by Fiona Lowe
He gave a wry smile. ‘No, you stopped me from letting my personal feelings impact on a patient. You’re right—if I had gone in to talk to her a couple of minutes ago I probably would have terrified her.’ He pulled out his phone and handed it to her. ‘I want you to ring the base and schedule all those appointments for tomorrow, just as you suggested.’
A glimmer of anxiety skated through her. ‘Don’t you want me to come in with you when you talk to Brenda?’
He shook his head. ‘No. It’s best we combine forces and not waste time. You get everything set up for tomorrow. I’ll talk to Brenda and arrange for her and Des to fly in first thing in the morning.’
‘Are you sure? Because—’
He shot her a look as if he could read her mind. ‘I’m fine, Kate. February’s just a tough month, that’s all.’
She wasn’t sure if she believed him or not. ‘Would you and Sasha like to come to dinner tonight?’ The words rushed from her mouth, the result of a half thought-out desire to help him get through a tough month. ‘I’m sure Sasha would enjoy a horse ride or going in a canoe.’
His shoulders tensed and his eyes darkened with surprise, followed by an emotion she couldn’t read.
‘I’m sure she would. Thanks for the offer, but she’s got school in the morning.’
Unexpected disappointment streaked through her. ‘The weekend, then?’ She bit her lip, hearing how needy she was sounding. How had an invitation to help him suddenly become more about her?
His azure gaze pierced her. ‘Kate, would you have invited me to dinner half an hour ago?’
The question hit her out of left field, completely unnerving her. ‘I…Well…Yes.’
His brows rose. ‘I think we both know that isn’t true. We’re colleagues, not friends. You don’t have to start treading on eggshells around me or start cooking for me. I don’t need pity. We’ve had two years on our own and Sasha and I are just fine. Life goes on.’
He walked from the room, leaving her holding his phone, the only part of himself he seemed willing to share with her. The ache for him and his loss suddenly turned and became part of her, its dull dragging pain trawling through her.
No wonder he’d pulled away from their kiss in her garden. He had nothing to offer her—his heart belonged to another woman.
She was just his flight nurse. Nothing more, nothing less.
She waited for the relief she should feel to fill her. She didn’t want to lust after him, she knew the heartache magnetic attraction could wreak. She’d lived it with Shane.
A week ago being Baden’s flight nurse had been all that she’d wanted. It had fitted in with her longing for a simple and uncomplicated life. A single life with good friends.
But he’d just returned her attempt at friendship.
Suddenly just being his colleague didn’t seem enough.
Baden sat at the kitchen table surrounded by travel brochures. He’d gone to the travel agency on the way home, trying to squash the unsettled feeling that had been dogging him for the last few days. Days without Kate in them.
It had been a hell of a week. He’d broken the news to Brenda and Des and supported them through the tests. Brenda’s results had been positive for cancer and she’d gone to Sydney for surgery to have her uterus, ovaries and Fallopian tubes removed. Kate had accompanied her and had rung to say the surgery had gone according to plan and Brenda would have her first round of chemotherapy before leaving Sydney.
The times Emily had accompanied patients south he’d hardly thought about her, but although Kate had been absent she’d actually been with him every moment of the day. Images played constantly through his mind—her chocolate-brown eyes that could go from warm and soothing to smouldering in a heartbeat, her delicious curves that had been burned into his memory and her throaty laugh that made his blood pound faster just thinking about it.
Sasha leaned over his shoulder, her arms curling around his neck. His guilt dug in. He’d been distracted all week, thinking of Kate instead of focussing on his daughter.
‘I thought you said we couldn’t go on a holiday until we’d been here a year?’ She peered at the glossy pictures. ‘Oh, Queensland?’ She slid forward onto his lap and picked up the theme-park brochure.
He pointed to a tropical scene with bright-coloured umbrellas with gold tassels. ‘What about Bali? Mum always wanted to go there.’
Her face took on a far-away look. ‘The theme parks would be awesome.’ Then she focussed and looked straight at him. ‘And Seaworld is totally educational.’ A familiar cajoling sound played through her voice.
