Flying Doctors

by Fiona Lowe

  His expression hardened. ‘Sasha needs my total attention and I can’t allow anything or anyone to get in the way of that. At least, not until she’s an adult.’

  His words stung like salt on a wound. ‘But it’s OK to have sex with me once a month while she visits her grandparents in Adelaide?’

  He flinched and she knew her words had hit the target with pinpoint accuracy. Obviously that had been his plan. A convenient affair.

  He ploughed his hand through his hair. ‘You’re making it sound sordid and you know it isn’t like that at all.’

  Anger fizzed in her veins. ‘Well, forgive me if I don’t see it quite the way you do.’ She breathed in deeply, trying to slow her pounding heart. His line of thinking was illogical.

  She formed her thoughts carefully. ‘Baden, you and Sasha have the most amazing relationship and I would never, ever want to come between you or change what you have.’

  Relief flooded his face. ‘Which is why my plan will work so well for us.’

  Her heart tore, the ripping reverberating through her. He had no idea what she meant. She shook her head. ‘Your plan is not going to work. Your plan denies Sasha everything she needs. Your plan locks your daughter into this unhealthy cloister of an existence. You’re denying her a chance of a normal family life, to be part of a loving family, to have brothers and sisters and pets.’

  She mustered every ounce of courage she had and hauled her gaze to his. ‘Over the last few months I’ve fallen in love with you and your wonderful Sasha. I want to create a family with you, to give Sasha the chance to be a big sister.’

  His look of horror was like a knife through her heart.

  ‘Oh, hell.’ He started to pace. ‘Oh, Kate, I had no idea.’ He spoke quietly, his eyes full of contrition. ‘I made a promise to Annie that Sasha would always come first and I plan to honour that.’

  She swayed as if she’d been hit. How could she compete against a dead wife who stood between them? She closed her eyes for a brief moment, hoping to steel her legs into holding her up for just a bit longer. Sasha’s words about her mother played through her mind. From what she’d gleaned, Annie had been a loving, sensible and wonderful mother. She didn’t sound like a selfish woman who had feared losing her daughter’s love after death.

  ‘Did she really mean that you couldn’t love again?’

  His eyes flickered with emotion, but sadness illuminated them most strongly. Sadness for her.

  The truth suddenly rushed in with all the devastating power of a tsunami.

  He didn’t love her.

  Pain like she’d never known travelled through her, searing her, scarring her, sapping every particle of joy and happiness from her soul. Blackness seeped in, staining her with misery.

  ‘Time for bed, Sash.’ Baden dropped a light kiss on his daughter’s head.

  Freshly showered and dressed in her pink pyjamas, a yawning and exhausted Sasha snuggled up to him on the couch, her head against his chest. ‘My brain’s all spinning around though, Dad. I don’t think I’ll be able to get to sleep.’

  ‘Once you’re in bed, you’ll soon go to sleep.’ His words sounded false to his ears. He knew he’d be lying awake, thinking about tonight. Thinking about Kate. Hell, what a mess. Never in a million years had he expected her to fall in love with him. He hated it that he’d hurt her so much but he couldn’t give her what she wanted. He had to take the safe path through life for Sasha’s sake.

  ‘Tonight was the best night I’ve ever had.’ Sasha looked up, her eyes shining. ‘Wasn’t Kate awesome? She and I had so much fun selling the food, and the movie was a crack-up.’ She paused for a beat and then tickled him. ‘That means funny, Dad.’

  He raised his brows. ‘And here I was thinking the film was, like, totally random.’

  ‘Ha-ha, Dad—not.’ She smiled to herself. ‘When the first movie finished, we all pummelled Mr Walton with foam and sat on him until he bought us ice creams. It was cool and I can’t wait to visit Sandon tomorrow and tell Kate all about it.’

  He tried to sound casually matter-of-fact. ‘We won’t be seeing Kate tomorrow.’

  Sasha pushed herself up, her expression one large question mark. ‘Why not? We’ve visited her most days lately.’

  Because I’ve hurt her deeply. Because she won’t want to see me again. Kate’s huge brown eyes filled with anguish haunted him. He breathed in deeply, thinking carefully. Sasha must never know what had gone on between him and Kate; she wouldn’t understand.

