“Well?” Zayn snapped when Spencer didn’t respond.
“Okay.” He dragged the word out, hoping it was the right answer.
Zayn scrubbed at his forehead. “Why do you drive me insane like this?”
Spencer didn’t know how to respond, especially since he was pretty sure the answer was that he was dumb.
Zayn dropped his hand and stared at Spencer. “I shouldn’t have lost my temper when you left here with Jinx.”
“I know you weren’t mad about that.” Spencer had to be honest. He knew he had been fucking up way before that moment broke them.
“Still,” Zayn said, dismissing Spencer’s claim. “It was bad timing for me to finally break. Jinx needed you more than me.”
“That doesn’t excuse the hundred times you needed me, and I was too busy.”
They stared at each other in silence.
Spencer couldn’t take the anger. “I will do better by you. No doubt you’re tired of hearing empty promises from me, but I mean it. I love you. I don’t want to lose you.”
Zayn didn’t react. He simply stared at Spencer in silence.
A humorless smile tugged at Spencer’s lips. “Do you have nothing to say?”
“I usually don’t,” Zayn said, sounding calm. “But in this case, I’m thinking. Do you know what I think our problem is?”
“What?” Spencer needed Zayn to have the answers.
“I think because of your short-term memory issues, a lot of our problems are just an out-of-sight, out-of-mind thing. When we’re not together, you don’t think about me.”
Spencer’s eyebrows snapped together into a scowl. “That’s not true. I think about you all the time.”
“Were you thinking about me all the times you forgot about me?”
Zayn didn’t sound angry, merely curious. That had Spencer truly considering the question and answering honestly. “No. Every time I forgot our plans, I was always distracted by whatever I was doing at the time. When I’m working, I lose myself to it.”
“You should move in with me.”
Spencer blinked at the sudden proclamation. “What?”
Zayn nodded. “If you forget me because you’re busy and you honestly don’t want to do that anymore, then move in with me. I should think it would be pretty fucking hard to forget me if you’re under my roof.”
Spencer jumped to explain his initial reaction. He didn’t want Zayn to get the wrong idea. “I’m thrilled at the idea of sleeping in the same bed with you every night. That’s not the issue. I don’t want to give up everything I own for someone who doesn’t love me.”
A line appeared between Zayn’s eyebrows. “You don’t have to give up anything, and of course I love you. I wouldn’t have suggested this if I didn’t.”
“Oh.” Seriously, Spencer had nothing else. He hadn’t expected Zayn to admit to loving him when he had been so thoroughly finished with Spencer only moments ago. Another thought hit. “I don’t want to be another person in your life who takes more than they give.”
“Then don’t be.” Zayn said the words as if the answer was that simple, and really, it was. Spencer could be here each and every day, giving Zayn the love everyone else denied him. The more Spencer thought about it, the more he wanted to stay here with Zayn.
“I’ve missed you so goddamn much.”
Zayn dropped his chin as if Spencer’s claim overwhelmed him. When he met Spencer’s gaze again, he looked devastated. “I’ll never forgive myself for letting you leave here to take care of Jinx alone. I should’ve been there for you to lean on. You have no idea how angry I am with myself.”
Spencer shot to his feet and crossed the room. “No. We’re not doing that.” Spencer went down onto his knees at Zayn’s feet. “We’re new at this and I should’ve told you sooner that Jinx is like a little brother to me.”
“He’s so young,” Zayn said, sounding surprised he hadn’t truly noticed that sooner.
Spencer nodded. “He definitely needs us, but it’s on me that I didn’t say that. My point is, we’re bound to make mistakes. We just need to start talking to each other instead of each of us waiting on the other to flounder through.” He held Zayn’s stare, needing Zayn to see his heart. “I love you. You’re the man I want. I’m not perfect, but I think you love me anyway. We are too amazing together to let anything tear us apart.”
Zayn traced Spencer’s jawline, stroking his beard. “That’s definitely true. Since the very first time I set eyes on you, I haven’t stopped thinking about you. There isn’t a doubt in my mind the universe has been driving me toward you. I am so, so in love with you.”
