The Gladiator’s Master

by Fae Sutherland

  Unable to rouse his own hunger, Caelius took Faustus from Helene to allow her the chance to eat. He paced the around the carpentum, his son tucked in the crook of his arm, falling fast asleep as Caelius mourned this new distance between himself and the gladiator. There were too many differences between their worlds and Gaidres had no interest at all in finding common ground.

  He concentrated on Faustus in his arms, smiling at the way the babe’s chin would wobble in his sleep, or the way his nose would wrinkle as a new scent came to them on the breeze.

  “Soon we’ll be in Rome, little one, I doubt you’ll sleep so through that noise.” Caelius glanced up as he sensed eyes on him and found Gaidres staring at him. After a moment of silence, Gaidres rose from his seat at the base of a tree and approached him. He gestured to the child.

  “He is a handsome babe, Dominus. He is well?”

  Caelius glanced down at his son. “He grows stronger every day. Helene thinks the fresh air and calm of my villa in Caere will see him recovered from his birth fully.”

  Gaidres reached out to stroke one fingertip against Faustus’s soft cheek, then pulled back. “That is good.”

  Now was a good time to address at least one of his concerns. “May I ask something of you, Gaidres?”

  “Your will is my own, Dominus.”

  “I would ask your word that you will not make an attempt on my life today.”

  Gaidres agreed without hesitation. “You have my word, Dominus.”

  “Gratitude.” He wanted to ask Gaidres what he’d done to offend him, but he feared the answer, not to mention the possibility that he might only drive Gaidres away again.

  Faustus’s eyes blinked open and he fixed his serious gaze on Gaidres’s face before forming an O with his mouth and making a funny little chirping sound. Much to Caelius’s surprise, Gaidres beamed and once again stroked the babe’s cheek. “He looks bright-eyed enough. Be wary of him, Dominus. With those eyes and curls he’s likely to grow into a little one bent on mischief.”

  Caelius found himself smiling back. “I’m sure you know all about little ones who get into mischief, Gaidres.” He could see Gaidres as such a boy and maybe, if the gods were kind, he’d get to see Faustus getting into the kind of trouble Gaidres was thinking of.

  “Perhaps I do.”

  Caelius bent his head and brushed his lips over Faustus’s forehead. The other members of their group were stirring, putting the remnants of their meals away and with that their respite was over. Caelius hoped that the tension wouldn’t return once they were on the road again.

  “Gaidres…” he started and then stopped, uncertain whether or not he should say more.

  “Yes, Dominus?” Gaidres pulled his eyes away from the babe and for a moment, one sweet moment, his expression was unguarded. Caelius wanted to lean in and kiss him.

  “If I’ve somehow caused offense, I apologize.”

  Gaidres stiffened, jaw tightening as he glanced away. “You did not, Dominus.” Already the other man seemed to regret his moment of openness. No doubt he cursed himself for forgetting that Caelius was still his enemy.

  He sighed and took a step back. “Very well. I will not keep you from your duties.” He gave Gaidres a small, sad smile and then turned away to bring his son back to the nurse.

  When they got back on their horses, Gaidres took up his position beside Caelius. Personal guards needed to stay alert, but Gaidres refused to look at him. Instead he scrutinized the surrounding area.

  They would be in Rome soon. Then in the morning they’d truly be on their way home. His soul longed for the quiet, windswept cliffs, the view of the sea and all the people whom he had left behind. He wished they could stay longer, but he feared that if he did spend months at home he would lose all the political progress he had made.

  He wished he dared speak of his concerns to Gaidres. But Caelius held his peace, rather than antagonize him further. Perhaps this month together would lessen his want for the man and then he could turn his attentions elsewhere. He doubted it, though.

  Despite the fact that Gaidres was still keeping him at a distance, Caelius’s heart lightened when he spied his villa sprawling across the top of the cliffs. Home. He was home again. Some of the aching in his heart eased at the sight. He had missed this place. He’d buried it under work, trying to reclaim the wreck of his uncle’s villa and ludus and furthering his aspirations. Aspirations that hadn’t seemed so important in the last few weeks.

