Forever Her Hero

by Belle Calhoune

  When Daniel returned to his seat, Ava turned around and gave him a thumbs-up and an endearing smile. He couldn’t seem to get his mind off her. Even the slightest movement on her part drew his attention. Sitting behind her, he couldn’t help noticing the graceful slope of her neck and the nervous habit she had of raking her fingers through her glossy hair.

  The last wedding he’d attended in this church had been Ava and Billy’s. The only things he remembered about that ceremony was the awful feeling in the pit of his stomach and the moment when the pastor had declared them man and wife. He’d been fuming and jealous and sickened by his own lack of action. Why hadn’t he tried to stop the wedding? Why hadn’t he gone to Ava and told her that he loved her, that he’d always loved her? The thought startled him, and he suddenly felt choked by all the emotions of ten years ago. Yes, he’d been in love with her, he acknowledged. But that had been a long time ago, before she married his cousin and built a life with him and their children.

  The experience of getting over Ava had brought him to his knees. For months he’d teetered on the edge of destruction, plunging into a depression that had nearly cost him his career. Thankfully, he’d had a commanding officer who’d believed in him and his potential. He sucked in a deep breath as the remembrance of his shattered heart pulled at him. He never wanted to feel that way again. Not in a million years. Because being in love with someone who didn’t love you back was a soul-crushing experience, one he had no intention of repeating ever again.

  Chapter Five

  Ava let out a small cry as a thorn pricked her finger.

  She raised her finger to her mouth, blowing on it to get her mind off the pain. Putting the finishing touches on twenty floral centerpieces wasn’t easy, especially since they were crunched for time. There was no time to waste if they were going to be ready to receive seventy-five wedding guests at her home within the hour. She had to admit that she missed the challenges and creativity associated with her former job as a party planner. Weeks ago Melanie had asked if she would mind hosting a reception at her house for her and Doug, to be followed by a clambake on the beach. Although that entailed a lot of work, there was no way she could have refused. Billy wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. Melanie had been as close to him as a sister. After the ceremony had ended, she’d hightailed it out of the church with the twins in tow and headed home. Her sisters had arrived a few minutes later, both of them eager to help out.

  With the help of Sunny and Ella, all of the finishing touches were completed, with the exception of the floral arrangements. Because of a mix-up with the florist, most of the flowers hadn’t arrived until this morning. At the moment she and Sunny were creating small centerpieces composed of pink roses, stargazer lilies, white calla lilies and baby’s breath. They’d selected all of Melanie’s favorite flowers and put them together in a breathtakingly beautiful glass bowl. Although they were nearly done, they still had two more to finish up.

  “He is drop-dead gorgeous.” Her sister Sunny’s voice broke her concentration, causing a sliver of irritation to creep along her spine. This was typical Sunny. Rather than focus on the flowers, she was checking someone out.

  “Who are you talking about?” Ava asked, not bothering to look up from her floral arrangement. She wanted to place all the arrangements on the tables before she checked in with the caterer. Pretty soon the guests would start streaming in. This was not the time or the place to listen to her sister rhapsodize about a good-looking guy.

  “Who am I talking about?” Sunny threw the question back at her. “Sawyer, that’s who. He’s one good-looking guy. But I’m sure you’ve already noticed, what with the history the two of you share.”

  At the mention of Sawyer’s name, she swiveled her head toward the direction of her sister’s gaze. Sawyer was standing next to the jazz band as they were setting up, making conversation and looking just as handsome as Sunny had reported. She’d been too busy to even notice his arrival.

  Ava shifted her gaze to Sunny, looking at her with a raised eyebrow. She had no idea what her sister was talking about. “Our history? As best friends?”

  “Stop being coy, Ava. When we were kids, you and Sawyer were inseparable,” Sunny said. “You two were crazy about each other.”

  Ava felt her cheeks getting flushed. “We were friends, Sunny. That’s it!” she insisted.

