As Zayn looked on in shocked silence, Koda’s mom, Elena, dragged Spencer from person to person, introducing him to everyone at the backyard barbecue. Zayn blinked, trying to clear away the illusion. Spencer was still there. For once, his clothes matched the season, and he looked perfectly normal. His jewelry was missing, and his hair was brushed. Zayn hated it. He also couldn’t figure out what in hell Spencer was doing there.
Zayn fought against the pains in his chest. He hadn’t expected to see Spencer today, especially not at his family’s weekly backyard barbecue. In fact, he hadn’t thought Spencer ever listened to a word he said when he talked about these gatherings. Much less had he known if Spencer recalled how to find the place. Zayn had no clue why Spencer would show up now. He knew Spencer had been here once, DJing Koda and Felix’s son’s birthday party before they started dating. However, Spencer hadn’t bothered to come with Zayn the entire time they had been dating. Zayn didn’t understand why Spencer bothered now. There didn’t seem to be any logical explanation. Unless Felix had invited him. It made sense Spencer would show up for anyone and everyone but him. Plus, it was Koda’s mom who was introducing Spencer to everyone, as if she had expected him to be here today.
Elena was like a second mom to Zayn. He had known she would show Spencer a motherly kindness Spencer had been denied throughout his life. That was one of the main reasons Zayn had wanted Spencer to come to these things. God knew it wasn’t to meet his mom. Zayn’s mom still played cards with Koda’s uncle and pretended Spencer wasn’t there. Thankfully, even though they weren’t together, Elena still showed Spencer every bit as much as kindness as Zayn had hoped. Zayn couldn’t help but smile as he watched her hug Spencer continuously—like he was one of her own. No matter how much it hurt, knowing they were over. It wasn’t about him in that moment. He wanted Spencer to be happy. After all, someone should be.
“I have to admit, I never thought Spencer would settle down. Seriously. Not ever.”
Zayn glanced Felix’s way at the confession. He fought the urge to admit Felix wasn’t witnessing it now. Zayn couldn’t force his tongue to shape the words, admitting they were over. Instead, he went with the next best thing.
“Me neither.”
Zayn went back to staring at Spencer with all the longing in his heart. Spencer looked his way, as if he felt Zayn watching him. Heat passed between them. Zayn had to take a breath. There was no way Spencer still wanted him after everything that happened.
Felix stood. “I think I’ll go find my husband.”
“Okay.” Zayn couldn’t blame him. It wasn’t like Zayn was very good company today... or any day, for that matter. He never had anything to talk about. No one understood how conscious he was of literally having nothing to say. Unhappiness washed over him like a tsunami. With his gaze averted from Spencer, Zayn stood and headed for the door. No one tried stopping him. Halfway home, he decided he didn’t want to go back to the silence. Instead, he changed directions and headed for town. It wasn’t until he sat inside the same restaurant where everything started with Spencer that he wished he had gone home.
At a table catercorner to his, the same fucking obnoxious heart surgeon sat with some blond guy. The poor kid looked barely out of high school and obviously had no idea the shithead doctor took every man there. It was better to be lonely. Zayn dropped the money for his drink and a tip on the table and headed out. It wasn’t like he was ever hungry anymore. In fact, Zayn couldn’t recall the last time he had eaten. His phone buzzed on the way to his car. Zayn checked the face.
Mom: Did you leave without your date?
Zayn: No.
He turned off his phone for good measure. Zayn was tired of being available for people and things that weren’t available for him. He drove home on autopilot. The moment he was inside the safety of his home and away from prying eyes, Zayn settled on his couch with his laptop. It was time to go somewhere. He hadn’t traveled in a while. There was nothing stopping him from spending the next year or so seeing the world. He didn’t know why he hadn’t thought to just go before now. Zayn could see it all. Maybe happiness was out there somewhere, and he was missing it. A movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. Zayn turned to tell Rocky his plan.
“What do you think about...”
Jinx stood with Rocky at his back.
“You have a visitor,” Rocky said unnecessarily.
Jinx gave him a small nervous-looking wave. “Hi. Sorry to drop by unannounced. I didn’t have your number.”
Rocky slithered away as Zayn sat forward and set his laptop on the coffee table. “That’s fine. Come in. I’ve been meaning to check on you, but I don’t have your number either.”
Jinx moved farther inside the room. With his hands shoved in the pockets of his hoodie, he still tried motioning around the room. “You have an amazing place.”
“Thank you. Would you like to sit down?”
Even though he moved gingerly, as if unsure of his welcome, Jinx still sat on the opposite end of the couch. “Thank you for the arrangement you sent. Mom loved getting flowers. She would’ve been thrilled.”
A wave of fresh sadness washed over Zayn. His mom didn’t have much to do with him, but it would break his heart if she passed. “I’m sorry for your loss. It has to be a nightmare.”
Jinx nodded. “I’m definitely ready to wake up now.” He shifted uncomfortably as he stared at a spot over Zayn’s shoulder. “I dropped by to apologize.”
Jinx’s claim caught Zayn off balance. “For what?”