  Politics had been a game, a way to pass time and advance his family. Now when he thought of his career, he realized how much time he’d be spending away from his son. And he’d have to continue to involve himself in bloodsports that used people like Gaidres.

  And Rome and the Senate were changing so much, as well, moving in a direction that disturbed him. It made him question what he was actually doing to change things. Here at home, he could see with his own eyes the difference he made.

  “Is that yours, Dominus?” Gaidres stood at the ship’s rail beside him, the tang and wind of the sea whirling around them. It was the first bit of conversation he’d offered since they’d reached Rome. The city had darkened Gaidres’s mood further and Caelius hadn’t pressed him.

  “It is.” Caelius drank in the sight of the villa as the setting sun cast a rosy glow over the buildings. “How did you know?”

  “Your face changed when you saw it.”

  Caelius looked at him, a lump rising in his throat. If only he could give Gaidres something that would light up the shadows inside him and give him some peace. He turned his attention back to the villa before he said something that betrayed his feelings and then pointed to the pier jutting out into the choppy water. A small delegation waited there. “That would be Demetrius and others to see to our comfort. He is in charge of my household when I’m away.”

  Gaidres merely nodded, not answering him, and kept an eye on the sailors who now bustled around, preparing to dock. Caelius touched his hand on the railing and met his eyes. “I hope you like it.” Valeriana hadn’t. She’d preferred being in the nearby city whereas Caelius only left his lands when he had to.

  Gaidres drew his hand back, gesturing to the pier. “We’ll be docking in a few moments, Dominus. Do you not wish to gather your son and introduce him to the people he will one day inherit?”

  Caelius’s lips tightened at the abrupt withdrawal. “Of course.” He swept up the end of his robe over his arm and brushed past the gladiator to head below deck. Gaidres followed him at a distance. It was almost maddening how seriously the man took his duty to protect him. Physically he stayed close, but otherwise he could not be more distant.

  Once again, Caelius’s mood lightened as he laid eyes on his son. He bent low to brush a kiss to the babe’s forehead. “Welcome home, son.”

  A sound from Gaidres drew his attention and Caelius watched him storm back up to the deck, his back stiff. “Come, take a look at your home,” Caelius whispered, ignoring the way Gaidres had stalked back out again, for now. There was naught he could do about the stubborn man at the moment other than give him the distance that he seemed to need. Gaidres had been kind enough to support Caelius when he needed it and he could do no less for the other man in return.

  Faustus gave him a sleepy grimace and squirmed in his wrappings as Caelius carried him up on deck. “I know, you tire of being cooped in that hold.” He hoped the sound of his voice would keep his son from fussing until they were settled. He’d be happy himself to be on dry land again.

  By the time he emerged on the deck, with Faustus’s wet nurse and Helene trailing him, the boat had pulled up alongside the pier and the sailors were tethering it in place. Gaidres leaped first onto the pier, then reached out a hand to steady Caelius as he crossed with Faustus.

  “It is good to have you back, Dominus.” Demetrius came forward with a welcoming expression.

  “It is good to be back.” Caelius clasped Demetrius’s hand. Demetrius had served his family Caelius’s whole life. After he earned h
is freedom he’d still insisted on running the household despite Caelius’s attempts to get him to take his ease. Demetrius’s hair was more white than gray now, but his keen mind had not dulled with age. Caelius lifted up his son for Demetrius to see. “This is Faustus, my heir.”

  Demetrius chuckled as Faustus squawked in protest. “Sounds like he has a fine pair of lungs, Dominus.” Then his expression became grave. “My apologies about Domina. You’ll see that everything has been prepared. The procession will be tomorrow and she can be laid to rest.”

  “Thank you, Demetrius.” They turned toward the stairway cut into the cliff to bring them up to the villa. He touched Gaidres’s arm as the gladiator came up beside him, hand on the hilt of his sword. “This is Gaidres. He is my personal guard.”