He smiled at her obvious ploy. ‘What about Bali this time and theme parks next?’
‘I don’t want to go to Bali.’ Unexpected petulance crossed her face.
Surprise whizzed through him. ‘But it’s on the planner. The things we talked about doing with Mum.’
‘But Mum isn’t here.’
He hugged her close, wishing for the billionth time that Sasha could have her mother in her life in person rather than in memory.
She struggled out of his embrace and crossed her arms. ‘Why do we always have to do what Mum wanted?’
Baden stiffened in shock as her words hailed down on him. His immediate response was to be the father in charge. ‘We don’t always do what your mother wanted.’
Sasha stilled. ‘Yes, we do. We came to Warragurra because that was what Mum wanted to do.’
He gave her a squeeze. ‘And you’ve made lots of friends and it’s been great.’
She wriggled off his lap. ‘Yeah, but staying in Adelaide might have been great, too. You didn’t always do what Mum wanted when she was alive.’ Tears of frustration pooled in her eyes as her anger bubbled up. ‘I don’t want to go to Bali. I want to do something that I want to do.’ Turning on her heel, Sasha stormed off to her room, her door slamming hard behind her.
Hell. He pushed the brochures away and dropped his head in his hands. Puberty hormones had well and truly kicked in. How had a simple idea about a holiday exploded in his face? A ripple of indignation washed through him. She was being over-dramatic, a pubescent drama queen.
Coming to Warragurra had been set in place well before Annie had died. They’d planned it together, both agreeing that the country was the place to bring up a child. He’d promised Annie he would bring Sasha here and he had no regrets.
You didn’t always do what Mum wanted when she was alive.
But Sasha’s comment stuck like the barb of an arrow. She had a point, he’d give her that. Annie had been larger than life, such a powerful force in the family. It had made for heated debate and lively discussions about all sorts of things, and there had been plenty of times they hadn’t agreed. Would he have gone to Bali for a holiday? Would that have been his first choice?
If the truth be known, he probably would have sided with Sash for the theme parks. There was something about a roller-coaster that had him hustling for the front seat every time. So why was he pushing for Bali now? It was only a holiday.
Sighing, he stood up and poured himself a glass of orange juice. Should he talk to Sasha’s teacher about her moodiness? She’d just tell him it was normal developmental behaviour.
Kate’s caring face floated across his mind. She had lots of experience with the Guides so he could get some advice from her. He smiled at the thought.
You rejected her friendship, remember?
How could he have forgotten? From the moment he’d rejected her dinner invitation she’d been nothing but the perfect nurse. Gone were all the signs of fire and passion that he’d experienced when he’d held her in his arms, gone was the laughter and mischievous grin. In their place was a cool professional—competent, knowledgeable and proficient.
Which was everything he’d wanted, right? Safety in professional distance. He needed that distance from her. The night he’d kissed her he’d lost himself in her and forgotten his daughter, which had scared the hell out of him. His focus had to be on Sasha. She needed him. Needed h
im to be her mother and father. She needed stability. He couldn’t let himself be distracted by Kate and that was why he’d rejected her invitation.
Curtly rejected it, and at the same time rejected her friendship.
Remorse nibbled at him as he stared out the window at the first stars of the night, twinkling against a pink and grey sky. As if anything had been going to happen at a family dinner. His knee-jerk reaction had changed their working dynamics. He missed the banter and the laughs. He missed how her eyes danced with devilment and teasing. Just plain missed the Kate he’d got to know.
He ran his hand through his hair. They had months ahead of them, working together, and for their patients’ well-being they needed to be a team. He wanted his friendly colleague back, rather than the starched version. And the only way that would happen was if he apologised and offered friendship. He could do friendship. Friendship was safe, simple and straightforward. Friendship wouldn’t affect Sasha.
Contentment wove through him. He’d apologise the next time he saw Kate.
But first he had to go and hug his daughter and tell her he loved her. Perhaps he could trade off theme parks with a few days of bushwalking in the hinterland. He’d give it some thought.
CHAPTER SIX
‘GOODNIGHT, Koala.’ Erin waved enthusiastically as she ran backwards towards the car.
