by Mike Ryan
“Well we need to talk about this right now. This is your life. And I’m not just gonna let you throw it away. Let me tell you something…I have been miserable without you. Miserable. I pretend that I’m fine and I’m moving on, but I’m not. I accepted the fact that you went back to your wife cause it was what you really wanted and I was OK with it. But now that I know the truth I feel a little hurt, a little angry, and confused as to why you won’t accept my help.”
“I never meant to hurt you.”
“Then don’t. I have a question for you and I need to hear the answer. Truthfully. No lies. No deception. Just the truth.”
“OK?” Cain replied, unsure what she was getting at.
“Do you still love me?”
Cain sighed and gulped, knowing he couldn’t lie to her anymore. “Yes.”
Heather let out a smile, though she could barely see with all the tears coming out of her eyes. “Because I still love you. I always have and I always will. And that’s never gonna change, whether you want it to or not. If you do truly love me then you’ll stop doing this to yourself. You’ll let me back into your life and start living again.”
“Heather…”
“I’m not accepting excuses,” she interrupted. “If something happens to you because you chose to do nothing, I would be devastated. Seeing you again and being this close to you again…I can’t just put my feelings aside without fighting for us. I want you and need you in my life. I don’t want to keep on living without you. I would hope you feel the same about me.”
As much as Cain thought about continuing to push her away she had quickly broken him down. Now that she was here in front of him, it reminded him of everything they had together. He realized that he missed her terribly. Heather caressed both sides of his face and gently kissed his lips.
“We probably shouldn’t do this,” Cain reluctantly told her.
“Probably not,” she responded with another kiss.
“I don’t ever want to put you in danger again.”
“Then don’t ever leave me.”
She kissed him a few more times, Cain not resisting at all. She’d broken down his defenses. They kept passionately kissing a few more minutes until Heather took Cain’s shirt off. She then moved to undoing his pants.
“Do you want me to stop?” she whispered.
“No,” he replied.
Cain began undressing Heather as well, taking off her top and bra. Once they got each other completely undressed, Cain scooped her up in his arms and carried her into the bedroom.
“Don’ t worry. It’s much neater in here. Haven’t gotten around to messing up the bed yet,” he told her.
“I guess we’ll have to fix that, won’t we?”
Heather woke up a few hours later, a smile permanently attached to her face, and rolled over to look at the clock. She turned back over to look at Cain. She gently stroked his body with her fingers, alternating between his face and his chest. She then leaned over and kissed him, waking him up.
“It’s almost five,” she told him.
“So?”
“Can’t lay in bed all day.”
“Why not?” Cain asked.
“This wasn’t just a one night thing, was it?” Heather wondered.
“Huh?”
“I wanna be with you. For good. No more games and nonsense. I don’t care about any risks, or anything that’s happened before. All I know is that when I’m with you, I’m happy. And when I’m not with you, I’m not happy. Judging from the way you and your apartment look, I hope you feel the same.”
Cain responded by kissing Heather on the lips several times.
“Does this mean yes?” she whispered.
“This is what you really want?”
“You’re what I want. Before I met you I was nothing. The happiest I’ve ever been was when I was with you. And I want it back. Didn’t you miss me?”
“Of course I did. Every second of every day,” Cain replied. “But as much pain as it caused me to not have you in my life, I thought it was the best thing for you.”
“I love you,” she told him. “So can we start again?”
“You’re positive this is what you want?”
“I think you just like hearing me say how much I want you,” she kidded.
“Maybe.”
“So you still haven’t said yes yet. What else do I have to do to convince you that we belong together?”
“Just one more thing,” Cain said.
“Anything.”
“Just kiss me.”
That was the easiest request that Heather ever heard. They passionately kissed for several more minutes before they decided they needed to get going. Heather wanted to tell Lawson as soon as possible to get the surgery set up quickly.
“So you are gonna get the surgery, right?” Heather asked.
“Yes. If it’s what you really want.”
“I do. I’ll be with you every step of the way.”
“I know.”
“One more thing…”
“Yes?” Cain asked, wondering what else she had in mind.
“This,” she said, running her hands through his longer hair and bushy beard. “This has gotta go.”
“Right away.”
“And one more thing,” Heather stated.
“You have another request? What else is there?”
“You ever try to get rid of me again and I will hurt you,” she said with a laugh.
“I think that might be the scariest threat I’ve ever gotten,” he smiled.
Lawson was trying to be patient, keeping her phone near her, waiting for Heather to tell her how it went. It’d been six hours since Heather left her to go to Cain’s apartment. She hoped it was going well but the waiting was excruciatingly painful. She was trying to do some work when Conlin popped into her office.
“Anything yet?” Conlin asked, hopeful.
“No. Unfortunately not.”
