by Fiona Lowe
‘Of course you do.’ Her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes where the shadows marched in formation, reclaiming their rightful place.
CHAPTER FIVE
‘MORNING, Baden.’ Kate forced the words out praying they sounded casual as well as bright and breezy.
‘Morning, Kate. How are you?’
‘Good. Yourself?’
‘Fine. How’s Sasha?’
‘She’s well, thank you.’ Baden’s deep voice vibrated with a new reserve.
Tension circled Kate like a boa constrictor. The clipped conversation dripped with unspoken words. Words neither of them wanted to speak.
Many people dreaded Monday morning but she wasn’t usually one of them. She loved a new week, all fresh and shiny, ready to be embraced. But not today. On Friday she’d more than embraced Baden. She’d been a hair’s breadth away from total abandonment.
Her cheeks flamed at the thought. She’d spent the weekend dreading this morning, knowing she would have to face him. Work with him all day, all week and well into the year.
She’d spent the weekend unable to settle to anything, constantly replaying the moment a simple and kindly sympathetic embrace had fired into the most sensual kiss she’d ever known.
How could one mouth create so many emotions and destroy every particle of her willpower? With one kiss she’d melted against him, every cell in her body humming with an all-consuming yearning to touch him and feel him in every way possible.
She’d completely yielded to the wondrous sensations his mouth had ignited deep inside her, letting them take over absolutely, leading her as a willing follower. She’d lost track of time and place and propriety. She would have made love to him under the river red gum without a moment’s hesitation.
The thought both appealed and appalled. She was a grown woman, not a sixteen-year-old with more sex drive than sense. And yet her body had craved him with such force she’d hardly recognised herself.
But had she misread the situation? Had she been the one driving the kiss? The horrified expression that had streaked across his handsome face when his phone had rung had whipped her so hard she could still feel the sting.
He’d realised with stunning clarity what he had been doing and who he had been doing it with. Guilt had scored his face and he’d run so fast from her there was a possibility he’d broken records. Was it to do with Sasha’s mother? Or was it all to do with her? Getting involved with Kate Kennedy would make his life in the town difficult. She bit her lip. Most of her understood. A small part railed against it.
So exactly what did you say to your boss post–thwarted seduction?
‘Do you have the test results for Lucinda Masterton?’ Baden slid into his seat, fastening his safety harness, his face impassive.
You talk about work and nothing else.
As the plane taxied down the runway she opened her briefcase. ‘I do and I’ll be signing her up for my next diabetes education group.’
Baden nodded. ‘Good idea. Have you followed up Caroline Lovett? Emily was concerned about her.’
‘I telephoned her last week but if she isn’t at this morning’s clinic I will personally go and collect her.’
‘What, in Cameron’s ute?’ Azure eyes twinkled with a wicked glint.
It was the first sign he’d shown that morning of the Baden she’d grown used to. ‘Betsy is the perfect example that you don’t need doors for the engine to work.’
He laughed, the tension on his body sliding away. His face relaxed, his high cheekbones softened, even his curls seemed to unwind, brushing against his forehead.
Liquid heat flowed through her right down to her toes. She adjusted her position in the seat, disconcerted by her strong response. In the confined space of the plane her legs collided with his, her foot tangling behind his left calf.
Immediately Baden’s rigid tension returned, coiling through him like a snake ready to strike. His eyes darkened to a stormy blue.
Piercing regret stabbed her. She’d just glimpsed the future. Working with Baden had changed for ever. She cleared her throat and focussed. Opening the next folder, she continued, ‘I want to refer Prani Veejit to the endocrine unit at the base hospital because of her thyroxine levels.’
Monday morning’s mid-air case conference had begun, the first task in a busy day.
Four hours later, Kate stretched her back after working non-stop in cramped conditions. The places she set up her clinics never ceased to amaze her. Today she was in the footy clubroom’s kitchen with her portable steriliser and her folding examination table. It was the only room that offered a door that closed and privacy. Space in the kitchen was at a premium and she swore her spine had connected with the black handles of the ancient pie warmer every time she’d carried out the pap test examinations.
