Watching Fireflies

by Jaycee Ford

  We all huddled around the security computer, and she positioned the tape to where our table was in sight. My knee bounced with nerves as I crossed my arms, leaning my elbows on the desk. The monitor was directly in front of me because I wouldn’t have it any other way. We watched the tape roll through the night as she fast-forwarded it through the dancing and drinking. We watched as Lance made off with Angela, and then Paul and Ellie slipped away. The table was left with the four of us—Cal, Marie, Jordan and myself. The tape showed Cal and me talking as Marie plopped her head down on top of her arms on the table. We watched as Jordan turned around to the group of girls drinking by the bar. This scene then shifted to another camera. Cal helped Marie up and they staggered out of the bar. At the same time Jordan was on shot number two. With a heavy heart, I saw myself sitting back admiring my girl as my eyes closed with a smile on my face.

  On the video screen, the girls at the bar were chatting and took a couple more shots. Jordan staggered toward the table while I dozed in an alcoholic stupor. She stilled, clutching her stomach with one hand and covering her mouth with the other, and then ran toward the bathroom. We leaned in closer to the screen to see the hallway’s camera footage, as it was dark. We saw the light from the bathroom as Jordan pushed the door open. A few moments later, the door opened again, but we could only see someone walk in. My fisted hands pounded the table. I was only a few feet away and unaware of everything. Lance rested his hand on my shoulder in an attempt to keep me under control. The dark figure emerged from the bathroom with Jordan thrown over his shoulder. He turned to the back door and exited. We looked at the next security shot and saw him throw her in the back seat of his car.

  “Pause it!” The tape stopped at Caleb’s command.

  At this instant, the evil specimen of life with his devil’s grin turned toward the security cameras. It was as if he knew he had finally gotten away with it. He knew I was only ten feet away, and he had kidnapped my girl right from under my nose, my stupid drunken nose.

  It was Ryan.

  He had declared victory.

  My girl was gone.

  A SCREECHING THUMP continuously pounded the inside of my skull. My heart raced with every throb. A wincing pain shot through my body, the nerve endings screaming in agony. I tried to pull my arms around my stomach, but a thrashing pain scorched through my limbs. Darkness swallowed me under as stars flew behind my lids, dancing around in the night sky.

  Fireflies.

  A dark field surrounded me. Everything in my sight hazed into a blur except for their shooting glow. I followed their flight as they scurried forward, flying away in fear. My heart pumped as goose bumps rose on my skin, the hair on my arms standing on end. I ran and ran until I was consumed by the fear-filled darkness. I succumbed to the lurking evil torment. I stopped running and exhaled into the night. I couldn’t open my eyes. I feared the darkness, but the fear warned me of what was beyond the protection of my lids. I focused on my heart and the man it beat for. A piercing sting penetrated my skin as heat seared through my veins. The blood pumping through my body eased my discomfort as I slipped further into the gloom. My body floated in weightlessness. I couldn’t tell if I was alive or dead. A groan bellowed through my chest as mumbled words echoed inside my distrusting ears. Fireflies reappeared, creeping inside my nightmare. I watched them as they swarmed around my being. I didn’t move as they flew around, encircling me. My skin scorched from their fire. The pain dulled as the fireflies took their flight and left me once again in the darkness of my own personal hell.

  • • •

  Minutes, hours, days, months… I couldn’t calculate the time as my eyes began to quiver behind my heavy lids. My body ached and I wanted to slip back into the dullness of black. A finger traced against my jaw. My eyes slowly fluttered open and then shut against the blaring light. I had been consumed by darkness for an unknown amount of time and I was content in the hell that I knew. I was scared of the light, scared of what I might see… of whom I might see. Words purred in my ear, but I couldn’t understand what was being said. Lips kissed the crook of my neck, but my body knew it wasn’t Tom’s lips. I wanted to flee. I jerked at the touch.

  “Jordan?”

  My eyes flickered as I heard a voice whispering my name. The pit of my stomach hollowed at the sound, bile rising up my throat. I turned my head away, trying to get as far from him as I could, but his hands held onto my face, forcing me to stay still within his grasp. His hand slapped me, my face thrown to the left with the sting burning my right cheek.

