Mint Cookie Murder

by Leslie Langtry

"I don't think you get it," I snickered.

  "No, really, I do. I'm just not 12 anymore." He frowned.

  I wiped my eyes and stared at him. "You're really pissed that this guy ditched you, aren't you?" I hadn't realized he was so insecure. Men's egos are so fragile it's ridiculous.

  Riley nodded. "Yes. I'm really pissed that I lost him."

  I blinked, my laughter gone. "Huh. Okay. Well, so what? We'll find him."

  "I think it was the cookies," he said, staring off in the distance.

  "Whoa. What?" I felt the laughter bubbling back up my throat. "You're blaming the cookies?"

  He nodded. "Yes. Clearly eating that chemical crap messed with my endurance."

  "You're serious?" I asked. "Well you just bought a case of every flavor, so you have to live with that."

  He turned toward me. "No, I didn't! I'm not buying any cookies!"

  "Already took the money out of your Swiss bank account," I answered. And I had. I just wasn't going to tell him yet. Oh, well.

  "When the hell did you do that?" Riley roared.

  I shrugged. "You shouldn't leave your laptop open while you shower."

  Riley fumed as he threw the car into drive and roared out of the testicul-de-sack. It was an epic moment that I'm sure was completely lost on him.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Riley didn't talk to me for two whole hours. But that was okay because I started getting a wave of texted cookie orders from Maria. I could barely keep up as I wrote them down. Wow. These spies were serious about junk food. One guy we'd nicknamed Herman the Worm (you don't want to know) ordered 200 boxes.

  The crazy thing was how they were paying for the cookies. While a couple had given Maria PayPal account emails and two actually gave credit card numbers, others were giving me overseas account numbers that were clearly not legal. Spies. Yeesh. It took me the whole two hours to catalog the orders and remove the funds. If this kept up, I'd need an accountant.

  When all was said and done, I'd sold 843 boxes. Not bad for one afternoon. My troop was on their way to winter sniper camp!

  I called Rex, and he offered to take a cookie form to the office to sell for me. He promised me I'd make a ton of sales. I agreed with him because I adored him, but honestly, he'd never measure up to what I'd done in one afternoon. Still, it's the thought that counts. I toyed with putting Angela down for a case or two, but decided against it. She didn't deserve Girl Scout Cookies.

  "One more thing," Rex said. "I'd like you to meet Angela. Can you join us for dinner tomorrow night?"

  Join them? Like they were a them already? My mood plummeted. Great. He'd have a chance to compare the two of us side-by-side, and guess who'd be on the losing end of this event? Me. I couldn't compete with that.

  "Sure," I lied. "Can't wait to meet her!" I hoped my lack of enthusiasm didn't come through…too much.

  "Great! I'm glad you two will get to meet," Rex said. I did not share his excitement.

  "So do you want me to just walk over to your house?" I asked. It made sense that we'd go together.

  "No. I have a meeting across town. Why don't you just meet the two of us at Selby's Steakhouse? I'll make reservations for 7:00."

  "Fine," I said before hanging up. I wasn't going with him. No chance to present us as a couple because we'd be arriving together. Now they were even more of a them. I was going stag as a tagalong on his date.

  If Riley heard the despair in my voice, he didn't show it. Maybe that was for the best. I didn't really feel like talking about it. Instead I just moped around the house, trying not to picture Rex and Angela's wedding…their children…retiring in their golden years…

  As it grew darker outside, I turned the lights out in the kitchen so we could see better. It also would make it harder for Hoodie to see us. Riley quietly made us a couple of salads and to my grudging regret, I had to admit they were good.

  We spent the rest of the evening sitting quietly in the kitchen, watching. I gave up on worrying about my relationship with Rex and decided instead to focus on the only relationship I had—with my cat. Something was bothering me about Bobb wanting the dead body of my pet.

  "I've been thinking—" I said quietly. No point in giving Hoodie Bobb a chance of hearing us too. "—about why he wants the cat. We had him tested for a microchip, didn't we?"

  Riley nodded. "Dr. Rye didn't find anything." He didn't seem mad at me anymore, but you never truly know with spies.