‘Tonight was great. Thanks heaps.’ Phoebe’s eyes shone with delight as she slung her bag over her shoulder.
‘I’m glad you had a good time. See you next week.’ Kate stood on her veranda smiling, waving and saying her good-nights to the Guides as car doors slammed, tyres crunched on the long gravel drive and young voices called their final farewells from open car windows.
She’d held a special Guide meeting at Sandon. They’d lit a campfire, made damper, toasted marshmallows and had had the best fun swinging from a rope and cannonballing into the water-hole. Two new girls had visited and she was confident they’d join. Word was spreading through Warragurra Public School that Guides was fun.
She closed the front door and walked back through the house to the kitchen, checking her watch. One Guide remained to be collected. One parent was late.
Sasha sat cross-legged on the floor, cuddling a black kitten that squirmed in her arms, his white feet trying to get purchase so he could make a quick exit.
‘He’s so cute, Kate. What’s his name?’
Sasha’s bright eyes and animated gaze reminded Kate of a younger version of herself. ‘I’ve called him Snowy.’
‘But he’s more black than white.’ She wrinkled her nose in thought and then laughed. ‘Oh, I get it. That’s the sort of dumb joke Dad would make.’ She immediately slapped her hand over her mouth. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean you were dumb.’
Kate laughed. ‘That’s OK. It’s a silly joke but it made me smile, and the day I got Snowy I needed a smile.’
‘Why?’ Sasha scratched the kitten behind the ears and he stilled.
‘I’d had a bad day at work. A lady got some bad news. Sometimes bad things happen to good people and it makes no sense.’
‘Yeah.’ Sahsa fell quiet for a bit. ‘That happened to my mum. She died of cancer when I was in grade four.’ Sasha buried her face in Snowy’s fur.
Kate’s heart bled a little for the young girl. ‘That sucks.’
Sasha raised her head, her eyes wide. ‘Yeah, it does.’ She hugged the kitten close.
‘You must miss her.’
Sadness tinged with guilt streaked across her face.
‘I do miss her, but I…’ Her voice trailed away, her expression uncertain.
Kate sensed she wanted to talk. ‘It’s OK. You can say what you feel here. It’s just me and Snowy.’
‘And the horses, the chickens and the dog.’ Sasha waved to Rupert, the golden retriever, who stood by the French doors, looking suitably hangdog at not being allowed in the house while that upstart kitten got all the attention.
‘Sure, but they’ve all signed the secrecy act.’ Kate smiled, hoping to relax her.
Sasha hesitated and then words poured out. ‘Everyone says I must miss Mum and I really do, but it’s not every day.’ She gazed at Kate imploringly. ‘Some days I even sometimes forget until I go to bed. Is that a bad thing? I feel really bad saying it.’
Kate put her arm around Sasha’s shoulders. ‘That’s a normal and healthy way to feel. Mum wouldn’t want you to be missing her every moment of your life. She would want you to grow up, be happy, have adventures and have fun.’ That’s what I’d want for my child.
‘I miss her on my birthday and at weird times like last week when we got into the tennis finals.’ Sasha blinked rapidly. ‘I wanted to tell her so bad that it hurt here.’ She put her hand on her chest and sighed. ‘But other times I feel bad when I’m having heaps of fun. Like tonight, it was way cool swinging out over the river and letting go of that rope. Mum probably wouldn’t have even let me do that! She was pretty strict sometimes.’
Kate smiled and gave her a quick squeeze. ‘I think she might have let you do it now you’re twelve and have passed swimming survival.’ She tightened her sarong and stood up. ‘I’m going to make myself an iced coffee. Would you like one of my special ice-cream milkshakes? They always make me feel better about things.’
‘Yes, please.’ Sasha scrambled to her feet, letting the kitten escape.
‘Chocolate, caramel, strawberry or blue heaven?’
‘Wow, you have all those flavours?’ Disbelief shone from her face.
‘Yes, I do. Pretty wicked, isn’t it? But why leave behind the great things about being a kid when you grow up?’ Laughing, she walked to the kitchen and pulled the blender out of the cupboard.
