Watching Fireflies

by Jaycee Ford

  “Ellie, are you sure this looks okay? I don’t want to look like a slut.” I tugged at the hem of the dress that seemed to be shrinking every second.

  She stopped in her tracks and I almost ran into her. Her hands fisted as she slowly turned around and glared at me like the fire of hell. Maybe she wasn’t full of country charm after all.

  “Are you saying my clothes are slutty?”

  “No, of course not!” I retracted with almost a stuttering babble. “I just didn’t want to look out of place at a corner bar.”

  And just like that, the country girl full of charm returned with a shrug of her shoulders, and she started walking again.

  “Well, I can’t help you there, because you look pretty hot.” While glancing at me mid stride, she waved her hand and continued, “Don’t get me wrong, I’m straight and all, but you look fucking awesome.”

  We arrived at the corner, and I peeked through the beveled glass panes of the double wooden doors. The young adults of the town filled Dixie’s Tavern. My stomach flipped with nerves the moment I looked in. My hand reached out for the brass handle, and with one last silent exhale, I said, “Okay, then. It’s showtime.”

  The door swooshed open, and as the sound of country rock blared, the watchful eyes of the little town landed upon me. Being face to face with plaid, jeans, and cowboy boots in every direction, I froze immediately. The guys ogled, and the girls sneered. I was definitely overdressed. Feeling like I was fresh meat, I gently wrapped my hand around Ellie’s arm and asked over the noise, “Ellie, how about the booth in the corner?”

  Ellie looked at me with slight pity at my lack of confidence. She rolled her eyes and said, “Whatever you say. Go grab the booth, and I’ll get us a bottle of wine. White or red?”

  “White, please,” I replied as I sat down, trying to blend in like a wallflower. In order to avoid the ogles and sneers, I pulled out my cell phone and scrolled through my recent texts. My smile instantly reappeared when I saw one from Katherine.

  Miss you bunches! Tell me how the move went when you get a chance.

  My fingers flew as I typed a reply, the knowing smile blazing my cheeks.

  It went okay. Miss you, too! I’ll give you a call tomorrow and fill you in on an embarrassment already. At least it was a hot embarrassment. ;-) Love you!

  The next message caused the breath to catch in my throat.

  Where are you?

  The words sent the coldest shiver up my spine. Ryan must have figured out that I was no longer in Charlotte. I just hoped he hadn’t figured out where I fled. I deleted the message, poking the screen harder than I really needed to, just as Ellie arrived at our corner booth, holding a bottle of wine and two glasses.

  “I hope Pinot Grigio is okay. I figured that was kind of middle of the road with whites.” Ellie set down two glasses on our table and poured wine into each one.

  “Perfect!” She handed me a glass, and I took the smallest sip of the glorious fermented grapes. The tingle spread across my lips, and a sense of calm washed over me.

  Ellie let the wine talk and informed me about the town and the people. An owner of a women’s boutique apparently hears a lot of gossip. Even though I didn’t really know any of these people on the dance floor, she was pointing them all out to me, telling me who to stay away from and who to befriend. Being that she was so nice and outgoing, I was thankful to be friends with her. It would be good to get to know people. A fresh start. I needed that. I needed to move on.

  “So, what brought you out of Charlotte, anyway? It’s not like we get that many straight-out-of-college single adults rolling through town.”

  Did I feel comfortable enough opening up to someone I had just met?

  “You don’t sound like you come out of the country, either.”

  She smiled.

  “I was born here, then moved to New York with my mother, then moved back here in high school to live with my dad. After graduation, I went back to New York for fashion design, and just moved back a few months ago.” She smiled as if the back and forth was common.

  “So, why here and not New York?”

  She shrugged her shoulders while taking a sip of wine.

  “I just always liked it here.” It seemed as if there was more to the story, but I understood how it was, getting to know someone new. “Now, what about you?”

  “Bad breakup. Just wanted to clear my head for a while.”

  She nodded.

  “I know all about moving just to try to get away from your own thoughts.”

