Growing Up Twice

by Rowan Coleman

  I’ve watched Chris and Rosie together all day. He handles her like cut glass. Sometimes they just look at each other and smile, as if to say, ‘Everything is going to be fine.’ I think they are both scared, but even I have to admit there is love there. I let the ghost of my own history slip away and looking at them with fresh eyes I see hope in their future.

  I’m thirty. I’ve been thirty all day. So far, it doesn’t seem to be too bad. There was no spontaneous growth of white hair out of the top of my head; no instant eruption of crow’s-feet around my eyes and my breasts didn’t take an irresistible tumble to meet my toes. The relief that flooded through me when I looked in the mirror this morning made me realise I had been waiting for the big day just as the whole world had worried about Millennium Eve. As it turns out, the world hasn’t ended and it was in danger of becoming a bit of an anticlimax as far as landmark events go, or at least it would have been if my friends hadn’t arranged this evening for me.

  Apparently the venue was Josh’s idea. He’s got a friend in tonight’s act, a rhythm-and-blues soul band complete with a horn section and the most fantastically talented voiced female singer called Coco. His friend, Jake the Lung as he seems to be known, who plays trumpet, told him about a local gig and it turns out it was on my birthday. What a happy coincidence.

  ‘I thought it’d make a nice change from the usual clubbing palaver and this way Rosie can get a seat and even Adem might enjoy it. More his sort of era really,’ Josh told me when they announced what they were planning. We’d giggled until Selin’s icy stare silenced us, but really one of the things I like best about Adem is that he knows more about the music I love than I do.

  The place is packed for a weeknight, and the atmosphere is great. The music is top class, the singer is wonderful and the feeling of Josh’s eyes on the back of my neck sends tingles of anticipation up and down my spine. Good times.

  Selin slides into a seat next to me. ‘Having a good time, darling?’ she asks, pouring more champagne into my glass.

  ‘Yeah, really good thanks, this is just what I needed: a good old razzle-dazzle night out dressed up like a film star. Everyone else in here must think we’re barking. Hey, go easy there with that champagne. I don’t want to get too ratted too soon.’

  Selin smiles to herself. ‘Just a bit of Dutch courage, that’s all,’ she says as she tops up her own glass. ‘If you don’t need it I sure as hell do.’ She knocks back a glass in one.

  ‘Dutch courage, for me? I don’t need it. I feel fine now really, right back on track.’ Sweet of her to think that I might be feeling nervous about tonight.

  She wrinkles up her nose as the champagne bubbles fizz, and suppresses a giggle. ‘I know, so listen, you’ve got an interview for your course next week?’

  I nod. ‘Yeah, and my work experience sorted out. And I had my second driving lesson yesterday and the instructor looked much less frightened this time.’

  She circles her arms around my neck and looks into my eyes. ‘I’m so proud of you, you know that don’t you?’

  Seeing a bonding moment from across the table Rosie comes to join in. ‘And me, I’m proud of you too,’ she says, keen not to be left out.

  ‘Well thanks, I’m proud of both of you.’ And I can’t stop it, I find myself saying, ‘I love you guys. I really do.’ We all laugh ironically, but we all secretly mean it.

  ‘After tonight, let’s make sure we never keep anything from each other ever again, OK? It’s just not worth the hassle. OK?’ Selin says.

  ‘Sure, starting from now, I agree. I don’t know why I ever did,’ I say.

  Rosie and Selin look at each other. ‘After tonight then, no more secrets.’

  We break our hug and I sink back into my chair, nodding my head in time to a funky rendition of ‘Nowhere to Run To’. I find my glass being filled once more by Josh as he leans his mouth close to my ear and I smile.

  ‘Are you having a good time?’ he asks softly.

  I turn in my chair to face him and take his hand. ‘The best, this is exactly what I need. Thank you for organising this, Josh.’

  His smile makes my heart jump and before I can think about what I’m doing I take his face in my hands and kiss him. The brass section soars into a frenzied middle eight and the air vibrates with feel-good music; my body feels suddenly supercharged with unparallelled joy and lust. We break apart, heady with the sensation of each other, the heat and the music. I lick my lips, enjoying the taste of him. I look around to gauge the reaction of the girls but they are both absent, group trip to the ladies’, I expect.

  ‘I’m so glad you did that now,’ he says, with a wry grin.

  ‘Well, it seemed like the right time, after all this time. It seems perfect.’ I smile into his eyes with blissful certainty.

  He’s suddenly looking a bit shifty, what’s going on? Has he changed his mind? He takes my hand and kisses my fingertips. He hasn’t changed his mind?

  ‘It is perfect and if I survive this evening I can’t wait to get you home and make it even more perfect. But what I mean is, I’m so glad you kissed me now because in about two minutes or so you’re more likely going to want to kill me.’

