Love Lost and Found

by Trent, Mildred

  I was speechless. What could I say? What Travis said made sense. Even if Thomas had wanted to give us privacy, he could have stepped outside. He didn’t have to leave. It was a fucked up situation I couldn’t talk my way out of.

  Travis turned and walked out the door. He got in his car, started the engine, put it in reverse, and peeled out the driveway. Disgusted with Thomas and defeated, I got in my own car and went home.

  Travis and I didn’t talk for a week after that incident. I didn’t even attempt to call because I knew I was wrong. I was miserable. Thomas had called to find out what had happened at the apartment and I lost it. I told him he wasn’t a real man because if he were, he would have stayed at the apartment and at least made it look innocent. I told him I saw why he had women trouble because he wasn’t player material. Players didn’t get caught. Well, I guess I wasn’t a player either because I’d been caught as well. Needless to say, Thomas and I were off again, and this time for good.

  When Travis did finally call me, he demanded to see me. I was nervous but I missed him so much, I put my nervousness aside and met him at the park.

  Now, I grew up in a time where sucking dick was a ‘white girl’ thing. We didn’t do that. But Travis decided it was time to change that. We got to the park and I got out of my car and got into his. We sat there about five minutes not saying a thing. I wouldn’t even look at him. Then, I heard his zipper going down and rustling of clothes. I looked over at Travis. He’d pulled his pants down enough to free his dick and was commando underneath.

  “Suck me,” Travis said.

  “Huh,” was all I could say in reply.

  “You fucking heard me. Suck me,” Travis all but growled at me.

  “I ain’t—” I started only to be cut off.

  “The fuck if you ain’t. You were fucking this man behind my back all the while trying to get us to be friends to keep me off the trail. For all I know, you may be sucking him. Even if you aren’t, you’re going to suck me,” Travis said.

  Travis reached over and grabbed the back of my neck. He brought my head to his lap, and with his other hand wrapped round the base of his dick, forced my mouth down on his dick. How, you ask? He had such a tight grip on the back of my neck, my mouth was open as I gasped from the pain. He rammed all the way to the back of my throat. I gagged. He eased up and pulled out until the head was the only thing left inside. I briefly thought about biting down but remembered my motto, ‘Never Mess Up Anything You May Want Again Later,’ so I reigned in that thought. Now, here I am, the head of Travis’ dick in my mouth, his hand on the back of my neck holding me in place.

  Then he did the strangest thing.

  The hand that’d been wrapped around his dick came up and rubbed my cheek. I was gone. Travis had never really been big on speaking how he felt but he always knew how to ‘say’ it with actions. I wrapped my lips tight around the head of his dick and began stroking it with my tongue. Travis’ grip on my neck loosened and now he rubbed my back.

  I knew I wouldn’t be able to take him all the way in but was determined to take as much as possible. I began to suck, bobbing my head up and down. Travis began fucking my mouth in short, sharp thrusts. I reached over and cupped his balls, and he moaned long and low.

  What power! I never would have imagined sucking dick would give me this kind of power over a man. I was dizzy with it. I could see why white girls did it now.

  I doubled my efforts to get as much down my throat as possible. Travis was panting now. His strokes were no longer controlled but erratic and frenzied. I sucked harder, hollowing my cheeks on every pull. Travis wrapped his fingers in my hair and started thrusting like a wild man. I learned quickly to take a deep breath on the up strokes and hold it on the down. He was going to come.

  IN MY MOUTH, my mind screamed. I had to pull off but Travis was having none of that. He stroked twice more then his body went stiff. The first hot jet surprised the hell out of me and I almost choked. A second quickly followed so I had to swallow quickly to catch the next. That was the cycle for close to a minute and a half. He’d squirt. I’d swallow.

  Travis went limp. He released my hair and went back to rub lazy circles on my back. I let his limp dick fall from my mouth and lay with my head on his lap, trying to catch my breath.

  He forgave me and we were back together.

  Chapter Three

  Graduation came in June of that year and I went back to my high school to participate in graduation and march with my class. I went to see Travis march, too. He started at the local college in the fall. I was in my third quarter, still at the junior college.

  After one year in college, Travis decided it wasn’t for him. He enlisted in the Navy and left. I finished junior college after a year and a half then went to the local technical college to get a one-year certificate in hands on training in the computer field.

  Travis called one day after he’d finished basic training and got to his first duty station, asking if I would come live with him.

  “Are you crazy? My folks aren’t going for that,” I told him. My parents were old fashioned. No shacking up for their kids. “Besides, I’m still in school and I want to finish.”

  “We can get married then if you want to?” Travis asked.

  That blew my damn mind. I wanted nothing more but would never have told him that.

  “Well?” Travis asked when I didn’t respond.

  “Yes,” I said, trying to hold back the tears.

  “Give me some time to find out how long I’ll be stationed here and what else I need to do and I’ll call you back with the information,” Travis said.

