by K. A. Linde
“I’m not sure what else a gun pointed at your chest could mean.”
Mike took a step forward, and Grant fired a shot that whizzed past his father’s right ear and out the front door.
“Grant!” I screamed. “What the fuck? Oh my God!”
“Next time, I won’t give you a warning shot.”
“Are you out of your mind?” Ari cried. “You can’t fire that fucking gun at another human being! You could have killed him.”
“He entered my home without my permission, and I feared for my life. It’s self-defense.”
I shook my head in shock. He had fired a shot. He had shot at his own father. My mind was whirring around at five million miles a minute. I couldn’t process this. I was shutting down when I needed to be alive and alert for this. I couldn’t let him go through with this.
“Grant, please!” I pleaded. “He’ll leave. He’s going to leave now and not come back. Just please…don’t shoot any more.” Adrenaline was kicking in, but my body was compensating for my fear with unshed tears and a racing heartbeat. I turned to Grant’s father. “Tell him you’ll leave.”
“I just came to talk,” Mike said.
Grant shook his head. “I have no interest in talking.”
Mike lifted his foot to walk toward Grant. I saw Grant getting trigger-happy, and I realized I couldn’t let this happen, no matter what.
Without another thought, I threw myself in between them. Grant’s arm jerked, and the bullet that had been meant for his father rushed out of the gun. I screamed, and then everything happened in slow motion. My heart skipped a beat in that split second when my eyes met Grant’s. And then, I was shoved out of the way. I landed roughly on my hip, and my hands barely caught my fall. I heard a loud thunk and saw the bullet buried into the wall.
My body shook as I stared at the small bullet hole. I didn’t know if I had been standing in the way of that bullet and Mike had saved me from being shot, or if when Grant’s arm had jerked, the bullet had been thrown off course. Either way, all I knew was that Grant had fired his weapon, and I could have been injured.
I could have been killed.
“Ari,” Grant murmured, all the emotion flooding back into his voice.
Our eyes met across the short distance between us. The anguish that had been plaguing him since he was a kid resurfaced with full force. He was the guy all over again who had poured his soul out to me at the ski lodge, who hadn’t been afraid to show me his favorite place at the beach where he would think about everything that had happened to him, and who had placed his heart in my hands despite his fear of giving it away.
Grant’s hand went slack, and I watched as Mike easily disarmed him, popped out the magazine, and actually disassembled the weapon as if it were the easiest, most natural thing he’d ever done in his life.
“I wasn’t going to shoot you,” Grant said automatically. He rushed over and collapsed onto the ground next to me, pulling me into his arms. “I’d never hurt you. Oh God, I never want to hurt you.”
“It’s okay. I know. I know.” I tightly wrapped my arms around him. It didn’t matter that I was the one who had been shot at. I found myself comforting him. My hand slid up and down his back, and I kissed his cheek. I couldn’t hide the fact that I was trembling.
“Fuck.” His dad sighed heavily and then ran his hand down his face. “I never expected it to come to this. I should have told you on the phone why I wanted to see you in person. Christ, I should have told you as soon as I got out of jail. I should have told you even sooner than that.”
I could tell Grant hated himself right now for what had almost happened. He didn’t want to hear what his dad had to say. He never had.
“Tell him what?” I prodded.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything.” His dad fell to his knees before his son. “I wanted to tell you in person. I wanted to apologize for what had happened. That’s what I told Randy, but we never expected this. Grant, you have to know that I never meant to hurt her—your mother. I loved her so much…like you love Ari. And I shouldn’t have blamed you. You were just a kid, and I was supposed to be the parent. I was supposed to be the adult.”
Tears welled in his eyes, and I could hardly hold in my own at his admission.
Finally…finally, Grant turned his head and looked at his father. There was a mix of shock and revulsion and hope and pain on his face. He had never thought that he would ever hear these words.
“I know I did unspeakable things. I know that you have no reason to forgive me, and I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But all I want…all I’ve ever wanted, once I got help, is to make things right…to reach my son again. You’re all I have left.”
“I don’t know how I can believe the words coming out of your mouth,” Grant said harshly.
“I understand. And I know things aren’t going to make sense right away with us. We’ve been living different lives. We’re separated by thirteen years and blood on my hands. But I loved your mother with all my heart. I’ve been tormented by her death for just as long as you. I want us to be able to reconcile.”
Grant slowly stood from the ground and carefully helped me up next to him. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder, tightly holding me in place as if to make sure I was still there and safe. “I don’t want to reconcile anything with you. I don’t want a relationship with you. You were the one person in my entire life I have tried so hard not to become. So, you’re fucking right. You don’t deserve my forgiveness.”
“Grant, please,” Mike said, standing and reaching out for him.
Grant took a step back, dragging me with him. “Don’t touch me. Don’t come near me. You came here to talk to me. I listened to what you had to say. That’s all you asked for, and frankly, it’s more than I should have been forced to put up with. Now, get the fuck out of my house.”