Her well-women’s clinic had been full as it had been a long time since the service had been offered in the remote community of Gemton. She’d just seen the last patient on her long list. The health clinic doubled as a social event as many of these women lived on remote cattle stations and didn’t see each other very often.
Each time Kate had gone out to the main hall to call in the next client she’d felt like she had been interrupting a party. Everyone had brought food—club sandwiches, mini-quiches, fruit platters—and the giant urn bubbled with boiling water for the numerous cups of tea that were required. Kate wouldn’t need dinner tonight after consuming far too much delicious passionfruit sponge.
‘Cup of tea, Kate?’ Esther Lucas stood with a large stainless-steel teapot hovering over a mug.
‘That would be lovely, thank you.’
The older woman smiled and poured the tea. ‘You’ve had a big day today. I wonder if the doctor has seen as many men as you saw of us women.’ She passed the tea and a plate of sandwiches.
Kate laughed. ‘That’s why Baden set up at the pub, so he has a better chance of finding the men. In general, women are better at having check-ups.’
Esther leaned forward, inclining her head. ‘Not everyone saw you today who should.’ She spoke conspiratorially. ‘Can you take your cuppa and go have an encouraging chat to Brenda?’
‘Sure, if you think I should.’
‘I do, dear. Brenda’s struggling. The drought has hit them hard and she’s putting everyone and everything ahead of herself. She only popped in to give Tilly her birthday present but seeing as she’s here…’
Country caring. It never ceased to amaze Kate how a community could care so much. She’d experienced both ends of the spectrum of small towns. This was the end that kept her going and helped maintain her faith.
As she took her tea and sandwiches toward Brenda she caught sight of Baden, who’d just arrived from his clinic. Many of the women immediately gathered around him, overwhelming him with hospitality and battering him with questions.
‘Cup of tea, Doctor?’
‘Did you get my Geoff to talk to you?’
‘Have some sponge or perhaps a sandwich?’
‘How’s that gorgeous daughter of yours? I bet she’s growing up.’
Kate heard the rumble of his deep voice as he politely replied to their questions. She sighed. With them his voice was friendly and open, in stark contrast to the cool and clipped tones he’d used with her that morning.
She took in a deep breath and rolled her shoulders back. None of that mattered. What mattered was that Esther was worried about Brenda and she needed to find out why.
Brenda sat in a chair, her eyes closed and her shoulders slumped. Her workworn hands lay folded in her lap against a pair of faded jeans. A voluminous peasant-style blouse settled over her, not quite hiding a large stomach.
Kate started at Brenda’s appearance. In the eight months since she’d last seen her, the woman, in her mid-forties, had gained a lot of weight. Still, that could happen as women approached menopause. She sat down next to her. ‘More tired than usual, Brenda?’
Brenda opened her eyes, her mouth curving into a half-smile. ‘Kate, you
’re back. It’s good to see you.’
‘Thanks, Brenda. How are things with you?’
The woman shrugged. ‘You know.’
Kate spoke gently. ‘No, I don’t really know. How about you tell me?’
She gave a long sigh. ‘We’re buying in feed, the price of beef has fallen though the floor and Des is looking worse than me.’ Her thumbs rolled around each other in her lap. ‘I’m up at five and in bed at eleven. I’m so damn tired that I can hardly put one leg in front of the other, but that’s normal, right?’
Kate hedged. ‘Maybe. But it’s always worth investigating so while you’re here and I’m here, how about a check-up? I’ll do a physical, take some blood and then we’ll know if it’s just the stress of the drought.’
A shimmer of fear ran through the woman’s eyes. ‘Des said the doc was aiming to head out by two.’
Kate rolled her eyes and grinned. ‘He’s so busy being fed by his fans over there that we won’t be able to get away in under half an hour.’ She stood up, giving Brenda an expectant look.
‘I forgot how pushy you could be. All right, let’s get this over, then.’ Brenda slowly lumbered to her feet and walked to the kitchen.
