The Mad Hatter Mystery dgf-2

by John Dickson Carr

  `That was how I met the Bittons. It's odd… but, you know, I admired Driscoll. He was everything I wasn't. I'm tall, and awkward, and near sighted. I was never good at games, either, and women thought I was — oh, nice and pleasant, and they'd tell me all about how they fell in love with other chaps.

  `Driscoll — well, you know him. He had the air. And it was the case of the brilliant meteor and the good old plodding cab-horse who helped him out of difficulties. And I told you I was flattered to have my advice taken. But then I met Sheila….’

  `It's damned funny why she looked at me. Other women never did. They thought it was funny, too. -I mean Phil's friends. And by funny, 'I mean comical, this time. One nice young dandy made a remark about "Old, parson-face and the moron daughter of Bitton's." I didn't mind being called parson-face; they all did it. But the other… I couldn't do anything then. I had to find another occasion, so I ran into him one night, and said I didn't like his face, and knocked it off. He didn't get out of the house for a week. But then they began laughing again, and said, "Good old Bob; he's a sly one," and they said I was after Sheila's money. That was awful. And it was worse when Sheila and I knew we loved each other, and told each other so, and the old man learned about it.

  `He took me over for an interview and as much as said the same thing. I don't remember what I said, but I know I told him he could take his dirty money, well, you know. That surprised him. Sheila and I were going to be married, anyhow. Then he thought it over, and thought it over, and Major Bitton intervened. Somehow, I don't think the old man was so upset about what I said as I thought he'd be. He came down to see me, and said Sheila wasn't capable of looking after herself, and that if we'd promise to wait a year, and still felt the same way — there it was. I said that was all right, provided I did all the supporting of the new family without any help….

  `I'll skip over the next part. Phil said he could tell me a way to make some easy money, and everything would be fine. And I was pretty desperate; Bitton's "year" only meant — and we both knew it — that at the end of the time he'd say my prospects were no better, were they? And I couldn't — expect Sheila to wait for me when she had so many chances for a good match!

  `I got into a jam with my "money-making." Never mind that. It was my own fault. Phil… '

  Dalrye hesitated. `That's neither here nor there. We were both in it, but I was the one who did the… Anyhow, if it ever got to the old man's ears, I was through. And I had to raise twelve hundred pounds in a week.'

  He leaned back in his chair and, closed his eyes.

  `Then I got this wild idea of stealing the manuscript from Phil and selling it to Arbor. It was insane. You know the scheme. I'd told him on Sunday night to phone me in the morning. He did wild-eyed. He was in some fresh difficulty. It was the — the wife matter, you know, but I didn't know it then. I had already impressed it on his mind that he had to conceal the manuscript; keep it in his rooms. It was so that I could get it out of the flat.

  `And he did. He tried putting it back in the old man's car — you know about that before he came to the Tower to see me. But my instructions had so impressed him that, before he came to the Tower, he returned to his flat and hid the manuscript at the back of the grate in his study.

  `Arranging the fake telephone call had been easy. The first one was genuine. When the second came through, I was in the record-room; I'd simply rung up Parker and spoken as Driscoll. I knew he would call me on the speaking-tube. Then I would go to the phone again, say "Hallo Phil!" to myself, and answer myself in his voice, and Parker would hang up.

  `But I had to work fast. The plan was, simple. I was going to leave the General's car at a garage in Holborn, hurry to Driscoll's flat, and pinch the manuscript. Then I was going to open a window, ransack the flat a bit, and steal a few odd things so that it would look like the work of a burglar. I knew Phil would never be blamed for stealing it from the old man; the old man would never know. The only danger Phil ran was in trying to return it. And, by God! if you think I hesitated to steal from the old man…. I'd pinch his shirt off his back.'

  He took the bottle of whisky from the table and poured out almost half a tumbler. He was growing defiant, and swallowed the drink neat….

  `It sounded good enough. I don't think Phil would ever suspect me. When I got to the flat and found he wasn't there, I had time enough to search. A phone call came from Parker at the Tower while I was searching. I made a mistake by answering it; but I was rattled: Still — later,' he choked a little, `later it. gave an alibi. It was `just before a quarter to two….