Jinx made another gesture with his hands in his pockets. “For everything, I guess. Mom was sick for a long time and had been getting worse for a while. I knew she didn’t have much time left, and Spencer is really the only person I’ve had to lean on. When he started dating you, I guess I became a bit territorial. I don’t know how to explain it, but it should’ve never happened. Spencer is just my boss, and I get I ruined your relationship. I’m just... miserably lonely, I suppose.”
Zayn’s throat burned. For a moment, he swore he looked at himself. “You didn’t ruin anything. It probably looks that way. God knows I’ve felt like the worst person on the planet since I know Spencer probably thinks that leaving with you is why I’m done. It’s not.” Zayn glanced around, trying desperately to find a place to start. “It’s... sitting in that goddamn pottery class alone when it was his idea to begin with. It’s every time he made plans with me and didn’t show. He booked a gig on my birthday when we had plans, for fuck’s sake. I mean, I completely understand that he needs to make money, but I’m just...”
“Incredibly lonely,” Jinx finished for him.
Zayn’s shoulders fell.
They sat in silence.
After a few minutes passed, Jinx nodded toward the laptop. “Are you going on a trip?”
Zayn shrugged. “I guess. I’m always alone anyhow. There’s nothing stopping me from being by myself in a new location.”
Jinx looked around. “No offense, but your place seems cold as hell. I’ve been here five minutes, and I feel isolated as fuck. Don’t you own a TV or something?”
A laugh burst from Zayn. “This is supposed to be my tranquil room. Would you like to see the rest of the house? It’s not as quiet.”
Jinx lit, and suddenly, Zayn didn’t feel quite so alone. It hit him how young Jinx was and how horrible life was for him right now. Jinx needed a little distraction. Zayn’s money was good for at least that much. He could afford to keep Jinx entertained for the day and his mind off his loss. Zayn could do that, and maybe he needed that too.
Spencer had taken a huge risk by showing up at Elena’s place. He had been here once before when Felix’s son had turned a year old. Of course, that day, he had been working, DJing the party. He hadn’t really met anyone other than Koda’s mom and Zayn that day. This time, he came with a new purpose—to bully his way into Zayn’s life. Also, he needed to see for himself if Rocky’s claims were true. They were painfully, horribly accurate. He had watched
as Zayn sat alone in a crowd of supposed friends and family. Felix had been the only one to sit and talk with him, but not for long. Zayn’s mom didn’t appear to notice Zayn at all. Spencer had been aware of every single move Zayn made. He had known the precise moment Zayn realized he was there. Spencer had known the exact second Zayn left. No one told Zayn goodbye, asked why he was leaving, or acknowledged he was gone. Spencer could have left then. He hadn’t. Instead, Spencer had stayed and talked to everyone and mentioned Zayn’s name to every single person. He had made his presence known. They might have forgotten Zayn existed. Spencer reminded them.
He saved Hana for last.
“So, you are dating my son,” she said the moment his ass hit the chair beside her.
“Yes, ma’am.”
Her dark brown gaze moved his way and swept over him. She looked away. “You look like someone who’ll disappoint the fuck out of him.”
Despite her nasty claim, Spencer bit back a smile. She was probably only four foot eleven and ninety pounds. Mean things usually came in small packages. He shouldn’t have been surprised. Plus, she wasn’t wrong. Spencer had already disappointed him. “Most likely.”
At his agreement, she snorted. “Is that why he left without you?”
She was blunt. Spencer could be too. “I’m surprised you noticed he left since you never acknowledged he was here.”
“He’s my son. He can find the chair beside me as easily as you did.”
Spencer wasn’t having that bullshit. “You’re right. He’s your son. You could’ve found the chair beside him but didn’t bother.”
Her narrowed gaze slid his way again. “If you have something to say, say it.”
Spencer stood and pushed his chair in. “I’ve already said it. It was nice meeting you.”
She released a short, humorless laugh. “Most people care what their future in-laws think of them.”
Since he had already lost Zayn, Spencer didn’t have to worry about that. He was free to say what Zayn wouldn’t. “Since we’ve been together for months and I’ve never seen you until I sought you out, I’m not that bothered.”
Spencer walked away, unfazed by the drama he started. Zayn would never admit that it hurt him to be ignored by the people he financially carried. Spencer didn’t give a fuck about anyone’s feelings. Since he had caused all the damage he could and Zayn was gone, Spencer headed for the door. He almost made it to his car before Felix chased him down.
“Spencer, hold up. What the hell is going on?”
Spencer kept his features blank as he turned Felix’s way. “What do you mean?”
Felix made a wild gesture. “I mean, you show up here separate from Zayn and you two don’t even speak before he leaves. What the hell?”
He could make an excuse and leave. Felix wouldn’t stop him again. Instead, Spencer took a deep breath and said the first words that popped into his head. “None of you deserve him.”
Felix blinked, as if Spencer’s words were the last that he expected to hear. “Okay.”
Something broke inside Spencer. He had been hobbled by the fact that he was a complete fuck-up. No more. Maybe everything was his fault, but everyone else had taken a swing at Zayn before Spencer got there to level him. The people in Zayn’s life needed to know they weren’t blameless. “When was the last time you called to check on him?”