  ‘The fundraiser’s over now, Sash, and we won’t be visiting Sandon again.’ He kept his voice even. ‘Go on, now, off to bed and I’ll be there in a minute to tuck you in.’

  Sasha stayed put, her mouth taking on a mulish look. ‘But she invited me over and I want to go.’

  He stroked her hair. ‘I know you and Kate did some special things these last few weeks but that’s finished now. You’ll still see her at Guides on Wednesdays.’

  ‘Why are you being so mean?’ Sasha unexpectedly pushed her finger into his chest.

  He wrapped his hand around hers, stopping the jabbing, trying to keep calm. ‘I am not being mean. I’m just pointing out that all good things come to an end and life goes back to normal. Kate’s busy with work and Guides and she doesn’t need you taking up her time.’

  ‘But she’s my special friend. She understands stuff.’

  Her expression told him she clearly thought he didn’t understand stuff and she mumbled something.

  ‘Pardon?’ His tone demanded she repeat it.

  A defiant look streaked across her face. ‘I said she’s like a mum, except different.’

  Like a mum. The words sank into him, exposing a set of emotions he didn’t want to explore. Sasha had him, that had to be enough.

  ‘She’s your Guide leader, Sasha, and you can see her there.’ He heard the thread of impatience in his voice.

  Sasha suddenly looked coy. ‘Phoebe Walton said she saw you kissing and cuddling Kate so that makes her your special friend, too.’ Sasha was like a dog with a bone. He’d never seen her this determined or intense. Her eyes shone with hope and she wheedled, ‘That makes her our special friend, doesn’t it, Dad? And you visit special friends.’

  The room suddenly seemed airless as the walls pressed in on him. He went into damage control. ‘Phoebe must have seen me giving Kate a quick thank-you kiss. That doesn’t make her a special friend. She’s my work colleague and my flight nurse and that’s all.’

  You keep telling yourself that, mate.

  He blocked the voice out of his head. He was a father and it was time to start acting like one. ‘I’m sorry but you can’t go and see Kate at Sandon any more, and that’s the end of the discussion.’ He gave her a gentle nudge. ‘Now, go to bed.’

  Sasha launched herself off the couch, tears streaming down her flushed and angry face. ‘I hate you, Dad, I hate you so much!’ She turned and ran, her bare feet pummelling the polished boards in the hall. A moment later her bedroom door slammed, setting all the windows vibrating.

  Hell. What was it with the women in his life tonight?

  You’re the problem. He stood up and walked over to his CD player, turning on some quiet music to drown out the voice in his head.

  As much as Sasha and Kate hated him right now, he knew what was best for him and Sasha. He had to stick to his plan. It was all he had. It was the only safe thing he could depend on. Annie had died. Kate could decide she didn’t love Sasha after all and leave. He wasn’t going to risk his daughter’s happiness when there were no absolute certainties.

  But why did being in the right have to be so damn lonely?

  The grandfather clock chimed two. Baden looked up from the glow of the computer screen, last year’s tax figures blurring in front of his eyes. Kate and then Sasha had sent his brain into overdrive so there’d been no point going to bed. Instead, he’d tackled his overdue tax figures. At least his accountant would be pleased with him.

  He’s about the only person who wil
l be.

  Snapping down the top of his laptop, he cleared the cups off the table, dumping them in the sink. Walking down the hall, he paused outside Sasha’s room. Usually he tucked her in even if she’d been moody, but with tonight’s exhaustion-induced tantrum, he hadn’t gone in, thinking it wiser to wait until she was asleep.

  In the morning, when she wasn’t exhausted any more, he’d suggest she visit Erin and together they could rehash the events of the drive-in night, as girls liked to do. That would satisfy her and Kate would recede to being the Guide leader.

  He quietly opened the bedroom door. He never went to bed without peeking in on Sasha. The day may have been a beast but she always looked angelic in sleep and his heart filled with the joy she gave him.

  The glow from the moon came through the open window. He was surprised the window was fully open. He crept over and slowly dropped the sash halfway into its usual position and then lowered the Roman blind. Sasha needed a good eleven hours’ sleep and the sun rose early.