  I didn’t tell my family at first. Didn’t feel there was anything they could do to stop me so there was no reason for it. I was twenty and didn’t live in my parents’ house any longer. Travis said it wasn’t a good idea and that I should tell them. I finally did about a week before we were scheduled to go to the courthouse. Neither of us wanted the pomp and circumstance of a big wedding so the Justice of the Peace was enough.

  We were married a month after he’d asked. I packed my things and moved to begin my life with the love of my life.

  We’d been married three months when I found out Travis was seeing someone else. It hurt me so bad I thought I’d die. Thinking back to the time Travis had found out about Thomas and me, I cried myself to sleep. Now I knew how he felt. I would have felt it just desserts if we hadn’t been married. I confronted him and he blew me off. I left. I couldn’t live with this man knowing I meant that little to him.

  We’d been separated two months when I got a call from one of his squad mates telling me he was in the hospital. Travis had put his hand through a racket ball court window and messed up the tendons in his wrist. I panicked. I packed a few things and made my way back to the city he was stationed—thank GOD it was only three hours away—and got to the hospital.

  When I walked in the hospital room, Travis was laying there, arm bandaged up in traction, asleep. He woke when his father who had made the trip with me and I walked in the room. The tears began flowing and my heart sank. I walked over to him and just held him as we both cried our eyes out.

  His father walked to the other side of the bed and placed a hand on each of us. When we stopped crying, his father said, “You two need to get your shit together and stop all this foolishness. Any fool can see how in love you are. You are only making yourselves and each other miserable.”

  He was right, of course, and Travis and I promised to do better. His father left after about two hours. Travis asked the nurse that came in to check on him if he could get a shower. She went to check with the doctor then came back with a plastic bag. She wrapped the plastic bag around his arm and we went to the shower. I stood on the outside of the stall trying to wash him but only managed to soak myself instead. Taking off my clothes, I got in with him and bathed him from head to toe. Of course, by the time I’d reached his dick, it was hard as steel.

  Why not? It’d been a while and I really did miss him.r />
  We made slow love while making sure to keep as much water as possible off his arm. With the shower finished, we returned to the room. The nurse came in with a chicken-shit grin on her face because she knew what we’d been doing. I just shrugged my shoulders while Travis blushed, if that were possible with his chocolate complexion.

  Two days later, Travis was released from the hospital on leave. We made the drive back to our hometown and I babied him. Everything was going smoothly and we were reconnecting until Thomas decided to show up out of the blue, just to say hi. Travis snapped. I tried to explain that Thomas and I hadn’t been together in a while—I wasn’t going to say how long the ‘while’ was—but Travis wouldn’t hear any of it. Even though I loved Travis with all my heart, the player girl was still ingrained in me and I didn’t want Travis to know him catching me had cause Thomas to get the boot. I just couldn’t let Travis know he’d won.

  Why? I’d never truly admitted to anything happening between Thomas and me. I just never denied it either. I know that sounds childish and omission is the same as admission, but I hadn’t said the words and I wouldn’t. PERIOD. Travis got in the car and somehow managed to drive to his stick shift to his parents’ house.

  He called me later and said he should have never married me because “‘once a hoe, always a hoe.” That pissed me off. If he wanted to believe I was still messing around with Thomas, then fuck him.

  I didn’t call Travis and wouldn’t answer his calls when he called me. He decided to come to the house about a week after that phone call. I opened the door and just looked at him. I’d just woken up so it looked like my eyes were puffy from crying. Travis grabbed my waist with his good hand and began crying on my shoulder. He apologized over and over until I got tired of hearing it and just told him to stop. I explained to him I wasn’t messing with Thomas. That he was projecting his guilt on me.

  We talked for hours about everything we’d both done wrong. I still never actually said the words. We pledged we would work it out if I came back to him. I did.

  Travis had to go back for a follow-up doctor’s appointment a week later so we looked for an apartment while we were there. He’d been living with a friend in his squadron since I’d left. We moved back in together a week later and life was good.

  I was walking up the stairs headed to the apartment one day after I’d gotten home from work. A young lady I’d never seen before stopped me. She informed me that my husband was fucking her roommate and I needed to follow her. I told her I didn’t believe her and wasn’t interested in her fairytales.

  She said, “If you really don’t believe me then there’s no harm following me.” Resigned to prove her wrong, I followed. The girl led me to an apartment complex about ten minutes away from ours.

  When we got to the apartment, I was the one proven wrong. Travis was so deep in the pussy he didn’t even hear me walk in. The girl had her hands on Travis’ ass, guiding his strokes. I walked over, placed my hand on his ass also and waited. Realization finally came and Travis looked over his shoulder, eyes big as dinner plates.

  “Don’t stop on my account. I just wanted you to know I’d been here,” I said and turned and walked out the apartment.

  By the time got back to our complex and made it to the bottom step, Travis was pulling into the parking lot. I knew only because of the squeal of the tires as he came to an abrupt stop in the parking space. Not really in the mood for dramatics or theatrics, I continued up the stairs. He came running up the sidewalk and up the stairs, taking them two at a time. I’d just unlocked and opened the door when he reached me. I walked inside, him hot on my heels.