  She took a sip, and I glanced around the bar as I drank as well. I did feel like I had gotten a good read on Ellie. It almost seemed as if she needed a friend as much as I did.

  “Oh my God, there’s Paul…”

  My eyes shot around the tavern, but there were so many cowboy hats in this place, I couldn’t tell who she was looking at.

  “Why don’t you quit staring and go talk to him?”

  She shook her head solemnly.

  “No, I’ve always liked him, but he’s friends with my ex, Lance. So, you know… awkward.”

  “Do you not get along with Lance?” I asked in hopes of getting to know my new friend better.

  “Oh, I’m sure we’d get along fine. We dated in high school. I just feel weird about trying to pursue his friend.” Her sights on him were strong, a little too strong for only a high school infatuation.

  “Which one is Paul?”

  She scooted over toward me and arranged herself so she could point without anyone else seeing.

  “Paul is the one in the plaid shirt at the end of the bar, and Lance is to his left with their friend Tom, who’s sitting to his right.”

  “Oh, I see him. He is pretty cute. I like his…” The words stopped flowing when I saw the friend on the right, looking at directly me.

  Piercing blue eyes.

  My breath started to quicken. Just look away, Jordan. Look away! I begged myself, but I couldn’t. He was… beautiful.

  He jumped off the stool, startling me. His eyes bored into mine; my heart banged against my chest and panic rose as he took a step toward me. My only instinct was to flee as fast as these heels would take me.

  I grabbed my purse, leaned over to Ellie and said, “Ellie, I have to run. I am so sorry. Can we do this another time?”

  Ellie looked up at me with her face scrunched in confusion and replied with a questioning voice, “Sure, the festival is Friday. We can do that. Stop by the store this week for lunch.”

  “Awesome, thanks Ellie! See you!” I darted straight out of the door.

  The vision of those blue eyes clouded my thoughts. His stare felt like an eternity. I lost myself in the lust that I felt for him. Reprimanding myself as I walked faster toward The Inn, I put a stop to those thoughts. I was never going to put myself in that situation again. Love was not worth it. For all I knew, he was just as bad as Ryan. No sense risking it.

  As the heels I had worn dangled from my fingertips, my bare feet carried my hollow heart up the stairs. I walked into my room, dropped the shoes to the floor, and stripped off my dress, letting it fall recklessly like the shoes had. Not bothering with pajamas, I slid underneath the quilt, trying to find a sense of security as the memories of Ryan continued to haunt me. The tears that I had learned to hold in started to fall. My eyes closed, heavy with despair. His cold ones loomed in the darkness.

  The creak of the tavern door echoed into the shadows. The only light that shined came from the jukebox in the corner. The heels of my shoes made a haunting echo in the vast space. I didn’t know why I was here. I wanted to turn and run away, but something kept me going forward.

  “Hello?” My voice echoed from the rafters as I noticed a body perched on a stool. I took another step. “Hello?”

  He turned around, peeking at me from under the brim of a cowboy hat. I only saw the glimmer of blue eyes. My heart raced as he turned completely around, resting his elbows on the back of the bar.

  “Tom, right?”


  In an instant, he vanished. I stepped forward again.

  “Tom?”

  A hand pushed the hair off my neck as my heart raced. The jukebox came to life, playing an old country tune. Hands pressed on my hips as a body swayed me side to side to the beat of the song. I wanted to feel safe, to relax into those hands, but some primal instinct kept me on alert, telling me to beware. A hum came from behind me. The breath stuck in my throat.

  “Why are you dancing like a slut and letting any and every bastard grind up on you?”

  I gasped when he yanked my hair, pulling my head to the side.

  “I told you I always get what I want.”

  Tears streamed down my face. This isn’t happening. This can’t be happening. I pressed my eyes closed, praying that someone would help.

  All traces of Ryan had vanished. I stood alone in the middle of the dance floor. The echo of the door startled me and I turned around. I wiped the tears from my eyes and the same blue ones from the cowboy at the bar stared at me from just inside the doorway. He tilted his head down, pulling the brim on his hat, and then walked away.

