Wonderwall

by Soars, M. H.

  I feel ten times lighter after I’m done, but not in the least better. I still don’t know what to do.

  “You know what you need, Sebastian? To grow a fucking vagina.”

  “What?”

  “I’m quoting Betty White here, wise lady. Stop acting like a coward. Be honest with the girl you love. The way I see it, you can’t lose.”

  “Didn’t you hear what I just said? She’ll never forgive me if tell her the truth.”

  Zawe raises an eyebrow and puts her hands on her hips. “Do you have her now?”

  I stare dumbfounded at my choreographer. She’s fucking right. I don’t have Liv, so there isn’t anything to lose.

  “Now, let’s run this routine one more time and then I’m calling it a day,” Zawe says.

  We practice for another hour and by the end of it, I manage to finish the routine without messing up. When I leave the rehearsal studio, I don’t call Oliver. I don’t even go back to the Hollingsworth. I go home instead. I’m still thinking about Zawe’s advice, but I need to take care of something first before I even attempt to contact Liv again.

  At home, I make a beeline for my stash of drugs. I haven’t done anything stronger than smoking pot and drinking since I started going out with Gretchen. But I wasn’t able to throw my supply away. Darkness still threatens to take hold of me now and then, and getting high is the only weapon I have. But no more. I take them with me to the bathroom. I remove the lid and flip the box over, dumping its content into the toilet. There’s no hesitation when I push the lever down and watch a junkie’s amusement park being flushed down the drain. It’s easy, so very easy. And I know why.

  The next step will be harder. I will hurt someone I care about, but it has to be done. I can’t string Gretchen along when I’ll never be able to give my heart to her. Life was easier when I could just use girls and discard them without a shred of guilt. But I’m not that person anymore. I was never that person. I had been taken over by a monster.

  I only have to pretend for one more night. I can’t break up with Gretchen when she put so much work into preparing a surprise birthday party for me. It would be unnecessarily cruel to humiliate her like that.

  But once I’m free, Liv better prepare herself, because I’m coming at her with the entire arsenal I have. I’m winning her back, no matter what.

  Chapter 31

  Olivia

  Mellie, Lloyd and I manage to find time to go shopping on Friday after work, and we head straight to Selfridges. I’m on a budget, so I search the sale rack first. I find an awesome vintage styled dress a la Marilyn Monroe, with a plunging neckline and bare back. The fabric is fluid and has metallic thread interwoven in it, making it shimmer as I move. It’s gorgeous. I try it on, and Mellie and Lloyd say the dress was made for me, it fits like a glove.

  After they find their outfits, we stop by the store’s champagne and oyster bar to unwind. It’s when Mellie broaches my freak out at the pub from two nights ago.

  “You better ask Lloyd what happened.” I nod in his direction.

  Lloyd glances at the table and plays with his flute of champagne. “Maurice wasn’t my date.”

  Mellie looks from Lloyd to me, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “I don’t understand.”

  “I kind of told him that if he pretended to be my date for the evening, I would set him up with Liv.”

  “Why?”

  “Oh, gosh, Lloyd. Spill it already,” I say.

  “Because I wanted to make Ryan jealous.”

  Mellie’s jaw drops and her eyes widen. “Ryan? Oh, Lloyd. But he’s straight.”

  She sees the expression on my face and continues. “He’s straight, right?”

  “Not anymore,” I answer.

  “Holy fuck! I cannot believe it. My gaydar has never failed before.” She turns to Lloyd. “Are you hooking up with him?”

  “A few times, but I’m not sure if I will anymore. He’s completely closeted.”

  Mellie reaches over and squeezes Lloyd’s hand. “Oh, honey. I’m sorry. But what did Maurice do to you, Liv? You were pissed when you left the pub.”

  “Ugh, he thought it was okay to cop a feel and then, he said he couldn’t wait to nail me.”

  “What an asshole!” Mellie says.

  I pierce Lloyd with my laser stare. “Which makes me think Lloyd might have given Maurice a very wrong idea. What exactly did you tell him, Lloyd?”