“Never,” Felix said, sounding as if the idea of it was beyond him. “We’re not really close like that. He’s more Koda’s friend than mine.”
That was fair. Felix had married into this. “Sorry. I’m just angry. I watched Zayn get ignored today by everyone but you, and I don’t even know what to say. This is supposed to be... never mind.” Spencer didn’t know how to get his point across. Maybe he didn’t have one. His family was terrible, so it was possible he didn’t know how a normal family functioned. Possibly, this was it. “I should go.”
“Okay.” Felix sounded sad, as if Spencer had broken something else. He was on a roll lately, losing friends right and left. Spencer probably shouldn’t have come here. He wouldn’t again. Without looking back, he headed for his SUV. He had one more mistake to make. Spencer headed for Zayn’s.
To his surprise, whoever the night shift guard was, he waved Spencer into the house without argument. Usually, whoever answered the door would point Spencer in the right direction. This time, he only had to follow the sound of loud voices and laughter. He stepped inside Zayn’s gaming room and froze. Zayn, Jinx, and Rocky all wore VR headsets and held controllers in each hand. They laughed and cursed one another as they battled virtually for whatever prize they saw inside their goggles. Spencer found the nearest chair and watched. Even though he couldn’t see what they did, it quickly became obvious that Zayn and Jinx had teamed up against Rocky. They teased him mercilessly. There was a pressure in his chest that felt a lot like pride as he watched the scene unfold. For the first time in years, Jinx looked his age. Spencer knew that was Zayn’s doing. Spencer startled as Zayn and Jinx yelled triumphantly in unison while Rocky groaned. As one, they took off their headsets. Their laughter died away as they spotted Spencer waiting.
Rocky set his gear aside before taking Jinx’s and setting it beside his. He slung his arm across Jinx’s shoulders. “Come on. I promised you dinner if you won. I always keep my word.”
Jinx flashed Spencer a smile as he let Rocky steer him from the room. Spencer watched the pair until they were gone. Then his gaze slid Zayn’s way. Zayn put their gear away. Spencer’s throat swelled as he stared at Zayn. He wanted the happiness back. Spencer craved the intimacy they once shared. He didn’t want Zayn’s anger.
“Should I ask?”
Zayn flashed him a strained-looking smile over his shoulder. “Jinx came by to apologize for coming between us. I assured him it wasn’t his fault and then I decided he needed a distraction from his loss.”
Spencer swallowed, trying hard to keep breathing through the pain. “You’re a good man.” He swallowed again. Nothing he did seemed to ease the pressure growing in his throat and behind his eyes. “Truthfully, I could use a distraction from the loss too.”
Zayn sat in the closest chair, as if Spencer’s claim took out his knees. “I’m sorry. I guess you were pretty upset about Jinx’s mom too. You were close to his family.”
Spencer shook his head. “I mean, I was, but that’s not what I meant. Losing you is what’s killing me.”
Zayn didn’t respond.
Spencer couldn’t stop talking. “I met your mom.”
“How did that go?”
Spencer fought to keep his feelings from showing in his expression and tone. “She’s not the worst.”
A smile snapped to Zayn’s lips at Spencer’s answer. “She isn’t the best either.”
Spencer smiled. “Oh, yeah. She does not like me. You won’t be getting her blessing.” His smile fell. “Not that you need it, since you’re done with me.”
Zayn didn’t say anything.
The pressure in Spencer’s chest doubled. He couldn’t leave. “I went to the doctor recently, and it turns out you’re right. I have ADHD. It’s funny that you knew that when no one else ever bothered to check.”
Zayn shrugged. “It wasn’t commonly assessed when we were kids. My friend just got lucky because he had a pediatrician who saw more cases than most.”
Spencer nodded. Zayn still hadn’t kicked him out, so he didn’t go. “They gave me a choice to try taking meds or go without since I’ve made it this far in life. Since it’s obviously affecting my short-term memory, I’ve decided to try the meds.”
For a moment, Zayn didn’t say anything. He opened his mouth to speak before closing it again, as if thinking better of it.
Spencer couldn’t take it. “Say whatever you meant to say. I can take it. Most likely, I deserve it.”
Zayn smiled. “It wasn’t anything bad. I just started to say, if you don’t like the way they make you feel, don’t keep taking them on my account. Then I remembered that was dumb. There’s
no reason for you to do anything on my account.”
“Why?” The question popped out before Spencer could call it back. It was too late. The floodgates opened. “I want to make you happy. No doubt it doesn’t look that way, but I do. It’s not your fault I’m stupid.”
Rage flashed in Zayn’s eyes. “You’re not stupid. When you open your mouth, I expect you to talk about yourself the same way you’d speak to me. Would you call me stupid?”
Spencer blinked. He had never seen Zayn lose his temper. “No.”
Zayn gave him a sharp nod. “Then you don’t get to talk about yourself like that either. You are mine and I expect you to be treated with respect, even by you.”
Spencer held his breath. He was like a deer trapped in the headlights of an oncoming car. The last thing he wanted to do was to hope, but he couldn’t stop it from happening. He didn’t know if Zayn realized what he had said.
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