Mike sighed. “You’re right. But I want us to know each other again…sometime…when you’re ready.” He nodded at us both. “Ari, I’m sorry you were brought into this. Please…take care of my son.”
I swallowed hard as he left the house, and I closed the door behind him, leaving us in stone-cold silence with a bullet hole in the wall, a disassembled gun on the ground, and my boyfriend’s heart in tatters.
Everything rushed to me at once.
I’d pulled a gun on my father.
I’d almost shot Ari.
My father had apologized.
I’d almost shot Ari.
No matter what else had happened in the span of the last half an hour, that reality seemed to hit me the hardest. I could have killed my girlfriend, the love of my fucking life, just like my father had killed my mother.
I was a monster.
I was a fucking monster.
As soon as the door closed behind my dad, I dropped painfully onto my knees and buried my head in my hands. A sob tried to rack my body, but I pushed it deep down inside of me. In a matter of minutes, my dad had cracked open the black hole where I’d stored thirteen years of depression, anger, pain, and endless and bottomless eternal grief.
I fucking hated him. I hated everything he stood for. I hated that we were even related. I hated that he could come here and lie to my face. I hated that it still affected me.
My fist connected with the ground over and over again until I was spent, and my knuckles were throbbing. How could this have fucking happened?
“Grant,” Ari whispered behind me.
Fuck! Fucking fuck!
I jumped to my feet and pulled her trembling body into my arms. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I never want to hurt you, not ever, Ari.”
“It’s okay, Grant. I’m fine. I’m not hurt.”
“It’s not fucking okay. I should never have pulled that trigger.”
“I can agree with that.” Her hands came up to cup my face. “But are you okay?”
I couldn’t meet her eyes that were filled with love and concern. How could she even look at me like that? I could have killed her. I escaped
her gaze by burying my face into her neck.
“I don’t deserve you, Princess.”
“Why don’t you let me be the judge of that?”
“I dragged you into this, into all of this. I’ve put your life at risk time and time again. I can’t keep fucking putting you in harm’s way. And I clearly can’t protect you. I only make things fucking worse.”
“You listen to me, Grant McDermott,” she said fiercely. She grabbed my chin in her hand and forced me to make eye contact with her. “You’ve never forced me to do anything. I love you. That doesn’t mean only when it’s easy or not complicated. It means all the time, no matter what. I’m standing right here, and I’m not leaving your side.”
“I almost fucking shot you!”
“But you didn’t! And you’re never, ever going to pick up a fucking gun like that again. Do you realize that if you had shot him…or me…you would never be the same?” Tears sprang to her eyes, but she refused to look away.
It was fucking horrible, watching her cry. I wanted to make it all go away, but I was the one who had caused her pain.
“How could I ever find the man that I love after that? I can’t lose you, Grant.”
Her words stole my breath away. There was nothing I could do or say to make up for the pain in her voice. My whole world was crumbling, and I’d almost completely obliterated it.
She swallowed hard and tried to regain control. “I think we should go talk to your uncle.”
“What? Why?”
“Because your dad mentioned that he had talked to Randy. Maybe he’ll have some answers for you.”
I shook my head. “There are no answers about my dad. He’s gone. And I don’t want him in my life.”
Ari pursed her lips in annoyance. “He went through an awful lot of trouble to find you and speak with you for him to disappear again. I think at least some of what he said sounded…genuine.”
“Wait…you actually believe the bullshit he was spouting?”
“Why would he spend so much time trying to find you otherwise? He had a chance to hurt you, Grant. He had the gun out of your hand, and what did he do?”
She stared at me, waiting for an answer.
An answer I didn’t want to deliver.
He’d disarmed me, taken the gun apart, and discarded it. He’d had no interest in it. I’d been so fucked up and worried about Ari that I hadn’t given my dad’s actions a second thought. He could have put a bullet in my head without missing a beat. My last thought would have been about Ari’s safety.
But he hadn’t.
I shook off the feeling of confusion that followed the realization. Just because he hadn’t taken the opportunity didn’t mean he didn’t want to hurt me in some other way, like taking the things I loved away from me.
“I don’t trust him.”
“And you don’t have to,” she said. “I know you’re hurting about this, and you have been for a while, but I was almost shot today because he showed up. I think, if anything, I deserve answers about your father. Don’t you think you owe me that much, Grant?”
How could I deny her anything after what had happened?
Her pleading hurricane-blue eyes fucking destroyed me.
Yes, Princess. I owe you everything.
We arrived at my uncle’s restaurant after a silent tense drive down the shore. By the time I hopped out of my truck, which Ari had forced me to let her drive, I felt totally fucked up. My body ached. My chest physically hurt. I had a splitting headache.
Rock-bottom was like a ton of bricks on my chest. No matter how hard I’d tried to push them off and breathe again, I was crushed further under the assault.
I followed numbly behind Ari into the restaurant. It was late, and they were closing up shop. The hostess didn’t know or recognize me, but I walked past her without a response to her questions anyway. Ari smiled politely and gave an explanation as I continued to the kitchen. I heard her patter of feet against the floor as she caught up to me.
