s not too close to the house, and like I said, I’m used to it.”

  Morgun was sure they wouldn’t get offered tea now, smelling like they did. She was sure she stank higher than high heaven itself. She was already planning on what she would do to get the stench out. She really didn’t want to have a tomato juice bath; maybe there was something else that would work. She’d have to look it up.

  Laney’s poor car. The thing probably reeked too. She just hoped that the scent came out of it after they drove away. And their equipment. And the costumes!

  Morgun felt like crying, but she bit her lip and reached into the car for her purse. She took out the two hundred dollars and an extra hundred that she’d thrown in just in case.

  “Here!” She passed the cash over to Silas. His eyes widened when he saw it.

  “That’s too much. We agreed on two hundred.”

  “Oh, I know, but, well, the smell…”

  “Ain’t no problem.”

  “Then for the orange I picked. I did pick one. In the orchard.”

  Silas’ eyes lit up with amusement. “Well, that’s the most expensive orange I’ve ever sold.”

  Morgun and Laney made a strangled noise at the same time. “I’m so sorry again,” Morgun said as she climbed into the car, but Silas just stood there and laughed even harder.

  Chapter 24

  Laney

  The car reeked like skunk. Laney didn’t understand it, because they hadn’t gotten sprayed, but maybe the wind carried it, and they just stank by association. Neither of them said anything for a long time. Laney made plans in her head to take her car to get detailed the next morning. Maybe they could use some magic product and get the stench out.

  Half an hour down the road, Laney just started laughing. She couldn’t help it. It burst from her as a little giggle, but then got louder and louder until she was laughing so hard that her eyes teared up. Morgun looked at her like she’d lost her mind, but then she smiled, and it wasn’t long after that she started laughing too. They laughed and laughed as they drove back towards the city.

  “Well,” Laney gasped out when she’d caught her breath. “That was an adventure. I have to say, of all the sessions I’ve ever done, that’s a first.”

  “Between that and Chester, you’re getting incredibly acquainted with the wildlife around here.”

  “I hope to not get acquainted with anything else. I don’t know, at the rate I’m going, it would probably be a cougar or something.”

  “You like cats?”

  “Oh. Uh…”

  “You were all excited when you thought that skunk was a cat.” Morgun started laughing again and Laney had to join in.

  “I guess I do. I don’t know. Pets are always more fun at someone else’s house. You should get one. You were saying you wanted to adopt a senior cat. You should do it! I don’t think I’m home enough for me to get one and it wouldn’t be fair.”

  “But you want me to get one. So you could visit it?”

  “Yes!”

  Morgun seemed to think about that. She got all silent and Laney had to turn to look at her. She was working her bottom lip between her teeth, staring out the passenger window. It was dark and there was nothing to see besides a blur of the occasional flashing light as they got closer and closer to the city.

  “Would that be alright?” Laney pressed on. She realized what it was that she’d said and why Morgun had gone quiet. They hadn’t talked about this. Labels. Terms. Relationships. Dating. A couple. Those were words that they hadn’t used. They came with expectations and, often, with baggage, and it was just so nice to enjoy what they had and not worry about those heavy words weighing them down.

  “Yes!” The car was dark, but Morgun’s movement was obvious. Laney knew she was watching her, and when she turned her face just a little to look at her, she had a huge smile.

  It made Laney’s chest ache. Morgun was nice. Too nice. She accepted Laney. She accepted her schedule. She challenged her, made her grow, wouldn’t let her get away with any of the usual bullshit. She was kind, smart,
intuitive, inventive, artistic, beautiful… She was really good in bed, but Laney didn’t like to add that to the list even though it was a legitimate thing she liked about Morgun. Morgun was good with animals too. Opossums especially. And she’d told Laney to leave that “cat” alone today. If she would have just listened, her car, their clothes, their gear, them, they’d all be a lot less smelly than they were.

  “Okay,” Laney said softly. “If you want to get one, that would be great. I’d love to be a cat auntie. Or if you don’t want to, that’s okay. I’m not trying to pressure you into getting one.”

