by K. A. Linde
But the good news was, it actually sounded like his father was on the right path. It seemed he had legitimately dedicated himself to getting help and bettering himself, so when he’d gotten out, he could have a real shot at getting to see Grant again. It confirmed what I’d already guessed when I saw his father break down in front of him. Mike had meant every word of that speech.
“I didn’t mean to upset him like this in front of you,” Randy said.
“It’s okay. He just needs time. And he’s right in being upset because you were keeping things from him.”
“I didn’t want to, believe me. I wanted to tell him so many times. I probably should have.”
“Yes, you should have.” I ran my hand back through my hair. “I’m going to go talk to him. Thank you for telling us everything.”
Randy smiled sadly. “He’s lucky to have you, Aribel.”
I remembered the sound of the gunshot, the sickening tear of plaster, and the way my body had rocked to the ground. I shuddered. I was holding it together for Grant out of necessity because Randy was right. Grant was lucky he had me. Anyone else might have already fallen apart.
My feet mechanically carried me down the stairs and out to the beach. Grant had his shoes off. His feet were buried in the sand, and water lapped at his ankles. His eyes were set on the horizon. He didn’t move at my approach, but by the set of his shoulders, I knew that he was aware I was nearby.
“You think I should forgive him?” Grant said finally after a few minutes.
“No.”
“But you believe them—my dad and uncle—you believe they’re telling the truth.”
“I think they have good intentions, and I’m a pretty good judge of character,” I told him.
He brought his hands out in front of him and was studying them as if they held the answer to his question. “What do I do, Ari? I can’t fucking pretend like nothing happened.”
“No one is asking you to.”
“Aren’t they?” he asked, turning his head to look at me. “By wanting me to talk to him, aren’t they asking me to forget about the blood on his hands?”
“No. You can’t pretend as if nothing happened. That’s not possible. What you have to find is acceptance. You know what happened. He knows what happened. You can’t change the past, but you’re being given an opportunity here.” My throat tightened, and I barely managed to choke out the last line, “A second chance.”
“What if I don’t want a second chance?”
“That’s a decision you have to make, I guess. But look down the road—five, ten, twenty years—will you regret never getting to know your father?”
I waited for him to answer. The sound of the waves crashing onto the shore was the only music for our moment.
“If even an infinitesimally small part of you considers that could be the case, then I believe you have your answer.”
Grant stuffed both of his hands in his pockets and swished his feet around in the water.
“And what if everything you think you know about him is a lie? What if he’s really put all this effort into changing for the better, and you let the opportunity to get to know a changed man slip by? It’s been a long time since you’ve seen him. If you can change as much as you have in the past six months with me, it’s not inconceivable to think he’s changed in thirteen years.”
“Okay, I get it. I get it.”
He held his hand out, and I gently placed mine in his. He walked out of the water toward me. His mouth dropped down onto mine as if he were trying to make sure I was still real. It was hypnotizing and could easily sidetrack our conversation.
“So, what are you going to do?” I asked after breaking away from him.
His eyes left mine as he contemplated my question. “Kiss you.”
And he did.
It was full of love and fear and desire. The kiss said how much he appreciated me, and it said so much more than that. He wrapped our hands behind my back, crushing me against him. We could stand here all night, locked in this endless dance, but I knew he was stalling.
Finally, I breathlessly pulled away from him.
“Grant,” I murmured.
“I don’t know, Princess. I know I should say that I’ll talk to him, but I can’t say that right now. I held a gun and pointed it at his chest today, and it felt right, natural.” He rested his forehead against mine and closed his eyes. “I won’t know if I’ll be able to move past that unless I talk to him, but a part of me doesn’t want to see him as anything but a villain.”
I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t fix this. I couldn’t put it back together. No matter how hard I tried, no amount of pushing or prodding would get Grant to change his mind. He needed to see it in himself that this was something good for him.
It wouldn’t happen tonight and probably not tomorrow or the day after either but maybe one day. And that was good enough for me right now.
The sound of footsteps trudging through the sand from the direction of the restaurant drew my attention. The light from the deck silhouetted the figure in the darkness, and I didn’t recognize who it was until she was practically on top of us.
“There you fuckers are!” Sydney said.
“Syd,” Grant said, cracking his first smile of the evening. “What the fuck are you wearing?”
That was a valid question. She was in hot-pink string bikini bottoms and a sheer crop top over a black bra. Her dark hair was long and wild and free in a way I could never, ever pull off.
“I came from a pool party with some guys from high school.”
“Do I even want to know?”
“How many guys I blew?” she asked, giggling. “No, probably not.”
Sometimes, I swore, Sydney said these kinds of things for shock factor.
“Dad said y’all were down here and sent me to check on you,” she said, slipping into some kind of fake twang at the use of the Southern word.
Grant cringed at the reminder of his uncle, and I reached for his hand to comfort him.
“Fuck. What’s going on? What did I miss?” she asked.