“Are you ready?” she whispered, reaching out for my hand.
“These are your answers, Princess.”
She sighed and looked away. I knew she was irritated that I didn’t want to know more about my dad, but I was just happy he was gone. I wished it were a certainty that he’d never come back. However, I couldn’t trust that.
“Grant! Aribel! What a surprise!” Uncle Randy cried when he saw us in the doorway.
He came forward and wrapped Ari in a hug. When he turned to me to do the same, he saw the hard expression on my face and gave pause.
“What? What’s wrong? What happened?”
“Grant’s dad paid us a visit,” Ari said.
Randy sighed. “He actually showed up?”
“You knew about that?” I spat.
“Can we maybe go somewhere and talk?” Ari interrupted.
“Yeah. Yeah, sure. Let me leave someone else in charge of closing up. We can go out on the deck.”
Anger boiled in my fucking veins. Had my uncle known what was fucking happening and not told me? Could all this have been prevented if I’d just had all the information?
He ran around, finishing up some last-minute duties and instructing another manager to close down for the night. Then, he walked us out to the back deck and sat us down where Ari and I’d had our first date.
It was empty and dark on my beach. It called to me in that moment. I’d gone down there time and time again to think about what had happened the night my father had become a murderer. I’d drowned my sorrows into that beach long before I’d turned to booze and women and adrenaline rushes, long before Ari had entered my life and turned it into our beach.
“So, tell me what happened,” my uncle said.
Aribel glanced over at me, and when I didn’t say anything, she launched into the story as she had witnessed it. My uncle’s eyes widened as the story turned more and more fantastical.
“You shot a gun, Grant?” my uncle asked disapprovingly.
“I wasn’t going to wait for him to shoot first.”
“But he didn’t draw a gun,” Aribel said. “He actually dismantled your gun and tossed it when he had the chance. I don’t think he was there to hurt you at all.”
“My father doesn’t always work with physical pain.”
“I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to side with Aribel on this,” my uncle said.
“You know what he did to me!” I said, standing from my chair.
“Grant, sit down,” Ari said.
She tugged on my arm until I complied and then laced our fingers together for support.
“I know what happened that night. And I also know what happened the thirteen years after that with both you and your father. You only have one side of the story because you refused to learn anything else about what had happened.”
I shrugged. “I still don’t want to know.”
“But I do!” Ari said. “You promised.”
And I had. I would promise her the world for the pain I’d fucking put her through. She shouldn’t have had to deal with my father showing up, unannounced, at her place, stalking her, and she certainly shouldn’t have had to deal with me almost shooting her.
“Fine.”
“While your father was in prison, he didn’t sit in there and fester. He was released on parole for good behavior. He’d completely passed the psych exam they’d put him through. He had gone through years of therapy for PTSD, frequently seeing a specialist in military psychiatry, and worked with doctors to medicate the problems he was having. When he got out of jail, he was set up in a halfway house in between here and Princeton. He’s been working part-time as a mechanic, and he has weekly checkups with his parole officer.”
My uncle levelly looked at me. “I realize none of this can bring your mother back…my sister back, but he is trying to make things right. And the thing he regrets the most…is that he missed you growing up, that he doesn’t know you, Grant.”
“How can you believe what he’s said? He could
have made all of that up,” I said.
“He’s not making it up. I’ve seen the psych papers, the medical records, his release paperwork. He brought them to me from his parole officer last week.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Ari asked. “I mean…you know how Grant feels about all of this. Don’t you think you should have prepared him?”
“He said he had to be the one to make this work, that he wanted to make amends. He wanted you to trust him again. He wanted to be worthy of your love…if you could ever care for him like that again. I did try to tell him that you wouldn’t be receptive, but I don’t think he understood. Still, I recognized that if I were in the same situation as him, I would want to be the one to explain to Sydney.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know what to think about all that,” I said finally.
“Well, sleep on it,” my uncle said. He seemed to recognize that I wasn’t going to suddenly agree with everything he’d said. “You don’t have to make any decisions about Mike tonight. It sounds as if it’s been a traumatic long evening. Why don’t I get you a pizza and some drinks? You kids can spend some time here and then come stay the night at our home when you’re done. We can talk more then, if you want, or in the morning.”
“Whatever,” I said, pushing back my chair again.
I didn’t need pizza or a drink to fix my problems. I needed to get away from here. I turned away from my uncle and Ari, hopped down the stairs to the sandy beach, and started out toward the waterfront.
I’d just found out that while I’d been at home, tormented and brooding about my father, he’d been in jail getting top-notch treatment. While I’d wanted him to be in jail forever for murdering my mother, he’d gotten out on good behavior. While I had worried about him hurting me or Ari since he got out of jail, he had been schmoozing with my uncle and swapping stories behind my back. He didn’t deserve any of it.
None of this seemed okay with me.
With a heavy sigh, I watched Grant bolt toward the beach. Frankly, this had gone better than I had expected. I was sure he felt betrayed by the fact that his uncle had known some of what was going on and hadn’t told him. It wasn’t fair to Grant to have been left in the dark.