The Torn, Book One of the Holding Kate Series

by Cole, LaDonna

  “Now, I am a stranger to you. I know you have so many questions for Corey, and I am exhausted.” She placed wavering hands on the arms of her chair. “Corey, darling, could you help me to bed?”

  “Of course.” He jumped up, lifted her into his arms and turned to me. “I’ll be right back.” Then he carried Taylia into an adjoining room.

  I put my head into my hands and concentrated on steadying my breathing. A few minutes later, I felt Corey’s hands on my shoulders, gently massaging the tension away. I straightened up and shrugged his hands away.

  “Don’t.” I whispered and pushed away from the table. I put some distance between us by crossing the room to stand in front of a window formed of braided branches. I pressed my arm against my stomach and rested my other elbow in my hand and massaged my forehead. “So. Married.”

  He stepped toward me and I turned my palm to him. “No.” I stepped back. “She, Taylia, is your wife?”

  He nodded.

  “She’s…she’s amazing.” I threw my hands into the air and let them fall to my sides.

  Corey nodded again. The silence was killing me.

  I collapsed on the sofa and Corey gently lowered himself into the chair opposite me. I studied his face, trying to find my Corey boy in the crease lines of this stranger. It was there, in the eyes. I suddenly felt as old as the man across from me.

  “Donnie said you left Jewel City because you couldn’t acclimate to the culture. I thought maybe you would wait for me.” He started to speak, but I held up my hand. “I know. It’s fine. I am glad you weren’t alone. I want your life to be happy and full. I am just being selfish.”

  “You were supposed to be here.” Corey’s voice was low. “I have lived 212 years with the guilt that I never should have walked away from you that day. I should have taken you back to camp with me. I should have fought for you.”

  “There was no need to fight, Corey. I was already in love with you. I have…”

  “…loved you for a thousand years,” he finished and his intense gaze pierced my heart. “When I realized it was Eunavae’s jump and you weren’t here…I knew I had to do whatever I could to see her through it. It was my fault you weren’t here.”

  “Why did I need to be here for Pinky’s jump?”

  “You had the key.”

  “The key?”

  “There was a fire. Actually, Eunavae started it. She was so angry in those early years. She was trapped by the fire of her own creation. We couldn’t get to her. She had accidentally locked herself in. When I saw the iron lock, I knew your key would have opened it. She was burned badly.”

  He put his head into his hands. “It was my fault. The jump had failed. We were stuck here and Eunavae was scarred beyond recognition. She refused Kail’s love and he eventually turned to someone else. I had heard of a medication made from the Sonphreua trees here in the forest that would diminish scars. So, I brought her here.”

  “We settled with the Darchori to learn their medicines. They took us in and welcomed us as family. We started a small hospital. Eventually, the chief of the tribe insisted that I was the Cianti Todura, and that I required all the benefits of that title. One of the requirements was that I would have to marry his daughter, Taylia.”

  “I had no hope of ever returning home, I knew the jump had failed, and we were stuck here. Taylia was beautiful, but heartbroken over losing her true love in an accident. We became close friends, sharing in each other’s pain. We were very honest about our feelings. She knew I would never love her the way I have always loved you. I knew her heart belonged elsewhere.”

  “When Eunavae fell in love and married, I felt somehow released from my guilt. If she—whose jump this was—could move on, then I needed to accept we were never going home. I had to accept that you were lost to me forever. I accepted the chief’s offer and we were married within the week. That was nearly 45 years ago. I have watched Taylia grow old while I stayed relatively young. I haven’t changed much at all in the last 50 years. But she…she…” His face was drawn in unspeakable sadness.

  I was horrified by his story. I was to blame! Not Corey. I was the one who didn’t go back to the cabin. I was the one who missed the jump. I was the one who infected his heart so deeply that he could not find happiness in this world. I was to blame that darling Taylia was never loved by her husband of 45 years. I was the monster, the villain in his story, and he was too poisoned to even realize it.