“OK. That’s a good sign. Means she hasn’t been flat out rejected yet. Unless she’s been too busy crying her eyes out. Just to keep you in the loop, your newest agent will be here tomorrow to meet with you.”
“Newest agent?”
“Raines. He’ll be here tomorrow. I want you to go over things with him.”
“What things?” Lawson asked.
“I want him as lead agent on tracking down the Specter remnants,” he informed her.
“I thought we were waiting on Cain.”
“Can’t wait forever. Besides, even if we get him back, he’ll need surgery first. That’ll put him out of action for a couple months. We can’t wait that long. Raines is our best bet in the meantime. You need to bring him up to speed. Any problems?”
“Uhh, no. No problems,” she sighed.
“Good.”
Lawson stared at Conlin as he walked out of her office. She continued staring at the wall, wondering what she was going to say to Raines when she met him again. There was so much that she was thinking that she couldn’t process it all. Her concentration was broken a few seconds later by the ringing of her phone. She jumped at it when she saw Heather’s name on the screen.
“Hey, everything OK? What happened? Where’ve you been? I thought you would’ve called by now,” Lawson grilled.
“Relax. Everything’s fine.”
“Did you talk to him?”
“Yep. Told you he’d let me in,” Heather boasted.
“You’ve been talking all this time? Wow. You’re good.”
“Well, I wouldn’t say it was all talk,” she teased.
Lawson’s eyes widened, surprised by the insinuation. “You guys didn’t…”
“We did,” Heather happily smiled.
“Oh my God. So…so…so…,” Lawson stuttered, trying to collect her thoughts.
“I’ll put Matt on the phone so he can tell you.”
“That was a dirty trick sending her over here,” Cain told her.
“Desperate times call for desperate measures, pal. Besides, all’s fair in lov
e and war, right?” Lawson responded.
“I suppose so.”
“So does this mean you’re back?”
Cain took a few seconds before answering. “I guess I’m in.”
“Yes!” Lawson shouted, smiling ear to ear. She was trying not to get too emotional and shout into the phone.
“When can we do the surgery?”
“Doctor said tomorrow morning if that’s convenient for you.”
“Good a time as any I suppose.”
“OK. I’ll call the doctor to let him know and I’ll get back to you with the time.”
“Sounds good.”
“I’m glad to have you back, Matt. And I don’t just mean as an agent,” Lawson said.
Cain smiled, realizing how good a friend she was. “Thanks. I appreciate all you’ve ever done for me. I may not have ever said this or let you know…but you mean a lot to me. You’ve always been there.”
“Don’t go getting mushy on me. I’ll talk to you later.”
Lawson immediately called Conlin to let him know of Cain’s decision. After she was done telling him the good news, she stepped out of the office to get some coffee. While she was pouring a cup, she heard a few voices discussing Raines. A buzz was permeating throughout the office once word leaked that Eric Raines was scheduled to return in the morning. It’d been the dominating water cooler talk for the entire week since the rumors were flying that he was returning soon. Now that the day was confirmed, everyone wanted to be around when he finally showed up. When he worked there previously, he’d been widely recognized by most as one of the best agents in the company. But for the previous couple of years he’d been one of the agency’s top targets. A man Director Sanders wanted so badly, but always seemed to be a step behind him. Lawson stood there for a few minutes listening to the talk about Raines but finally had enough and went back to her office and closed the door. She really wasn’t ready to see him again. She went through it in her mind over and over again. What she’d say, what she’d do when she saw him again. But now that it was almost a reality she didn’t know what she’d say. Since they’d be working together again she would have to be somewhat professional and probably couldn’t say everything she wanted to. She knew she wasn’t going to get any work done if she just spent the rest of the night remembering their past. She turned back to some mission prep work, hoping that would get her mind off him. Even though what she was working on was for him, he wasn’t the focus of her work. She just hoped she’d be able to keep herself together once she started talking to him again. Lawson worked deep into the night and actually wound up sleeping in her office, her couch coming in handy as it sometimes did.
The following morning, Cain and Heather headed over for the hospital wing of The Center. The entire 3rd floor of the building was a dedicated hospital floor. It had its own private elevator that didn’t stop anywhere other than the parking garage. Because of its black ops status, friends and family members still weren’t allowed to see any other part of the building, but could still see their loved one with the private access. Once they arrived they were immediately sent to a separate room where Cain got undressed. Heather was able to wait with him until they came to take him for surgery.
“Are you nervous?” Heather asked.
“No. Not really,” Cain calmly replied.
“OK, well I am.”
Cain smiled and gave her a kiss to relax. “It’ll be fine.”
“How can you be so calm?”
“I dunno. What good would worrying do?”
“You’re sure this is what you wanna do, right?” she asked.
“Yeah. Why? Do you not want me to get it anymore?”