  “I can’t tell you. You’ll hate me.”

  I roll my eyes. “Stop with the drama. I’m not going to hate you, unless you told him he could have me as his sex slave.”

  “I may have told him that you were an exchange student looking to have some fun in Europe.”

  “Oh, for fuck’s sake, Lloyd! That’s totally code for saying she wants to sleep around. You’re the asshole.” Mellie glares at Lloyd.

  I rest my head in my hands. That explains a lot.

  We don’t linger at the bar. We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow. I take the tube back to the Hollingsworth and try my best not to let nerves get the best of me. I haven’t seen Sebastian since he paid me a visit, but I couldn’t stop thinking about his parting comment. For two days straight, I kept looking over my shoulder, dreading and hoping to see him. It was exhausting. But tomorrow there’s no doubt, I’ll see him again in the arms of his gorgeous girlfriend. I wish I could find a way to dress my heart in armor, to protect it from being mangled further. It’s going to happen, and it will be a bloodbath.

  I don’t sleep well that night, instead I toss and turn, replaying in my head every single encounter I had with Sebastian since he crashed back in my life. I can’t begin to imagine what is going on in his head. Maybe if I knew, I could prepare my defenses better.

  Morning comes whether I’ve slept or not and I feel ragged. I volunteered to help set up for the party as a way to get into my thick head that my world and Sebastian’s will never mesh again. When I arrive at the Venetian ball room, Mellie and Lloyd are already there. They are huddled together, peering at something on one of the tables. When I get closer, I see it’s Lloyd’s final design of the décor. It’s an ice rink. And so it begins, the slow decimation of my heart.

  ☂ ☂ ☂

  The first thing I see as I enter the transformed ball room is the massive ice sculpture of a hockey player. It bears a vague resemblance to Sebastian. What’s with this girl and her obsession with capturing Sebastian in different art mediums?

  Because I knew what to expect, the pain is not as acute anymore. It was the right move to help set up for the party. I walk across the room and find Pasty speaking with the head of the wait staff. Once she notices my approach, she turns her attention to me.

  “Liv, darling. I’m sure Mellie has already told you that you’ll be stationed at the entrance where you’ll make sure only guests on the list are granted access to the party. Lloyd will help you and security will be there as well. This is a very coveted event and make no mistake, there will be plenty of people trying to sneak in.”

  She gives me an earpiece and shows me how to use it before she dismisses me. I make my way to the reception table and find Lloyd standing next to it. He glances my way when he realizes I’m there. He grabs my arm and squeezes it.

  “Oh, my God, Liv. Isn’t this exciting? Do you know how many celebrities we will get to see tonight?”

  “I can’t imagine.”

  “Tons, that’s how many. Too bad we aren’t allowed to take pictures. My Instagram account would blow up if I could post pics of tonight. Oh well, I guess I’ll have to rely on my memory alone.”

  Guests start to arrive in small groups at first, but when the clock hits eleven p.m., that’s when the flood comes. Patsy was right, we have to turn away several people who are not on the list of invitees. The stories some of them come up with are so convoluted that’s hard to keep a straight face.
/>   When we catch a break, Lloyd leans closer to me and whispers in my ear. “Do you know how hard it is to keep laughter bottled up? I swear I’m getting a workout.”

  I smile. “I know right? I’ll end up with abs of steel by the end of the night.”

  “Oh, posh alert. That couple is definitely on the list. The guy is the son of a wealthy banker.”

  “What about her?”

  Lloyd shrugs. “Probably a high class hooker.”

  I have to swallow my shocked gasp and plaster a smile on my face as the aforementioned couple hits our table. Wallace Kirkpatrick the Third is definitely on the list. I tap next to his name on the tablet, and they’re off. I decide to see how many people we can still expect. The room is already busy, and the music is blending in with the cacophony of voices. My gaze is down when I hear Lloyd slip a “Holy shit” under his breath. I look up and recognize the tall blond with the wicked blue eyes I met at the Dijng— Oliver, Sebastian’s band mate. His eyes light up when he recognizes me.

