Wonderwall

by Soars, M. H.

  “Don’t worry about that,” I say, but she’s not listening to me any longer. I think she’s in shock. She opens a few cabinet doors until she finds the cleaning supplies.

  I walk to the living room and grab my phone. As usual, there are several messages there, all meaningless from people I don’t care about. There’s only one text from Oliver with a simple “I’m sorry.”

  After the kitchen floor is clean, Liv goes in search of her own phone. I fire up my laptop, knowing I won’t like what will come up when I search my name. Liv joins me on the couch, but her face is glued to the device in her hand.

  “Any word from Saylor?”

  “Yeah.”

  I don’t like the sound of her voice. It’s defeated and sad.

  My computer is finally on and I go straight to Google. There are several articles talking about Oliver’s surprise appearance at the Singing Olive. I click on the top of the page link. The first pictures on the article have him and Saylor in the frame, then Oliver surrounded by fans. It’s not until I scroll all the way down the page that I see the picture that makes me sick to my stomach. It’s a shot of Liv and me, kissing in the middle of the dance floor.

  “Oh my God,” Liv says.

  My mind is reeling. How did they get that picture? We’re both unrecognizable, but the caption says “Sebastian Coleman caught kissing mysterious girl”. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

  Liv jumps from the couch before I can say anything. She has her phone glued to her ear and a second later, she’s talking.

  “Saylor? Did you see the pictures?”

  Liv starts pacing in front of me, her movements skittish and tense. I did that to her, I brought her to my world of lies and exploitation. She’s tainted and it’s my fault. Saylor says something to her that makes Liv’s shoulders slump forward.

  “How did they react?” she asks. “Really?”

  My phone starts to ring and I see Oliver’s name flashing on the screen. I answer it.

  “Mate, I’m so fucking sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault,” I say, but not truly meaning it. Part of me does blame Oliver for the aftermath. But it’s pointless to point fingers, the damage is already done.

  “Are you home? Is she there?”

  “Yes and yes. And the vultures are outside. They suspect I have a guest and they won’t leave my doorstep until they can have their prize picture.”

  Liv’s head snaps in my direction, her face completely ashen. She repeats to Saylor what I just told Oliver.

  “I’m coming over,” Oliver says and the line goes mute.

  A moment later, Liv ends the call with Saylor.

  “I need your address. Saylor is coming over.”

  Chapter 44

  Olivia

  I managed to evade the paparazzi thanks to Saylor’s and Oliver’s help. They somehow convinced Sebastian’s back door neighbors to let me use their garden as an escape route. What I didn’t succeed in doing was surviving the experience unscathed. I’ve never felt more humiliated in my life, sneaking out like I’ve committed the biggest sin, like being with Sebastian was a crime against all that’s holy and good in this world. I suppose if our secret ever came out, that’s how the world would see me, a homewrecker, a whore coming in between the most perfect couple in Britain.

  Sebastian made me promise before I left that I would see him later at his uncle’s house. Reluctantly, I said yes, knowing deep down that it would be a hard promise to keep. He saw in my eyes the doubt, the hesitancy, so to sway me or make it easier, he also invited my friends. A valiant effort, but unbeknownst to him and me at the time, also fruitless. Once inside the cab, heading back to the Hollingsworth, I learned from Saylor that Emma had decided to go to Milan with Kennedy at the last minute.

  “Does Emma’s decision have anything to do with the truth I kept from them?” I ask Saylor.

  She’s looking out the window, oddly distracted. But she turns to me before she answers. “I don’t know, chica. I’m not going to lie and say they were thrilled you never told them about Sebastian.”

  I stare at my hands on my lap, feeling more wretched by the minute. “I suck.”

  “No, you don’t suck. There’s no rule saying that you must share all of your deepest secrets with your friends. It’s okay to keep things to yourself.”

  I look up and I catch a glimpse of guilt in Saylor’s eyes that fades almost as fast as it appeared.

  “Saylor, are you okay? You seem odd.”

  She faces the window again. “I’m just tired.”

