It turned out that Levi had an aversion to clothing when he was in the house. He walked around either naked or just in boxers as soon as he came through the door. Now, I enjoy the sight of my naked husband more than anything, but it was kind of shocking the first time.
My favorite time was bedtime. When we would lay together in the dark and talk about our dreams for the future.
“Do you want babies?” I asked him hesitantly. I wasn't at all sure how I felt about it, but I wanted to know his thoughts.
“Now, or in the future?” He kissed my fingers.
“Definitely in the future. There’s so much I want to see and do before that happens, if it even does happen. The idea of it is nice, but it’s scary to me at the same time.” I tried to pull my hand away from him but he held on.
“Hey, no pulling away. We’re in this together now, so tell me what scares you about it.”
“I’m terrified that I won’t be a good mother. I didn’t really have the best example or childhood. What if I’m no good at it?”
“You are not your mom. You never will be. You’ll never repeat the same mistakes that your parents did. When and if we have kids, we’ll figure it out as we go. I’m not even a little bit worried about the kind of mother you will be, Becca. I know your heart and the amount of love you are capable of giving. Look at Chad—you raised him, and he’s a pretty amazing kid, right?”
I sighed. He was right, of course. “My head totally agrees with you, but the insecure part of my heart is terrified.”
“We have the rest of our lives for babies. We’re still young enough that most people would think we were nuts if we got pregnant right now anyway. I married the beautiful person that you are, knowing full well where you came from. Do you trust my judgment?” His smile was disarming.
I threw a pillow at his face. “You know I do. This will just be something I have to work my way through. I want our happily ever after more than you know.”
As we drifted off to sleep, his words rang out in my mind. Did I trust his judgment? What a silly question for him to ask. I trusted everything about him. I knew he would always catch me, no matter how high I could fly.
We tried to go back to how things were before we had gotten married, but it wasn't really working. The dynamic had changed because Levi and I were separate from them. I was coming to terms with that.
After one of my classes, I met Sadie back at her and Mel’s room. They were sharing a double this year. It was super weird not being there with them, but I tried to hide it.
“What’s up? You seem weird.” Sadie eyed me from the little kitchenette across from the living room.
“Do I?” I shrugged.
“Yeah, you do, or I wouldn’t have said it. So out with it.” She cocked a dark brow at me.
“I don’t know. I just feel off. I thought that everything would be perfect once Levi and I got married, but I feel sort of separated from you guys now.” Word vomit was the only way to describe what I had just done.
Sadie laughed. “Did you honestly think that things would stay the exact same as they were? You’re married! Married! You guys are on a whole different plane than the rest of us, and that’s okay. We’re still friends, and we’ll still do things together, that will never change. Just try and get used to your new life and stop trying to force it back into the little box your old life was in.”
I thought for a moment, twisting the loose thread on my bag. “I guess you’re right. It can’t be the same, right? Just promise me that life won’t change too much, okay?” I gave her a watery smile as I blinked away tears.
“I already told you that you’re stuck with us now. Your life will never go back to the way it was before you came to college. I promise you that you will never again have to fend for yourself and live without love or affection. I hate that you ever had to exist in a home like that, but things have changed for the better now, love.” She came and sat next to me, pulling me into a hug. “I’m your bestie for life, baby, no getting rid of me. Your life is going to be amazing. All you have to do is let it happen.”
“I know, I know.” I hugged her tight. “Now, tell me what’s going on with you and Julian?”
She pulled away and grinned. “He’s so amazing, Becs. Like so, so amazing. Last night he took me on a picnic in that little garden out by the Botany Department.” She clutched a hand to her chest and sighed. “He thought of everything too, blankets and silverware. There was no eating in the dirt with our fingers. I mean, seriously, did you ever think guys like this even existed in real life?” she gushed.
“I ask myself that question on a daily basis, my friend.” I laughed and motioned for her to go on.
“I keep waiting for something to go wrong, even with as crazy as I am all the time, but nothing has happened. He’s like the perfect guy.” She sunk back into the cushions and huffed out a breath.
“And that bothers you?”
“Bother is not the right word for it. I don’t know. Like I just keep thinking that he’s going to wake up one morning and realize he’s too good for me.” She sucked her lower lip into her mouth.
“J is crazy about you. Seriously, like crazy. I swear he and Levi are worse than we are. I heard them talking the other day and J was all gushy about you.” I fluttered my eyelashes in a mock impression of him.
“He was?” She grabbed at my hand. “Tell me everything.”
****
As with classes at school, I had resumed my teaching at the studio a few days a week. I was shocked by how much I had missed my girls. I popped into Gwen’s office before heading back to my little studio.
“Hey there, married lady!” She got up from her desk and hugged me. “How does it feel to be back?” She had her curly blond hair pulled into a high bun.
“Kind of weird, but I’m getting into the swing of things.” I returned her smile.
“You’ll get used to it in no time. Just enjoy it. Okay, so I have you down for two classes today, is that right?” She walked back around and pulled up her calendar.