  “I want to. I’ve been meaning to do it. Maybe I’ll get two, so they can keep each other company. Sometimes bonded pairs come into rescues. Older bonded pairs. It’s even harder to find them homes.”

  “That’s really sad.”

  “I know. I hate thinking about how a lot of living beings are just disposable. I’m not judging their owners, it’s sad. I follow some rescues on social media and the stories on there could break your heart. It’s like Chester. Mrs. Johnson tried to save his siblings, but Chester was the only one who made it. She called so many rescues, but no one was willing to help. So she raised him. And then we still tried to get him to a rescue, since we thought he had the best chance there, or at a sanctuary, but still no one would help. I’m not judging them either. I know that they’re full and probably have a lot of requests and really limited resources. That’s when everyone in the building, including the landlord, made a decision to let Mrs. Johnson keep Chester and none of us would say anything. Not only would it break her heart if the city demanded he be surrendered somewhere, it would probably be to a vet’s office or some kind of animal shelter that has no capacity to deal with such an animal and would just put him down.”

  “That’s super sad. And really frustrating. I feel bad for Mrs. Johnson.”

  “We all do too. She needs the company. Since Chester came along, she’s been so much happier. There were some of us who were really worried about her.”

  “It’s good that you have an understanding landlord. I can imagine some would freak out.”

  “Well, Charlie is going on sixty and he likes Mrs. Johnson. She’s lived in the building for years. She always makes him tea and feeds him cookies and I think he’s lonely too. He’s a good guy. Even if he didn’t get the free tea and cookies, he still wouldn’t have made her give Chester up.”

  “Wow. Your building sounds like the people there totally care about each other.”

  “I suppose you thought in a dumpy neighborhood you expected screaming, shouting, drugs in the hallway, holes in the walls…that kind of thing?”

  “No!” Laney gripped the wheel, her face heating up with embarrassment. “I never thought that.”

  “It’s okay. I know my place is small and dumpy and all my stuff is outdated. That’s not where I want to be forever.”

  “No! I know that. I never thought that your place was dumpy or outdated!”

  Morgun snorted. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes!”

  “Okay.” She let it go easily. “I’m just really glad you didn’t mace Chester.”

  “The hairspray was a crazy idea. I don’t know where I read that. I should just get real mace or nothing at all.”

  “You should not get mace! At least hairspray might not blind someone.”

  “Maybe I should just take a self defense class.”

  “Yeah!” Morgun grew animated, her voice changing to reflect her excitement. “I’ve always wanted to take one of those! Maybe we can do one together!”

  “I’d probably miss half of them, but maybe I can look at my schedule and pick out the nights I’m free and we could see if there’s anything being offered.”

  “Okay. I’ll look around and see if I can find anything.” Morgun switched to another subject naturally and easily. “Is it alright if I give you the card from my camera? Yes, I know I should be using digital and upgrading my equipment so it just magically gets transported onto my computer, but I don’t have a laptop that can handle that, and buying a new camera is really expensive.”

  “Sure. I don’t mind.” Laney let out a sigh of relief at Morgun not bringing up the subject of putting a label on them. She was scared to jinx it. What she had with Morgun was by far the most special thing she’d ever had with anyone.

  Maybe Laney wasn’t only scared of jinxing it. Maybe she was scared of losing it. Which meant that she cared. A person couldn’t be afraid of losing something they didn’t care about losing. She’d found something rare and beautiful and wonderful, and that was terrifying in and of itself.

  Lately, she’d been thinking about what her mom wasn’t saying. She wasn’t calling her and bugging her about dating or grandchildren. There’d been silence on that front, thanks to Jason and Natasha’s announcement, but Laney found herself thinking about, just hypothetically, what it would be like to not have to come home to an empty apartment. What sharing everything with someone would be like. Not just someone—Morgun.

  She’d thought about it, especially while she was away. That was the time she missed Morgun most, when she was in another city and she couldn’t just head over to her place to see her or ask her out for a drink or dinner. In fact, Laney thought about Morgun a lot.