  She doesn’t even attempt to hide the lie. She’s definitely off. “I never got the chance to ask what happened between you and Oliver at the Singing Olive last night.”

  She takes a deep breath, and her shoulders slump forward as she exhales. “He’s a total bastard and he’s lucky all he got was icy water on his face.”

  I mull her answer over. Sebastian did mention his dark days in high school, how he was a complete asshole, caring about nothing and no one. That was the time he and Oliver became best friends. It’s not difficult to conclude that Saylor is probably right about her assessment of Oliver. Even so, it’s hard to imagine that this new Sebastian, the one on the path of redemption, would still consider Oliver his best friend if he didn’t have any redeemable qualities. There’s a bond thicker than blood between them, I can tell that much.

  “Are you spending Christmas eve with Sebastian’s family?” Saylor asks.

  “I don’t know.”

  She faces me again and then she squeezes my hand. “You should, Liv. Don’t let the outside world drive a wedge between you and him. I saw the way he looks at you. He’s loves you deeply, even more so than before.”

  “Since when did you become Sebastian’s champion?” I narrow my eyes at her, but my indignation is halfhearted.

  “I’m not his champion. I’m on your team. I’ll always be. And your happiness is by his side. It’s written in the stars.” She smiles at me, a sad sort of smile that makes my chest cave in. I see darkness in my friend’s eyes, a sorrow I’d thought had left her for good. But maybe I was wrong.

  “I’ll go but only if you come with me.”

  Saylor scrunches her nose in an adorable scowl. “Will Oliver be there?”

  “I think so. But since when do you let a stupid boy dictate where you go or not?”

  I see Saylor’s lips twitch upward and I know I’ve won.

  “Never.”

  ☂ ☂ ☂

  Sebastian

  After Liv left with Saylor, Oliver came over, making sure his appearance at my house wasn’t missed. The paparazzi showered him with questions before I let him in. But a couple of hours later, they got tired of waiting for the condemning picture of me and the mysterious girl I had been kissing at the club, so they left.

  Oliver apologized a million times for his reckless behavior to the point where I threatened to cut his tongue off if he didn’t stop talking. We searched the internet throughout the rest of the morning, and it quickly became apparent that most gossips sites only had that one blurry picture of Liv and me. My solace was that it was impossible to tell if it was really me in the low quality frame and Liv’s identity was also obscured. So the tabloids had nothing but pure speculation to go on.

  Oliver left sometime after noon, claiming he needed a good nap before coming to my uncle’s dinner. He asked me if Saylor was coming too and when I told him there was a great chance of that happening, he gave me a funny look. I never got the chance to ask about his incident with Saylor last night, but if there was a girl who could unhinge my friend, that girl would be Saylor.

  ☂ ☂ ☂

  Liv and Saylor arrive at my uncle’s house at precisely six p.m. I feel the pressure leave my chest as I spy on them exiting the cab through the partially open curtains. Up until that moment, I wasn’t sure if Liv would come.

&
nbsp; My uncle and aunt were ecstatic when I told them about Liv and me, and that I had invited her to Christmas dinner. A sliver of guilt embedded itself in my heart seeing them genuinely happy for me. After everything I’d put them through, after all the awful things I’d said to them throughout the years, their reaction was humbling. I wasn’t proud of the person I had become, but maybe it wasn’t too late to make amends, maybe with Liv by side I could be strong enough to change into a man my parents would be proud of.

  I let Aunt Tanya answer the door, just in case there’s a stray paparazzo waiting to take a picture of me. I remain in the living room as my aunt gushes over Liv and Saylor.

  When Liv enters the space I’m in, my eyes widen and my heart almost leaps out of my chest. The shadow in her eyes from earlier is gone, and there’s a glow about her that almost makes me weep. I don’t know what’s happening to me. It could be that I still can’t believe fate has granted me another chance at happiness, or it could be the time of the year, when so many joyful and awful memories compete for my attention.

  I finally notice her loaded hands. “What have you done?”

  She shrugs. “Well, I couldn’t show up at your house empty handed. Saylor and I took a trip to Oxford Street.”