  I shake my head and laugh at him. ‘What are you talking about?’

  He nods at the stage and as I turn, the familiar intro to ‘Respect’ fills the room with a burst of frenetic musical energy.

  ‘Oh, you got me a request!’ I say over my shoulder to him. ‘That’s really sweet.’

  ‘Ladies and gentlemen,’ Coco says into the microphone, as she steps off the stage and in amongst the tables, and the introduction loops back and forth in a rhythmic riff, ‘we often have birthday requests, but this one’s a little bit special.’ I smile at Josh as she weaves her way towards us. I have never seen him look so nervous. What is he so stressed about?

  ‘Because tonight I’m not going to be the one to sing the request to you, oh no.’ The crowd responds with a drunken cheer as Coco arrives at my side. The spotlight illuminates our table.

  Chris, Dan and Adem are lost in a helpless fit of giggles.

  ‘Re, re, re, re, re, re respect!’ The backing singers kick in, sounding a bit ropey, to be honest. Where are Rosie and Selin?

  ‘Oh, just a little bit, Oh, just a little bit. Re, re, re, re, re, re, re, re respect!’ I look at the stage.

  That’s where Rosie and Selin are. On stage singing backing vocals. I’m certain I haven’t taken any hallucinogenic drugs.

  ‘Josh, what’s going on? Have I ended up in an episode of Ally McBeal?’ I ask him warily. He backs his chair away from me an inch. Coco waves a fantastically manicured hand at me.

  ‘Because tonight, ladies and gentlemen, the birthday girl is going to sing to you herself!’ My jaw drops and I stare at Coco in horror. She smiles in return.

  ‘I give you Jenny and the Jennettes!’ The crowd erupts with laughter and applause. My jaw drops to my cleavage and I grip my champagne glass like a drowning woman at a life-jacket. Coco hands me her microphone before I can think to refuse it.

  ‘Go on, honey, get up there,’ she says with an encouraging smile and a Sheffield accent. I look back at the stage. Rose and Selin have made up a little dance to go with their singing. Selin waves at me and winks, crooking her little finger to beckon me on stage.

  ‘I am actually going to kill you,’ I say to Josh, jumping when I realise I’m talking into the microphone. The crowd cheers with delight. Josh’s grin is bigger than the Cheshire Cat’s, and his very obvious pleasure makes it hard to be really angry with him. That and the sudden paralysing fear that has gripped my chest.

  ‘I just wanted you to have the chance to do all of the things you said you were going to do by the time you’re thirty. I wanted you to be able to start tomorrow knowing how far you’ve come, to be ready to start a fresh page. With me. So here we are. Go on, your mates are up there waiting for you. You know you can do it. I know you can do it.’

  I hold the microphone away from my mouth and lean in to hi
m.

  ‘I am going to kill you, but this is the sweetest, most incredible thing that anyone has ever done for me, so I have to warn you, probably right after I’ve embarrassed myself and killed you, I’m very likely to totally fall for you and you’ll never get rid of me.’

  His brown eyes hold mine for a second.

  ‘Warning heeded and ignored. I fell for you a long time ago. Now go!’

  I down any dregs of champagne I find and stand up to encouraging applause.

  ‘Thank God,’ Rosie’s voice comes over the speakers. ‘I thought I was going to go into labour stood here.’

  The audience laughs and claps again. I say into the microphone, ‘You won’t be laughing after you’ve heard this. Sorry, Aretha.’

  I give the girls the finger as I get on stage, but I’m laughing all the same. I can’t believe I’m about to do this. Jake the Lung catches my eye, asking if I’m ready.

  Well, it’s now or never. I’m ready, I nod at him. I take a deep breath and think about the future.

  ‘R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Find out what it means to me.’

  Acknowledgements

  With thanks to Kate Elton and Lizzy Kremer for all their help, support, inspiration and spelling corrections.

  Also to my dear friends Jenny Mathews and Rosie Woolley who graciously lent me their names when I couldn’t think of any for two of the characters, and on whom neither namesake is based!

  Especial love and thanks to Erol for his unwavering support and belief in me, and last but in no way least to my daughter Lily who grew at more or less the same rate as the book and was born just after its completion. She has made growing up wonderful.

  This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorized distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.

  Version 1.0

  Epub ISBN 9781473527355

  www.randomhouse.co.uk

  Published by Arrow Books in 2002

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  Copyright © Rowan Coleman 2002

  Rowan Coleman has asserted her right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988 to be identified as the author of this work

  This novel is a work of fiction. Names and characters are the product of the author’s imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental

  First published in the United Kingdom in 2002 by Century

  Arrow Books

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  A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

  ISBN 9780099427681