  I had to get out of here. I had to hurt Corey so deeply that it would sever my toxic hold on him. So he could give himself to…what? An old dying woman? Gah! What a freakin’ mess!

  I jumped up. “I have to get out of here.” I walked in a circle trying to remember where the door was.

  “No!” Corey strode to me and grabbed my arms. “No! I won’t let you go, ever again.” I looked into his face and my heart swelled with love. Passion burned from his eyes and love so true and pure it pierced the panic. He leaned in to kiss me and dear god, I wanted him. I wanted him to kiss away this nightmare, to take me as his own. I loved him, unspeakable love.

  “Noooo!” I moaned and pushed him away.

  He wouldn’t let go of me. “Kate, I love you. Please, Taylia knows my heart has always been yours. She even told me to make things right with you, to not feel constrained by our arrangement.”

  “So, you think because your WIFE has given you permission to… what? Date me? That I am supposed to just fall into your arms?” My voice cracked. “NO!” I wrenched free of his hold. “No. I won’t be your affair! I won’t be the other woman! How could you even ask that of me?”

  “Never!” Corey was shocked. “You have never been the other woman. You are the only woman!”

  The words were beautiful and perfect and so wrong. I shuddered from desire and despair. Sorrow swelled to choke me and my body betrayed me with trembling as I staggered back from him. “There is an amazing, sweet and beautiful woman in the other room that proves that statement to be false. There is a tree full of your children with her that prove that is false!” I cried, hot tears spilling down my face.

  “You were NEVER my Corey! You are her Corey. Now, stop this silly crush and be to her what you promised. Her husband. Completely! Fully committed to HER!” I spun in a circle, glancing around the room. “Now tell me how to get out of here!”

  “She is stunning.” Taylia stood at the door to her room watching my tirade. “In the midst of her greatest heartbreak, she only thinks of you, your wellbeing and my feelings.”

  Corey nodded. “I told you she would take it this way.”

  I looked back and forth between them, frustrated by their words. I shifted my feet and wrapped my arms around my middle to quail the nausea that rose at the evidence of their intimacy with one another.

  “Perhaps you were not convincing enough,” Taylia suggested. “You did kiss her?”

  “No, she wouldn’t let me.”

  “As you predicted,” Taylia smiled. Corey nodded. I grimaced. “Her love for you is overwhelming; I can even feel her attraction for you from over here. Give her a few days, she will not be able to resist you for long.”

  Corey turned wistful eyes on me. “She is stronger than you know.”

  “No woman can resist the man she loves if he is persistent.”

  I wiped my tears, gathered my courage and threw my shoulders back. “I am going to walk through that door.” I pointed to the one I guessed was the exit. “I am going to stay with Pinky. Evidently, I owe her a great debt.” I pierced Corey with a stern gaze. “You! You are going to stay here and not come near me again.”

  He made a movement toward me. “STOP!” I held up my hand. “I mean it! Don’t come near me. Don’t talk to me. Don’t look at me.” I knew Taylia was right. I would cave if he had even one more chance to persuade me. Even now, as determined as I was to save Corey and Taylia’s marriage, the only thing I wanted was his arms around me and his lips on mine.

  He tilted his head in exasperation.

  “St
ay!” I held my palm out to block him and moved warily toward the door. “Taylia, it was a pleasure to meet you. You are the amazing one.” I squeezed her hand as I moved passed her filling that gesture with all of the apology I could. I had ruined her life. I would never be able to repay her.

  I pressed my back against the door and reached behind me for the knob. I gazed at Corey one last moment, memorizing his face, his eyes, the look of love, then turned and fled out of the door into the tree city, leaving him behind me forever.

  I stumbled through the tree city blind from tears and sick from my heart being wrenched from my chest. I had no idea where I was. It all looked the same, branch, leaf, vine. Faces blurred before me, expressions of pity or curiosity all mingled into one face, a stranger’s face.