Spencer’s eyes fell closed at the confession. He had been closer to losing Zayn for good than he ever wanted to be again. “There’s nothing I won’t do to keep you.”
Zayn touched his lips to the corner of Spencer’s mouth. He lingered, sweetly teasing Spencer with the lightest of kisses. A breath caught in the back of Spencer’s throat as desire stirred in his gut.
“I want you,” Zayn whispered against Spencer’s lips.
Spencer’s body hummed with need.
Zayn wasn’t through torturing him. “I’ve been slowly dying without your hands on my skin.”
“What about Rocky and Jinx?”
Zayn scrubbed his fingers through Spencer’s beard again, nearly rolling Spencer’s eyes back in his head. “Rocky took Jinx out to dinner. That was their bet.”
Spencer was on his feet in an instant, towing Zayn out of his chair. He didn’t look back to see Zayn’s reaction as he rushed Zayn through the house to Zayn’s bedroom. The moment they were closed inside, he fell on Zayn like a crazed fiend. Their hands were everywhere, tugging and pulling. He heard fabric rip. Spencer was beyond caring. In a show of sexy strength, since they were both big guys, Zayn lifted Spencer off his feet and tossed him onto the bed. Spencer bounced and then sank into the luxurious mattress. Zayn’s features were hard as he stripped away the bottom half of Spencer’s clothing. All Spencer could do was gasp for air and take it.
Zayn barely had his dick out and the bare minimum of lube applied before Spencer’s legs were over Zayn’s shoulders and Zayn cock was in Spencer’s ass. There was nothing sweet about their coming together. It was primal and desperate—just like them. They were carnal people, and their sex life had always been phenomenal. Tonight was no different, except now there was a desperation in the air. They had almost lost each other. That tinted everything. There was a blush of promise in their encounter. It was dark and possessive. Spencer clawed at Zayn’s skin, trying to pull him deeper. Zayn’s hold was bruising as he pounded inside Spencer. Cries and gasps filled the bedroom. Monstrous desire clawed at Spencer’s brain. Pre-cum leaked onto his stomach as pressure climbed his shaft. His open mouth gasped for oxygen as he strained toward release. Spencer held Zayn’s intense stare. The first spasm hit. A cry ripped from his throat as cum shot from his dick, hitting his bottom lip. Spencer swiped it away with his tongue.
Zayn roared as he slammed his hips against Spencer’s ass. Even as ecstasy lit his skin ablaze, Spencer couldn’t stop watching Zayn as he pumped Spencer’s ass full of cum. He couldn’t wait to be left leaking. Spencer felt owned in that moment. He belonged to someone. Zayn wanted to keep him forever. Spencer’s eyes burned at the thought. He gasped for breath, but for a new reason. Spencer fought the tears that tried escaping. He had been so close to losing the only person who loved him. His whole life, he had been unwanted. Now this beautiful man had asked to keep him. He was vulnerable in a way he had never been. Spencer felt like they were part of an epic love story. One where the fuck-up won the popular guy. He never wanted to wake up from this dream.
Their touches turned loving and their kisses sweet. Time passed as they snuggled beneath the covers, touching and kissing while whispering words of love. As Spencer drifted to sleep with Zayn in his arms, his hold automatically tightened. Never again would he let Zayn slip away. Zayn was stuck with him.
Nine
The dining room smelled like bacon and eggs. Zayn savored the way Spencer played with his fingers beneath the dining room table. It felt strangely right to have Rocky and Jinx at the table, enjoying a peaceful breakfast with them. They felt like a family. Zayn’s chest swelled at the thought. He wanted this. He didn’t want to go back to living in silence and slogging through every moment alone.
“Spencer is moving in.” The words burst from Zayn. He hadn’t planned to make any huge announcement or anything. It simply happened.
Rocky never looked up from his plate. He kept eating like it was just another day. “Sounds good. I’ll make sure all the guys know.”