  As usual the room was a jumble of clothes, books, CDs and open dressing-table drawers, with clothes spilling out of them. What was it with not being able to open and close a drawer? He bent down to pick up the pink quilt, which had slid to the floor. As he stood up he caught sight of the bed. It was empty.

  Without thinking, he reached out and put his hand on the bottom sheet. Cold.

  He swung back to the window as fear slithered through him. The window was never wide open like it had been. Surely Sasha hadn’t crawled out and run away?

  The clothes she’d been wearing at the drive-in were still on a heap on the floor. Perhaps she hadn’t gone very far.

  He strode out into the hall. ‘Sasha? Sweetheart, are you here?’ He opened every door in the house, calling her name, each time sounding more frantic than before.

  He tugged open the hall cupboard, grabbed the torch and ran out the back door. ‘Sasha!’ He swung the torch around the garden and scanned the tree house.

  She wasn’t there.

  He sprinted around the side of the house to her bedroom window. A bush with a few broken and flattened branches declared Sasha had left the house.

  Panic flooded him and chaotic thoughts ricocheted around his brain. His twelve-year-old daughter was out in the dark, alone. His throat constricted.

  Think! He started to pace. She was upset so where would she have gone? Erin lived three streets away. He belted inside and grabbed the phone, his fingers thumping the numbers hard and fast. Pick up, pick up. He willed the Baxters to hear the ring, and have it wake them from their slumber.

  The ringing stopped and a clunking noise sounded before a sleepy voice came down the line. ‘Hello. James Baxter.’

  He breathed out slowly so that he didn’t gabble. ‘James, Baden Tremont. Sorry to bother you but Sasha’s missing. Is she with you? She might have sneaked into Erin’s room.’

  There was a short silence, as if James was digesting the request. ‘Right, I’ll go and check for you, but I think you’d better speak to Trix.’

  Erin’s mother came on the line. ‘Baden, what’s wrong?’

  He sighed. ‘Sasha and I had an argument and she’s run away. You’re the closest house so I thought she might be with you.’ He heard James’s voice murmuring in the background.

  ‘James says Erin’s asleep and there’s no sign of Sasha.’ She paused for a moment. ‘Think about the argument—that might give you a clue to where she’s gone.’

  Kate.

  ‘Thanks, Trix, you’re brilliant. I’ll call you back.’

  He scribbled a note. ‘I love you, Sasha. Ring me on my mobile if you’re reading this.’ Grabbing his car keys, he left the front and back doors unlocked and reversed the car down the drive.

  He drove slowly all the way to Kate’s, his lights on high beam, hoping to see a small figure walking along the road. Shadows jumped out at him but they were shadows of his imagination.

  She must be at Kate’s. She had to be at Kate’s.

  Of course she would be at Kate’s.

  He turned into Sandon’s long curving drive, the tall cypress trees lining the road casting moonlight shadows on the gravel. Rupert started barking as soon as he stepped out of the car.

  ‘Shh, Rupe, it’s just me.’

  Veranda lights sensed his movement and illuminated the thick oak front door. Panic made him pound on it. ‘Kate, answer the door.’

  A moment later her anxious voice came from the other side of the screen door. ‘Baden? Is that you?’

  Hell, he’d scared her. ‘Yes, it’s me.’

  He heard her sharp intake of breath before she opened the door. Dark rings hovered under her eyes, which stared at him in wariness as she tied a dressing-gown around her.

  ‘Have you been drinking? It’s two o’clock in the morning.’ Her arctic tone told him he wasn’t welcome, that his unexpected arrival had brought scarring memories back.

  He hated himself for doing this to her, but he couldn’t deal with that right now. Right now only Sasha mattered and his fear for his daughter did away with any preliminaries. He pushed past her, opening doors, looking left and right.

  ‘What are you doing?’ She pulled his arm. ‘Baden, what’s going on?’

  Guilt almost choked him. He couldn’t hurt Kate any further by telling her that he’d told his daughter she couldn’t come and visit her. ‘She was overtired after the drive-in, we had an argument and she’s run away.’ He started to pace. ‘She’s not at the Baxters’, and I doubt she’d be at the Waltons’ so I thought she might be here.’

