Unlike Any Other (Unexpected #1)

by Claudia Burgoa

  No one speaks but the subject of the movie premier makes me talk.

  “For what I did, I’m sorry,” I apologize.

  The attention suddenly turns toward me, three sets of eyes—four if I want to acknowledge Porter.

  Mason enters the kitchen and as he’s about to turn around, my eyes beg him to stay. If he does, maybe we’ll sit down, eat breakfast, and stop poking each other with the past. The thought of being put on the spot makes my legs wobbly.

  “AJ, you don’t have to apologize,” Gabe assures me.

  2015

  When I spoke with my brothers yesterday, MJ brought up the fact that it had been my meltdown which ignited their separation. I did bring to their attention that they had to be proud of who they were.

  “I feel somehow responsible,” I confess. “Maybe if I hadn’t marched into the house like a maniac and…”

  “You didn’t,” Chris clasps his hands behind his body and tilts his head. “You came with a black cloud of sadness. You came looking for the comfort of your parents. Instead of a warm embrace, the first thing that happened was you spotting the thing that ignited that short fuse of yours. Am I wrong?”

  I close my eyes and shake my head.

  “All my life it’s been under wraps,” I open my eyes and notice that Mason has his eyes on Porter. “When I woke up from the accident years ago, my world shifted. You two weren’t by my side. I was Breezy Bradley… Ainsley disappeared without an explanation.”

  The part of me that usually stays strong in front of them and never lets a tear drop, weakens and the tears roll down my cheeks without being censored.

  “The burns weren’t as bad, the scabs fell in a couple of weeks… it was the scars of your behavior.” I touch my heart. “The way you handled it and made me feel changed my personality due to my low self-esteem. That’s on me, for not figuring it all out at that age. Maybe on you for letting me drift away.”

  I blow out some air before I get a second wind as they are finally listening to me.

  “I wanted out of the enclosure but at the same time, I wanted to be isolated.” I let out a chuckle. “My ambiguous mentality and all the issues I carried around affected me for so long. Then, I thought that once I went to college, things would change.”

  I shake my head as I sniff and laugh at the same time. My fathers hover over and cuddle me.

  “A different issue happened,” I squeeze my eyes briefly. “Instead of living in the open, I ended up inside another dome and created my own set of lies.”

  I pause, because I don’t want to tell them how stupid I acted, it was hypocritical in fact. I criticized them and I behaved the same as they did.

  “We dated,” I hear Porter speak. “During the summer after her first year of college we moved in together. AJ had so many college credits, she was supposed to graduate within a year after we moved in.”

  I was? I lean back surprised and wonder why he decided that for me.

  “Instead, she told me she planned to continue getting other degrees. A selfish part of me resented that, between not getting her full attention at home, all the dates I had to fulfill, and the pressure of my career, things spiraled down on my part. Not only that, she began to ask why we couldn’t be seen in public.”

  JC watches me, while my parents’ and Mason’s gazes are on Porter. I have no idea where to look, as this is a conversation I’d rather have with my parents alone.

  “She was beautiful, unique, kind and I wanted to keep her to myself,” he continues. I angle my head and watch him. “It was the fear of you two finding out and putting her out in the media.”

  That was why? I thought it was because he was busy fucking other women.

  “If you’ll excuse me,” Mason interrupts Porter, “I can’t take this shit and it’s too early to bury a body.”

  His jaw tenses and his stone-like eyes glare at Porter.

  “Off limits. One tear and you’ll regret it,” Mason’s threatening stare and voice is directed toward Porter who turns pale, then his attention turns toward me. Eyes softening and the low, husky voice is now mellow. He takes my hand and caresses the inside of my wrist with his thumb. “I’m not far, call.”

  He leans closer and whispers, “You got this, be brave supergirl.”

  That was… unexpected.

  “What’s wrong with telling us the truth from the beginning, Porter?” Christian asks, as Gabriel growls. The veins in his neck throb and his hands form a couple of imposing fists.

  Chris looks at him and lifts a finger, Gabriel steps back.

  Interesting.

  “You took me in. Falling for your daughter felt like a betrayal… I don’t know, Chris, you have all these expectations for her, for them.”

  “No, for all of you, Porter,” Gabriel takes over. “Before the heavy drinking and the drug abuse, you had been doing great.”

  “What?” I weakly ask. “Porter isn’t an addict.”

  He chuckles, no humor, only a dry, cynic laugh.

  “I hid it well from you, AJ.” He closes his eyes briefly and then places a hand on his forearm where a scribbled tattoo is. “From everyone. I’m an alcoholic, AJ. You don’t know the shit that went down four years ago.”

  Three, I want to correct, then slap him because he’s acting as if it had been a bump in the road—something minor.

  “I was high and drunk. All the shit I told you was a bunch of hollow words to keep you from seeing who I had become.”

  Well, hollowness hurts like a bitch.

  “Things got worse after… we lost him.”

  2015

  My blood drains as Porter brings more and more things from our past to the table.

  “So your story of the crush… it was more than that, wasn’t it?” Christian crosses his arms.