  "That's not true," I said. "He felt some sort of anomaly and said it was probably just a fatty tumor or something."

  "Right. I'd forgotten about that." Riley was paying full attention now. "So maybe there's something in the cat that Bobb wants."

  "Like a different kind of microchip," I answered. I didn't have to explain to Riley. He knew that the CIA used all kinds of technology that wouldn't be picked up by regular scanning. I even knew a spy in Eastern Europe who hid info inside of squash.

  "It could be something that incriminates Bobb," Riley mused.

  "Or something of Lenny's," I said. "Let's not forget that the cat and the prisoner showed up at my house at the same time."

  Riley shook his head. "Lenny was in prison. He couldn't have had a cat."

  I shrugged. "Who knows? Maybe he had it before he went in? Maybe he was bringing it to me for safekeeping?"

  "He didn't even know you. Lenny never worked with you," Riley said.

  "Well, he got here somehow. He could've picked up the cat after the escape."

  "And Bobb was sent to retrieve it?" Riley asked.

  "Maybe someone had put a hit out on Philby?" I wondered. "It wouldn't be the first time someone's pet wound up on a hit list. Don't forget that mynah bird in Budapest or the yak in Mongolia." Animals turned up as targets all the time. It really didn't seem quite fair.

  "Damn," Riley swore. "That means we should bust Philby out tonight and get him to the safe house." He looked thoughtful for a moment. "I can't believe I just said that. Never in my career would I have ever had the need to say that."

  I nodded. "Bobb might come back here, but he also might have figured out that Philby is at the vet's." This depressed me. I wanted my cat to be safe. Wait, did I just call him my cat?

  Riley let out a long sigh. "Well, get suited up. We're going to break into an animal clinic."

  * * *

  Which is how, an hour later, we found ourselves in an alley behind the clinic, dressed all in black.

  "I haven't seen anyone inside," Riley said. "They've all gone home."

  "I can't imagine they'd come back tonight. Unless they have meds to give every two hours or something."

  Riley nodded. "We should go now. Just in case."

  I grabbed my lock picks and climbed out of the car. It was very dark in the alley, which was good, because I didn't want to get busted for something like this. I slid my two tools into the lock and worked carefully with my eyes closed, while Riley kept watch. I worked better with my eyes closed in the dark because then I could focus all my senses on what I felt and heard through the lock. A few twists and turns, and we were in.

  Riley closed the door behind us, and we broke out the flashlights.

  "Do they have an alarm?" I whispered.

  "I don't see a keypad. But then, who'd want to steal animals?" Riley asked. I wondered if he saw the irony in those words, since that's exactly what we were here to do.

  We didn't turn the lights on because if someone was outside watching, they'd see it. Our small flashlights didn't light things up beyond a few feet, so we were pretty blind. We were in some kind of room for cleaning supplies, and the smell of bleach was overbearing. There was one door against the opposite wall. That had to be the way in.

  We entered into a hallway. I went first and froze as soon as I stepped in. A light was on at one end.

  "It's just the lights we saw in the front area when we pulled in," Riley whispered in my ear. For some reason, the intimacy of his breath made me shiver.

  "Right. That should just be the fron
t desk and waiting area," I whispered back.

  We'd remembered most of the area we'd been in earlier. The building was basically a long rectangle. Reception at one end and the exam rooms down the hallway. We'd guessed that the animals were boarded at the other end.

  Still, we checked each exam room as we went, just to make sure no one was still here. We didn't have a lot of time, but we didn't want to risk discovery. Riley checked one room while I checked the next, and so on.

  I noticed several cat and dog calendars—one in each room. "I wonder if this would be considered veterinarian porn," I asked.

  "Do you have sex on your mind for some reason, Wrath?" I couldn't see Riley, but I could hear him smiling as he said this. Okay, this was a change.

  "No," I said as I felt myself blushing. But in all honesty, the answer was yes, now. Riley looked and smelled great. And there was an adrenaline rush with breaking and entering. I tried to ignore my feelings and focus on what we were here to do.

