Her Fantasy Husband (Things to Do Before You Die)

by Nina Croft

  She’d been half asleep, not aware of what she was saying. Probably dreaming about some other, more suitable man. She didn’t love him. She didn’t even know him. Except he’d opened up to her more than he had to anyone else in his whole life. And his gut tightened at the thought.

  This whole thing was fake. He couldn’t forget that. And in his saner moments—like when he dragged himself away from her so he could think with his head rather than with his cock—he knew he didn’t want more. He wasn’t capable of offering her more—he was damaged goods. The strange thing was, she knew that. He was pretty sure that’s where the attraction lay for her—she thought she was saving him.

  Eventually, she’d realize there was nothing worth saving.

  And where would he be then?

  Exactly where he wanted to be, if he could only maintain his emotional distance. Forget all the “love” crap and in a few months he could walk away and get on with his life. Alone.

  He shifted in the bed, unable to settle. He eased away from her, slid out from under the sheet, pulled on his jeans, grabbed a T-shirt, and left the room, closing the door quietly behind him. It was already 8:30, but they’d been awake half the night fulfilling fantasies. He’d added a few of his own to the mix.

  He’d been neglecting work and needed to get into the office sometime today. Or maybe he needed to get away for a while. Get his head straight.

  The kitchen was empty. Even Prudence was absent from her basket. He put on the coffee machine and sank into a seat at the kitchen table, wishing he had a cigarette. He hadn’t had one since he was ten years old and his mother had brought Evie back from the hospital. He’d made his mother give up smoking in the house as well, and she’d actually done the right thing for once.

  I love you.

  He shook his head, trying to dislodge the memory of those traitorous words.

  Lexi didn’t love him.

  He wasn’t the sort of guy that women fell in love with. Hell, even his mother hadn’t loved him. Sometimes he’d been sure she hated him, had given Evie away because she knew it was the one thing that would hurt him the most.

  Evie was the only person who had ever loved him, and she had no doubt forgotten him quickly. Children were like that. They gave their affection easily and forgot as fast. So Evie didn’t count.

  Trouble was, Lexi was the sort of girl who couldn’t have sex without an emotional attachment. He’d known that from the start, which was why he’d fought this, tried to keep his distance.

  Obviously not hard enough.

  He scrubbed a hand over his hair, his fingers trembling. What the hell was he supposed to do? He couldn’t walk away and leave her in the lurch. And he didn’t think he could stick around and not have sex with her. Hell, he wanted her even now.

  She’d been half asleep; she likely wouldn’t even remember what she’d said and would be horrified if he mentioned it. Maybe he should just pretend it never happened. But he could hear the soft words whispering in his ear.

  Christ, just shut the fuck up.

  If he stuck around, she would no doubt see him for what he was, a dead-end loser from a council estate in London, no education, no family…

  God, he was a miserable bastard.

  As he got up to pour a coffee, a car drew up outside the house, and he peered out the window. Lexi’s grandmother climbed out, and he swore under his breath. The doorbell rang a minute later. When no one else answered it, he went out himself, fixed a smile on his face, and opened the front door.

  She eyed him up and down, lingering on his bare feet—no doubt he’d made some social gaffe by opening the door not fully dressed.

  Like I give a shit.

  “What?” he asked. He knew he sounded unfriendly, but he hated this woman for what she had done to Lexi.

  “I’ve been trying to see Alexia, but she appears to be avoiding me.”

  “We’ve been…busy.”

  “I’m sure. Is she here?”

  For a second he thought about denying it, but Lexi couldn’t avoid her forever. “Come in. I’ll go tell her you’re here.”

  She followed him inside, and he led her into the kitchen to wait. “Help yourself to coffee,” he said

  “Perhaps we could have a word before you go.”

  He didn’t want to. Really, he didn’t. He knew with a certainty that he wouldn’t be interested in anything she had to say. All the same he heaved a huge breath and turned around. “Go on.”