  “Wake up, you little bitch!”

  I kept my eyes closed in hopes that I wouldn’t have to see the demon. Fear crept over me as tears seeped from under my eyelids. The fear took over. His hand grabbed my jaw and shook my head in fury. My heart froze in terror as my blood pumped with ice. My eyes popped open to the snarling eyes of the grinning devil. I tried to turn away, but he back handed my other cheek. He pulled my jaw, forcing my head straight he leered at me. An evil laugh escaped his throat.

  “Hey, baby. It’s good to see those pretty eyes of yours.” He nuzzled his face into my neck, breathing deep. He cuddled next me. I tried to move within my restraints, but they wouldn’t give. He sighed into my neck as his hand grazed down my naked chest. I cringed as I tried to steady my breathing. His arm wrapped around my bare torso, pulling my side against him. “It feels so good to have you in my arms again.”

  I couldn’t help the whimper that escaped. I wanted Tom. My tears flowed as I prayed to get out of here. He pulled his arm away and grabbed my face, forcing me to look at him again. I couldn’t stop the tears of terror.

  “I told you… you are mine,” he seethed into my ear. He got up and dug in a drawer next to the bed. He pulled out a syringe, and my body shook from fear. I shook my head as my mouth moved, but no words would come out. I begged with my eyes as I watched him pierce my skin. A sting spread through my arm and the drug raced into my body. I flinched from the instant pain that seared in my blood. “But until you can come to grips with that, you won’t be allowed out.”

  The drug pulled me under and I welcomed the darkness. My eyes fluttered closed as the fireflies danced again. They weren’t bringing me into the depths of my mental hell; they were protecting me from my physical misery, and they slowly surrounded me as they danced me into the darkness again.

  • • •

  Emptiness engulfed me as my lids slowly slid open. I blinked against the light. My eyes burned as if they wanted to remain swollen shut. I gently pulled my arms, but I was still bound to a bed. I forced my eyes to focus, to figure out where I was being held. The crisp light shone throughout a room made of wood. I was in a cabin. The vaulted ceiling with exposed beams assured me it was a cabin of luxury—only the best for Ryan Gordon. The dull, foggy glow from the outside windows told me it was around dawn, and as I peered out of the window, a slope of trees let me know I was in the mountains. I didn’t know what day it was or how long I had been bound to this bed. I just knew I ached and my face stung from the beaten bruises. After our breakup, I had come to learn that he was nothing but evil, yet to kidnap me, drug me and bind me to a bed for an endless amount of time—I didn’t know evil could get so low.

  The doorknob slowly clicked and turned. I flinched in pain as the door pushed open. He stuck his head through the cracked opening. Evil burned in his grin. I tried to move as far away as possible, but I could go nowhere. I exhaled slowly, knowing that trying to fight him was the wrong approach. I had to make him believe that he had won, but being appreciative of his kidnapping was easier said than done. He gloated, hovering over my face and watching my fear.

  “Why, Ryan? Why?” I looked him straight in the eye as the only words I could manage croaked out from my cracked, parched throat. His finger swept along my jaw and across my bottom lip. The will to pull away was great, but I kept the image of Tom near. Tom was the only thing that could pull me through this. I had to get back to my heart.

  “I told you, Jordan… You
are mine, and you always will be.”

  I forced myself not to flinch. I knew I had to at least get out of the restraints if I was going to have any chance of getting away. I knew I couldn’t do him physical harm… yet. But I had to act like I trusted him. This was the only way. I forced my scared eyes to look sad and hurt as I gazed lovingly into his.

  “Baby,” I croaked, “I didn’t know you really cared about me. I was upset. You picked someone else over me.” I willed a tear to escape as I solemnly turned my face away from his. His grimy hand wiped away my tear.

  “You disobeyed me, Jordan.”

  I looked up at him as my lips started to quiver. He rolled his eyes in annoyance. I sniffled to add the dramatic effect.