  “Welcome, Gaidres.” Demetrius clasped Gaidres’s arm in a friendly greeting before turning to Caelius. “There is a bath and food prepared for your arrival, Dominus. Come.”

  Gaidres blinked, seeming surprised by the easy acceptance of Demetrius and the others of Caelius’s household. Caelius hid his amusement as they cast Gaidres curious but friendly looks as the group made their way up toward the villa. The gladiator would find things to be quite different in Caere.

  Caelius sighed with relief as they crested the top of the stairs. His thighs burned. They seemed to get steeper every time and yet Gaidres didn’t seem winded in the least. His armor and sword had to weigh many times what the babe did.

  “Demetrius, are you feeling well?” The older man was red in the face and winded.

  “I am fine, Dominus.” A pause as he huffed several deep breaths. “Do not…fret yourself.”

  Caelius vowed to himself that he would move about more before he began puffing with each step like Demetrius. He should have waited for them at the top, but Caelius knew the man would be offended if it were suggested.

  He waited to give Demetrius a few moments to recover. The view up here was as stunning as it had ever been. This was where Caelius had often gone when he needed to think and he suspected that he’d be spending many more hours walking along the cliffs while he was here.

  They entered the villa and then he kissed Faustus before handing him off to Helene to be fussed over, bathed and fed. He greeted the other members of his household as they came forward with warm, damp cloths to cleanse the dust from faces and hands. Home felt like paradise, and his melancholy faded. Even Gaidres seemed to be relaxing somewhat under the warmth of their welcome.

  Helene and the nurse disappeared toward the family wing and the guards toward their barracks. Caelius turned toward Gaidres and gestured to the villa. “Would you like to take a look around with me or would you prefer to eat first?”

  Gaidres hesitated, part of him wanting time away from Caelius, but if he was going to be a guard he needed to know the layout of the villa. He would also have to get used to the fact that their time together was no longer going to be a few hours in the dark of night, but nearly constant while they were here.

  “I should become familiar with the villa, Dominus.”

  “Come with me, then.” Caelius started off toward the first room. “We’ll eat after a tour.”

  He followed, making mental notes of the rooms, the entrances and exits, listening as Caelius talked. He seemed proud of his home, and Gaidres couldn’t blame him. It was spacious, one room flowing into the next. The villa in Fidena was larger, but not so fine as this one. Caelius took care of his property in a way Craxus never had.

  “It is a grand home, Dominus,” he said when they’d circled back to the courtyard where they’d begun. He supposed he could be glad that Caelius did not make his home in Rome itself. Some would consider him daft to disdain the cultural center of the world, but those people had not seen the dark underworld he had. The blood Rome was built upon, the bodies that held up its foundations and the lives, countless of them, destroyed so Rome could flourish. The Republic of Rome was a vicious beast and the city was its blackened heart. He would count himself lucky to never set foot within its walls.

  “Thank you, Gaidres.” Caelius squeezed his shoulder and then let his hand drop. “Come, let us eat and then we can retire.”

  He felt his face tighten. “As you wish, Dominus.”

  He had hoped, since he was meant to be a member of Caelius’s guard here, that he would be sent to bunk with the other soldiers. The night before they left had shaken him, so much so that he did not wish a repeat tonight or any other night. He had never felt so guilty, so disloyal. The things he began to feel for Caelius went beyond physical pleasure and that was all he ought to be feeling.

  He scowled, remembering the other morning. He’d awoken to find Caelius still in his arms, sleeping with his head on Gaidres’s chest, one long leg tangled with his.

  How had he allowed such a moment of weakness? To cradle the Roman to him like a babe to his chest was foolishness at its most extreme, exacerbated by the fact that his dreams had been pleasant and filled with Caelius’s smiles. Caelius’s dark eyes. Not Kerses. What was wrong with him?

  Ignoring Caelius was harder than he’d expected. Even when he did not look at the man, he was aware of him. Every move, every breath it seemed. It put him in a worse mood each day.

  “You need not stay in my bed,” Caelius said under his breath, touching his hand. “There is an antechamber beside my room. I could have a bed made up for you, if you prefer. I’ll not lie, I do like having you with me, but at the moment it seems to be causing you pain and I would not make it worse.”