“Of course I do. This is the only way you’ll get better. I just wanna make sure that it’s what you really want and that you’re not just doing it for me or for us, that you’re doing it for you too.”
“I’ve never done anything I didn’t really wanna do. I don’t succumb to peer pressure. You should know that by now.”
“True. You are the most stubborn person I’ve ever met,” she kidded.
“Hey, insulting me before a major operation? Not cool.”
Heather smiled. “You know I’m joking,” she said, kissing him.
“I know.”
Lawson exited her office and was on her way down to see Cain before he went under the knife when she saw Raines get out of the elevator. She stopped dead in her tracks, unable to move, as she watched him walk. They locked eyes before Lawson broke contact, going back to her office. She knew she’d have to talk to him but she didn’t want it to be in such a public setting. She’d be more comfortable in the confines of her office. A few seconds later, Raines knocked on the open door.
“Can I come in?” he asked.
“It’s open,” she replied, shuffling some papers around on her desk.
Lawson started typing on her computer, trying not to look at him. He still looked as good to her as he did the last day she saw him when they were together. Her heart felt like it was doing backflips and it scared her a little as she was determined not to be nice to him.
“You still look as good as ever,” Raines said, trying to dethaw the air.
“I don’t wanna hear how good I look, OK?”
“I guess I owe you an explanation about…”
Lawson was starting to get pissed and wasn’t about to let him explain anything before she told him how she was feeling. “About what? The fact I thought you were dead? Or was it that I was seriously depressed for months? Or maybe it was the one day finding out that you were suddenly alive. Maybe for the deception?”
“Deception is a major component of what we do. Of what I do,” Raines said.
“But not from me!”
“What was I supposed to do, Shelly? I was ushered into a secret meeting with CIA Director Roberts where he informed me they wanted me to go undercover. Cut off all ties with everyone I knew.”
“You could’ve trusted me.”
“I did trust you.”
“Funny way of showing it.”
“If I had told you what I was doing and you let it slip to the wrong person, or your computer was hacked into by Sanders, then my cover was blown and my safety put in jeopardy,” he explained. “Nothing I did was because it was what I wanted. I never wanted to be away from you.”
“You think you can just walk in here after all these years and talk to me like this never happened? That I’m just gonna say “OK, Eric, no problem. All’s forgiven?” No, that’s not gonna happen. I don’t forgive you for what you put me through.”
“I don’t blame you for feeling the way you do.”
“Well that’s nice of you,” she sarcastically said.
“I just hope one day we’ll be able to get back to…”
“No, just stop right there. You and I will never get back to where we once were. Not ever. You had your shot and you blew it. The only reason we’re having this conversation right now is because I was given no choice. Director Collins wants me as your handler and I wasn’t given an option. So I don’t wanna hear about old times or anything. I don’t want to hear from you under any circumstances unless it’s work related. And if you ever call me out in the field…your fingers better be on fire when you’re dialing.”
“Understood,” he dejectedly replied.
“We have a mission to go over but first I have to go down to the hospital wing. Cain’s getting surgery soon and I want to see him first.”
“I’ll go with you,” he said, getting an icy stare in return. “He’s my friend too.”
Lawson didn’t reply and stormed out of the office, Raines following her. The eyes of anyone in the office who happened to be their, eagerly watched their cold exchange as they walked through. They got on the elevator and went down to the third floor without saying another word to each other.
“Wait here,” Lawson said to Raines, directing him to stay outside Cain’s room while she went inside.
Raines sighed, but did as she wished. La
wson went inside and gave both Heather and Cain a hug.
“So how are you feeling?” Lawson asked.
“Fine. But I haven’t been knifed yet either,” Cain replied.
“Good point. Can I get you anything?”
“No. I’m good.”
“Heather? Anything?”
“No thanks, Shelly.”
“Eric Raines is outside. He wanted to see you before the surgery,” Lawson informed.
“Oh? I didn’t know you two were…”
“We’re not. Anything. Actually, he’s lucky I didn’t rip his testicles out the moment I laid eyes on him.”
“Wow,” Heather said, raising her eyebrows.
“Did you two talk?” Cain wondered.
“I did most of the talking,” Lawson answered.
“So you pretty much just bitched him out,” Cain assumed.
“Yes.”
“Shelly.”
“I don’t wanna hear it. Especially from someone who was a hermit and ignored me for months. I needed to get it out of my system. I’ve been carrying around all this emotional baggage for the last three years,” Lawson explained.
“I know.”
“OK. Well, if you don’t need anything, I’m gonna head back upstairs and do some work. I just wanted to make sure you were OK.”
“You just wanted to make sure I actually showed up,” Cain quipped.
“That too,” Lawson smiled. “Let me know as soon as he’s out,” she told Heather.
“I will,” Heather responded.
“OK. Love you both,” Lawson told the pair as she left the room.