  “Don’t cry. I hate when you cry.”

  “Can you at least untie me so I can hug you?” I attempted to look sincere while trying to contain my gag reflex. I just didn’t know how else to get out of here. “I missed you, Ryan. It was agony being apart from you.”

  He leaned over and gently brushed my lips, making me shake with fear and pain. He gazed longingly into my eyes.

  “On one condition.”

  I looked up at him, allowing my bottom lip to quiver for good measure.

  “Anything, Ryan. I’ll do anything to get you to trust me again.” Oh God, I hope this works. His evil eyes retreated as I saw the presence of the man I had once fallen in love with come to the front.

  “Love me like you mean it.”

  My brow crinkled with confusion. I didn’t understand how he had switched, but I now knew what he was truly capable of being.

  “Of course I love you, Ryan. I don’t know what to do to make you believe me.”

  He glared as the evil pulsed from him once again, and then slithered back inside.

  “No, Jordan. Make love to me like you have before.”

  My blood ran cold, knowing what he intended.

  “Ryan, I’m in so much pain. Please untie me and hold me,” I begged, hoping he could see my actual pain.

  “If I untie you, do you promise for tomorrow?” He was really fucked up.

  “Please. Please! I feel so weak.” I nodded an answer as he waited for the one I couldn’t say. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I realized what I had just agreed to and I started to whimper. He let out a sigh and leaned above me, untying my right hand. The broken skin screamed in pain. He repeated the same with my left. I winced as I brought my arms around my stomach, trying to hold the ache.

  I wasn’t able to recover from the pain. He wrapped his arms underneath me and carried me across the room into an open doorway. He stood me up as my eyes shed tears of pain. I crumbled to the ground in my weakened state, the cold tiles freezing my naked and battered body. I glanced up to hear the sound of running water. The room surrounding me had the same wooden walls as the bedroom, bare with no accessories hanging on them. He stood in front of me as he stripped himself of his shirt and jeans followed by his briefs. He picked me up again as he stepped into the tub. He crouched down, bringing his body behind mine. I cringed, but I laid back on his chest anyway.

  The wounds, from my sore muscles to my torn wrists, yelped as we soaked in the hot bath. I reached my hand up and slowly patted my matted hair, wincing again as I brushed my fingers across a lump on the back of my head covered with dried blood. He pulled my hand away and stroked the back of my head, causing the pain to worsen.

  The only thing that would get me through this was the thought of Tom. My loving cowboy. I had to do everything I could to get back to him. It would take a few days to build back up my strength, but if Ryan trusted me, he wouldn’t hold me hostage to the bed. I would make him believe I was doing this on my own accord. The things I might have to do chilled me to the bone, but if it got me the fuck out of here and back into Tom’s arms, I didn’t care that I had to dance with the devil. He nuzzled into my neck again, peppering kisses, but I remained stoic as I stared at the wooden walls with fire burning through me.

  “I’m so glad I have my Jordan back in my arms. Don’t ever leave me again.” His arms wrapped around me tighter, and my body ached from the abuse.

  “I won’t, baby. I’m yours forever.” My whole body and soul deflated from those spoken words. I hoped Tom would forgive me for all that I would have to do.

  THE SCENT OF lavender filled the room as I lay on our bed, hugging her pillow to my chest. Cal and Marie made me go to bed around midnight, but I just laid here, propped up against the headboard as I kept her scent close to me. I stared out of the window as the black of the night changed into a royal purple. Flecks of white drifted down from the sky as I prayed the misery would stop. It had been two days without her, and I was losing my mind. Tears wanted to fall. They pricked the back of my eye, but tears meant I had lost hope. I can’t lose hope. One last breath of her scent, and I laid the pillow back in its spot, waiting for her to return. I gave up on sleep and hoped a shower would refresh me.

  When I walked into the bathroom, the first memory of her hit me like a ton of bricks, my water goddess staring at me, completely naked and completely in shock. I stared at our tub and remember the dozens of times we laid together in a bath full of bubbles, Jordan falling asleep against my chest. I ached without her here. I knew I had loved her so much before… but I never realized exactly how much until now. I pulled myself out of the daze and showered off. Hope. I would find her and I would find her today.