  “I can’t believe it. It’s Unicorn!”

  From my peripheral, I see Lloyd glance my way. He’s probably confused as hell. I never told him that I met the guys from Boys Future and Onno when I went out with Ryan. I didn’t want to give him another reason to be jealous.

  Blondie is flanked by the twins, Kyle and Travis. I know all of their names now thanks to the report I had to write on Sebastian, Gretchen, and Boys Future. Such useless information taking up space in my brain.

  “What are your names, gentlemen?” I ask, not disguising that I know who they are, and I’m totally faking ignorance on purpose.

  One of the twins turns to Anthony, the fifth member of Boys Future. “This is bollocks. She knows who we are.”

  “Don’t mind, Liv. She’s just being extra careful. You know how Americans be can be. Enjoy the party,” Lloyd says, probably thinking I’ve lost my mind.

  Oliver chuckles as he passes by me. “See you later, Liv.”

  Once they are out of earshot, Lloyd is in my face. “What was that all about? Have you met them before?”

  “Yeah. Remember that night I went to the Dijng with Ryan, Yoann, Gavin, and Renata? Well, Ryan and I met Onno and those guys there.”

  Lloyd is staring at me with eyes as round as saucers, speechless for a change. When he finally remembers he has vocal chords, he whisper-screams, “Beatch! I can’t believe you never told me that story. Did you meet Sebastian, too?”

  I feel guilty that I’ve never told him about the VIP room, and even guiltier about the secret I vowed not to tell anyone here. But I have the feeling that the truth is about explode in my face. I’d rather Lloyd find out from me. He will hate me if I don’t tell him that Sebastian and I used to be next door neighbors. I’m not sure yet if I want to disclose the rest. But I know now it’s not the time. We’re working and there are way too many people around that can overhear our conversation.

  “Yes, he was there.”

  “Is he as good looking in person as he’s on TV?”

  “No.”

  Lloyd deflates like a balloon. “No?”

  “He’s something else in person. You’ll see.”

  Lloyd smirks at me. “I knew you weren’t immune to some fangirling. Sebastian Coleman, huh? He’s the one who rocks your boat.”

  I face forward so Lloyd can’t read the truth in my eyes. He has no idea.

  I hear Mellie’s voice through the earpiece. She needs me at the main bar. I tell Lloyd and ask if he’ll be okay.

  “I can manage,” he says.

  When I reach Mellie, she’s talking in urgent tones with one of the waiters.

  “What’s the matter, Mellie?” I ask.

  “Liv, do you have any experience waitressing?”

  “Uh, no. Why?”

  “Bollocks.” She chews on her lower lip and her gaze turns inward. After a few seconds, her eyes connect with mine again. “Can you hold a tray without spilling stuff all over?”

  “I guess so.”

  “Okay, please don’t hate me, but I need you serve drinks to the guests. There was a situation a few minutes ago, and we had to fire three of our waiters. We’re short staffed now.”

  “What happened?”

  “I can’t explain now. I need you to cover for at least half an hour until I can get some wait staff from the restaurants.”

  “Sure, no problem.”

  Mellie gives me a tray full of shot glasses with purple liquid inside. “Cover the right side of the room, smile, be pleasant, but don’t engage in any lengthy conversations. Come back when your tray is empty.”

  “Okay.”

  I should be freaking out right now, but oddly, I’m not. Serving drinks is not that bad, and gives me something to occupy my mind. I just have to avoid Sebastian, his girlfriend, and his stupid band mates. Easy peasy. I turn around and almost collide with a waiter that was trying to get behind the bar. The tray in my hand wobbles perilously and I have to hold it with both hands to avoid a disaster. Shit. I glance at Mellie and she’s shaking her head.

  “Don’t worry. I’ve got this.”

  Maybe.

