A Family Made at Christmas

by Scarlet Wilson

  She stood up, letting the chair roll away behind her. ‘Well, I guess that’s all up to you, isn’t it? I have patients to see in the other ward. Good luck.’

  She stalked off, picking up her blue coat and shoving her arms into it, all the while trying to figure out why she really just wanted to cry.

  * * *

  Riley stared at April’s retreating back. He wasn’t quite sure what he’d just done.

  He was only being honest. What was so wrong with that?

  But part of him was uncomfortable. He hadn’t meant to say anything that offended. But he was disappointed. He’d thought she’d be excited for him. Thought she might suggest talking over career plans with him. Maybe even suggest dinner. Instead she’d acted as if he’d just said he had the most infectious disease on the planet and made a run for it.

  He shook his head. Since when had he got so bad at all the woman stuff?

  Riley had never had problems getting dates. Never had problems with dating for a few months at a time. He might have had the odd few issues when he’d broken things off. But that had all been about his career. He didn’t want long-term when he knew he was going to be away for months at a time.

  He hadn’t even got to the date stage with April.

  Though there was no denying that was where he’d like to go.

  In fact, he’d like to go a whole lot further.

  He sighed, leaned back and put his hands behind his head.

  What was he doing?

  Was he crazy? She was gorgeous. She was fun when she wanted to be. She was sexy. She was sweet. She was great with Finn. But, most importantly, he’d found himself gravitating towards her more and more. He wasn’t imagining things. There was a definite tug between them. April Henderson had well and truly buried her way under his skin.

  And up until a few seconds ago that had made him happy.

  For too long he’d focused his life on his job. Training as a doctor had taken all his energy; serving in the army had helped him focus. Moving around every six months had meant he was constantly meeting new faces and always learning to adapt. The medical situations were frequently frantic. Setting up in emergency situations was exhausting, and the long hours were draining. But for a long time Riley had thrived in that environment. He’d frequently been praised for his clinical care and cool head in a storm.

  Thinking about a new career path was daunting. But since finding out about Finn he was just so anxious to get things right.

  April pushed the door open, letting an icy blast sweep past him as she vanished out into the snow, and his heart gave a little tug. He liked her. He more than liked her. And that was so different from being attracted to her. At least it was in his head. Because that was the way he’d lived his life for the last twelve years.

  So many things were changing. Was he changing too?

  Finn flashed into his head. His laugh, his smile, the way he said the word Dad. All his energy right now should be focused on the little boy who needed him most. He didn’t have room for anything else. But when he closed his eyes for a second Finn’s face was replaced by the hurt expression on April’s.

  In an ideal world he would have liked it if she’d told him she loved the house and thought it was perfect. His stomach coiled. Perfect for whom?

  ‘Stuff it!’ he said out loud as he grabbed his jacket from the chair beside him.

  The snow had picked up as he ran outside. The other ward was based on the other side of the courtyard, but right now he couldn’t even see that.

  He stopped. April hadn’t made it to the other ward. She was standing in the middle of the courtyard, snow falling all around her. His footsteps slowed as he pulled on his jacket and walked over to her.

  It was bitter cold. The snow was falling in thick flakes all around them. April had her hands at her throat, fingering her necklace, with hot, angry tears spilling down her face.

  He cringed. No. He’d made her cry. And he didn’t even really understand why.

  ‘April? What’s wrong? What is it?’ He put his hands on her upper arms.

  She tried to shake him off but he stayed firm. She shook her head. ‘Nothing. Everything. I don’t know!’

  Her hair had loosened from her bobble and was straggling around her face. She looked so hurt. So desperate. This couldn’t just be about him.

  He took in a deep breath of the icy air. ‘Talk to me, April. I’m right here. Just talk to me.’

  She was shaking. She was actually shaking. He looked from side to side. ‘Let’s get inside. Let’s get somewhere warm.’

  She shook her head again. ‘No. I don’t want to. I need air. I need fresh air. I need to think straight.’