  After the shower, I stayed positive as best I could. I knew the lack of sleep would hinder my focus, but without Jordan, life was a blur in itself. I could battle through the haze to find her, and that was exactly what I intended to do. I headed down the stairs to start a pot of coffee for the day, but the smell of the roasted beans met me on the stairs. I expected to see Marie starting off the day before me, but curly gray hair and hot pink framed glasses welcomed me into the kitchen.

  “Aunt Et, do you have any idea what time it is?”

  She looked up at me over her glasses as she continued wiping down the countertop. Three catering pans covered with foil sat on the stove. A whiff of biscuits hit me when I walked deeper into the kitchen.

  “Yep, a time of day when even farmers are still sleeping.” She tossed the paper towel into the trash can at the end of the counter and looked back at me. “Why are you awake at this Godforsaken hour?”

  She leaned her hip against the countertop of the island as I sat on the stool and looked at my aunt, remembering the times as a teenager when she used to come over in the morning and make me breakfast. I had spent one year of high school alone with no other family but my grandmother’s sister, and I honestly didn’t think I would have survived without her.

  “I couldn’t sleep.” I shrugged as her parental eyes hovered on me. She folded her arms; I knew which question was coming.

  “When was the last time you did sleep?”

  I sighed and waited and hoped that would be enough of an answer, but when she cocked her eyebrow, I knew I had to give her the details.

  “When I passed out drunk at the bar while Jordan was being kidnapped right from under my nose.” I tore my eyes away from her gaze and looked down at the bare countertop, tapping my fist.

  “Tommy… You can’t do this to yourself. The only person to blame is Ryan. He’s the reason why Jordan is gone. But she will come back, dear.”

  I looked up at her, hoping that I would absorb her confidence.

  “How can you be so sure?”

  She raised her hands up with a nonchalant shrug.

  “Do I seem worried?”

  “You’re here, aren’t you?”

  She folded her arms again.

  “And what does that mean?”

  “You only come here before breakfast when you’re worried about me. You haven’t done this since I was seventeen.”

  “I’m worried about you. I’m not worried about finding Jordan. I know she’ll come home.” She moved away from the counter and uncovered one of the catering pans. “Your uncle is trying something differen
t.” She carried the pan over to the counter and said, “Breakfast burritos! I think they’re pretty tasty. Get your protein now. You’ve gotta get your girl back.”

  • • •

  By the time the sun rose and the clock hit 7:00, my house had filled with the usual suspects. Lance and Paul inhaled the breakfast burritos while Ellie sipped coffee with Marie and Aunt Ethel in the living room in front of the fireplace. Cal stared out of the front window as he waited for his little girl to come home. I shared the spot next to him as I waited for the love of my life to come home. A cop car pulled up the gravel drive. Cal took a sip of coffee as he shifted from the window.

  “It’s go time.” He turned away and walked into the kitchen. I sipped my last bit of coffee as I watched Caleb step out of his cruiser and pull a file box out of the trunk. When he made his way to the door, I opened it just as he reached the porch.

  “What’s all this?”

  “This is a lot of missing pieces.” He lifted up the box.

  He walked into the kitchen, setting the box on the island, and nudged Paul and Lance to move out of the way. The ladies joined us, and Cal finished making himself another cup of coffee. I set my empty mug in the sink and stood next to Caleb by the counter. The front door opened again as two more police officers joined us, but they stayed just inside the doorway. Caleb began pulling out the files, stacking them on the counter. He opened the top file and pulled out an eight-by-ten black and white photo of a girl in her late teens or early twenties, probably college age. Her hair was dark and her eyes appeared either a shade of blue or green with slight dimples in her cheeks—very attractive.

  “Meet Lexi Andrews. Age nineteen. English major at Auburn University; however, she never did graduate. In fact, after a Saturday night football game, she reportedly dumped her boyfriend of eight months at a bar. She was last seen leaving that bar and never seen again.”