by Fiona Lowe
Her stomach dropped at the change in his demeanour.
‘Sorry I’m late.’
Kate swallowed hard. ‘That’s OK. The others only left fifteen minutes ago and Sasha and I were getting to know each other.’ She bit her lip. ‘Sorry about the kitten using you as a climbing post.’
He gave a wry smile as he clamped the squirming kitten with one large hand and scratched Rupert behind the ear with the other. ‘Cats love me. Personally, I’m siding with the dog.’
‘Dad, Kate’s making me a milkshake so can I stay and have mine? Please?’ She slid her hand into Baden’s. ‘You can have one, too.’ She immediately swung back to Kate. ‘I mean, if that’s OK.’
Kate saw a ripple of tension race across Baden’s shoulders, and the residual stiffness that remained. It matched his taken-aback look. Steeling herself for his polite refusal, she opened her mouth to confirm Sasha’s invitation but Baden spoke first.
‘How does that suit you, Kate?’ Electric blue eyes questioned her. ‘Would we be imposing if we stayed for milkshakes?’
Astonishment burst through her, making her giddy. ‘That would be fine.’
‘Dad, she’s got blue heaven!’
‘Has she, now?’ He winked at Sasha and then turned to face Kate, his face relaxing into a devastating smile. ‘In that case, we have to stay.’
Suddenly an innocuous invitation took on dangerous under-tones. The serious, aloof Baden was so much easier to resist.
Baden watched pure ecstasy race across his daughter’s face as she sat outside at Kate’s large wooden table, sipping a blue heaven milkshake with whipped cream and a cherry on top.
They’d spent an enjoyable and relaxed half-hour making and drinking milkshakes along with a lot of talking, laughter and teasing. Sasha, who could be quiet with adults, was a veritable chatterbox with Kate. Her animated face glowed and her eyes shone when she talked about the fundraising idea of the drive-in.
Kate treated her as a young woman rather than a little girl, asking her opinion on a range of things and gently steering her enthusiasm into achievable ideas. Baden had a sneaking suspicion that the idea of raising funds for ovarian cancer research was Kate’s idea but it was a great idea and would help Sasha feel more connected to her mother’s memory.
But most of all he loved the fact his daughter was having so much fun.
‘This was such a random idea.’ Sasha used her long spoon to get the froth from the bottom of the glass.
Baden laughed. ‘That’s the ultimate compliment, Kate.’
Her lips curved into a soft, enticing smile. ‘If I hear random or awesome, I know I’m on the right track.’
Rupert trotted over, a large stick in his mouth, and gazed up at Sasha.
‘Can I go and play with him?’ She half rose as she asked the question.
Baden checked the time. ‘Just for a bit—we have to leave soon. Oh, and put on some insect repellent. The sun’s setting and the mosquitoes are coming out. You don’t want to get Ross River fever.’
Sasha rolled her eyes. ‘Da-ad.’
Kate casually reached behind her to a trolley and picked up the repellent and some matches. She handed the roll-on to Sasha and the matches to Baden. ‘You put on the roll-on and your father can light the citronella flares and then we’re all protected.’
‘Deal.’ Sasha grinned. ‘Come on, Dad, on with the job.’
‘Cheeky!’ He grabbed his daughter, tickling her.
Delighted shrieks rose in the air before she managed to escape his grasp and run off with the roll-on, with Rupert racing after her, his golden coat flying.
Baden lit the citronella candles as instructed, thinking about what had just happened. In the most casual way Kate had just deflected a potential standoff between him and Sasha. In fact it had turned into one of those special moments of fun with Sasha that he treasured so much.
He turned back to see Kate sitting in the fading light. The rays of the setting sun danced across her face, highlighting the honey streaks in her hair, the way her soft skin stretched across her high cheekbones and the plump lushness of her mouth. Her laughing eyes caught his.
A jolt of heat flared deep inside him. He returned the matches to the trolley, wishing he could extinguish his reaction to Kate as easily as blowing out the match.
Kate’s gaze followed Sasha and the dog across the lawn. ‘You have a lovely daughter, Baden.’