  “Friendship?” Sunny asked with a tilt of her head. “So, back in the day the two of you never held hands or kissed behind the bleachers?”

  Kissing Sawyer. The very mention of it brought back a bittersweet memory of her very first kiss. She and Sawyer had been in eighth grade. They’d been best friends for years, ever since Sawyer’s family had moved into the house two doors down. They’d been playing at the old quarry, skipping stones over the surface of the water and arguing about the Red Sox and the Yankees. She’d fallen and skinned her knee, tears coursing down her face as she tried her hardest not to sob from the pain. Sawyer had pulled out a bandanna from his pocket, using it to deftly dab at her bloody knee. Once her tears had stopped he’d leaned toward her and planted a sweet, comforting kiss on her lips. Although she’d been clueless about kissing, it had been a pleasant experience. She couldn’t imagine a better first kiss than the one she’d shared with Sawyer.

  And, of course, she couldn’t help reminiscing about that impromptu kiss last summer. Although it had been unexpected, it had been full of comfort and joy, as well as tenderness. For the first time in a long while she’d felt like a woman again. But then she’d been plagued with guilt about betraying her husband’s memory, while Sawyer had unceremoniously left the country.

  Her sister’s comments about Sawyer did something funny to her insides. As far back as she could remember, there was something about her feelings for him that troubled her. For years she’d managed to stuff them so far down inside herself it was easy to pretend they didn’t exist. Her loyalty to Billy hadn’t even allowed her to examine what those feelings were. She’d been a faithful wife to her husband and she’d never so much as looked at another man. Yet there had always been something about Sawyer that tugged at her. And even though she’d tried to disguise it in a hundred different ways, Billy had known. He’d always known.

  “Don’t listen to her,” her sister Ella advised as she walked past carrying a tray of beautiful cupcakes she would soon transform into a tower. “She’s never been able to have a solid friendship with a man without turning it into a romance.”

  Sunny let out a huff of air. “Well, at least I still believe in romance. You haven’t been on a date since the Dark Ages.” Ella laughed and playfully swatted her sister. “And you,” Sunny said with a pointed look in Ava’s direction, “need to get out there and meet new people.”

  “I’m not ready to...meet people,” Ava snapped. “It’s only been two years. I’m still trying to make sense of Billy’s death. I’m still trying to get my family back to normal.”

  Sunny and Ella shared a look. From where Ava was standing it appeared to be full of hidden meaning. She knew all too well that her sisters were worried about her and had been for a very long time. The three sisters were as different as the seasons. Sunny was spontaneous and spirited while Ella was friendly and an all-around sweetheart. Ava was the creative, levelheaded one of the bunch—practical, solid. The anchor was what they called her, or at least they had until Billy’s passing. In the past two years it felt as if she’d been doing all the leaning on her family. She’d felt incredibly fragile.

  Sunny worked as a weather girl at a local television channel on the island. With her statuesque figure, golden-brown complexion and striking features, she was the showstopper. And she knew it! For as long as Ava could remember, her sister had dreamed of leaving Cape Cod and heading off to Hollywood to become a famous movie actress. Ella was beautiful in her own right, but she didn’t have the confidence to shine like her sister. With her chocolate-brown
skin and curvy figure, she was coming into her own after a long bout with Epstein-Barr virus. She’d recently opened her own healthy bakery, Deliteful, on Ocean Street in town.

  “It’s not healthy to keep blaming yourself for Billy’s death,” Ella said. Her big brown eyes teared up. “What happened to him was a tragic accident.”

  “Billy made a decision to go out on the water that night, even though he’d been—” Sunny stopped short, catching herself before she finished her sentence. Again, her sisters locked glances.

  “Drinking? Is that what you were going to say?” Ava whispered, her throat clogged with emotion. “You don’t have to sugarcoat it.”