  “I’d like to understand what my granddaughter sees in you, Joshua.”

  “Please, call me Mr. Slater.”

  She gave a tight smile. “You’re good looking enough, if you like your men a little rough.”

  “Thanks.”

  “But what have you possibly got in common with Alexia? I’ve looked into your background. You’re a nothing. A nobody. So I don’t know why Lexi is with you. Sex, I’m guessing. You’re her piece of rough.”

  Bitch.

  “Or she feels sorry for you.”

  Even bigger bitch.

  The words took him back to that long ago meeting with the social services when he’d almost begged them to let Evie stay with him. They’d been kind, sort of, as much as they could be in those circumstances. They’d pointed out that he had absolutely nothing to offer Evie. That there were complete strangers out there who could give her far more than a penniless seventeen year old, with no education and no job, ever could.

  “Of course, there’s also the possibility that she married you to gain access to her trust fund.”

  He was no longer seventeen, and he was far from penniless, and he wouldn’t be pushed around by someone who thought they were superior just because they’d been born with money. “Sounds like something out of a novel.” He gave her a smile back that didn’t reach his eyes. “And why should she have felt the need to do that, Granny.”

  She pursed her lips. “Who knows? Young people today never have enough money.”

  “Or perhaps she didn’t trust the people who were meant to be looking out for her.”

  This time the smile was patronizing. “We’re her family, Joshua. I’m aware someone like you wouldn’t understand that.”

  “Actually, I understand it all too well.” Yeah, he knew all about how well family could look out for each other.

  She considered him, head cocked, like some sort of bird of prey about to peck his eyes out. “You know, I could make it worth your while if this marriage to Lexi could be made to…disappear.”

  Jesus, she was trying to bribe him now. She really did have a low opinion of him.

  He took a step closer, let his eyes go cold and saw her swallow. “You say you’ve looked into my background, so you know a little of what I’m capable of. You hurt Lexi, and I will come after you. And I’ll warn you—I don’t play by the same rules.”

  “Are you threatening me?”

  “Yeah. Now, I’ll go tell Lexi her sweet little grandma is here. I’m sure she’ll be thrilled.”

  Without waiting for her to say another word, he turned and left the room, taking the stairs two at a time, wanting to be away from the woman. Lexi was sitting up in bed when he pushed open the door, her curls wild around her head, her eyes sleepy.

  “No coffee?”

  “You can get some when you go down.”

  She pouted. “You’re not coming back to bed?”

  I love you.

  The memory of the words echoed in his head, and a cold hard lump formed in his belly, souring his mood even further. “Your grandmother is here.”

  “Oh.” She sat up straighter. “Did she say anything to you?”

  “What about?”

  “About anything.”

  “A few things.” He crossed the room to the dresser and grabbed his keys. “None worth repeating.”

  Lexi studied him, lower lip caught between her teeth. “Grandmamma has an uncanny ability to hit where it hurts. I hope she didn’t say anything to upset you.”

  He sat down and pulled on h
is boots, before glancing at her. “Why would you think anything she’d say could upset me?”

  She gripped the edges of the sheet. “Because you look a little upset.”

  “I’m fine. But I do need to go into the office.”

  She pushed her hair back from her face and studied him some more, a frown between her eyes. “Are you okay, Josh?”

  He shrugged then stood up and grabbed his bag. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

  “I’ll see you later?”

  “I don’t know what time. I’m seeing some friends tonight.”

  “Can I come? I’ve never met your friends.”

  “Not tonight. Guys only.”

  “Oh.”

  Shit, why did he have the urge to go hug her, kiss it better, say he’d rather be with her? “Another time. Logan has a night club—we’ll go dancing.”

  “Really?” She smiled. “I love dancing, though I’m not very good.”

  “Yeah, really.” He headed for the door, but at the last minute he turned back, crossed to where she stood, leaned down, and kissed her hard. “How about lunch?”

