Hell, Fire & Freedom (Fighting for Freedom)

by Callahan, Shannon

  “Well, I’m glad I get to reap the benefits,” I say with a smile.

  We eat dinner quietly, and I enjoy the first time a man has ever cooked for me. The lasagna is incredible, and I tell him so. It’s a quarter to eight by the time we finish so we settle onto the couch after he promises me he needs no help with the dishes.

  “I’m really glad you came out tonight. I’m sorry for scaring you off at the pool. It wasn’t fair to put you on the spot like that,” he says. I look up into his eyes, and I can see the hurt my lies are causing him. I make a decision I’m sure I’m going to regret, but I need to know before I put any more time into this that he’s not going to leave when he learns the truth. I knot my hands together and watch my fingers as they twist nervously.

  “I married when I was seventeen. It didn’t take long before the abuse started. I took it all until a few months ago. Marie and I made a run for it, and we came to New York because it was on the opposite side of the country. I wanted to set a good example for her and do everything possible to make sure she was safe, so I pressed charges, filed for divorce, and we changed our names.” I look over at Blaze, and to my surprise, his face is full of anger. I jump up from the couch and move away from him quickly.

  “Shit, Brynn, I’m sorry. I’m not mad at you, I swear, and you have to know I would never, ever lay a hand on you in anger. Any time I touch you, it’s because I want it to feel good. I want you to feel the way you make me feel just by looking at you,” he says, coming over to me and holding my hand. “I’m angry at the thought that some piece of shit terrified you and hurt you for so long. I’m trying to convince myself that if I went to jail for murder, I’d never be able to see you again, and that’s just not worth it to me. But Brynn, I’m a man, a real man, and I want to hurt him for what he’s done to you. I want him to know what a coward he is.”

  “It’s okay, Blaze, really. I’m fine. My divorce is final, he’s being brought up on charges, and he can’t leave the state. Marie and I are safe now, and that’s all that matters,” I tell him.

  “It’s not all that matters, beautiful. It’s just not. What did that bastard do to you?”

  He’s getting really upset and emotional, and I’m starting to get a little scared. On the flip side of the coin, he keeps calling me beautiful, and every time he does, my heart skips a beat. My mind’s being pulled in two different directions, and I can’t trust myself to make the right decisions right now.

  “I really should be getting back. Marie will be home soon.”

  “I’m sorry, Brynn. I really am. I swear I’m not angry with you. I just … I guess I’m not processing this very well, am I? You are perfection to me, in every sense of the word. You deserve to be cherished, and loved, not beaten and broken. You never have to worry about that with me,” he promises.

  “Why me, Blaze? Why me, though? You could have any girl you wanted, so why are you fighting so hard for the damaged goods? I really like you, but I just feel like this is going to be too much for you. Hell, sometimes it’s too much for me. I don’t want to push you away, but I don’t want to lie to you either. I’m broken. I can’t even believe I let you do what you did to me today, but I know you’re never going to want to again. Can’t you see, he poisoned me, inside and out?”

  He remains horrified, so I continue, “I’ve had over a dozen broken bones in the last five years. Maybe more, but I’ve never been allowed to see a doctor for them, so really it was just a guessing game based on how much pain I was in compared to previous beatings. Before then, though? I wasn’t anything special either. I grew up in a trailer park with an alcoholic mother where I raised my sister on my own. The only love I’ve ever known has been from her. You grew up in a family with a mother and a father who loved you. You never had to worry about your next meal, or how you were going to afford to keep the heat on in the winter. We come from two separate worlds, Blaze. Did it suck for me? Yes. But I’m here now, I have Marie back now, and we are both doing well.

  Take your time, think about it, but please remember, this is my life now, and I don’t want to keep reliving the past. I’m done with it, and quite frankly, I’d love to just be able to forget it ever happened. I appreciate you hating Carl for hurting me, but it doesn’t help me move on either. I’m damaged goods, and that’s something I can never change. I can’t blame you if you walk away now, but I just don’t want a constant reminder that I’ll always be broken.”

  I watch him as he cringes through each sentence I manage to choke out. I know I’m infuriatingly impossible, but if he doesn’t know it all, he could break my heart later. I’d rather get it over with now.

  Chapter 11

  I wake the next morning thankful that it’s the weekend, and I don’t have to get out of bed today. I turn away from the bright light streaming through my window and think back to last night. Nothing was really resolved. I was almost late getting home in time for Marie, and short of him driving me back and a quick kiss on the forehead, nothing else was said or done to prove that I was worth fighting for. So much for romance novels.