  `Listen! I'd tumbled the study about some, because at first I didn't think of looking in the grate. But I did look there, and found it. I wasn't hurrying, because I thought Phil was safely at the Tower: — I examined, it carefully, and put it in my pocket. I was just going on to rumple up the room some more..’ `I turned round; heard a noise or, 'something — I don't know. And there was Phil in the doorway, looking at me. I knew he'd been, standing there, and he'd seen everything.'

  Dalrye's fixed, absent look had turned horrible.

  `You never saw Phil in one of his rages, did you? When he had them, he was a crazy man. He tried to kill a man once, with a penknife, because the man made fun of something he was wearing. He would go what they call — berserk, and he was as dangerous as hell

  `I don't think I've ever heard anybody curse in my life the way he did; then. It was so violent it sounded… I don't know how to describe it… obscene. He had a brown cap, all pulled over one ear. I always knew when he would jump. We'd had boxing-bouts with soft gloves several times; but I stopped sparring with him because I was a better boxer, and when I got' inside his guard too smartly he'd fly off the handle and tell me he wanted to fight with knives. I saw him crouch down. I said, "Phil, for God's sake don't be a fool — " and he was looking round for something and he saw it. It was that crossbow bolt, lying on a low bookcase beside the door. Then he jumped.

  `I tried to dodge aside and get him by the collar, the way you might a charging-dog. But he landed full. We whirled around… I I don't' exactly know what happened. I heard a chair hit the floor. And the next thing I knew we smashed over together, with me on top of him, and I heard a sort of dull crunch…. And just after that…

  `F-Funny,' Dalrye said wildly. `When I was a kid I had a rubber toy once that wheezed and squeaked when you punched it. I thought of that. Because the noise he made was just like that toy, only a hundred times louder, and more horrible. Then there was a kind of hiss and gurgle of the toy getting the air in it again. And he didn't move any more.

  `I got up. He'd driven that bolt into himself, or my falling on him had done it, until the point hit the floor. The back of his head had hit the iron fender when we went over.'

  Dalrye sat back with his hands over his eyes.

  21. Unsolved

  For a moment he could not go on. He reached blindly after the whisky again. Rampole hesitated; and then helped him pour some more.

  `I don't understand,' Dalrye muttered in a dull voice,' `I don't know why he came back..

  `Perhaps,' said Dr Fell, `I can tell you. Sit quietly for a moment, boy, and rest yourself…. Hadley, do you see now?'

  'You mean.?'

  `I mean this. When Driscoll stood there at the Traitors' Gate, at the Tower of London, talking to Mrs Bitton at one-thirty, he remembered something. The recollection of it startled him nearly out of his wits. He said he had to go and attend to it. What did he remember?'

  `Well?' queried Hadley.

  `Think back! He was talking to her, and he mentioned something, about his uncle. That was what made him remember, for his outburst followed it. Think!'

  Hadley sat up suddenly. `My God! it was the afternoon of his uncle's monthly visit to him!'

  .''Exactly. Bitton didn't intend making the call, but Driscoll didn't know that. He'd forgotten that visit. And Bitton had a key to his flat. He would walk in there, and there, in the flat with no attempt to hide them, were the two hats h
e had stolen. That was bad enough. But if Bitton grew suspicious, and searched, and found his manuscript

  Hadley nodded. `He had to get back to his flat to head off Sir William.'

  `He couldn't explain to Laura Bitton, you see. And, if he could, he couldn't take the time. So he did what many another man has done with a woman. He shooed her away and said he would join her in five minutes. Of course, with out any idea of doing it….’

  `And do you see what he did? Remember your plan of the Tower, Hadley. He couldn't walk along Water Lane towards the main gate. That way led only to the way out; he couldn't have pretended an errand, and it would have roused the woman's suspicions. So he went the other way along Water Lane, and out of the other gate to Thames Wharf — unnoticed in the fog. That was at half past one.

  `You yourself told me, Hadley, that by Underground a person could go to Russell Square in fifteen minutes or even less. And it seemed to me, if Mrs Bitton could do it at five o'clock, why couldn't Driscoll have done it at one-thirty? He would arrive at the flat, in short, about ten minutes to two or a trifle later. the time the police surgeon said he died. But, you see, where all your calculations went wrong was in assuming Driscoll had never left the Tower. The possibility never entered your head. I don't think we should have found a warder who saw him go out, even if we had tried, at that side gate. But the thing simply didn't occur to anybody.'