  Shit, where did that come from? His mouth had a mind of its own around Lexi. What the hell had happened to keeping his distance? To taking a day to get his head together?

  A smile blossomed on her face, and for a second the worry faded from her eyes, and it was worth it.

  “I’ll meet you at your office?”

  He gave a brief nod, and he was gone.

  …

  At one o’clock sharp, Sally led her into Josh’s big corner office.

  All morning, Lexi hadn’t been able to quite banish a sense of unease. She’d gotten rid of her grandmother pretty quickly. She guessed she’d just been snooping around, or had wanted to talk to Josh as much as to Lexi herself. She’d also been way nicer than she usually was, and Lexi had no clue why. She hadn’t even asked for any money.

  What had she said to him? What had he said back?

  Her grandmother could be downright mean and manage it with a smile on her face, but Lexi didn’t think Josh was the sensitive type. He appeared immune to emotions. She’d become receptive to his moods over the last days. He hadn’t exactly opened up to her, but she felt they were getting closer, and he seemed happy.

  Until this morning.

  He’d made such beautiful love to her. For the first time she’d sensed it was more than mere sex. There was a true connection between them. She’d woken up to a feeling of well-being, a burgeoning sense of happiness. She’d tried not to analyze it too deeply because Josh had made it more than clear that he was not sticking around, had no interest in anything of a more long-term nature. So she’d told herself to take what she could and not get in too deep. And maybe afterward, they could be friends.

  Then he’d come back, and the relaxed lover of the last few days was gone. He seemed tense, not happy. And while she tried to blame her grandmother, she suspected there was something else going on in his head.

  Now she looked at him, seated behind his huge steel desk, dressed in a charcoal gray suit with a white shirt and a dark red tie. He looked different, the rough edges smoothed away. She wanted to go across and kiss him, to snuggle in his lap, but something about him radiated standoffishness, and she couldn’t quite get up the nerve to push past that.

  He cleared his throat, and she realized she’d been standing staring at him for a good minute.

  “You look smart,” she said.

  “I had a meeting with the bank.”

  “Oh. I hope it went well.”

  “It did.” After loosening his tie, he pulled it over his head and shoved it in his desk drawer. Then he unfastened the buttons on his shirt, revealing the V of golden skin at his throat. Sitting back, he studied her out of those stunning blue eyes. “Sit down, Lexi.”

  God, he was bossy. “Aren’t we going to lunch?”

  “In a minute. I need to talk to you about something first.”

  She took the chair opposite him and sat, hands on her lap, trying to subdue the worry gnawing at her insides. He could hardly dump her. He was married to her and had promised her the next six months, and she had come to believe he was a man of his word. But he could very easily distance himself, and she didn’t want that.

  His eyes held a guarded expression.

  Had she messed up somehow? Come across as too needy? Maybe she hadn’t been quite so good at hiding her emotions as she thought she was.

  She studied his desk. It was immaculate. As was the whole office. So different from her own. Maybe he’d realized he couldn’t live with her any longer. He’d said at the beginning that he hated mess and he hated chaos.

  Had he had enough of both?

  She bit down on her lip and then glanced back at him. He was frowning at her.

  “How did the meeting with your grandmother go?” he asked.

  She shook her head to get her thoughts together. “Fine.”

  “She didn’t say anything about us?”

  “A little. But mostly just that she was happy to see me happy.” She gave a rueful smile at his expression. “I know. I didn’t believe her either. I think she’s up to something, but I have no clue what.”

  “You don’t think she suspects the marriage is a sham?”

  She wanted to shout that it wasn’t a sham, but that was being stupid and not honest with herself. She’d been living in a little bubble these last few days. Her little fantasy bubble. “Probably. But I don’t think she can prove it. If she could, she would have done something by now.”

  “I got a phone call this morning from an ex-colleague of mine. He set up his own private investigator business. He told me he’d been approached to get background information on me.”

  “Who by?”