  I had myself composed by the time Marie walked through the door, and when she asked how it went, I just said well—he cooked and we talked. I’m really not even sure if he’s ever going to talk to me again, and that thought absolutely kills me. Hopefully we can at least stay friends, because I don’t want anyone coming in and out of Marie’s life. I just can’t understand how the night could have started so well, and ended so badly, though. Leave it to me.

  I roll out of bed to find Marie still isn’t awake. I grab some eggs and milk from the fridge and start to make some cinnamon French toast. Marie still hasn’t gained much weight since our last doctor’s appointment, even though I’ve been trying. She swims so much, I’m really not sure how it’s possible. At least she takes her supplements religiously.

  I finish the French toast and notice the map and phone numbers Blaze left for Marie last night. It would be so easy to just pick up the phone and see what he’s thinking.

  Ugh, you know what he’s thinking, Brynn. He’s a hot firefighter, with an incredible body, a beautiful house he built himself, and to top it all off, he’s unbelievably smart. What does he want with a beat up, trailer trash waitress who has a psychotic ex-husband? Talk about baggage.

  I stick the piece of paper into a drawer. Out of sight, out of mind, right? Marie comes stumbling out of her room.

  “I smelled something good; what are you making?” she asks, wiping the sleep from her eyes.

  “French toast. I was going to bring you breakfast in bed, but since you’re already here …” I say sprinkling on some powdered sugar and handing her breakfast to her.

  “This looks delicious,” she says, taking a huge bite.

  There’s a knock at the door, and we both freeze. I hate that my first thought is that Carl’s found us. I check the peep hole, and to my relief, it’s a flower delivery man. What the hell? I open the door cautiously, keeping the dead bolt in place.

  “Brynn Vincent?” he asks.

  “Yes?”

  “I’m here to deliver these flowers to you from Margaret’s, the florist down the street,” a greasy haired teenager replies.

  “Who are they from?”

  “I’m not sure. There’s a card here, but it’s sealed. I just need you to sign here, and I’ll be on my way.” I undo the chain lock and open the door a little more and sign, taking the flowers inside with me. It’s a massive bouquet filled with white calla lilies, purple and light pink orchids, and a few other flowers I don’t even recognize.

  “Thanks,” I say, closing and locking the door behind me.

  “I bet they’re from Blaze,” Marie says in a sing-song voice.

  I open the card apprehensively, checking the signature at the bottom first. Blaze. I breathe a sigh of relief. Carl hasn’t found me.

  Brynn,

  There’s nothing ordinary about you. You’re as exotic and beautiful as every one of these flowers. I’m sorry for last night. My hesitat
ions and anger were not your doing. Please, see me again tonight?

  Blaze

  “Well, what does it say?” Marie asks excitedly.

  “He wants to see me tonight, but it’s just not going to happen,” I say, tossing the card on the counter.

  “Why not?”

  “I just saw him last night for one, and two, I’d like to hang out with my awesomely cool sister tonight,” I say with honest enthusiasm.

  “Well, this awesomely cool sister was already going to ask if she could stay the night at Jill’s. She’s having a scary movie night with some girls from the swim team. Don’t worry, her parents will be home, and she gave me their number in case you wanted to talk to them,” she says hopefully.

  “How come you never brought this up to me last night?” I ask skeptically.

  “I knew you would freak out then, but I think Blaze may have just done me a favor,” she says moving to the sink to throw her dishes in. “Come on, Brynn, didn’t you use to dream about kids in your class inviting you over?”

  “You know I did. I also knew it would never happen,” I say with a disturbed laugh. “All right, we came here for freedom, and freedom you shall have. Beware, however, that I will be the crazy overprotective sister that texts and calls every hour and then reminds you to brush your teeth. You will be texting me back this time, because you forgot to last night. There will be no sneaking out, no boys, no alcohol, and no drugs. Capisce?”

  “I would expect nothing less,” she says with a laugh. “I know where Ma is, and I also know it’s somewhere I never want to be,” she adds, her mood darkening. I gently grab hold of her chin.

  “Marie, when you’re of age, I’ll be happy to buy you your first drink. You’re allowed to have a drink once in a while if that’s what you want. Having one drink here and there will not make you an alcoholic. Drugs however …” I trail off. I really don’t think she would ever do drugs, but you never know either.