Pride filled him. ‘Thanks. I think so. Well, most of the time anyway.’ He sat down next to her.
‘That’s pretty much representative of all of us, isn’t it?’ She rested back in her wide cane chair, all long-legged gracefulness.
His gaze centred in on the toned expanse of skin that the fall of the sarong exposed. You came in to apologise, so get on with it. His brain pulled his attention back to the job in hand.
‘You’re right.’ He cleared his throat against a husky voice. ‘Last week I had a moment when I should have behaved better.’
Her sculpted brows rose slightly in question as surprise tickled her cheeks, but she remained silent.
‘I was insensitive and rude to you when you invited Sasha and me over to dinner. I want to apologise for that.’
She shrugged. ‘February is your tough month. We all have to get through things in our own way and not everyone wants company. I understand that.’
She said it as if it was common knowledge but he knew so many people didn’t get it. Well-meaning friends had almost smothered him when Annie had died. He hooked her gaze. ‘Yes, but you were trying to be a supportive colleague and instead of responding to that I threw your good intentions and your friendship back in your face. I completely overreacted to a simple invitation for a meal.’
Intelligent brown eyes looked straight at him, seeing clear down to his soul. ‘You don’t have to worry about me chasing you, you know.’
Her candour hit him in the chest. She’d pegged him so accurately it was as if she was in his head, reading his thoughts. Knowing that he feared she might expect more after that kiss. Knowing he couldn’t give it.
She continued, a wry smile tugging at her lips. ‘After the last few years I’m not in the market for any sort of relationship and I doubt you are either. But I’d like to think we can be friends.’
He grinned as a sensation of lightness streaked through him. ‘Friends would be good.’ The delight of shared understanding flowed through him. ‘Your insight’s pretty spot on. Sasha is my top priority now and I’m flat out just keeping up with being a doctor and a father.’
She nodded slowly, her previous expression evolving into a gentle, warm smile, which raced to her eyes. ‘You’re doing a great job on both fronts.’
He wanted to take her praise and hold it close but a nagging truth spoke up. ‘The doctoring compliment I’ll accept.’ He sighed. ‘The parenting, well, I’m not so sure. Sasha hasn’t had the uncomplicated childhood that a parent hopes for. Annie’s illness was tough on her.’
‘It would have been tough on you both.’
Her quiet words circled him with understanding, calling to him, relaxing him. ‘The only thing cancer gives you is a chance to tie up all the loose ends, say all the things you ever wanted to say to the person who is dying. Annie and I had been together since high school. We knew each other so well that sometimes we’d finish each other’s thoughts and sentences.’
He frowned, remembering some of their arguments. ‘Other times we weren’t so in tune with each other, but at the end we were both able to put our disagreements aside, say what needed to be said and plan for what would be best for Sasha.
‘But cancer steals away everything else.’ He shifted in his seat and sighed. ‘It stole Sasha’s mother. Sash still has all those “firsts” ahead of her and her mum won’t be there to help her celebrate them.’
She reached out and touched his hand with the briefest caress, her warmth spreading through him, almost intoxicating. A chill immediately followed when her fingers left his skin. ‘But her father
will be there to celebrate.’
His fears for Sasha rose to the surface, almost choking him. ‘But will it be enough?’ He ran his hand through his hair. ‘I’m trying to help her by keeping things the same as they would have been if her mother was still alive.’
Kate tilted her head, confusion creasing her brow. ‘How can you do that when her mother has died and everything has changed?’
He shrugged. ‘It’s not that hard. I’ve just continued with the family five-year plan.’
She blinked rapidly, as if trying to absorb his statement. ‘And that involved leaving extended family and coming to Warragurra, even though your circumstances had changed so much?’
A niggle of annoyance zipped through him at her lack of understanding. ‘That’s right. It was important to stick to the plan.’
‘Really?’ Scepticism sounded in her voice. ‘You know, Sasha strikes me as pretty mature for her age. I think she’s more resilient than you give her credit for.’