  A jolt awoke me from the nightmare. I cringed, remembering the touch of his hands on me. Calm eased me as I realized I was in my bed at The Inn, far away from Ryan. At least I had the nightmares. I didn’t want to dream of happier times with Ryan. They were all lies. It was a new day with new opportunities, and I was going to make the most of my new life.

  • • •

  “Good morning, Ms. Hawthorne.”

  “Good morning, sir. I’m very thankful for the opportunity,” I said, sitting straight in my chair. Hope painted my face while I sat across from my new boss, the head of the history department.

  “We’re glad to have you.” He leaned forward behind his desk, pulling out a stack of paper and began, “First things first. You’ll be instructing four classes this semester. Two will be on Mondays and Wednesdays, and the other two will be on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Monday and Wednesday classes are from 9:00 to 10:30 and 6:30 to 8:00. Sorry about the night class, but we have to accommodate the working crowd. Tuesdays and Thursdays will be back to back, 9:00 to 10:30 and then 10:45 to 12:15. The rest of the time is yours. Pretty simple, right?”

  After my hopeful nod, he stood, and I followed his lead.

  “Very good, Ms. Hawthorne. Let me show you to your office.”

  A breath of relief escaped me as we strolled down the hall to the end. He unlocked a door and handed over the key. “Not much of an office, but make yourself at home! Good Luck, Ms. Hawthorne, and welcome again.”

  With a final handshake, he departed, leaving me to my new surroundings. The tiny office was no bigger than a closet, but I got to work right away with the biggest smile on my face. This was something to be proud of. While I was going through my belongings, my cell rang. Always checking the ID, I answered my beloved friend, "Hey, Katherine!"

  "Hey, chick! How's life in the sticks?" Her smug sarcasm oozed through the phone. My sarcastic laugh was her only reply, and she added, "So, tell me about this hot embarrassment you texted me about."

  The retelling of yesterday’s events made my cheeks blush. My body tingled once again just from the mere thought of that cowboy.

  "Oh, my God, and you were still naked in the tub?"

  "Yep," I said plainly.

  "And you didn't start screaming and throwing things?"

  "Nope. I couldn't move! But believe me, he was definitely hot. And I saw him again last night at the bar in town." A smile rose up my face. Since that cowboy walked into my life, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. It was almost weird to smile again. It was weird that my heart fluttered. It shouldn’t do that, not after what brought me to this point. But maybe it was safe here. Maybe I could let my guard down some.

  "Oh my God, did you talk to him?"

  "I ran out of there as soon as I saw him. I didn't know what to do. I freaked out." I hid my face inside of my palm, reliving yesterday again.

  "Jordan, it's a small town. You're going to run into Mr. Cowboy soon enough."

  She was right and the smile grew up my face even more. Oh, I hope so. I need to see him again.

  THE CHIMES BANGED against the wooden door as I walked inside the old, familiar inn.

  I breathed in, getting a whiff of ham from the kitchen. As I closed the door behind me, my aunt’s eyes peered over her glasses and bent the newspaper down with an annoyed exaggeration. She folded the paper bit by bit, keeping a stern glare on me.

  “Hi, Aunt Ethel.”

  Her lips pursed. She wasn’t happy.

  “Tommy! You said you were coming yesterday, as in Tuesday. Do I need to buy you an appointment book?”

  “Aunt Et, I’m sorry. I went down to the college to register for my classes, and I didn’t think it would take up so much time. I wasn’t sure of my timing, and I didn’t want to… intrude on your guest again.” Oh, she looked pissed. My shoulders hung down with the weight of the world resting on them, although, her eyes lit up with the knowledge that I was finally going to college. When I saw a smile to match the pride in her eyes, I knew I was still on her good side.