Sasha sat in the tall chair at the breakfast bar and tapped the top of each bottle of topping trying to decide which one to have.
An idea started to gel in Kate’s mind as she mixed the drinks. ‘Sasha, you know how we talked about Guide challenges last week and working toward your Junior BP award?’
Sasha nodded. ‘I was thinking about doing hiking and camping for one. Once I walked from home to Ledger’s Gorge. I really liked it there—it was a good place to think, you know?’
Kate understood completely. ‘We all need a place to think when things are tough.’
‘Yeah, and sometimes I just need to think.’ Sasha seemed to shake herself and she grinned at Kate. ‘But I have to do two things off the list, right?’
‘You do. Hiking and camping is a fantastic choice for part one. I was thinking what if you chose service as the second topic and you helped raise some money for research into finding a test that can detect ovarian cancer early. That way you’re doing something really important and something your mum would be really proud of. It could be your special thing and I’m sure the other Guides would be keen to help. We could wash cars, sell chocolates, that sort of thing.’
Sasha’s eyes might be the same colour as her mother’s but they sparkled just like Baden’s. ‘What about a drive-in-movie night like they had in the olden days? That would be so cool.’
Kate chuckled at the ‘olden days.’ She could remember going to a drive-in herself as a kid. But the idea was a good one. She never ceased to be amazed at the inventiveness of her Guides. Adults needed to remember the enthusiasm of youth and really listen.
She pulled open the freezer and hauled out a large container of ice cream. ‘That’s a sensational idea. A huge idea in fact. All the Guides could do it as part of their service badge and we could get more help from other organisations. There are plenty of wide-open spaces in Warragurra for a one-night drive-in and I’m sure we can do a joint venture with the hospital and get some publicity. I think we could get it all up and running and do it in two and a half months’ time.’
Sasha beamed. ‘Erin and I will write down a list of movies that might be good and—’
Rupert started barking as the doorbell chimed. ‘Dad’s here.’ Sasha rose to her feet and raced to the door with Snowy bounding after her.
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Baden. Kate’s stomach flipped. Don’t do that. We’ve talked about this. But talking sternly to her body made scant difference. It betrayed her every time with shimmers of delicious anticipation.
She hadn’t seen him for a week as she’d been in Sydney with Brenda. Her reaction was ridiculous, considering the tension-filled few days after Brenda’s diagnosis. He was only coming to collect his daughter. He wouldn’t be staying; he’d been quite clear about not wanting to come for dinner. Not wanting to be friends.
And, really, it was for the best. She wanted an uncomplicated life after the horror of the last couple of years.
She breathed in deeply, steadying her pounding heart, and walked down the long hall. A cacophony of sound assaulted her as she reached the open front door.
Baden stood on her doorstep, his black curls damp and tight as if he’d just stepped out of the shower. His gleaming tanned skin seemed even more golden against his predominantly white open-necked shirt decorated with purple, green and pink stripes.
Sasha chose that shirt. The thought bounced through her head as she took in the brown leather belt hugging his narrow waist and the long, pleated grey shorts sitting flat against a toned abdomen. Betraying heat quivered inside her. How did he always manage to look so good?
Rupert raced around Sasha and Baden’s legs, barking as Snowy meowed frantically and climbed up Baden’s shorts. Kate tried not to laugh as Baden’s arm chased a scared kitten across the back of his leg, almost tap-dancing at the same time.
Sasha, oblivious to her father’s ripping skin, danced up and down and talked excitedly. ‘Dad, this place is so cool and that’s Snowy, he’s new, and that’s Rupert, and he’s not new. Sit, Rupert.’ Sasha’s stern voice surprised the dog, who obediently sat but kept his eye fixed on the kitten. ‘And I learned how to light a fire plus we’re going to have a drive-in for money for a test for cancer like Mum’s and—’
‘Whoa, there, Sash.’ Baden raised one hand while the other one finally gripped the kitten around the scruff of its neck. Love and laughter shone from his eyes. ‘That all sounds fantastic, but how about one bit of news at a time for your poor old dad?’ He glanced over the top of Sasha’s head, catching sight of Kate. His dancing eyes faded to serious.