Ire simmered inside him. Kate didn’t know Sasha like he did. ‘She’s settled because we’ve stuck with the plan.’ He heard the defensive note in his voice. ‘Coming here was important for Sasha because it was what her mother wanted.’
‘I think perhaps coming here was important for you. It gave you a map in uncertain times.’
Her words punched him hard, taking the air from his lungs, making his head spin. Important for you. His brain railed at the thought. No, she was wrong! Everything he did, he did with Sasha first and foremost in his mind. She always came first.
Resentment surged through him, breaking out against his imposed control. ‘Coming here was a considered decision. I’m not so grief-stricken that I’m blindly following a path.’
‘I didn’t say you were.’
Her calm tone infuriated him but at the same time it released unexpected feelings, which swirled inside him in a maelstrom of indignation. ‘I could have worked anywhere but kids need stability and that’s what I’m giving Sasha. She misses her mother and I’m trying to make things as easy and as uncomplicated as possible for her.’
Wide eyes as lush and rich as melted chocolate stared back at him. Understanding tangoed with disagreement.
She bit her lip. ‘We can’t protect the people we love from everything, no matter how much we want to. Sometimes sheltering them too much is the worst thing we can do.’
He wanted to say What do you know? and ignore her comment, but experience showed in the lines around her eyes. He knew then she was thinking of her husband and his parents.
‘I’m not sheltering Sasha.’ He grabbed a calming breath and dropped his voice. ‘I’m doing what’s best for her. She’s lost her mother so doing things her mother wanted for her is the next best thing.’ He waited for Kate’s response, to hear her agreement. For some ridiculous reason he needed her to say he was doing the right thing.
But her expression, which up until then had mirrored her thoughts, smoothed into neutral, doing little to reassure him.
‘Dad, Kate, grab the frisbee off Rupert before he gets to the hedge,’ Sasha’s breathless voice called as the dog raced toward them.
Laughing, Kate rose to her feet and started to run, her long legs quickly eating up the distance. She threw herself at the animal, rolling onto the lawn, her arms full of dog, her face full of joy.
Devastating loneliness pounded him, leaving behind an aching longing. He wanted to be part of that joy. Hell, he wanted to be in her arms. But that wasn’t part of his plan. She didn’t want a relationship and he had a daughter to care for.
Make Sasha your top priority. He had a promise to keep and a relationship would take his attention from Sasha. His focus couldn’t waver from Sasha. He and Sasha were a team with a plan and he was doing what was best for them both. He was an adult and he knew best, no matter what his daughter said or a childless colleague with eyes that he could sink into and a body that he longed to hold against his own.
His plan was right. It had to be right. He squashed the tiny seed of doubt that had raised its head.
CHAPTER SEVEN
THE hospital lift opened at the second floor and Kate stepped out, immediately turning left. The antiseptic smell mixing with the aromas of the evening meal met her at the ward door and instantly took her back four years to when she had worked here.
She walked to ward 7E and knocked as she pushed the door half-open. ‘Brenda, it’s Kate.’
A tired voice answered. ‘Come in, Kate.’
It had been two months since Brenda had gone to Sydney for surgery. Kate quietly closed the door behind her and sat down in the chair next to the bed. ‘I heard you were in for a visit so I thought I’d pop in and say hi.’
Brenda gave a weary smile. ‘That’s kind of you, Kate. Visiting sick people after a day of working with them isn’t exactly R & R for you.’
Kate gave Brenda’s hand a gentle squeeze and caught sight of a bright red turban hanging on one hook of the IV stand. The chemotherapy cocktail of drugs hung on the other. ‘How’s the chemo going?’
‘Fine. This is my third cycle and boy, those three weeks between treatments fly past.’ She gave a resigned sigh. ‘I’m halfway—three down and three to go. The first was the worst because I had no idea what to expect, but now I know about the nausea. As long as I take the antiemetics at the right time I can keep it under control.’
She ran her hand over her head. ‘And I haven’t got any hair left to lose so that’s one less thing to worry about. You have no idea how much time I save in the mornings now I don’t have to dry it.’ Her dry humour radiated through the words.