  The red rim of doom, as my brothers and I like to call it, is surrounding his green eyes. He’s doing something as he questions Porter, not sure what. Chris has the answers, but he wants to hear them from Porter… or hear the lies. Is that it?

  Whatever he is doing, I wish he would stop. Everything is going to collapse and I’ll be the one trapped under the debris. I’ll suffocate and die before anyone can save me.

  “Are you telling me that you had sex with my daughter?” Christian’s rough voice makes me jolt.

  This is going too far, I have to stop him.

  “I was old enough, Dad.” I put a hand on his chest. “Long ago we thought we loved each other and for almost four years we played house until, of course, the house became real and one of us realized he had make a mistake.”

  “I made several mistakes, AJ,” Porter barks. “Our relationship and loving you wasn’t one of them.”

  My entire body heats up and my blood is about to evaporate with the heat. My rage is off the charts because when you love someone, you don’t behave the way he did. He abandoned me.

  “I needed you, Porter. I needed you so bad back then and you didn’t give a shit.” I walk to where he is, my chest puffs up and I raise my voice. “Not only that, you had a longtime girlfriend and several on the side. Those nights you couldn’t make it, you were with her. I was the freak behind the curtain, the filler—”

  “Shut up,” he yells. The heat in his eyes burn my own. It’s unlike Porter to scream. “Never, AJ. I won’t allow you to say that. Listen to me. You weren’t a filler. There wasn’t a fucking vampire girl. After what happened. After we lost him… I let your parents keep you away from me.”

  “What?” I whirl around and stare at both of them.

  “That’s your story, Porter?” Christian takes a deep breath. “For starters, don’t ever talk to my daughter in that manner.”

  His warning makes Porter’s head drop.

  “You could’ve said something three years ago, kid. Like, ‘I care about her,’ or maybe ‘I love her and we live toget
her’. You didn’t have to agree to the setup.”

  “You said it,” Porter massages his temples, “she deserved someone different. A smart, successful guy. I let her down in the worst possible way. After what happened between us, I wasn’t myself. Honestly, I didn’t give a shit what you did to keep her safe and away from me. I thought it was my fault our baby died. What if she was next? My father killed my mother and siblings, I barely made it… get the picture?”

  “Three years ago our relationship was perfect, or so I thought,” I stammer but recover fast. “According to him I was the more explosive of us, while he brought me peace. We lived in a world of our own creation where no one could touch us.”

  Not even my parents, I don’t say out loud.

  “For me, life was about obtaining my degree and setting up a special school for children with disabilities.” My parents scrutinizing gaze remains on Porter with a few side-glances at me. My shoulders remain slumped, despair flowing through my veins. “When he was home I tried to balance school, music, and our relationship. He lived half of the time with me, the other half somewhere around the world or at a studio recording new music. I understood the lifestyle. I had the two of you.”

  My parents who worked in that world, though one of them would always stay with us. Christian was the stay-at-home dad, while Gabriel made several movies a year. One of Chris’ recording studios was next door to our house.

  “During the second year that Porter and I lived together, our relationship shifted. I wanted more.”

  Porter’s gaze glitters with anger, but it doesn’t intimidate me.

  “A desire to be the official girlfriend, for the world to know he had me,” I confess my thoughts while trying to make sense of what the girl back then wanted versus what she should’ve done—leave Porter. “There was an itch inside of me, a nagging part asking why I wasn’t recognized as the girlfriend in front of my parents, in front of the world.

  “We should tell my parents,” I said, as I tuned the piano I hadn’t played in over a week. “I might start working toward my graduate degree and they’re going to wonder about my living arrangements.”

  “Ainse,” Porter used that condescending tone I hated. I glared at him but he continued talking, “After I’m done with this next tour, I swear we can discuss the million ways your parents will kill me. You know my tour is long, baby, this isn’t the time. You’re pale, have you eaten yet?”

  That was Porter, always concerned about my health, if my pump worked properly, or if I had eaten right.

  I was fine, I knew how to care for myself.

  “I tried to understand what or why she wanted to tell you, but couldn’t figure it out.” Porter interrupts me. “On top of that, I had scheduled a long tour. I didn’t see the point of stirring up the family when I wouldn’t be around… it weighed on me.”

  He takes a deep breath and looks at my parents.

  “I wasn’t mature enough for that life.”

  It’s the first time I have heard him say that. At eighteen, once he started touring he didn’t want to live at home with my family—he was an adult.

  “At last, one truth,” Christian sets his jaw. “Please continue.”

  “I had to make sure she ate well, checked her pump, go to concerts, she was alone and I hated it.”

  “You didn’t have to do shit, Porter.” For the first time I want to grab a heavy object and hit him hard. “You make me sound like a flimsy idiot who can’t take care of herself.”

  He rolls his eyes and looks at my brother crossing his arms, as if telling him, ‘Look what I have to deal with.’

  “Jacob, out,” Chris orders.

  “Me, why?”

  “Because this isn’t a family meeting.” Chris points at the door. “Now.”