  I ran through the streets trying to find somewhere to be alone, people were everywhere. I finally found an empty branch and climbed high enough to be hidden from view and wept. I wept for lost love and loveless marriages. I cried for scarred skin and blind eyes. I cried for lips that would never touch mine again. I cried for my mother’s pain when my daddy left her for the other woman. How distinctly I could relate to her now. I cried until I had no more tears, and then I cried some more.

  Gradually, I began to realize a song had been running through my mind—the song from the Scriptorium. The one I had sung on the trail was playing over and over. I began to listen to the words and think about them.

  Hold me close, fly with me

  Across immortal portals free.

  Fall into the lover’s sea.

  With lips so full of worship.

  I closed my eyes and saw Corey strapped beside me falling through the air, laughing tumbling, a forever flight of perfect peace. I realized there was another presence. Was the voice with us, even then? This benevolent deity, was he singing this love song to me?

  I will hold you for all time.

  Come and press your heart to mine.

  With my promise on your breast

  I live in your nearness.

  I had heard my Grammy say countless times that God lives in the praises of his people. Was this some way of saying that God was always with me, holding me? Even in this heartbroken moment, I did not feel alone. I felt—held.

  Hold me fast, come let’s go

  Where fireflies bask in afterglow.

  My kiss enfolds the tender soul

  In bliss so full of worship.

  I thought this verse was about physical intimacy, but now it seemed to mean something more. Something bigger. I wasn’t sure what it meant, but strangely I was comforted by the song and the presence that seemed to linger in it. I wiped my face and drew in a shuddering breath, a cleansing breath, full of hope.

  A young boy stopped beneath my tree. He turned his head back and forth looking for someone. I dropped down beside him and smiled.

  “Kate?” he asked me.

  “Yes,” I nodded.

  “I am Jacek. The Cianti Todura sent me to escort you to Eunavae’s house.”

  “Thank you, Jacek.” He held out his hand to indicate the way we should go. I fell into step beside him. “How did you find me?”

  “I followed from the Medical School.” He smiled sheepishly. “I lost you in this area. I searched all the paths and decided to come back here. It is good I did.”

  “It is good.” I smiled.

  “I am so glad to meet you, Kate. I have heard the Great Love stories my whole life, and it is like meeting a dream.”

  “Oh. Thank. You.” I didn’t know how to respond to that.

  “You are as beautiful as Father described.”

  “Oh, Corey is your…your father?” My heart; nothing but shattered pieces left, what was one more crunch?

  “He is the father. We are all grateful for his adoption.”

  “Adoption? You aren’t his flesh and blood?”

  Jacek frowned at me. “You are the Kate of a Thousand Years?” He asked.

  “Yes,” I said in a small voice, worried that I had somehow offended him.

  “You should know the answer to that then, Kate of a Thousand Years.”

  I didn’t say anything more. I had no idea what he was talking about, but one thing I was going to have to hear, and very soon, were these Great Love stories. Just what had Corey told them about me?

  We arrived at Eunavae’s house and Jacek left me on the door step. I called ‘bye’ to him and turned as the door flew open. “There you are! I was so worried.” Corey stood there with his face etched into worry lines. “You can’t run off like that anymore.” He pulled me into the house and I shrugged him off of me.

  “What are you doing here?” I hissed.

  “I came to bring you this.” He held up the Tondo scale that I had left beside my plate. He had strung it on a chain. He stepped forward, hesitated, and then gingerly draped it around my neck. “And to visit with my friends.”

  “Oh.” I looked down at the scale and held my breath. Just the captivating scent of him melted my resolve. I inched around him, giving the strained and intense magnetism a wide berth, then moved into the house.

  “There she is! Good.” Pinky walked to me and embraced me.

  “Can you see me?” I asked.

  “Yes, a bit. Mostly I can hear you.” She smiled. “Have you eaten?”

  “No, she hasn’t,” Corey answered.

  Pinky steered me to the table and pushed me into a chair. “We have so much to catch up on.”