  “I think you may have gone overboard.” I retrieve the bags from her hands and place them on the coffee table.

  “Hi to you too, Sebastian.” Saylor says as she dumps her own bags next to Liv’s.

  I turn to her and her glower makes me take a step back. I forgot how intimidating Saylor could be. Right now, I don’t know what she’s going to do. I don’t think she’s crazy enough to strike me at my family’s home, but with her, you never know. And it’s not like I don’t deserve what she has in store for me. Her loyalty to Liv is the stuff of legends.

  She smirks and her big doll eyes sparkle. “Good Lord. Stop looking at me like I’m about to disembowel you.”

  She moves closer and stops a few inches from me. The difference in height doesn’t faze her one bit. She stares into my eyes, searching for the answer to an unspoken question. It takes only a few seconds, and then she smiles broadly.

  “It’s good to have you back, Bas.” She hugs me tight and my body stiffens in surprise.

  I peer over her shoulder at Liv and she grins at us. I recover from the shock and hug Saylor back, not wanting to question her motives. Better a hug than a kick to the balls. Before we pull apart, Saylor whispers in my ear.

  “Break her heart again and I’ll rip your nut sack off.”

  Ah, that’s the Saylor I remember. I take a step back and put a protective hand over my crotch. “Come, Ollie is already here, hanging out with Shane in the TV room.”

  They follow me and I can hear Oliver’s loud voice even before we enter the room. “You bloody cheated!”

  “One wouldn’t need to cheat. Your lack of dexterity is appalling,” Shane replies in his cool and detached manner. He’s a fifteen year old boy going on fifty. I never met anyone as awkward and socially inept as him. Oliver is the only person that Shane seems somehow comfortable with.

  I clear my throat by the door. “Children, the girls are here. Behave.”

  Shane puts the game on pause and turns to look at us. His face flushes when his gaze settles on Liv and Saylor next to me, and he quickly stares at his shoes. He has gotten taller since the last time I saw him, and his body is gangly and out of proportion. At least it seems like that. His dark hair is shaggy and the long bangs almost cover his eyes completely.

  “Ladies,” Oliver says as his lips curl up. His gaze lands on Saylor and there’s a flash of mischief there.

  Oh fuck no. I won’t let Oliver ruin my relationship with Liv by messing with her best friend. I know that Saylor can handle assholes like him, but I feel it’s my duty to keep Oliver far away from her.

  Saylor moves forward, ignoring Oliver completely, and stops in front of Shane, offering her hand to him. “Hi, I’m Saylor. Nice to meet you, Shane.”

  He glances up, and surprisingly, shakes her hand. But in true Shane fashion, he doesn’t let go right away, and stares at her with what I can only call puppy love eyes. Oh, boy.

  Oliver smacks his head. “Stop ogling her.”

  Shane drops Saylor’s hand and glares at Oliver. “Piss off, Best.”

  “That I am, the best.”

  “Shall we leave you two alone so you can take care of your unresolved sexual tension?” Saylor says.

  “What?” Shane whips his face to her again with eyebrows raised.

  “Ignore her. She might look like a fairy, but she’s actually a witch.” Oliver stares hard at Saylor.

  She flips him off and turns on her heels, her eyes flashing. I mentally chuckle at my silly thoughts. I can’t believe I considered for a second that those two might hook up.

  ☂ ☂ ☂

  Dinner happens relatively drama free, but I can’t say it’s not emotional. My uncle sits at the head of the table and as I look at him, I can see a little bit of my dad in him. My chest feels tight and I try not to dwell on the fact that the void my parents’ death has left behind is still there, and it seems to get bigger if I don’t fight back, if I’m weak. A lump forms in my throat as Uncle Paul says a prayer, blessing our meal. He’s serious and proper whereas my dad would have said something funny.

  Liv squeezes my hand and I peer at her. Her eyes are bright and her face is full of understanding. It makes my heart wrestle the constraints of sadness, it makes breathing a little bit easier. I smile at her, trying to convey that her mere presence is a balm of peace to me.