  Sunny bit her lip. “Yes, that’s what I was going to say.” She let out a sigh. “Ava, we keep dancing around things with you because we don’t want to hurt you. What you’ve been through in the past few years has been agonizing. All three of us lost our parents, but you lost so much more. Losing Billy...it was so sudden and shocking.” Sunny shook her head in disbelief. “But hiding yourself away at your house, not going to church, avoiding all your friends...it’s very worrisome.”

  “I’m not hiding,” she protested. “I’ve just been trying to simplify things so I could create some normalcy for the kids.”

  Ella raised an eyebrow. “So how is staying away from Sea Street Church creating normalcy?”

  Ava felt her cheeks burn. As far as she was concerned, her relationship with God was a personal matter. It was between her and the big guy upstairs. She didn’t owe her sisters an explanation. Some things were truly off-limits, even with family members.

  “I don’t have to go to church to have a relationship with God,” she argued.

  “That’s true,” Ella said in a doubtful voice. “But Ava, you’ve always loved attending service. You were always the most devout among the three of us.”

  “It just seems that you’ve withdrawn a lot since you lost Billy,” Sunny added, her eyes wide with concern. “And you’ve been having those panic attacks. We’re just worried about you. We love you.”

  Ava felt moisture gathering in her eyes and she tried her best to stop the flow of tears. She loved her sisters more than anything in the world, but she didn’t want them worrying about her. As the oldest sister, she had always had the responsibility to hold things together. When their parents had died of cancer within months of each other, she’d been the strong one. She wasn’t used to being the one leaning on everyone else for comfort. There was a great deal of shame she felt about her panic attacks. They came out of the blue, without warning, leaving her struggling to breathe and feeling helpless. She’d had her first one a week after Billy died when she was in deep mourning. She’d always thought there was something wrong with the stages of grief. For her, the first stage had been bargaining, followed by denial, anger and depression. Ever since then she’d been stuck—sometimes it felt as if she were miles and miles away from the final stage. Acceptance.

  “There’s no need to worry. What you don’t understand is that grief is a process. I can’t just snap my fingers and get over his death. It doesn’t work like that.”

  Ella quickly moved toward her and enveloped her in a hug. “We don’t expect you to stop grieving or stop loving him. We just wish you weren’t cutting yourself off from so many things you used to love.”

  Sunny came over and squeezed her hand. “And we know there was a lot of tension between you and Billy before his death. After he lost his job, things were really tough between the two of you.”

  Ava felt a burst of anger toward her sister. She didn’t need to be reminded of all the tough times she and Billy had endured. What purpose did it serve? Her husband was dead and buried. She didn’t need Sunny analyzing their marriage problems. What did her single sister know about love and marriage anyway?

  “And? Just because we had problems doesn’t mean I loved him any less,” she snapped.

  “That wasn’t what I meant—” Sunny began, a look of distress etched on her face.

  “He was all I’d ever known. Since I was eighteen years old. Ava and Billy. Cape Cod sweethearts. Of course it wasn’t perfect, you guys. We had problems. Serious problems. Things were shaky—he was drinking again and spending too much on things we didn’t need. It was like he had this big hole inside him he needed to fill up. And he tried to fill it up with me and the kids, then the house on the beach, then the alcohol. But it wasn’t enough. It was never enough.”

  Her body was trembling, and she could feel hot tears on her cheeks. “And I couldn’t get him to go to rehab. I tried so many times, but he always refused. He didn’t think he had a drinking problem. And even though I knew he did, I didn’t push it. I suppose some people might call that denial. But I was so afraid of everything falling apart that I let it go. And for some reason that I still haven’t figured out, Billy went out on the water that night, when he was barely in any condition to walk, never mind navigate the open waters.”

  “Some things you might never find answers for, Ava. It’ll drive you crazy trying to wrap it all up with a nice little bow.” Instead of comforting her, Ella’s words only served to frustrate her. What if finding answers was the only way of getting closure? What if being at peace with her husband’s death continued to elude her?

  Sawyer was suddenly standing next to her, his face a mask of concern as his gaze raked over her face. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” He looked over at Ella and Sunny, his forbidding expression demanding an explanation. He was practically glaring at her sisters.