Kate tried to smile as sadness settled in her belly. Brenda’s no-nonsense approach to life extended to battling a really tough illness. Stage-two cancer was no walk in the park. ‘Are you eating enough? You’re looking pretty thin.’
Brenda nestled back onto a bank of pillows. ‘I eat when I feel like eating. The hospital food isn’t always what I want.’
‘Can I get you something or make you something you’d enjoy? I make a terrific rice soup and I could whip up a batch tonight for you.’ Cooking was the least she could do to help, and she wished she’d thought of it sooner.
‘That’s kind but—’
A knock sounded on the door. ‘Ta-dah! Your take-away order has arrived.’ Baden walked into the room, clutching two plastic food containers.
A flush of warmth spread through Kate at his thoughtful gesture. She finished Brenda’s sentence for her. ‘But Baden has already cooked for you, I see.’
He grinned as he put the food down. ‘I wish. But although my chicken soup is good, there’s nothing like Walter Wong’s chicken and sweetcorn wonton soup for feeding body and soul.’ He produced a wide, flat Chinese spoon. ‘Eat it while it’s hot, Brenda.’
Anticipated delight played across the sick woman’s face. ‘It smells so good. Thanks for thinking of me, Baden. Des usually brings it in but he had to go home and feed the stock.’
‘My pleasure.’ He caught Kate’s gaze.
She knew immediately he was thinking that compared to what Brenda was facing, him buying some soup was a minuscule effort. But not everyone would have thought of it and that was what made it so special to Brenda.
And to you. The familiar voice chimed in her head. Not every doctor would do something like that. Not every man.
Baden picked up the chart.
Kate chuckled. ‘You just can’t help yourself, can you?’
He shot her a guilty look. ‘Just checking to see that the oncologist is on the money.’ His eyes darkened and his expression became serious. ‘Brenda, make sure the nurses give you the dexamethasone on time.’
‘Yes, Doctor.’ Brenda gave him a mock salute with the plastic spoon.
He laughed. ‘OK, so while I’m being bossy I’ll add one more thing. Sleep. As soon as you’ve finished that soup then sleep so you can enjoy Des’s visit tomorrow. Kate and I will leave you in peace but we’ll see you in two weeks at the Gemton clinic between chemo c
ourses.’
Brenda put down her spoon and reached out a hand to touch them both. ‘You’re both doing too much, but thank you anyway.’
‘Glad to help.’ Baden’s voice sounded unusually gruff.
Kate breathed in deeply, feeling unworthy of her thanks. ‘I’ll look forward to seeing you in one of your bright coloured turbans when we catch up in Gemton.’
‘I’ll see you both before Gemton. I’m coming to the drive-in night and I’m bringing the entire family, including the cousins who are flying in from Dubbo. All the women are going to wear teal green turbans—it’s the worldwide colour to represent ovarian cancer.’
‘That sounds fantastic.’ Kate marvelled at Brenda’s strength.
‘Baden explained to me how the CA 125 test can give false positives.’ She shrugged. ‘In my case it wasn’t a false result but no woman needs the stress of thinking she has cancer when she really has fibroids or endometriosis.’ Brenda started waving her spoon. ‘Every woman deserves to have a test that is going to be accurate for this disease and I plan to push this cause for as long as I have breath in me.’
She laughed. ‘That’s enough on the soapbox. Right, off you both go, my soup will get cold.’ Brenda shooed them away with one hand and dipped the spoon into the soup with the other.
Kate felt Baden’s arm lightly circle her waist to guide her out of the room. Automatically, every particle of her tried to flatten itself against the contact, absorbing as much of his touch as possible. You’re so weak, Kate.
Guiltily, she stomped on the voice, knowing it to be true, and once out in the corridor she stepped forward, breaking the contact. She put on a no-nonsense voice to cover her lapse. ‘I didn’t realise you were calling in.’
He shrugged. ‘I wasn’t, but Sasha got an unexpected invitation for a pizza and movie night so I thought I’d drop by. What about you?’
‘Oh, I didn’t have any plans so I called in on my way home.’ She didn’t want to admit that the house was far too quiet, even with Snowy and Rupert.