  He closed the door then began, “I can—”

  “You can what,” I interrupted. “Explain? No, you can’t. There is no explanation. I thought we were through with this but obviously I was wrong. I don’t want to talk about this right now. I may NEVER want to talk about it,” I said in a tone brokering no argument from him.

  Being a country girl, momma taught me to cook meals without even being home. Crock-pots and slow cookers are my favorite kitchen appliances. I went into the kitchen and fixed both our plates. He was sitting on the couch, trying to figure out what to do, I guess. Anyway, I sat on the couch beside him both plates in my hand. I placed his plate on the coffee table in front of him. I grabbed the remote, turned on the television, and began to eat. I looked at Travis from the corner of my eye and noticed he’d picked up the plate but had yet to take a bite.

  Serves your dumb ass right, I thought to myself. I reached over with my fork and took a bite out of everything on his plate. Once he saw that, he was satisfied I hadn’t tried to poison him and began to eat. We ate in silence until we’d finished.

  I got up, took the plates back in the kitchen and cleaned the kitchen. Heading to the bathroom to take a shower. I left Travis on the couch. I felt the shower curtain open and a couple seconds later, Travis’ tentative touch on my back. I stiffened at first but knew I wouldn’t be able to hold out long so just gave up. I turned to him, wrapped my arms around his neck, and kissed him with every ounce of love I felt for this man.

  We made love that night and it felt like the first time. All the love we felt for each other came out and we cried in each other’s arms over everything that either had done to hurt the other.

  That lasted about a month. I found out he was messing with yet another girl again and decided that was it. Enough was enough. So I left again. I had nothing left to give and ‘I’m sorry’ wasn’t going to cut it this time.

  We talked off and on for over three months. Travis informed me that he was getting stationed out of the country and he’d already told the Navy I was going with him. I started not to but I was so in love with this man, I couldn’t talk myself into not going.

  Chapter Four

  The movers came to pack us out and a week later, I was on a plane. Travis had been there a little over a month before I arrived so he’d acclimated himself with the base. The movers came with our furniture and we settled in. I immediately began looking for a job and found one within a month. Travis was still playing basketball so I would go watch him play when I wasn’t working.

  It was at one of these games that I found out Travis was up to his old tricks yet again. I didn’t even try to deny it or argue the point. At half time, Travis looked in the bleacher were I always sat and saw the female sitting next to me. He knew his shit was hitting the fan and there wasn’t a thing he could do about it.

  When we got home that night, I told him, “There’s no need talking about it because I’ve heard it all before. As long as no one else comes to me with the shit, you can do what the fuck ever you want to do, but don’t think I’m going to sit around waiting for you to find time for me.”

  He didn’t like that one bit but what could he do?

  I threw myself into my job and started working out at the gym. I’d gotten lazy and really needed to get back into shape. While at the gym one day, I met one of Travis’ basketball teammates. We got to talking and he invited me to his room. I went because I was horny as hell and Travis and I hadn’t had sex in over a month. Found out, he too was blessed with a big dick and I rode him for hours. When I got home, Travis in bed fast asleep, and all I could do was crash. I was well fucked and tired as hell.

  Travis came home from work the following day and asked, “Have you been to the barracks?”

  I acted as if I didn’t know what the hell he was talking about.

  “Several people came up to me and told me they saw my car parked at the barracks last night and I know I wasn’t there,” he said.

  I replied, “I don’t know you weren’t there. As a matter of fact, I don’t know where you were before you came home and went to sleep, so you’re asking the wrong person.”

  Travis was mad. The thought of me going out and actually cashing in on my threat of finding someone else was more than his brain could handle. I brushed it off like it was nothing and went on about my business.

  Two nights later,
a couple of the girls I worked with decided they wanted to go out and asked, “You want to go with?”

  I didn’t have any plans and figured Travis would be off with one of his ‘friends,’ so I said, “What the hell?”

  When I got home from work, Travis was home, to my surprise. I walked in said, “Hi,” and headed to the shower.

  After I’d dressed and come into the living room, Travis asked, “Where are you going?”

  “Some of the girls from work asked me to go out with them. I said yes,” I replied. “I didn’t figure you’d be home anyway and I’m tired of being in this house by myself.”

  “I don’t want you to go out,” Travis replied.

  “Why?” I asked, my dumb ass thinking he wanted to spend time with me. Yeah, right.

  “Because I don’t think you’re going out with the girls. I think you’re going to meet some guy,” he replied with a straight face.

  “Well, you can believe what you want but I’m going.” I walked back into the bedroom to finish getting my things together.

  While I was in the bedroom, Travis decided I wasn’t and he was going to make sure I didn’t. He went outside and disconnected the distributor cap on the car then came back inside like nothing had happened.

  I came back out the room and went out the door without another word. I got in the car, put the key in the ignition and turned. Nothing. I popped the hood and got out the car. When I saw what he’d done, I decided that was the final straw. If he was willing to go to these lengths, there was no telling what else he’d be willing to do. I closed the hood and went back inside.

  “I thought you were going out,” Travis said as I closed the door.

  “Changed my mind,” I replied and went into the bedroom, closed and locked the door.