  ‘What do you need to think about, April?’

  This was killing him. He could see how upset she was, how much pain she was in. But he couldn’t understand it.

  ‘The house,’ she breathed.

  ‘You don’t like the house?’ He was confused.

  Tears were still spilling down her cheeks. ‘I love it.’

  Now it was Riley who shook his head. ‘April, you have to help me out here. I don’t understand what’s wrong. I don’t understand what you’re so upset about.’ His insides were churning.

  His grip tightened on her arms. ‘Why won’t you talk to me? Why do you keep pushing me away?’

  Her face crumpled and he couldn’t stop the stream of thoughts in his head. ‘Is it me? Is it Finn? Don’t you like being around kids?’

  She shook her head.

  Exasperation was building.

  ‘April, you’re gorgeous. And even though you try to pretend you’re not, you’re a people person. Why don’t you have a husband? Why isn’t there a boyfriend? I bet you could have a string of dates if you wanted.’ Now he’d started he couldn’t stop. ‘And don’t tell me you’re not interested.’ He moved over to her so he was only inches from her face. ‘I see it, April. I sense it. We don’t need electricity for Christmas lights. There’s enough between us to light up the whole house—a whole street. What’s happened to you, April? What’s happened that you won’t let anyone get close to you? What’s happened that you won’t let me get close to you?’

  She shook her head. He could sense her frustration. It almost equalled his. But she just seemed so determined to keep him shut out. ‘Don’t ask. Just don’t. I don’t want to talk about it.’ The blue of her coat seemed to make her eyes even brighter. It didn’t matter how cold it was out here, or how cold she pretended her heart was, he wouldn’t move away from her. He couldn’t move away from her. He’d never felt so connected to—and yet so far away from—someone.

  He couldn’t hide the wave of concern that swept over him, feeling instantly protective towards her. ‘Are you hurt? Has someone done something to you?’

  He reached up and touched her cheek. ‘April? Tell me—I want to help you.’

  She blinked. Several heavy snowflakes had landed on her eyelashes. Those blue eyes fixed on his. He’d never seen anyone look so beautiful. So vulnerable. So exquisite.

  The urge that had been simmering beneath the surface since the first time he’d seen her, the one that had spent the last few weeks threatening to bubble over at any point, just couldn’t stay hidden any more. Riley had always been an action kind of guy.

  She wouldn’t speak to him. She wouldn’t tell him what was wrong and that meant he didn’t know how to support her—what to say to make things better.

  But sometimes actions spoke louder than words.

  ‘April,’ he whispered, ‘please tell me you don’t have a husband, fiancé or boyfriend hidden away somewhere.’

  Her eyes widened. She shook her head. ‘No. Why?’

  ‘Because I have to do this again. I have to show you how I feel about you.’

  He bent his head and kissed he
r. Her lips were cold. Her cheeks were cold. But it only took a few seconds to heat them up. April tasted exactly the way he remembered. Sweet. Pure. Exciting. Like a world of possibilities. And the perfect fit for him.

  At first she didn’t move. Then her lips gradually opened, her head tilting to allow their mouths to meld against each other.

  He couldn’t remember ever feeling a kiss like this. The tingles. The flip flops in his stomach. His hand slid from her soft cheek, tangling through her messy hair and anchoring at the back of her head. Her hands moved too. Sliding up around his neck. Her body moved closer to his.

  It didn’t matter that they were both covered by thick jackets. He could still feel her curves against his, sense the tilt of her hips towards him as her light floral scent drifted up around them.

  In a way, being out in the snow was the perfect place for this kiss. They both loved Christmas. And there was nothing more Christmassy than snow.

  Their kiss was deepening. It was almost as if he couldn’t get close enough to her. To get enough of April Henderson. His brain was going to a million different places right now. Of course he wanted to know what was really going on with April. But kissing her had just seemed like the right thing to do.