  “It’s nothing,” she quickly answered as she swiped the tears away. “I always get emotional at weddings.”

  Sawyer’s mouth was set in a firm line. “I think you should take a break before the bride and groom arrive.” He quickly glanced at his watch. “They won’t be here for another thirty minutes or so. Come on. Let’s go.”

  She let out a nervous laugh. “A break? I don’t have time for one. I still have floral arrangements to finish.”

  “I’ll finish them up,” Sunny volunteered with a wide grin. Ava knew her sister well enough to know she was smirking. If she took a break with Sawyer, it would just reinforce her sister’s belief that there was something more to their relationship than an enduring friendship. Sunny made a shooing gesture with her hands. “Go on. Take a break. Ella and I can handle it.”

  Before she knew what was happening, she felt Sawyer tightly grip her hand and lead her away from the patio, down toward the path overlooking the beach. He didn’t let go of her hand until they’d reached the sand at the bottom of the steps.

  She stole a glance at him through lowered lids. He was staring off into the distance, his eyes locked on the tumultuous blue ocean stretching out before him for miles and miles. Once they’d reached the beach he rolled up his sleeves and pant legs, giving him a more casual, relaxed vibe.

  “This beach has a lot of memories,” he said in a wistful voice. “Treasure hunts by the light of the moon are my all-time favorite ones.”

  “Mine, too,” she said with a sigh. “Is it just me, or was life a whole lot simpler back then?”

  He let out an easy laugh. “We were kids. What did we know?”

  She looked over at him, buoyed by his gentle spirit. His easy charm never failed to make her feel at ease. “I think we knew a lot. We knew right from wrong. We went to church every Sunday. We respected our elders. And nothing was better than spending time at the beach, whether it was going crabbing or swimming out past the ropes or burying each other in the sand. Everything considered, we were pretty good kids.”

  She studied Sawyer’s profile as he stared out at the water. “Call me crazy,” he said, “but there was something pretty wonderful about having to use our imaginations instead of reaching for an electronic device to keep us entertained.”

  Ava shuddered in an exaggerated way. “The twins aren’t there yet. They’re still ha
ppy playing on the beach and building forts. I hope it stays that way for a while.” Her voice sounded wistful to her own ears. If she could, she would slow time down a little so they could stay this age for a bit longer. As it was, it felt as if their lives were going by at warp speed.

  As they walked toward the water’s edge, Ava dipped her toe in to test the temperature. The water was still frigid despite the warm June temperature. The ocean didn’t usually get warm until July, and even then, it had to be at a certain temperature to tempt her to go swimming. She turned back toward her house on the cliff, taking a moment to admire the place she called home. Despite everything, she still loved the fact that her house overlooked the sea. From up there she could gaze upon endless miles of beach and ocean. Even though the sea had stolen Billy away from her, she couldn’t leave her cozy house by the water. In the days, weeks and months after her husband’s death she’d needed to give Dolly and Casey a sense of stability. Staying in their home by the water had given them a sense of familiarity and comfort.

  Every day she’d walked down to the beach and stared out over the water, asking herself how she could love something that had taken so much from her. But the sea called to her. It was beautiful and temperamental. Peaceful, yet churning with emotion. Its timeless rhythms called to her. It owned a piece of her heart. It reminded her of childhood and her parents and collecting seashells with her sisters along Sandy Neck Beach. Forever and always, tangy sea water would flow through her veins.

  “You made a fine pirate, Ava Trask.”

  With those simple words, Sawyer transported her all the way back to childhood. She chuckled as an image of the two of them dressed up as pirates flashed through her mind. They’d hunted for treasure on the beach, courtesy of Mr. P, who’d buried all kinds of booty for them to find. Gold painted coins. Costume jewelry. Swords. Peacock feathers. He’d gone to great lengths to entertain them.

  “Right back at you. If I remember correctly, you really got into character. You had the whole British accent thing going, didn’t you?”