  She worried she was thinking about her too much, too soon. She was scared of putting a label on them, but there she was thinking about Morgun in that sense of the other half of her, of the person she thought about almost all the time, of that special someone. Of the right person.

  The right person that everyone always said she’d never met.

  What if she’d finally met her and she did something to mess it all up? Laney was half afraid that she would because this was all new to her. She’d dated before, of course. She’d done both casual and more committed relationships, but she’d never considered someone her other half. She’d never thought about another person to distraction. In a good way. She’d never felt even a tenth of what Morgun made her feel. Which was currently undefinable, partly because she was too scared to try to define it.

  “Laney?”

  “Hmm?” She shook herself. She’d been paying attention to the road while her mind churned up a furious, messed up storm, but she could see how she’d completely zoned out on Morgun. “Sorry. I was…sorry.”

  “That’s okay. I just said that I think it went well. That it’s going to turn out amazing.”

  Laney nodded. She was somewhere around ninety-two and a half percent sure that Morgun meant the photos they’d done. But maybe she was talking about something else. Maybe she was talking about them, and she knew Laney well enough to leave it in code so that she wouldn’t scare her. Which made Laney want to cry because she was so thankful, and because that was totally sad and pathetic on her part.

  She needed to do better. She knew that. Morgun was worth it. She was so freaking worth it. Laney didn’t have to change. She just had to get better at letting her real self shine through. Morgun was so right. There was nothing wrong with being yourself.

  Unless you were an asshole. Then you should try to be better. But Laney knew she wasn’t. She was all heart. She needed to start letting that through, making it clear to Morgun how she felt. If she couldn’t do that, she might lose Morgun, and that was far more awful than growing a set of lady balls and womaning up and talking about her feelings for a change.

  Chapter 25

  Laney

  Laney was walking into the lunchroom to get herself another cup of coffee. She was trying to cut back, but she’d been at the office early, doing some editing that she just wasn’t motivated to do at home. It was too easy to get distracted at her house when she wasn’t in the mood to sit down for hours and plug away doing edit after edit. She had a cubicle here where she could force herself to do the work that needed to be done, but the temptation of coffee that was always on was too great to ignore.

  She stopped short, just around the corner of the large lunchroom, when she heard snippets of conversation
involving Morgun’s name.

  “Have you met her yet? She’s nice. She’s hardly ever here, just doing casual work I think.”

  “Yeah, she does some of the real estate and commercial shots. I’ve seen her, but I haven’t talked with her.”

  “She’s hot.” That from a deeper, male voice. “Do you think she’s single?”

  “I checked her out on social media,” the first female voice said. “You don’t have a chance. She’s not exactly into dating guys.”

  “What? Really?” Then a very male groan. “All the hot ones are always taken.”

  “How about the nice ones? Shouldn’t that matter? Who cares if someone’s hot if they’re an asshole?”

  Laney decided to step in, since the conversation was totally benign. Just the usual workplace jabbering. She found Lucky, Kate, and Doug in the kitchen. They’d all been working there a lot longer than Laney had. They were all fairly nice too. Laney liked most of the people where she worked. She had to admit that even though the industry was so competitive, most of her coworkers felt like they weren’t competing against each other.

  “Laney! Hey! Good timing,” Doug said, and good lord, she knew that she should have just turned around and walked the other direction. “We were just talking about the new girl, Morgun? That’s her name?”

  Lucy nodded. “She’s nice. Don’t do it, Doug, really. Don’t say it.”

  “If she’s single, you should look her up,” Doug said. He usually wasn’t a jerk and he probably wasn’t into getting fired over workplace harassment either.

  Lucy groaned. “Sorry. I made the mistake of telling him that he doesn’t stand a chance because Morgun doesn’t date guys. I creeped her online, which I shouldn’t have done, but I was curious, and I shouldn’t have said anything. I wasn’t trying to start gossip.”

  “No, of course not.” Laney felt something painful start in her stomach. A clawing sensation that made her chest feel like it was going to burst wide open.