  The only thing that made sense to him. Her cold nose touched his cheek and he laughed, their lips finally parting. But he didn’t want to part. And it seemed neither did she.

  They stood for a few seconds with their foreheads pressing together as the snow continued to fall all around them. Their warm breath instantly steamed in the freezing air.

  Riley couldn’t help but smile. ‘Should I apologise for kissing you?’

  ‘Don’t you dare’ was the prompt reply, but after a second she gave a little shudder.

  ‘What’s wrong? Are you cold?’

  She pulled back a little. ‘I’m sorry, Riley. I can’t do this.’

  She was saying the words, but he could see the look in her eyes. It was almost as if she felt she had to say it, instead of wanting to say it.

  ‘Why, April? Why can’t you do this? This is the second time I’ve kissed you and the second time you’ve pulled back.’

  She bit her lip. She lifted her hand to her necklace again. What was it about that charm?

  ‘Is this about Finn?’ Guilt started to swamp him. He was just coming to terms with being a father. His head was telling him he had to concentrate all his time and energy on that. And he would. Finn needed stability. Riley knew that. But April? She was just...April. How could he ignore what was happening between them?

  She shook her head firmly. Sadness almost emanated from her pores. ‘Oh, no. This could never be about Finn.’ Tears glazed her eyes. ‘He’s perfect, Riley. He just is.’

  ‘So what is it, then?’

  She pulled a face. ‘I’m going to say the corniest thing in the world. But, right now, it’s just so true.’

  He didn’t speak. This was confusing him more by the second.

  ‘It’s not you, Riley. It’s me.’

  He let out an exasperated gasp. ‘Oh, no. I’m not taking that.’

  ‘There’s so much you don’t know.’

  ‘Then tell me.’ His voice was firm.

  She was staring at him with those big blue eyes. ‘My si-sister died,’ she stuttered.

  He stopped. It seemed an odd thing to say. ‘I know that,’ he said steadily. ‘And I know this time of year is hard for everyone.’

  She shook her head. ‘My twin sister died.’ Her hand was clasped around that charm.

  It took him a few seconds. ‘Your twin sister?’

  She nodded.

  ‘Identical twin?’

  She nodded again.

  It was cold out here—freezing. But Riley had the horrible sensation that he’d just been plunged into icy depths. Ovarian cancer. That was what she’d said Mallory died from. She’d mentioned she was young. She’d used the term ‘unlucky’.

  Twins. How much did he know about twins? How similar were their genes? Something clicked in his head. Her necklace. Two hearts linked together. He felt a wave of panic. ‘April, do you have cancer?’

  She shook her head. ‘No. Well, I don’t think so. Not yet.’

  Her voice sounded detached.

  Thoughts were flooding through his brain. He’d seen the reports. It might not be his speciality but he couldn’t miss the headlines from a few years ago about the famous actress. They were making discoveries about cancer all the time. But this was the one that had been given the most news coverage. ‘April, do you have the gene?’

  She let out a sob and he pulled her towards him. His brain was doing overtime. Trying to remember everything he’d ever heard. He could already guess that her statistics wouldn’t be great.

  There were thick flakes of snow on her blue coat. The outside of her was freezing. But he didn’t care. He could feel her trembling against him. He hugged her even tighter and bent his lips to her ear. ‘There’s things that can be done. Have you seen someone? Have you spoken to a counsellor?’

  Her words were low. ‘I’ve done all that. I know my chances. My surgery will happen in the New Year.’

  He pulled back, surprised, and put both hands on her face. He couldn’t believe she’d been helping him so much while going through something like this.

  ‘January? April, I had no idea. I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you tell me?’

  Another tear slid down her face. ‘How do I tell someone that? How do I say, Nice to meet you, but I’m a carrier of a potentially deadly gene, I’m going for surgery soon and I won’t be able to have children. I’m never going to get to be a mum. And maybe I won’t even be here. The surgery isn’t a guarantee. I might still go on and develop cancer at some stage. And yes, I have looked at all my options. It’s all I’ve thought about for months.’