  “Well, if that was the reason, then okay. I’ll let it slide.” Her easy going smile changed into her pointing a finger at me with an order. “But get up to the suite and fix the leak. Ms. Hawthorne didn’t say anything this morning about the leak when she left, but I don’t want to cause any further inconvenience for my guests.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” I tugged the bill on my baseball cap, pairing it with a curt nod, as I tried to be the gentleman she helped raise me to be. Aunt Ethel gave me her natural, heart-warming smile, and I knew I was forgiven.

  “Well, what classes did you register for, Tommy?” She leaned forward, her pride beaming.

  “I’m going to take a few core classes which shouldn’t be too difficult since this fall will be a little busy at the farm. So, I’m taking Intro to Business, English, and history.” The corners of my mouth quirked up. One night class taught by one water goddess that I might have seen a time or two.

  “Good. I’m glad. Now, go fix the sink,” she ordered, yet again, and went back to reading.

  Withholding a laugh at my crazy aunt, I jogged up the stairs, taking two at a time and walked down the hall to room six. I knew she wasn’t in because Aunt Et assured me that she was out, but I couldn’t help wishing she was wrong. The thought of Ms. Hawthorne in the tub, wearing nothing but bubbles, sent my blood heading south once again.

  After unlocking the door, I held it open with my foot while I listened carefully, but I heard nothing except the drip from the faucet. My eyes shifted about the room, stopping when something red caught my eye—something made of red lace—lying on the edge of the bed. I really wasn’t planning on snooping, but I couldn’t help it. My foot moved away from the door, and closed the distance between it and the bed. When I reached the edge of the mattress, I planted my feet and stared at the barely there lace cups. My hands began to twitch unconsciously, and I shoved them in my pockets to make sure all I did was look at it. Oh, to have been where it had been.

  This girl did things to me that I didn’t know were even possible. My thoughts lingered on the image of her taking off the red lace bra and staring at me longingly with those blue eyes, her finger beckoning me towards her. I longed to touch her. I needed to taste her.

  Shaking the thoughts out of my head, I turned away from the amazing red lace before my jeans became too unbearable. As I took a step toward the bathroom, the afternoon light bounced off what appeared to be shards of shattered glass lying on the floor in front of the waste basket. I turned back and walked around the bed to the other side of the suite. After studying the mess momentarily, I bent over to pick the pieces up and noticed the original holder of the glass shards. A picture frame had once encased my water goddess and some guy that I now called douche bag, because his arm was draped around my girl. I would properly dispose of this when I finished fixing the faucet. She didn’t need trash like this lying ar
ound.

  • • •

  After I finished fixing the sink, I decided to walk down to Main Street to help Paul with the festival setup. He had been down there all morning while Lance looked after the farm. The festival was Friday night, and I looked forward to all of the possibilities that could occur.

  As the late summer sun beat down, I neared Ellie’s Boutique, and I thought I would stop by to say hello. Just as my fingertips touched the door handle, I looked through the window and saw my girl sitting on a stool next to Ellie. My eyes didn’t register what she was actually wearing. I could only see that red lace bra. Her skirt hiked up just a little when she crossed her legs—her long, luscious legs. She and Ellie laughed in near hysterics, and I could only back away from the perfection. She was just so… beautiful.

  My hand dropped from the handle. The need to see her reaction when I walked into her classroom later this evening helped me turn away with that smile on my face again. The mere thought of her had me doing that a lot lately. I wasn’t one to get into deep relationships; I usually just had random hook-ups after a night at the tavern. Girls around here knew that I couldn’t settle down. The farm always came first. It wouldn’t run itself. I had become content with my life until I found Ms. Hawthorne asleep in the bath. This contentment of bachelordom started to fade. Ms. Hawthorne had me rethinking my single strategy.

  My brain willed my body to continue walking away from Ellie’s and toward the intersection of Main Street where the festival was to be held. The booths along either side of the street were ready for the different vendors to sell their food, booze, crafts, and clothing. I headed toward the middle of the square where the dance floor was to be laid with several stringed lights hanging overhead. I found Paul near the stage area trying to untangle the lights, but from the looks of it, he needed help untangling himself.