  “He wouldn’t tell me. Client confidentiality, but he wanted to give me a heads up. It was yesterday and he’s been trying to get hold of me since.”

  “Oh. And you think it’s my grandmother.”

  He shrugged. “I can’t think of anyone else who would investigate me right now.”

  “Could she find anything?”

  “Probably. It would be easy to prove we haven’t been living together.”

  “Maybe we could say that was a glitch. All married people go through problems. We’re together now. Hopefully that’s enough. I’ll check with my lawyer.”

  “He knows about us?”

  She nodded. “He’s a friend of Uncle Jamie’s. He set up the original paperwork.”

  “Good.”

  But he still didn’t look happy. Something else was bothering him, and she wanted to understand, to help him get over it. “There’s something else?”

  He raised a brow. “No.”

  She nibbled on her lip a bit more, looked up, and found his gaze fixed on her mouth, a hot, hungry expression in his eyes, which he blanked out as soon as he noticed her watching. He wanted her. But he was trying to hide that fact. He hadn’t hidden it before. What had changed?

  “Something’s bothering you.”

  “I’m fine, Lexi.” His tone was laced with irritation, and she forced herself to go on. To say something she’d been meaning to talk to him about, but she hadn’t wanted to spoil the mood. That no longer seemed relevant—the mood was spoiled all on its own.

  “I think you should contact your sister. She’s eighteen now.”

  He sat up straight in his chair and narrowed his eyes. “How the hell do you know that?”

  “I looked it up. It’s easy enough.”

  “It’s nothing to do with you, Lexi. Leave it alone. She’s not my sister any longer.”

  “But she could be.”

  “She has another life now. Another family.”

  “She’s still your sister, and you loved her.” He winced at the word, his eyes going cold and hard, but she made herself continue. “I think you should contact her, Josh. Maybe she’d like to see you. I think it would…help you.”

  “You think I need help?” He glared at her. “You think I’m b
roken, and you can fix me. What am I? Another of your fucking charity cases?”

  She winced and swallowed. “I didn’t mean that. I just thought…” What had she thought?

  He leaned back in his seat and regarded her from eyes that were far from friendly. “Or maybe it was more that if you manage to fix me, then I can be your fantasy husband for real. Is that the case? You’ll make me all better, and I’ll realize that true love does exist, and we can all live happily fucking ever after?”

  She sat there and stared straight ahead, because it came to her in a flash that that was exactly what she had thought. It had been bubbling away in her subconscious since he’d told her about his sister. She’d been having this little dream where she’d get them back together, and everything would be lovely and rosy, and Josh would realize that he loved her and…

  “Little Miss Fix-It,” he sneered. “You manage to sort out everyone’s life but your own. I bet that stings.” She didn’t say anything because she couldn’t think of a thing to say. What had happened to her never wanting love or marriage? When had that changed?

  He shook his head. “Accept defeat, sweetheart. You can’t fix someone who doesn’t want to be fixed.”

  This was more than his sister. Some intuition told her he was using that as an excuse to force some distance between them. “Why are you pushing me away? I haven’t asked you for anything more.”

  He exhaled and ran a hand through his hair, obviously considering what to say next. “You told me you loved me.”

  Shock hit her in the gut. “What? When? No, I didn’t.”

  “This morning after we had sex. You were half asleep.”

  She swallowed, trying to remember back. It had all been so sweet and perfect. Could she have said the words out loud? “Well, there you go then. I was dreaming.”

  He gave her a long look. “Yeah, but the problem is, you only dream of me.”

  She wanted to deny it, but the words stuck in her throat.

  “The last thing I want to do is hurt you, Lexi.”

  Too late.

  “And I won’t let you down. We can continue this charade until you don’t need me anymore, but maybe we should take a step back. The physical stuff is clouding the issue.”

  She looked into his face and saw…pity. He could see what she felt—obviously she was a crap actress—and he pitied her for it.