  After checking the four exam rooms, we came to a door at the end of the hallway. This had to be it. Very slowly I turned the knob, and together we stepped inside.

  The smell of urine, feces, and bleach was strong. I guess I should've expected this. There wasn't a single window. Our flashlight seemed to be swallowed by the darkening gloom, and the room looked like it went on forever.

  "This will take a while," I whispered. Immediately a cacophony of barking drowned out all other noise.

  I felt Riley's hand on my shoulder. It was heavy and warm. The smell of his shampoo briefly cut through the rank odor. "I'm sure the neighbors are used to hearing this. Don't panic."

  I nodded, even though he couldn't have seen it. "So how do we find Philby in here?"

  Riley didn't say a word. He just shone his flashlight on cage after cage. There were dozens. But each and every one seemed to have a dog in it. At the other end of the room was another door.

  "Maybe this is just dogs?" I asked softly.

  Riley's flashlight lit up the door. "Then that must be cats."

  We made it through the gauntlet of barking and slipped into the other room. A wave of ammonia overwhelmed us. Definitely the cat room.

  Unlike the dogs, the cats made no sound at all. And there were just as many cages in here. The dogs stopped barking in the other room. At least that was good. But how to find Philby fast?

  "Do you hear that?" Riley whispered.

  Oh yeah. I heard it. Police sirens. And they were coming this way. We definitely tripped some alarm.

  "We've got to hurry," Riley said in his normal voice. His flashlight swept the cages but unlike the dogs who all came over to us, the cats remained huddled like dark lumps in the backs of each cage. "What now?" he asked.

  I had an idea. "Bobb!" I shouted.

  A familiar hiss came from the cage at the end on the right. Philby's eyes glowed as he waited for us to come spring him. Good kitty. I fiddled with the cage latch, and the cat sprang into my arms, which would've been adorable had he not been so heavy. I fell backwards, crashing to the floor with the feline equivalent of a medicine ball on my chest.

  "Quit screwing around!" hissed Riley. "We really need to go. Now!"

  As I got to my feet, Philby under my right arm, I scanned the room for windows. There were none. Great. We'd have to go halfway across the building to get back to the one door to get out of here. I wondered if the fire marshal knew about this.

  Riley was dragging me and the cat out of the room and down the hallway. The sirens stopped. Normally, that would be a good thing. But since they stopped right outside, I knew it wasn't.

  We ran through the dog kennel, causing every dog to start barking like maniacs. Well, at least the police knew we were still here. Would Rex break up with me for breaking Philby out of the clink?

  I spotted shadows at the reception end of the building, and Riley and I dove into the last exam room. We'd almost made it. Well, not really, but I needed to believe we could've escaped.

  "What now?" I whispered.

  Riley looked around frantically, but there weren't any windows in here either. What was with this place? I seriously needed to have a chat with Dr. Rye if he was going to continue to be our vet.

  We got down on the floor behind the exam table. Doors were slamming in the distance, followed by someone shouting, "Clear!" They were going room to room. I didn't think they'd overlook checking ours. For a moment I actually wondered if we could tunnel out. You know, like in those cartoons where the mouse burrows through a wall in two seconds, leaving a perfectly shaped oval in the wall? Okay, so ours would have to be people-sized and wide enough for Philby, but hey, it was something. No, it wasn't. We were screwed.

  It sounded like the whole police force out there. I guess there wasn't much else for them to do. It was a reasonably quiet town. This was like Christmas to them.

  "Sorry, Wrath," Riley whispered in my ear.

  "Why are you sorry? Both of us got into this," I whispered back. We were crammed together on the floor. He smelled nice—what was my obsession with his shampoo? Philby, on the other hand, did not smell nice. He was getting a bath when we got home. Did you give cats baths?

  "It was a stupid idea," Riley whispered back. "I've made much better decisions than this in my career." He sounded sad. I didn't like it.

  "I know you have. So have I. You just can't win them all, I guess," I replied softly.

  The door flew open, and we held our breaths as if that would actually work. It didn't. Officer Kevin Dooley, a doofus I went to high school with, came around the corner of the exam table and switched on the light.