I looked at Grant to see if it was okay to tell her, but he launched right into the whole story from start to finish. Sydney’s mouth dropped open about halfway through, and it was one of the few times I’d ever seen her actually look shocked. Normally, she just looked pouty in a sexual way or smug or seductive. It was as if she was always trying to appear a certain way. I had no clue if that was natural for her. I’d never been a relentless flirt…or a whore—a title that she didn’t even seem to mind.
“Fuck, cuz,” Sydney said. “You’re such a badass! But a total fucking idiot. Don’t try to shoot Ari again. I kind of like her.”
Grant laughed softly. “Don’t worry. I kind of like her, too.”
“So…are you going to talk to him then? Because…I don’t think I’ve ever met my uncle.”
Grant looked uncomfortable and glanced away. “I don’t know.”
“Well, if you decide to do it, I’ll go with you, if you want.” Sydney suddenly got very serious for the first time since I’d met her. “I know how beat up you are about this, but you have people here who love you. I love you. Aribel loves you. Your family and the guys love you. We’ll be here through this…if you let us.”
Grant wrapped his other arm around Sydney’s shoulder and squeezed. “Thanks. I don’t know what the fuck I’d be doing right now without you two.”
Sydney laughed. “You’d be acting like even more of an idiot—obviously.”
“Obviously,” Grant agreed.
Then, the three of us stood around, staring out at the black ocean set against the night sky and the spattering of stars overhead. There, in that moment, I felt something blooming in Grant, something I was sure he hadn’t felt in a long time. I could feel it wrapping itself around us all, knitting us together.
Hope.
Light filtered in through the blinds, casting a hazy morning glow on the room. I yawned and pulled Ari harder against my chest
. My eyes peeled open, and I stared around the room in confusion—pullout couch, scratchy plaid sheets, musty homey office cluttered with paperwork. I’d forgotten that Ari and I had ended up staying at my uncle’s place instead of returning home.
The weight of the day before crashed down on me all over again, and I felt suspended in this fucking limbo. If I woke up, I’d have to face the fact that my father was out of prison, had received treatment, and was now trying to live a decent life…trying to live a life with me in it. If I went back to sleep, I could forgo having to deal with everything and continue on as before.
Just a few more minutes.
A few more fucking blissful minutes with my girl, alive and well, tucked in my arms. Nothing needed to change.
“Grant,” Ari whispered softly, turning over to look at me. She placed her hand on my cheek and smiled something special just for me. Her blonde hair fanned out around her face with a halo around her head from the incoming light. She really looked like a princess.
“Yeah, darlin’?”
“I love you.”
My heart constricted. I’d never fucking loved anyone as I loved Ari. No one had even come close. She was it for me—the be all, end all. And it was terrifying and fucking wonderful to look into her eyes and see the same thing reflected back at me.
“I love you, too.”
“I wanted to say…I’m glad that you didn’t try to shut me out yesterday,” she whispered. “It used to be that way, you know? So, I’m happy that we were able to be together…that you didn’t have to go through this alone.”
I kissed the tip of her nose and squeezed her against me. “Me, too, Ari. Me, too.”
We stayed like that for a while longer before deciding to get up. “I need to talk to my uncle again.”
I’d been totally fucked up last night. While I wasn’t feeling much better, some time had passed to cool my temper.
“I can come with you,” she said. She trailed her hands down my palm as I got out of bed.
I kissed the soft skin of her wrist and stared down at her. “I take you with me wherever I go.”
A smile lit up her face, the same smile that lit up my life.
After throwing on the shorts and T-shirt my uncle had let me borrow the night before, I trudged out of the room and into the kitchen. My aunt and uncle sat around the table with the newspaper opened and cups of coffee in front of them. I poured myself a cup, added cream and sugar, and then took the vacant seat between them.
“Good morning,” Randy said.
“Good to have you in the house, honey,” my aunt said.
I leaned over and kissed my aunt on the cheek. “You know, I appreciate what you guys did by taking me in when I was little. I was alone. I didn’t have anywhere to go, and you were there. You raised me.” I stared down at my coffee. “I just wanted to say thanks.”
“You don’t have to thank us,” my aunt said. “We love you, Grant. We were happy to take care of you. You were never a burden.”
I laughed softly. “I doubt that. I was a little shit.”
“You had it tough,” Randy said. “But that didn’t mean we loved you any less. And we want you to know that we’ll respect your decision about your father…no matter what you decide.”
I took a sip of my coffee. After all the shit that had gone down yesterday, knowing people who cared about me were still out there was a good feeling. I didn’t know what the fuck I was going to do about my dad, but at least people would be there if I needed them.
“I think I need some time to think about all this.”
“That’s understandable,” my uncle said. “It’s a lot to think about. Take as much time as you need. We’ll be here if you need us.”
We finished off our coffees in silence.
Ari and Sydney woke up and joined us sometime later. My aunt and uncle busied themselves in the kitchen, making us a big breakfast before we got on the road. Somehow, in the midst of it all, Sydney had weaseled her way into coming back to Princeton with us. I didn’t even try to fight her on it. It’d be nice to have her crazy ass around even if she always caused more trouble than she was worth.