  Gaidres shook his head, glancing away. “It does not pain me, Dominus. If you would have me stay, then I will stay.” Caelius would see the words for what they were—words he had to say but did not necessarily mean. Was it possible to poison oneself with words so heavily laced with untruths? How easily they came to his tongue now. Who was he now that he could spill the words the man wanted to hear with hardly a moment’s pause to contrive them in his mind? So often it seemed he did not know himself at all anymore.

  Caelius sighed and then grasped Gaidres’s forearm. “Come with me.”

  It was not as if Gaidres had much choice in the matter, as Caelius led him with purposeful strides through the villa to his chambers, tugged the curtains closed and then turned to Gaidres.

  “You have learned, I hope, that what you say to me here, in my room, does not come back to be used against you. Have you not?” His voice was brisk, face tight.

  He nodded, unsure what Caelius was getting at. “Yes, Dominus.”

  “Perhaps I am wrong but it seems to me that since you have become a member of my house, since you have become my lover, I have tried to show you the respect one man owes another. I do not demean you, share you with others. I ask for your honest opinion and try to take your thoughts into consideration when I make decisions. Do I not?”

  Gaidres crossed his arms as he tried to come up with an argument in return. Other than Caelius being a Roman and a slave monger, he could not. His slaves were treated far better than most. “I would say that you do.”

  “Then why will you not give me the same courtesy in return? Especially when we are not in private? You disrespect me in front of my people, Gaidres, whether deliberately or without thought. I will not have it continue. What have I done to deserve it?”

  He stiffened. “I have never claimed to be the most obedient of slaves.” Caelius cut him off with a sharp shake of his head.

  “I do not speak of obedience, Gaidres, I speak of respect. I harbor no illusions that you will ever obey blindly. In truth I would not wish it so. But is it too much to expect that the man who shares my bed show me courtesy outside of it?”

  He shifted on his feet. Caelius was right. Were it not for the unfortunate circumstance of Caelius’s relation to Craxus, Gaidres could think of little the man had done to earn his disdain. That did not, however, mean it was easy to ignore instincts that screamed the man was the enemy.

  Caelius’s face eased a bit when he did not explode. The other man took a ste
p forward. “Will you not speak plainly and tell me what has changed? All was fine, better than fine I thought, before we left Fidena. And now you will not meet my eyes, you shrug away from my touch and speak only what you must. Why? You say I have not offended you, you say my presence does not pain you. What grieves you, my gladiator? I would not have this abyss between us.”

  Gaidres shook his head, glancing away. “I have no simple answers for you, Dominus.” Most of the time of late he did not understand what was happening between them either. “Naught has changed. I am reminded of my place and seek to not overstep.”

  “Untruths. We are here for a month’s time, Gaidres. None but I and those I trust with my own life know the truth of your station. Will you not embrace the bit of freedom I can give you? If I thought you would accept it, you know I would free you altogether here and now. But it is you who have told me no. Is this not close enough, though? There are no chains on your body while we are here, Gaidres. There is no crime in enjoying that.” A light appeared in Caelius’s eyes. “There is no crime in enjoying me.”

  “You speak as if it is a simple matter.” Gaidres did not like that gleam in Caelius’s eyes. How dare he act as if he knew something Gaidres did not. “What do you know of how I feel?”

  “Very little. You keep everything locked up but anger and desire. What is it, Gaidres? Have I come too close for your comfort?” Caelius took a step closer to him, his voice softening. “Do you feel as if you’re betraying yourself and your Kerses for showing kindness toward a hated enemy?”

  Gaidres’s jaw tightened as he looked away, angry at himself for allowing some pleasure to slip through his tight defenses. Caelius sighed and touched his hand to Gaidres’s cheek.

  “Oh, my gladiator, you are your own worst slave master. Far crueler than I could ever be.”

  Gaidres stepped back, shoving Caelius’s hand away. “A Roman would say something like that. You twist things to fit your own version of reality.”