  Corey sat down across from me. I frowned at him. It was going to be hard to keep up this shunning campaign if he didn’t give me some space. My hands twitched to reach for his as it rested just a few inches away. I placed mine in my lap and squeezed them into submission.

  I glanced back at Corey and saw a little half smile on his lips. I scowled.

  Pinky placed an enormous sandwich in front of me. “You two can share that right?” She set a flask of amber fluid between us.

  “Tonight is the festival of Tondo. You will be expected to be there,” Corey said.

  “I will make sure she is there.” Pinky rested her hands on the back of the chair beside me. “All of them.”

  “What will I have to do?” I was a little worried. I was a murderer of a baby Tondo and I didn’t think I would be welcome.

  “Just come. Listen. Do what your heart tells you to do.” Corey’s searching gaze pinned me and I felt color rise in my cheeks. I didn’t think he was talking about the festival anymore.

  I nibbled on the sandwich, not hungry. How can I eat after a day like this?

  Trip, Tara, and Donnie came in with Pinky’s husband. They all had their scales on similar chains around their necks. I thought we looked like hip hop stars with bling-bling.

  “Oh, so they found you, huh?” Tara exclaimed and sat down beside me.

  Trip grabbed my sandwich and took a big bite. “Mmm, good,” he said with a stuffed mouth.

  Corey watched us carefully. He didn’t know that we were just friends, I realized. That conversation had been in my beautiful delusion. Honestly, it really wasn’t his business anymore, but something inside of me wanted to ease his pain. How can he still be worried about that after all this time?

  “Tara, did you and Trip have any alone time this afternoon?” I asked.

  Corey listened intently.

  “Mmmmhhmmm.” She snatched a veggie off of my plate. “We stole a few kisses on the veranda earlier.” She beamed at Trip.

  He blushed and snapped his eyes to gauge mine. This really wasn’t our regular type of conversation. I felt heat rise to my cheeks and looked away.

  Corey’s eyes met mine and his jaw clenched. He raised an eyebrow. Penetrating emotion sliced through my resolve. I felt him press his foot against the side of mine and I was trapped in his gaze.

  A refrain pulsed through my head, “Fall into the lover’s sea, with lips so full of worship.” Corey’s eyes were the lover’s sea, for me anyway. I could dive in their cerulean depths for an eternity. Oh. Wait. Been there done th
at.

  “Okay, well, all of you need to clear out.” Pinky shooed them. “I need to have a heart to heart with Kate.” She gave Corey a knowing look. He nodded ever so slightly.

  What now?

  They all finished off parts of my sandwich and traipsed out the back. I could hear them laughing and talking about old times in Jewel City. I felt a pang of empathy for Trip. He must be feeling as weird as I am.

  “Okay, Pinky. What’s up?”

  “First, don’t call me Pinky.” She shuddered. “Second, there are certain things you need to know.” She grabbed the flask and sauntered into the sitting room.

  “Okay,” I scooped up the glasses and followed her.

  “I don’t know what has gotten into you over Corey, but I thought you loved him.”

  “I do!” I said defensively.

  “Then show it.”

  “He’s a married man!”

  “He is no more married than you. No one thinks of him and Taylia as married. I mean, gah, look how old she is!”

  “You should talk!” I smiled.

  “Touché,” she laughed.

  “They were married in law only. There has never been any consummation of their marriage.”

  “What?” My eyes popped. “They have been married for 45 years. They have a tree full of children!”

  Pinky frowned. “No they don’t, idiot! Those kids were all orphaned over the years, and Corey and Taylia took them in and trained them in the Medical Arts.”

  “Aht!” I was flummoxed.

  “He has had women from all over the world woo him. For two hundred years I have seen the most exotic, wealthy and beautiful women come after him. He has never shown interest in any of them. He has never been able to get over the Thousand Year love affair.” She sipped her amber liquid. “I mean what is 45 years compared to that? I think he only married Taylia to stop the relentless pursuers.”

  I didn’t know what to say.

  “Now, I don’t care if you are still in love with him or not, but you have to go along with it for as long as we are here.”