When breakfast was over, we got back on the road. My brain wouldn’t shut down as I thought about the last fucked-up twenty-four hours of my life. Ari seemed particularly quiet. I was glad to have Sydney around to fill the silence with her constant chatter.
When we finally made it back to my place, I took a deep breath as I put the car in park. I hadn’t realized how fucking messed up I’d been in the car, wondering if my dad would still be here. I hadn’t known what I would fucking do if that were the case. But my dad wasn’t here. There was no sign of him, except for the bullet hole in my living room. I was sure I was going to have to explain that to the guys, and I was not looking forward to that conversation.
Sydney hopped out of the truck, and instead of heading for my house, she marched straight over to the neighboring building. I shook my head when Miller answered the door with shock written all over his face. The man had his work cut out for him with that one.
I walked to my house when I realized Ari wasn’t with me. “You coming?” I asked.
She chewed on her bottom lip and shook her head. Fear prickled through my nerve endings.
What the fuck? I thought we were okay. I thought everything was okay.
I knew she had been quiet on the drive over here, but I hadn’t thought it was anything serious.
“What’s going on, Ari? Is this about my dad? Is it about the gun?”
“Oh, Grant, no.” She walked over to me and placed her hands on my chest. “I just…need to take care of some things.”
“What things?”
“Things I’ve been neglecting. I think seeing everything that happened with your dad and being surrounded by your family who loves you so much…I don’t know. It made me realize that maybe I’m missing something in that department, too. Need to make my own amends. You know?”
I smiled. “I think that’s a good idea.”
“You do?”
“Yeah, Princess. Not everyone has my fucking baggage. Your family might have treated me like shit, but they’re still your family.”
She sighed heavily. “That’s a relief. But…there’s something else.”
“What?”
“I can’t go on tour with you this summer with The Drift,” she said in a hurry. “I’m going to accept a job working in a lab with one of my professors.”
My mouth opened, and then I closed it. I knew I’d told her I wanted her to come on tour with me before, and I did want her there. But…a rock tour was no place for someone like Ari. Working in a lab was exactly the place for her.
“That’s great, Ari. I didn’t expect you to drop everything to come on tour with me.”
“Oh.”
“I want you there! I do, but you have school. You’re so brilliant, babe. Someone like you needs to make something of yourself. You’re going to cure cancer and fucking save the world.”
“Oh, Grant,” she said in that adorable way she always said my name.
“I don’t want you giving up any of your dreams for me. I’m still going to be here. I was gone for two months, and we were fine. We’ll make it,” I told her. Then, I punctuated it with a kiss.
“You’re right.” She leaned in for another kiss. “Are you going to be okay if I leave right now?”
“I’m fine. I’m not a delicate little flower,” I joked. “I need to fill the guys in anyway.”
She nodded, we kissed, and then she was gone. I watched her drive away in her BMW. My chest fucking ached as I watched her leave. I wanted her here. She was as much my life raft now as the day when I had written that song about her all those months ago.
Then, it hit me—what I’d been missing in my new song all along.
I dashed into the house, grabbed my notepad, and scribbled down the lyrics and melody that had been evading me all during the tour. Everything crystallized, and by the time rehearsal came around,
I had our new song polished and ready to go.
A couple of hours later, I walked into the garage to find Miller, McAvoy, Vin, and Sydney waiting for me with giant fucking smiles on their faces. “What did I miss?”
“Just got off the phone with Hollis,” Miller said. “We start recording in L.A. in a month.”
My eyes bulged. “What? A month! Shit! That’s…fuck!”
“Yeah, it’s the shit!” Vin cried.
“He wants all our new material, none of the stuff that’s on our EP, except for ‘Life Raft.’”
“All new?” McAvoy asked warily. “Do we have enough new shit for an album?”
“We have to make it work,” Miller said.
I slapped the papers down on the table in front of them, looked around the room at my brothers, and said, “Well then, let’s get to work.”
The coward in me went to talk to my professor before calling my parents. I wanted to have good news for them once I finally got them on the phone. I’d been putting off speaking with them since they had met Grant almost three weeks ago.
The silence between us had been unnerving. I’d never been lovey-dovey with my parents, but we had always been kind of close. I’d check in with them. They’d check in with me. I hadn’t realized how empty it all felt until I walked into Grant’s uncle’s kitchen to see a loving family sitting over coffee in the morning.
I missed my parents.
I missed Aaron.
Maybe they wouldn’t come around right away, but maybe they would one day.
“I can’t wait to start,” I told my professor a short while later.
He was enthusiastic to have free help for the summer. I was excited to get into some real lab work. It would boost my resume and possibly open doors later on down the road. At this point, the possibilities seemed endless.
“Thank you for stopping by, Miss Graham. I’ll see you in the lab Monday at eight a.m.”
“Sounds great. Thank you again!” I said before walking out of the office.
On Monday, I’d start training with the project he was working on and all the procedures and tests I’d be running all summer. I stuffed my copy of the university summer internship paperwork, which guaranteed I’d get class credit for my work, in my bag and exited the chemistry building.