  `But he was found on the Traitors' Gate! I… Never mind,' said Hadley. `Do you feel like going on, Dalrye?'

  `So that was it,' the other said, dully. `I see. I see now. I only thought he might have suspected me….

  `Let me tell you what I did. He was dead. I saw that. And for a second I went into a sheer panic. I saw that I'd committed a murder. I had already prepared the way for a theft, and I was in deeply enough,' but here was a murder. Nobody would believe it had been an accident. And where I made my mistake was this: I thought Driscoll had told them at the Tower he was coming back there! I could only imagine that they knew! And I had already definitely proved that I was at the flat, because I'd spoken to Parker on the telephone. I thought Driscoll had just changed his mind, and returned — and there I was with the body, when everybody knew we were both there.'

  He shuddered.

  `Then my common sense came back all in a rush. I had only one chance. That was to get his body away from this flat, somehow, and dump it somewhere out in the open. Somewhere, say, on the way to the Tower — so that they would think he'd been caught on the way back.

  `And it all came to me in a flash — the car. The car was in that garage, not far away. The day was very foggy. I could get the car and drive it into the courtyard with the side-curtains on. Phil's body was as light as a kitten. There were only two flats on the floor; and the windows overlooking the court were blank ones; with the fog to help me, there wasn't great danger of being seen Dr Fell looked at Hadley. `Quite right. The chief inspector was positive on that point, too, when he was considering how Mrs Bitton could have got out of the flat. I think he remarked that a Red Indian in a war bonnet could have walked out of that court without being observed. It was suggestive.' `Well… ' Again Dalrye rubbed his eyes unsteadily. `I hadn't much time. The thing to do was to save time by shooting over to the garage by the Underground — I could do it, with luck, in two minutes, where it would have taken me ten to walk to get the car, and come back for the body.

  `I don't know what sort of face I put up in front of those garage people. I told them I was going home, rolled out, and shot back to the flat. If I'd been arrested then… ' He swallowed hard. `I took up Phil's body and carried it out. That was a ghastly time; carrying that thing. My God! I nearly fell down those little steps, and I nearly ran his head through the glass door. When I'd got him stowed in the back of the car, under a rug, I was so weak I thought I hadn't any arms. But I had to go back to the flat to be sure I hadn't overlooked anything. And when I looked round, I got an idea. That top-hat. If I took that along, and put it on Phil… why, you see, they would think the Mad Hatter had killed him! Nobody knew who the hat-thief was. I didn't want to get anybody else in trouble, and that way it was perfectly safe…'

  `The chief inspector,' said Dr Fell, 'will have no difficulty understanding you. You needn't elaborate. He had just finished outlining the same idea himself, as being the murderer's line of thought, before you came in. What about the crossbow bolt?'

  'I–I left the bolt… you know where. You see, I'd never seen the damn thing before. I didn't know it came from Bitton's house. I simply assumed it was one of Phil's possessions and couldn't do anybody harm. I didn't see the Souvenir de Carcassonne, because you know why. It was hidden.'

  Dalrye's nostrils grew taut. His hands clenched on his knees and his voice went high. `But one thing I remembered before I left that flat. I remembered that manuscript in my pocket. I might have killed Phil. I might have been the lowest swine on earth, and I was pretty sure I was. But, by God! I wasn't, going to put dirty dollars in my pocket by selling that manuscript to Arbor now. It was in my pocket. I took it out. I was so wild that I was going to tear it up and take a; handful of the pieces along to throw in Bitton's face. But if I tore it up here… oh, well. They'd find the pieces, and there wasn't any use doing Phil dirt, even if I had killed him. I knew I was wasting time, but I touched a match to it and threw it in the grate…. I had the top hat, squashed flat, under my coat, and I thought I'd attended to everything.'

  `You should have put back the fender in its place,' said Dr Fell. '`Nobody, merely searching that flat could have shoved a solid iron fender round the way you did when you had your fight with Driscoll. Well?'