“Yep, that’s right. I have some fun things planned for the girls.” Over the summer, I had picked up a lot of new things at The Joffrey summer program, and I was dying to teach them.
“We had a teacher drop out this week. Would you be interested in the fifteen to sixteen-year-old class?” She looked up from her computer hopefully.
“Would that be strange for them because I’m only nineteen?” I asked.
“No, I don’t think so. At least not once they see you dance.” She grinned.
“Ah, I see. So they would want to interview me in a way then?” It made complete sense to me. “When would this happen?” I mentally ran through my week.
“Today? After you’re done with your classes? They usually come in around six, and you’ll be done by five thirty, won’t you? I know it’s short notice to pull something together, but I’m kind of in a bind.”
I brushed off her apology. “No problem at all. I’ll be ready for them at six.” I waved and headed back to my studio, feeling excited about the challenge.
I only had about twenty minutes of practice time before my six to eight-year-old class arrived. I noticed a few new faces and a few missing, but I knew I would see them in the next hour.
“For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Mrs. Klein, but you can call me Miss Becca. It’s so good to see all of you; I missed you over the summer.” I paused because I was overrun with giggles and squeals and little girl hugs. “Okay, let’s start with warmup at the bar please.” I smiled and got down to business.
I felt happy inside as I took them through the warmup, correcting foot placement and instructing movements. I knew this was what I was meant to be doing with my life. I loved teaching the girls and feeling their joy at learning something new.
The hours flew by like minutes, and soon, I was saying good-bye to my last class and mentally preparing to wow some teenagers. I prayed they liked me, but it wasn’t as though I needed the extra class, especial
ly with my full load at school.
I ran through my routine a few quick times, making sure I remembered each step. My stomach was full of giddy nervousness and I loved it.
The girls began to trickle in slowly over the next ten minutes. They sat together in little clumps, whispering to each other and shooting me curious glances.
After I was sure everyone was there, I stepped to my phone and connected it to the speaker before pressing play.
As soon as the first notes played, I was lost in the music. My limbs were an extension of each note. I leaped and twirled across the floor as the melody consumed me. Dipping into a deep arabesque, I felt sublimely alive. Each pirouette and leap felt like home. Dancing was in my blood; it consumed my heart as much as Levi did.
As the music faded out, I paused to catch my breath before turning to the girls seated against the wall.
I cleared my throat. “So that’s what I have to offer you. What do you think?” I made sure to look each girl in the eye in turn.
“Yes.” One of the older girls in the group stood up and stepped forward toward me. “I’m in.” She smiled and held a hand out to me. “My name’s Anna.”
“Nice to meet you.” My nervousness was gone, and in its place was assurance.
After that, the rest of the girls agreed and stepped forward to meet me. We didn’t have an actual class today; it was more them showing me their abilities so I could gauge skill level and what I would need to work on with them.
I took out my notebook and sat in front of the mirror as the girls went through the current routine they had been working on with their last teacher. I jotted down notes about each girl and where I thought she excelled and what her weaknesses were. By the end of the hour, I had ten pages filled with my scribbly handwriting and a huge grin on my face.
The girls joined me on the floor to cool down and stretch so we could talk.
“I have to say that overall I’m really impressed with your skills. Each of you has it in you to be a beautiful dancer, but it’s going to take a lot of work. I don’t know how your other teacher did things, but I require intense dedication. We will meet four times a week for lessons, and in between those days, you need to come here and practice on your own. I’ll have a word with Gwen and see if she can be available to you on my off days. I want you ladies to succeed and to grow as dancers. Are you ready to take this step with me?” I stopped and studied the teenagers in front of me.
One by one, they got up and shook my hand, sealing our deal. Before they left, I posted my cell phone number on the mirror and sent them on their way. I needed to review my notes before I could decide on a plan of attack.
I stopped by Gwen’s office before leaving and told her how things had gone and about my plans. She was all for it and offered to look in on them when she could on my off days. I drove home with a huge grin on my face.
Levi had gotten home a little before I did and thankfully had picked up a pizza for dinner because I had not thought to prepare anything.
“I swear one of these days I’ll get the hang of this wife thing and actually cook you dinner,” I said apologetically as I hurried through the kitchen on my way to shower before we ate.
“It’s okay, babe. We’re both busy. And I didn’t exactly marry you so I could have a home-cooked meal every night.” He was right behind me, and the tone of his voice told me every reason he had.
“Is that so?” I tossed my sweaty shirt at him from the bathroom. “And here I thought it was because you were dying to see me burn food every night.”
He laughed and then had a coughing fit. Those were a frequent occurrence these days.
“Are we sure this is just allergies?” I popped my head around the door.
“I am. There’s no other explanation for it.” He kissed my cheek and went to change into pajamas.
I hopped in the shower, trying to shake off my unease. It was in my nature to worry about things, and no matter how hard I tried to break that habit, I never could.
Fifteen minutes later, Levi and I were in the living room watching TV with plates of pizza on our laps. I told him all about the new classes I would be teaching and how excited I was.