Kate closed the door firmly behind her. She started off with non-invasive checks of pulse and blood pressure, hoping the familiarity of such routine tests would put Brenda at ease. ‘Still having periods?’
Brenda nodded. ‘Although they’re a bit hit and miss and for the first time in my life I’m getting pain.’
Kate jotted down the word ‘pain’ on Brenda’s history. ‘Just with your period or mid-cycle?’
‘Both, I guess.’ Brenda looked down at her feet. ‘It hurts now and then and during sex. Not that I feel like it very often, I’m so damn tired and nauseated.’ She threw her head up, despair flashing in her eyes. ‘I think I’m pregnant.’ She lifted her shirt to expose a bloated abdomen. ‘Kate, I can’t be pregnant, not now, not at forty-four.’
‘Let’s do a pregnancy test, then.’ Kate handed her a specimen jar.
Brenda grimaced. ‘That won’t be a problem. I’m needing to pee all the time.’
A few minutes later both women peered at the negative result.
‘Well, we’ve ruled out one thing.’ Kate smiled at Brenda. ‘So now I’ll do the rest of the check-up.’
‘I can’t wait for that.’ With a resigned expression Brenda got undressed and lay down on the examination couch. ‘At least in this heat your hands won’t be cold.’
Kate checked Brenda’s breasts for lumps, checking carefully above and below the breast as well as in the lymph nodes under the arms. ‘That’s all fine. Now I’m going to feel your tummy.’
She carefully pressed down on Brenda’s swollen abdomen, feeling for the ovaries. A lump met her fingers. A sliver of concern whipped through her. She palpated again. The lump remained.
She needed to do a bi-manual examination but if what she suspected did exist, Baden would have to examine her. It would be better if Brenda only had to have one vaginal examination. ‘Brenda, I’d really like Baden to do an internal examination.’
‘Why can’t you do it? You always do it.’ Brenda stiffened, instantly wary.
She fudged the answer. ‘I’m a bit rusty after six months off.’
Brenda’s eyes narrowed as if she didn’t believe her, but she nodded her head slowly. ‘OK.’
Kate tucked the modesty sheet around Brenda. ‘I’ll just go and get him.’
Baden was still surrounded by the women of the district but he turned toward her as soon as he heard the door open. His dark brows rose in question.
She nodded. It was uncanny how often he anticipated her or knew she wanted to discuss something with him.
‘Excuse me, ladies. Thanks so much for the late lunch, it was delicious.’ He walked over to her. ‘How can I help?’
‘I’ve got Brenda Cincotta presenting with erratic periods, nausea, indigestion, urinary frequency, dyspareunia and lower back pain, and on abdominal palpation I can feel a mass. It might be an ovarian cyst.’ Her optimism floundered under his intense gaze.
‘What did the pelvic tell you?’ A fine tremor rippled through his voice.
‘I haven’t done it. If I felt the mass then you would have to repeat the procedure and I’m trying to avoid her having two vaginal exams. I said I was a bit rusty.’
He cleared his throat. ‘I doubt she bought that.’
She shrugged. ‘She didn’t, but she agreed.’
‘Right, well I’ll examine her.’ He turned and put his hand on the doorhandle then paused, perfectly still. For the briefest moment an unusual expression twisted his face and then he breathed in deeply and rolled his shoulders back.
With a jerk he opened the door and stepped through, a strained smile on his lips. ‘Good to see you, Brenda. I caught up with Des today. Sorry to hear the drought is messing you about but I’m really pleased you’re both taking a bit of time to look after yourselves.’ He pulled on a pair of gloves. ‘Kate tells me that things have been a bit haywire with your cycle just recently.’
Brenda grimaced. ‘I thought I was pregnant but perhaps it’s just early menopause.’
‘Let’s find out, shall we?’
‘I need to get back, and Des has to hand-feed tonight so just get it over.’ Brenda lay back and closed her eyes.
Baden gently proceeded with the examination, starting with palpation of her abdomen and then moving on to the internal.
Kate kept her gaze fixed on his face the entire time, searching for clues. His behaviour at the door had mystified her. Now an unexpected sheen of sweat broke out on his brow as his face paled.