  I sketched a little wave. "Hi, Kevin. We just came to get our cat."

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Rex did not look happy. Riley, Philby, and I were sitting in his office, while on the other side of the closed door we could see him talking to Dr. Rye through the window. In fact, there were several windows. On an inside office. I wanted to rub that in the vet's face, but decided this might not be the right time.

  Riley was on the phone with the CIA, trying to get them to deal with this. I just sat there thinking I'd nailed the last nail in the coffin on my relationship with Rex. Angela won. I doubt she ever got in trouble for breaking in to steal a cat that looked like a murderous dictator. Stupid, perfect, law-abiding Angela.

  The date was probably off. I'd heard when we were being arrested that witnesses had spotted us breaking in. Great. It was probably some old lady with nothing to do but pursue her healthy interest in conspiracies.

  Rex shook hands with Dr. Rye, and the vet left. Rex opened the door, closing it right behind him.

  "Dr. Rye isn't going to press charges." Rex said as he sat down at his desk. "For some reason, he thinks you just really missed your cat." He handed me back the vet's phone number that I'd given up when we surrendered. He didn't even thank me for making his job easier.

  "So we can go?" Riley asked, standing up. I joined him.

  Rex scratched the back of his head. "Can I have a moment with Ms. Wrath?" Uh-oh. He used my formal name.

  Riley nodded and left the room extremely quickly. Traitor.

  We both watched the door close and the latch click. That was the quietest it was going to be.

  "What the hell were you thinking?" Rex tried to restrain himself, which I thought was nice. But there was a definite tone in his voice.

  "Sorry." I meant it. "But I've got this assassin chasing me, and it occurred to us that he was after Philby, and we were worried about the cat, because why would the bad guy want him alive, so we went to rescue him." I let out a long breath.

  Rex blinked like a goldfish. "From the Lenny Smith thing? You have an assassin chasing you for that? Why didn't you tell me? I could've helped."

  I shook my head. "Your captain gave the case back to Riley and the agency, remember? Besides, I didn't want to bother you."

  Rex stood up and started pacing. "Bother me? You didn't want to bother me? Someone is trying to kill you, and you didn't want to bother
me?" Okay, he was getting a little angry now. I decided to keep silent.

  Finally, Rex sat on the front of his desk, inches from me. "You need to tell me everything. I can't have you running around town, dressed in black, scaring little old ladies."

  Aha! It was a little old lady! Score one for me.

  "Okay," I said.

  Rex thought for a moment. "You didn't have anything to do with bullet holes and blood showing up at the grocery store the other night, did you?"

  "Um…" I said slowly as if it could possibly give me enough time to come up with an answer.

  Rex shook his head and held out his hand for me to stop. "Never mind. You're just going to have to add that to telling me everything."

  Riley tapped on the glass of the door with a look that asked when I'd get to go.

  "Look," Rex said. "I've got to work late to clear all this up. Go home, and I'll call you tomorrow. Okay?"

  I nodded and snagged Philby, who was chewing on a plant on the floor.

  "Oh," Rex said, causing me to stop. "Don't tell Angela any of this tomorrow night. It's important to me that you impress her."

  My shoulders slumped. He wanted to impress her…with his friend Merry Wrath. Great.

  "I won't." I walked out of his office, and it kind of felt like I was also walking out of his life.

  Riley and I were exhausted and decided to just take Philby back to my house instead of to the yarn shop. We smuggled the cat in Riley's jacket as best we could, but if Bobb was looking closely he'd probably know. We checked the house and the cement grave outside but found no evidence of a break-in or tampering. I put out some fresh cat food we picked up on the way for Philby and tossed the old stuff. It was poisoned. I should've sent it to a lab of some sort, but the vet had the info, and it didn't really matter anyway.

  Riley kept looking at me strangely. I knew he was freaked out about getting caught. He probably blamed that on me too. Why not?

  "I'm going to bed," I said dully as I scooped up Philby and staggered a little under his weight.

  "Okay," Riley said. "I'll stay here in the living room and keep an eye on things."