“That’s amazing, Becs. I’m so proud of you.” He gave me a greasy kiss and we both laughed.
The rest of the night was spent cuddling on the couch watching reality TV. Maybe this married thing wouldn’t be so different after all.
Chapter 3
“Becca?” Levi called from the bathroom. “Can you come look at this?”
“Look at what?” I so didn’t want to look at anything of his in there. I was prepared to be grossed out as I walked down the hall to our room. He’d been sick for about a week, and knowing him, he was going to show me something disgusting that had come out of him. I mentally gagged as I walked into the bathroom with him.
I wasn't prepared for what I saw when I stepped inside. He held out a tissue that was spattered with drops of blood.
“This isn’t normal, right?” He sank down on the toilet seat. His face white as a sheet. A thin sheen of sweat covered his skin, and for the first time, I noticed that he had lost weight.
It most certainly was not normal. Inside, I was shaking, but I needed to be strong and unemotional for him because I could tell he was scared. “Let’s go call the doctor, okay?” I took his hand and led him out of the bathroom and into our room. I pushed him onto the bed and grabbed my phone. I dialed the doctor’s office, my eyes on him the whole time.
“Hi, this is Becca Klein, I’m calling for my husband, Levi Klein. He needs to be seen by the doctor today if at all possible.”
“What is the reason for his visit?” the receptionist asked.
“He’s been sick for a week, and just now, he coughed up blood.” The tremor in my voice was for sure noticeable.
“Hold on for a moment, I need to go talk to the nurse.” Her tone was all business, much more serious than when we had first begun speaking. I told myself that this was her job, that she needed to be serious.
I was on hold for a few minutes while Levi was staring down at the bloody tissue in his hands. I sat down next to him, laying my head on his shoulder. I had so many things I should have said, but I couldn't bring myself to say any of them. Instead, I sat there, with my head on his shoulder, listening to the sound of him breathing.
“Mrs. Klein?”
“Yes.” I tightened my grip on the phone.
“This is Marcie, Dr. Simmons’ nurse. I wanted to ask a few more questions so we can get Levi in as soon as possible. Is he available to talk or can I ask you?”
“Hang on, let me ask him.” I pressed my hand over the phone. “Honey, can you answer the nurse’s questions?”
His eyes met mine, and they were empty. He reached for my phone and put it to his ear.
“This is Levi,” he said in a voice that was not his.
I tucked my knees under me and listened to his half of the conversation.
“Today is the first time I’ve coughed up the blood.” He paused, listening. “I haven’t been feeling right for a couple of months but seriously sick for about a week. Fever and all that.”
A couple of months? Why didn’t he say anything? My mind was racing, considering all of the possibilities.
“I don’t know how high the fever has been, I just know that I’ve had one.” He stopped again.
I wished I could hear the other side of the conversation. I studied his face, and for the first time, I noticed the bags under his eyes.
“Yeah. Today works great for us. Okay, see you then.” He dropped the phone on the bed.
“So today?” I put a hand on his leg.
“Yeah, she said they could get me in an hour from now. I’m going to shower and then we can go.” His tone was flat.
“We’ll get this figured out. Everything’s going to be okay.” I hugged him. He pulled away and trudged off to the bathroom.
I sat on the bed for a long while, contemplating whether to call Ruth or not. Di
d I want to worry her if this was nothing? Would he want me to call? I hated this. I didn’t dare let myself think about what could happen if this was serious. I couldn’t even imagine it. In the end, I decided we would wait until we knew something before I made the call. I got up, dressed quickly, and waited in the kitchen for Levi to come out.
The drive to the doctor’s office was tense. I tried to coax him into conversation, but he wasn’t willing to talk at the moment. We checked in and sat in the small waiting room reading out of date magazines and not looking at each other.
“Levi Klein?” The nurse stuck her head out of the door.
We both looked up, and she smiled. “This way please.”
“You don’t have to come.” He looked so lost, and it broke my heart.
“If it’s all the same to you, I’m going to come.” I took his hand and squeezed it. Giving him my strength, even though I didn’t feel strong.
We followed her down a narrow hall to an exam room, and she instructed him to remove his shirt and put the gown on facing forward.
“It’s going to be okay,” I said as much for myself as for him.
He turned slowly. “How do you know?” His fear was palpable.
“Because it has to be,” I whispered.
The doctor came in quickly and that worried me too. What did they think this was that they got him in so quickly and the doctor rushed right in?
“Levi, I’m Doctor Simmons. Tell me more about what’s going in.” He sat in the little rolling chair across from us.
“I’ve been feeling kind of off for about two months, I think,” Levi started.
“Off how?” He studied Levi.
“Tired and my chest has hurt a bit. I assumed it was how I was sleeping, so I didn’t think much about it. And a cough but I assumed it was due to allergies. Then about a week ago, I got really sick and it hasn’t eased up. I’ve been coughing a lot, and today, I coughed up some blood.”
After We Fell (Falling Fast #1.5) Page 3