  Chapter 32

  Sebastian

  I haven’t had a drink in twenty-four hours and my body has noticed. Giving up hard core drugs is easy for me, and I don’t know why. But alcohol? It’s a different story. I’m not in a good mood, and if it weren’t for the possibility that I might see Liv tonight, I wouldn’t have come. I’m inside a limo with Gretchen sitting across from me, looking like a Botticelli painting. Her white, Grecian style dress hugs her in all the right places, and her hair is braided into an elaborate do. She’s sipping a glass of champagne and her posture is rigid. The few times I managed to catch her eyes, she averted her gaze. She has noticed the change in me, the change between us. Since Liv came blasting into my life again, I’ve been distant, and hanging out with Oliver way too much. Which means a lot of partying and boozing.

  My hand is itching to pour myself a generous dose of whiskey, but I don’t want to get hammered tonight. If Liv is there and I lose control, I won’t be able to keep my hands to myself. I might kidnap her, keep her captive until she agrees to give me another chance. Actually, that doesn’t sound like a bad idea.

  Gretchen’s ploy to get me to the Hollingsworth is a private dinner prepared by the renowned Ocean’s Grill chef. The limo stops in front of the luxurious hotel, and not a second later, the door is opened by a valet. There are a few paparazzi waiting for us, and by the low number of them, I know those were the selected few Hans handpicked. He’ll dictate which shots will make it to the tabloids. We turn heads as we enter the hotel’s grand foyer. Out of the corner of my eye, I see some people take out their phones to snap pictures of us.

  When the elevator’s doors open on our floor, Gretchen laces her arm with mine and gives me a tight smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. Can she sense that this will be our last public appearance together?

  The door to the ballroom is closed. I push it open and prepare to make a surprised face. A hundred faceless people shout “Happy Birthday” as Gretchen and I come into the space. I’m soon swarmed by well-wishers, their voices blending together. My eyes dart around the room, looking for Liv, but it’s too dark and crowded to see beyond a few feet. I feel a tug on my sleeve and glance sideways. I forgot about Gretchen. She’s smiling like she means it this time.

  “Happy birthday, Bas.” She gets onto the tips of her toes to kiss me. I’m surprised when her tongue darts into my mouth, even if briefly. I pull back, not comfortable with the situation at all. I don’t want Liv to see this if she’s here.

  I waiter comes by carrying a tray with shots. It’s not whiskey, but heck, I’m not about to be picky now. I need a drink. I grab two glasses and gulp them down like they’re water. It’s a disgusting, fruity thing disguised as alcohol, but it helps.

&nbs
p; “Bas, easy now. You don’t want to get pissed tonight, right?”

  I give her a droll look. “I thought this was a birthday party. My birthday party.”

  “I know, but there are important people here, friends of my parents. I don’t want to be embarrassed.”

  I don’t know where this is coming from. Gretchen was never one to police me about my drinking in public like that. She was more about the subtle hints. Clearly, not tonight. Her comment only makes me more irritated.

  “I didn’t ask you to invite them. Now, if you excuse me, I gotta mingle. I’m the man of the hour after all.”

  ☂ ☂ ☂

  Olivia

  My heart is squeezed so tight, it’s almost impossible to breathe. That kiss, I wish I could banish it from my mind, but I know it’s branded there forever. I have a job to do, though. So I put on my fake smile, and pretend I’m not dying inside.

  I cover my side of the room, not paying attention to my surroundings. I’m so focused on keeping my happy façade up that I don’t notice I’m headed straight to Travis and Kyle. They see me before I can change course. If I turn around now, it will show I’m bothered by their presence. I don’t want to give those idiots that kind of power. So I square my shoulders and I walk the final distance between us.

  “Drinks, gentlemen?”

  They look at me up and down, undressing me with their eyes. I bite the inside of my cheek to control my temper.

  “It seems Unicorn has many talents. I wonder what else she can do,” one of them says. I can’t tell them apart.

  “Shut up, Kyle.” Oliver comes out of nowhere and stops by my side. “Don’t pay any attention to their juvenile remarks. Their mental development got stuck in pre-pubescence. It’s a condition I’m afraid there’s no cure for.”

  “What a tragedy. To society, I mean.”

  Blondie smiles at me. “I’m Oliver by the way, but you can call me Ollie.”