  “Thank you so much for inviting us,” Liv addresses my uncle and aunt.

  “Liv, it’s a pleasure to have you and Saylor here. It brings us immeasurable joy,” Aunt Tanya says, and her broad smile makes her eyes twinkle.

  “I haven’t had a meal like this in ages. Thank you so much,” Saylor says as she breaks a dinner roll in two.

  “Why? Are you financially handicapped?” Shane asks and my uncle chokes on his food.

  “Shane!” Aunt Tanya shouts.

  I expect Saylor to offer a snarky remark, but her face turns red and she gazes at her plate. I look at Liv, trying to understand what’s going on. Her face is somber and her shoulders are tense.

  “My mother is an E.R. nurse and I can’t remember the last time she had Christmas Eve off. I usually order Chinese,” Saylor says in a small voice.

  Shane opens his mouth, but Oliver does something to halt my cousin’s inquisitive quest. He might have kicked him under the table. My friend’s gaze settles on Saylor, who chews her food without glancing up, lost in whatever problems plague her. Oliver’s expression is unreadable.

  ☂ ☂ ☂

  Liv didn’t spend Christmas day with me as I thought she would, as we had planned. I didn’t beg her, but I came close. I would have pressed the matter, even go as low as guilt her into it, but I knew the reason she didn’t want to be with me.

  Instead, I spent most of the day obsessing about my contract with Schutz Productions, trying to find a way out. I must have stared at those papers for hours, reading the clause that had me bound to Michael a thousand times. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen it before. It wasn’t even written in small letters.

  If I break my contract, I will be liable for a law suit, depending on how much money my exit will cost. And I know that if I leave the band before the tour is over, the loss to Michael’s overflowing pockets will be significant.

  My only alternative is to force them to fire me. Despite Hans’s twisted words, if they kick me out, then I’m not liable for anything. But for that to happen, I will have to expose Liv, literally throw her under the bus. And that’s not an option. I saw what that picture splattered all over the tabloids did to her, even when she suppressed her hurt at Christmas dinner for my sake. That’s the true reason she decided to go sightseeing with Saylor, eve
n knowing the rest of my week is filled with more rehearsals and interviews.

  Oliver came over to my place and thank God for him. Without him distracting me, I would have gone mad. But I have to endure this nightmare until the tour is over. It’s the only way Liv and I will be able to build our lives together in peace.

  Chapter 45

  Sebastian

  I didn’t see Liv at all after Christmas dinner. I was being followed everywhere by paparazzi and I couldn’t risk another exposure. I called her whenever I could, but it wasn’t the same. I began to dissect everything she said, every inflection of wording, trying to assure myself that she was okay, that we were okay. I gained nothing, only a sense of foreboding that caved my chest in further and further.

  I know Liv’s friends are back from Italy, and they have plans tonight for New Year’s Eve. I wish with every fiber of my being that I could spend the evening with her, but the old adage ‘you can’t always get what you want’ never rang truer.

  Instead, I’m in my full concert regalia, waiting to hop on the stage. We’re performing near Big Ben in the buildup to the clock striking midnight. The show will be broadcasted live and I’m afraid it will be my most uninspired performance to date. Not even the clamoring of thousands of fans makes my heart kickstart, makes the adrenaline flow through my veins. I feel numb.

  Oliver taps me on my shoulder. “Ready?”

  “Let’s get this shit over with,” I say.

  We sing for about an hour, and right before midnight, we take a break and the TV presenter comes onto the stage. We stay put, listening to him recite a bunch of idiocies about the evening, about us. My mind wanders, and maybe tomorrow there will be a story in one of the tabloids about how bored I looked tonight. I don’t give a shit.

  I hear my name and I snap back to the here and now. The evening’s host is not looking at me, but staring at someone coming from the side of the stage. I follow his gaze and when I realize what’s happening, it feels like I’ve been sucker punched in the gut. Gretchen is here, looking more radiant than ever, walking toward me. I haven’t heard from her all the time she’s been gone, and I’ve deluded myself into thinking that maybe she decided to just let our relationship evaporate into thin air.