  Silently Kate stared at him, her large eyes filled with astonishment and then fear.

  A shiver ran across his skin and his chest tightened. At that moment he knew with dazzling clarity that, no matter how much he’d hurt Kate, if Sasha had come to Sandon, she would have telephoned him immediately. She would put Sasha ahead of how she felt about him, no matter how much he’d hurt her.

  She opened her mouth. ‘What was the arg—’ She stopped, breathed in and her expression changed from shock to crisis planning. When she spoke again she was all business. ‘How long do you think she might have been gone for?’

  ‘It was eleven when she went to bed.’ The words sounded stark in the darkness. ‘She could have been gone as long as three hours.’

  A look of horror rolled across her face on hearing about the elapsed time. ‘Surely if she was with one of her friends, their parents would have rung you.’ She started to walk toward the kitchen. ‘Oh, but then again the girl she fled to might be hiding her because they’re both scared that you or her parents would be angry.’

  A glimmer of relief sparked inside him. ‘You’re right, I never thought of that. I’ll start ringing.’ He pulled out his mobile.

  ‘Hang on. You need to do this systematically.’ She rummaged through her sideboard cupboard and pulled out a manila folder of phone numbers. ‘This is the Guides’ contact list. Take it and start ringing from your house in case Sasha has returned or is about to return. Mark off each name as you phone so you don’t miss anyone.’

  Her sensible words started to break through his fog of fear. Thank goodness he’d come here. Kate was the most amazing woman he’d ever met. ‘Good idea.’

  She picked up her mobile phone, checking the display. ‘I’ve got a full battery and I’ll have this in my pocket all the time I’m driving around town looking for her. Contact me any time. Better yet, ring me after an hour, unless one of us finds her before the hour is up.’

  She put her hand on his arm. ‘We’ll find her.’

  Her warmth seeped into him, soothing and reassuring at a time he thought those feelings to be impossible. He covered her hand with his. ‘Thanks, Kate. I really appreciate your help.’

  She jerkily pulled her hand out from under his. ‘I’m doing it for Sasha.’

  Her words sliced through him. He knew he didn’t deserve her sympathy and understanding, but it hurt more than he’d anticipated.

  He nodded and walked
to the patio door.

  ‘Baden.’

  He turned at the sombre tone of her voice.

  ‘If you draw a blank, you must ring Daryl Thornton at the police station. As soon as it’s first light, a search can be started.’

  She voiced the thoughts that he’d held at bay for the last hour.

  Jagged fear ripped through him, sucking his breath from his lungs. Where the hell was his beautiful daughter?

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  KATE pulled on her jeans, thick hiking socks, a long-sleeved T-shirt and a polar fleece. If this turned into a full-on search and rescue then she was going to be prepared. Daryl Thornton, the police sergeant, would shoot her otherwise. Good preparation was vital and he’d drilled it into all the members of the emergency service.

  When she’d heard Baden’s pounding on the door every nightmare of Shane coming home drunk had rushed through her. Why would he be on her doorstep sober? He’d told her to her face that he didn’t love her so there was no reason for him to visit.

  But the moment she’d seen him standing on her veranda, his face ashen under the yellow light, his hair standing up on end from being ploughed through by agitated fingers, she’d known something was desperately wrong. His blue eyes had been stark as he’d stared through her as if searching beyond her.

  And she understood completely.

  Sasha was missing. Sasha, whom she loved like a daughter. What had possessed her to take off in the middle of the night?

  She stowed medical gear into her backpack, filled her water bottle, packed some sustenance bars and headed out to the car. If Sasha hadn’t been found by dawn, she was all prepared to join the official search, which Daryl wouldn’t start until then.

  Meanwhile, she’d start her town search at the school, although she doubted Sasha would have gone there. Her headlights swept the streets, which were eerily empty, as they usually were a few hours before daybreak. She searched the school, the bus depot, the Guide Hall, the pool—all the places in town that were familiar to Sasha.

  But she found nothing. No sign of Sasha.