  `Then,' said Dalrye, reaching automatically after the whisky, `then I had the first of my two really horrible shocks. When I was just getting outside' the door of the flat, I ran into the porter. I said, "Ha, ha, or something of the sort, and told him what a good fellow, he was, and for no reason at all I handed him half-a-crown. He walked out to the car with me….'

  `Son,' said Dr Fell, with, a sudden grunt, 'you told an unnecessary lie to-day, and that car gave you away. When you were telling your story to us at the Tower this afternoon, you said you had never taken the car to the flat at all. You said when you left the flat you had to go to the garage and get it, and then start home. Still, I suppose you couldn't say anything else. But when Mr Hadley here explained this evening about your having the car there, as the porter told him.. No matter. Then?'

  `I drove away. I'd put the top-hat on Phil, and stuffed his cap into my pocket. All I had to do was find a side lane somewhere down near the Tower, and pitch him out in the — fog. I didn't bother about fingerprints, for, as God is my judge, I'd never touched that crossbow bolt…. And then, just as I'd laid my plans, and I was getting away from Bloomsbury, do you know what happened?'

  'Yes,' said Hadley. `You met General Mason.'

  `Met him? Met him? Do you think I'd have stopped if I'd seen him? The first thing I knew he'd hopped on the running board, and there he was grinning at me, and saying what a godsend this was, and telling me to get over in the front seat, so that he had room to shove in beside me….

  `I stopped the car dead. I felt as though the whole car started to collapse under me. I tried to move, and my foot, jumped so much on the accelerator that I stalled the car. Then I turned my, head away and glared out of the side as though I were looking at a tyre.

  `Then the car got started somehow. I could hear the General talking, but I don't remember anything he said. He was in a very good humour, I know, and that seemed, to make it worse.

  `I was headed for destruction now I could- see that. We should go straight back to the Tower, and no power this side of hell could change it. Straight back…. Excuse me a second… a drink. Funny this stuff doesn't seem to have any effect… A few drinks, will get, me tight, usually.;

  `I had, during that time, about twenty minutes to think and think hard. I'd thought it must be hours since I'd seen Phil lying there. But when I looked at my watch I couldn't understand
; it was only eight minutes past two. And all the time my brain was going like a machine shop I was talking to the General — I don't know what we talked about. It began to dawn on me that I had one chance. And that if I worked that chance I might have a real alibi… ’

  `You see? If I could get inside the Tower grounds, and dump the body somewhere without detection, no sane person would ever believe I had ridden from town beside General Mason with a corpse in the rear of the car. They would believe, it suddenly dawned on me, that Driscoll had never left the Tower….’

  `I had to nerve myself for one last effort. I told the General about the "fake" telephone call that had lured me away; and I wondered what it was all about… ’

  `Then we were inside the Tower grounds as two-thirty struck. I had calculated it neatly, and I knew the place. If there were nobody else about as we went along Water Lane I knew what I should do. You were quite right, Doctor, in saying that anybody would think of Traitors' Gate as the place to hide a corpse on a foggy day. And this was the place, because I could stop there without suspicion.

  `You see?' Dalrye demanded, leaning forward eagerly. `I had to let the General out opposite the, gate to the Bloody Tower. I waited until he was well up under the archway on his way to the King's House, and then I acted. I opened the rear door, tossed the body over the rail, and was back in the car in a second, driving on….

  `But, my God! I cut it fine! The General, on his way up, remembered an errand or something in St Thomas's Tower, and he discovered the body. That — that's about all, sir. There's — there's only one other thing. With this terrible thing over me, I'd forgotten about the money Phil had the money I owed to…. Well, I'd forgotten it, anyway. When the General sent me after the doctor, and the rest of it, I had to go up to my room to get something to steady my nerves. The reaction was too much. There was a letter on my table. I don't remember opening it; I don't even know why I opened it. I found myself standing with a brandy and soda in my hand, and the letter in front of my face. The letter said,' suddenly Dalrye gagged, as though he were swallowing medicine, `the letter said, "Don't worry any more about it. It's paid. Don't mention this to my brother, and don't be such a quixotic young fool again." It was signed Lester Bitton.'