He stripped off his gloves and handed Brenda some tissues. ‘We’ll give you some time to get dressed.’ Without waiting for an answer, he walked out of the room.
‘Back in a sec, Brenda.’ Kate followed him into the small office next door to the kitchen, away from prying eyes.
‘It didn’t feel like a cyst, did it?’ She knew from his expression.
‘I felt a solid mass bigger than five centimetres. There’s every chance it’s ovarian cancer.’ His hands curled into a fist. ‘I want to evacuate her today, now, for tests at the base hospital.’
‘Today?’ Shock rocked through her. ‘Wouldn’t it be better if she went home tonight, got a bag organised and then she and Des could come together to Warragurra tomorrow?’
‘No.’ The word exploded from him like a shot from a gun.
She started. ‘It doesn’t have to be this rushed.’
‘It has to be today.’ He spoke through clenched teeth.
Thoughts charged through her mind, colliding with each other as Kate struggled to understand his over-the-top reaction. ‘But it’s not likely that you can get the tests organised this quickly. Letting them come in tomorrow would give them both some time to absorb and adjust to the news.’
He spluttered. ‘Adjust to the news? No one adjusts to cancer, Kate. She needs a CA 125 blood test, an ultrasound, a chest X-ray and a biopsy. And, damn it, she’s having it all today.’
Her head spun as she tried to keep track of the conversation. ‘But it might not even be cancer…’
He swore softly under his breath. ‘You might want to live in fairyland, Kate, but I don’t. She has all the vague symptoms that make ovarian cancer the silent killer it is. On top of that, she has a solid mass.’ The veins in his neck throbbed as his voice almost growled. ‘She needs surgery and chemotherapy yesterday and I’m damn well going to make sure she gets it, even if I have to take her to Sydney or Adelaide myself.’
His anger bore down on her like the wind from a cyclone—powerful and unforgiving. How did she tell him she thought he was overreacting? That if he went into that small room now, as agitated as he was, he’d terrify Brenda. ‘Baden, perhaps I should tell her.’
His jaw stiffened and his eyes sparked like flint against stone. ‘I’m the only one who can do this. I’m the only one that understands.’
; Hot, searing pain slashed her. It was as if he’d struck her across the face. But at the same time warning bells screamed in her head. This wasn’t the behaviour of a detached doctor about to give a patient bad news. Gut instinct forced her to move in front of the door but she had no idea if she was protecting Baden or Brenda.
He stood before her, his breath coming quickly, his eyes wide and his handsome face contorted. But with what? Pain? Anxiety? Grief?
She didn’t know but every part of her knew something was very, very wrong. ‘Baden, what’s going on?’
He crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. ‘Nothing is going on and that is the problem. Stand aside, Kate, so I can talk to my patient.’
‘No. She’s my patient, too.’ She locked her knees against their trembling. ‘I’ve never seen you react like this. Not even last week when you had to organise tests for Mrs Hutton for suspected bowel cancer.’ She took a deep breath and asked the question that plagued her. ‘Why is this case different?’
Tension shuddered through him as he swung away from her, gripping the back of a chair so hard the metal strained. ‘Ovarian cancer consumed my life for four years.’
Consumed? ‘Did you work in the area in Adelaide before you came up here?’
He turned and faced her—his eyes deliciously blue but alarmingly empty.
A chill ran through her.
His face sagged, haggard with sorrow but lined with love. ‘Ovarian cancer stole my wife. Annie died two years ago this month.’
She gave thanks the door was behind her, holding her up as a shaft of pain pierced her, taking her breath with it. He’d lost his soul-mate. The mother of his child.
She ached for him. Ached for Sasha. Suddenly his over-the-top reaction seemed reasonable. Shame filled her—she’d just exacerbated his pain by pushing him to tell her. ‘I’m so sorry, Baden. I had no idea. I…’
He shrugged. ‘I don’t talk about it much.’ He ran his hand across the back of his neck. ‘Thanks.’
The word completely perplexed her. ‘What on earth are you thanking me for? I think I just made things worse for you.’