Jinx was all smiles. “That’s great. I’m so happy for you both. Seriously. It’s amazing to see you both smiling.”
Zayn wasn’t finished. “Also, we were thinking, how would you like to join us, Jinx? There’s plenty of room here.”
Jinx’s jaw dropped.
Zayn kept going, pleading his case. “There’s enough space in this house that you could see as little or as much of us as you like. I know I’m asking a lot, but we enjoy having you around and I don’t like the idea of you being alone right now.”
Spencer squeezed his fingers beneath the table.
Zayn didn’t dare glance his way since they hadn’t talked about this at all. It had been a spur-of-the-moment decision. Jinx was young and alone in the world. He was a genuinely sweet guy. Zayn couldn’t send him home to be alone with his dark thoughts after losing his mom.
Jinx glanced around the table, visibly grasping for anyone to help him deal with Zayn’s offer. Rocky was all about his food, proving his life wouldn’t be affected either way. Zayn tried to keep his expression hopeful. Jinx’s gaze landed on Spencer and didn’t move.
Spencer didn’t let Zayn down. “Seriously, Jinx. You’ve always been like family to me. We want you here with us. Plus, I’ll likely be working from here once I find a spot in the house to set up. It would be easier for you to be here than to make this drive every time I have a gig.”
Jinx’s eyes softened. His shoulders relaxed. “Okay. Yeah. I mean, if you two promise to tell me if you get sick of having me underfoot, then yeah. Wow.” He looked every bit as blown away as he sounded, and Zayn knew he had made the right decision.
“You have a guest.”
At the sudden interruption, Zayn glanced over his shoulder to find his mom standing in the doorway. Zayn fought through his shock to stumble to his feet.
“Mom. Hey. I didn’t know you were stopping by. Would you like some breakfast?”
Hana glanced around the kitchen, taking in the people at the table. “Good morning, boys. Maybe I’ll join you for a small bite. Spencer, Zayn, and I have plans to meet Elena and her boys for lunch today, but a few slices of bacon shouldn’t hurt.”
Zayn tried clinging to reality as he held a chair out for his mom to sit. There was so much to take in, Zayn didn’t know where to start. He hadn’t known about any plans with Elena. It was possible she had told Spencer since he had been at Elena’s yesterday, but Zayn doubted it. Zayn reclaimed his seat at Spencer’s side. He sat in a shocked haze while Hana introduced herself to Jinx. Spencer squeezed his fingers beneath the table again, somewhat pulling Zayn from his daze. Zayn noticed Rocky still stared at his plate, obviously trying to stay out of everything.
Hana wasn’t having it. She lightly smacked Rocky’s arm. “Hey there, boy. How have you been? Have you been staying out of trouble?”
“Yes, ma’am.” Rocky barely muttered the words before excusing himself from the table. Zayn understood. Rocky had always been super protective of Zayn. By extension, he didn’t care for anyone he felt took advantage of Zayn. That included Zayn’s mom.
The moment Rocky was gone, Hana turned Zayn’s way. “You did a great thing by giving Rocky a job. He’s a good boy.”
Zayn nodded. He was still trying to figure out what train had hit him. Slowly, Jinx and Spencer disappeared to do different things, leaving Zayn alone with his mom. She wasted no time once they were alone.
“It’s funny. Until I spoke to Spencer yesterday, I thought I was doing right by you.”
Zayn didn’t know what he was meant to say to that. He chose the bare minimum. “How’s that?”
Hana made a helpless gesture. “You live this lifestyle that I don’t understand. I never had money until you gave it to me. So, to me, I just imagined you out living some jet-setter life that I could only dream about having at your age. Instead, it seems you’ve been here, and I’ve been ignoring my only child. I honestly thought you wouldn’t want an old lady in the way of enjoying youth, wealth, and all those things have to offer.”
“And you learned all this from Spencer?” Zayn tried keeping up, but the shock kept his brain addled.