  JC hunches and drags his feet as if pulling a heavy object with him.

  “Please, go on, Porter.” Chris narrows his gaze. “I’d like to know how the girl who by the age of twelve knew how to care for herself couldn’t make it without you. The faithful boyfriend.”

  Porter’s jaw clenches and gives me a warning look. He wants me to stop talking, how dare he thinks he can control me.

  Not anymore. I’m not her.

  “If I could have split myself in half, a part of me would’ve stayed behind with her.” Porter directs his attention to my parents. “To numb everything I had swirling around my head, I drank or took sleeping pills, anything to stop worrying about my future, her, and all that shit.”

  Is he blaming me for his addictions?

  That’s rich.

  “A week later, Porter came back from a television interview,” I recount our last days together. “According to him I looked weak and pale, and he insisted I head to the doctor to check my sugar levels. My blood levels were fine according to my monitoring system, but he didn’t believe me.”

  We had yet another discussion about my parents.

  “Porter, forget about my glucose levels.” I shoved the monitor on his chest so he could see I was doing just fine. “I talked to Dad last week, he wants us to go on vacation and wanted my address to send me my ticket. I think it’s time.”

  “AJ, don’t start,” he warned me. “They can use your email. They know what an electronic ticket is, darling.”

  Darling?

  “We’ve been together for so many years; they deserve to know. I hate to lie to them, and I’m harboring a huge secret.”

  “This is not the right time,” he insisted. “They lie too, don’t they? For all we know, they have never been honest with you.”

  I shoved the last part away, this was my parent’s knowing about us, not what I didn’t know about my parents.

  “I know things are… strange.” That was the closest word I found to describe our relationship. “We have an unconventional life.”

  “You want us to come out of the closet?” It was a bad joke, as I was having trouble understanding how my parents kept their relationship hidden from the world for so many years and continued to, even when the world’s views had changed so much toward same-sex relationships. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to hit so close to home. baby, I don’t know if we’re ready for that kind of pressure. That might open up questions about your origins, and then drag your parents where they aren’t ready to go.”

  “This is about us, not my parents, Porter.”

  “Can you stop being selfish for once and think about others, AJ?”

  We fought, he left upset, and I headed to the pool where I swam until I could barely feel my limbs.

  An irresponsible move on my part.

  The maid had instructions to call the doctor if I looked sick, which I did after overdoing it. Nothing a bath, food, and a nap couldn’t take care of. However, she found me a doctor who made house visits. He ran a bunch of tests on me and promised to send the results the next day.

  That night Porter didn’t call—a way to punish my stubbornness.

  The next day I texted Porter and he didn’t answer.

  A week after that fight, he finally called.

  “Hi,” I answered, not knowing what was going on between us anymore.

  “I checked my messages, the maid said you were in the hospital?” It was strange, not a ‘Hello’ or a ‘How are you?’… or even an ‘I got all your messages, but I’ve been busy.’ “You okay?”

  “I didn’t go to the hospital, but the doctor came by. My sugar levels were out of whack,” I told him. “When will you be back?”

  “Two, three weeks.” His distant response told me to wait until he arrived to talk to him about what the doctor had told me. “I don’t know, why?”

  “Nothing… I guess.” I took a deep breath and blurted out, “I’m pregnant.”

  Porter remained silent, the long pause filled my entire body with coals of terror that ignited when he finally spoke.

  �
�I can’t do this. Not now.”

  He hung up with those words, not a question of how far along, or… I had no idea what to think, how to react and for the first time in my life, I felt completely alone. My parents had no idea about us, how could I call them and say…

  2015

  Christian fumes, his arms cross and he snaps.

  “You fucking call, Ainsley Janine,” he screams, and I jolt. Gabe shakes his head and the crimson color is flaring though his eyes are darting toward Porter and not me. “When you need your parents, you call and ask for help. It doesn’t matter what happened. We are your parents and we love you above anything and everything else.”

  “We can’t help you if you keep us in the dark, baby girl,” Gabe adds rubbing my arm. “You always ask for help.”

  I know that now.

  I dry my tears with the back of my hand and look at Christian, who never loses his temper like this. Papi isn’t happy at all.

  Then he looks at Porter, “You really hung up on her, asshole?”

  “My past always stayed in the back of my mind. Not once did I forget my drunk father or abusive grandfather.” Porter’s steady gaze holds Chris’s angry one. “I forgot what my mother looked like, or my siblings. The scar I wear is one of the few reminders I’ve got left. It tells me that I once had a family and a fucked up life before Gabriel and Christian Decker opened the doors to their crazy, special family. I wanted AJ, but no one else,” he closes his eyes. “Life sucked, things happened, but I had the best person I had ever met loving me. No one else but me… But a baby would take her away from me. I already had her school to compete with, now to add a child? This is the immature, alcoholic, druggy thinking… not who you met, or who I am now.”

  My parents both look at each other and something flashes between them. I know that Chris is an alcoholic, that’s something he was always upfront with us about. Clean for twenty-some years and going strong… I hope.