  He lifted his thumb and wiped away her warm tear. He couldn’t even begin to comprehend what she’d been going through. He’d been so focused on himself, and on Finn. He hadn’t really left room for anything else. He hated himself right now. He’d known there was something he couldn’t put his finger on. He should have pressed her. He should have pushed harder and let her share the burden, let her talk things over.

  Her head was against his chest. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t want to tell anyone. I need to get this over with. I need to have my surgery, get out the other side, then see what comes next. I just needed some time. I just needed a chance to—’

  He pulled her back again. ‘A chance to what? To be alone?’ He shook his head. ‘You don’t need to do that. You don’t need to be on your own, April.’

  She sucked in a deep breath as she pulled herself free of his grasp. But he wasn’t quite ready to let her go. He put his hands on her shoulders. ‘But I do, Riley. This is hard. This—’ she held up her hand ‘—whatever it could be, it just isn’t the right time.’ She met his gaze. ‘And it isn’t for you either. You have Finn to think of. You have to concentrate on him.’

  ‘I know I do,’ he had to stop himself from snapping. ‘But Finn likes you. I like you. I don’t want this to go away, April. I want to see what this is. I want to know.’

  Her lips were trembling. She lifted her hand and put it over his. ‘We both work in the medical profession. Let’s be clear about this. I think I’m well right now. I hope I’m well. But until I have my surgery, and until I have my pathology report, we just don’t know. What if I’m not okay? What if I’m riddled with cancer? You’ve just introduced me to Finn. He’s lost his mum. He’s a five-year-old kid who just had to stand at his mother’s funeral. What kind of person would I be if I didn’t consider Finn here?’

  It was like a fist closing around Riley’s heart. Protect. That should be his first parental responsibility. As much as he hated every word, she was making sense.

 
‘I could be in an accident tomorrow, just like Isabel was.’ They were the first words that came into his brain. He knew they sounded desperate. But that was how he was feeling right now.

  She shook her head. ‘I know that. But it’s a cop-out. You need to give me some space. You need to spend time with Finn and leave me out of the equation.’ She tipped back her head and let out an ironic laugh. ‘I knew from the first second that I saw you that you’d be trouble. I tried so hard to stay out of your way—and it almost worked.’

  Something swelled inside his chest. ‘You did? You deliberately kept away from me?’

  ‘Of course I did.’ She was smiling as she shook her head.

  ‘Darn it. I thought my spider sense had stopped working. I thought you didn’t like me at all.’ The pathetic thing was that her words gave his male sensibilities a real sense of pride. He hadn’t imagined things. She’d felt the attraction as much as he had.

  Her hand was still over his and he gave her shoulders a squeeze. His stomach was churning. He didn’t know enough about this condition. He only knew the bare basics and statistics he’d heard in casual conversations with other professionals. All of a sudden he wanted to know so much more.

  ‘I don’t want you to be alone through all of this, April. Let me be your friend.’

  Her voice was shaky. ‘I don’t even know if we should do that.’

  ‘Why?’

  She winced. ‘Riley, you’re buying a house. A beautiful family home. In a few years, once you and Finn are settled, you’ll want to fill that house with more children. I can already see what a good dad you are. It’s a steep learning curve. But you’re getting there. And you will thrive doing this, Riley. You will.’

  ‘And?’ He didn’t get where she was going with this.

  Another tear slid down her face. ‘And once I have the surgery, my ovaries are removed. My fallopian tubes are gone. I can’t have kids of my own. I can’t have kids with you. The option is gone. And I’m not going to change my mind about this. The disease is such a silent killer they haven’t really found any reliable way to monitor for it yet. I can’t live with a perpetual cancer cloud over my head. I won’t. But I also don’t want to take the chance of children away from you. Finn should have the chance to have brothers and sisters. At some point you’ll want to fill that house with children, Riley, and I can’t do that with you.’