“Obviously, he wasn’t cruel and didn’t say all that, but he made me see I’ve been wrong.” Hana took his hand between hers. “You are my baby and always will be. Every day, I wake up full of pride for the man you’ve become. I’ll admit it was hard for me to accept that you’re gay, because it felt like I was losing any chance of being a grandmother someday. Having Elena around helped when I learned your truth, and it’s helping now that I see her with her grandchild. I’ve been wrong about a lot in my life, but I am here. I love you and I wish I could see you more often.”
“Of course, Momma. I love you too.”
She patted his hand. “Now tell me about Spencer and Jinx.”
Zayn held his mom’s hand and told her about Spencer moving in and Jinx losing his mom. He explained how he couldn’t let Jinx go home to mourn alone. Before he knew it, two hours had passed, and he had talked more than he had in years.
Hana nodded along, interjecting occasionally until she noticed the time. “Shit. It’s almost time to meet Elena. Get dressed and grab all the boys. Jinx and Rocky should go with us too. I should get to know Jinx so I can mother him, and Rocky has never liked me, but I’m not giving up.”
Zayn kissed her cheek and moved to do as told. More than anything, though, he wanted to find Spencer and hold him. He didn’t know what Spencer had said to his mom, but he felt like he had her back. Zayn could never thank Spencer enough for that. He didn’t even know where to start.
Although Spencer hadn’t expected Zayn’s mom to come around because of anything he said, he had to admit it was amazing to see Zayn looking so happy. He also enjoyed lunch with everyone. However, Spencer’s mood started to deteriorate about hour eight. He didn’t mean to turn quiet, but everyone else was so loud. Usually, when Spencer was in a large crowd, he had music playing in his ears and could tune everyone out. That wasn’t happening today. Spencer kept fighting back panic attacks. By the time they made it home, Spencer was ready to scream. Everything felt like too much. He wasn’t used to so much busyness. Hana had agreed to play poker with Jinx and Rocky, making Spencer worry he was nowhere near the end of the tunnel.
Before he knew what happened, Spencer found himself inside a dark coat closet with Zayn holding him tightly. Quiet surrounded him. Spencer took a deep breath. Zayn didn’t make a sound, proving he understood Spencer’s inner panic. Spencer closed his eyes and held on while Zayn slowly rubbed in circles on his back. His mind calmed a hair.
“Tell me what you need from the warehouse and I’ll send someone to get it.” He pushed something on the wall inside the closet and a secret passage opened into a nearly empty room. “I’ll have them bring it here and you can be alone for a while.”
“How many hidden passages are in this house?” Spencer asked with a laugh as he stepped inside the room.
Zayn’s eyes flashed with mischief. “Several. I’ll show you someday. For now, you can have this room to work in or whatever. You need a break from me.”
As much as Spencer wanted to feel like shit, Zayn made it impossible by being so understanding. Still, he needed to clarify one thing. “I don’t need a break from you. There’s just too much noise.”
Zayn nodded. “You need to escape. Give me a list of wha
t you need.”
Spencer typed a list of necessary items from the warehouse into Zayn’s phone. He gave Zayn the info he needed to get inside the warehouse and explained where everything could be found. Zayn nodded along. Once Zayn had all the information he required, he gave Spencer one last kiss and left him alone. Spencer eyed the lone chair and empty desk in the room. The room was pretty bare. There was nothing special about it, but it was quiet. Spencer checked out the closet and the connected bathroom. Everything looked unused. After he finished snooping, he sat and pulled out his phone. There wasn’t a ton he could accomplish with only a phone, but he had access to his music files.
Time passed. Spencer lost himself. A guy who worked nights came and went, dropping off equipment. In no time, Spencer had his laptop and DJ board. With his headphones in place, he went to work. He moved to the beat in his ears without thinking. His mind calmed. Peace settled over him. Spencer didn’t think about anything. The world around him ceased to exist. He blinked and realized Zayn was there, sitting on a couch he hadn’t noticed anyone bringing into the room. It was like that for him, though. He zoned out whenever he worked.
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