  “I know, and I know how babies are made, too. Thanks health class for sparing me this awkward conversation with my sister,” she shouts out walking toward her room. Well, good, I had enough of the awkward conversation, as well.

  I look back at the flowers Blaze sent, and lean down to breathe in the sweet aroma. I pull his map out of the drawer and trace his cell phone number with my fingers. Do I really want to go out with him tonight, especially without a curfew? I’m not sure I can trust myself, and I’m positive I’m not ready to have sex with him yet either. I have no idea what I’m doing and with my luck, I’ll freak out and block the whole thing out. If it’s anything like last night, I’m sure it’s going to be something I want to remember, too. I grab my cell phone and enter his number, opting for a text instead of an awkward phone call.

  Brynn – Hey, just got the flowers. They’re beautiful, thank you.

  I get a message back almost instantly.

  Blaze – Have you thought about tonight?

  Brynn – I have. Marie’s spending the night at a friend’s house. What were you thinking?

  Blaze – I was thinking I could pick up some take out and a movie and come over …

  Brynn – I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.

  Blaze – Why not?

  Brynn – Never mind, I’ll see you at five.

  Blaze – Can’t wait :)

  I set the phone back down on the counter. Why did I just give in so easily? Oh, right, because I didn’t want to admit that I’m scared to be alone with him because I can’t trust myself. I groan in frustration and then head into Marie’s room. She’s already packing her bag for tonight.

  “I have no idea what to pack. I’ve never even been to a sleepover before. How sad is that? I’m sixteen!” she says, frustrated.

  “I’m not much help. I’d say probably just pajamas, toothbrush, and an outfit for tomorrow? Maybe we can stop by the video store and pick up a movie and a bag of chips to bring, too, if you want. I was coming in to see if you wanted to grab some groceries with me before you left.”

  “That sounds great, actually. It will get my mind off of this for a while,” she says, zipping up her bag.

  We walk to the grocery store, and I make sure to grab lots of treats for Marie to bring tonight. Maybe someday she can have a sleep over at our house, too. I smile at the idea that would have once seemed so foreign to me. We have a home now, though, and just about anything is possible.

  We stop at the movie store and Marie picks The Shining to bring. I debate grabbing a movie for tonight, but Blaze said he’s picking one up. I hope it’s not gory.

  When we get home Marie helps me put away the groceries and then calls first shower while I fix lunch. It’s almost two now, and I’m starting to panic. I cook Marie a quick lunch before calling to check on Ma. The doctor says she’s getting worse, and stresses the importance of coming to say goodbye. Is she still alert? I’m too scared to ask him. I want to tell him why I can’t come home, but decide against it. I’m sure he already sees enough drama dealing with her on a daily basis. I momentarily feel bad for thinking that, but she did this to herself. She’s been a neglectful, abusive mother for the past twenty-two years, and I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive her. I decide to wait to tell Marie about it until tomorrow so it doesn’t ruin her night.

  I hear the bathroom door open, so I take my chance and grab a shower. I blow dry my hair, and then use my straightener to curl my hair, a trick Marie showed me. I emerge from the bathroom wearing a towel.

  “Marie, my personal stylist. Mind helping a sister out?” I holler down the hall to her bedroom. She doesn’t reply so I head back to my room and start pulling clothes out of my closet. I throw on my undergarments and a pair of dark wash jeans.

  “Here, borrow this,” Marie says, coming in and throwing a cute purple shirt at me.

  I pull it over my head and admire. It has cute little cap sleeves and a boat neck.

  “You really are awesome at this,” I say sincerely.

  “Yeah, yeah. Jill will be here in a minute to pick me up. Thanks for lunch by the way, you need to teach me how to make those,” she says, smiling.

  I can’t get over the transformation in her since we moved. She’s happier, she jokes around, and she’s no longer incredibly shy. She’s coming out of her shell.

  “You just let me know when, and I’d be happy to. Do you have everything you need? Make sure you have your cell phone charger. You need to hang on to your part of the deal and let me harass you all night.”

  “I’m not even worried, I have a feeling harassing me will be the last thing on your mind,” she says, sticking her tongue out at me. She picks up her bag and slings it over her shoulder. I hear her phone beep and she quickly scans the text message.

  “Jill’s downstairs, I’d better get going,” she says with a mixture of nervousness and excitement.

  “All right, text me when you get there, and remember I trust you! Trust is hard to earn back. On that note, have a great night, too.”

  “You got it,” she says pulling me into a hug before leaving. I lock the door behind her and check the time—four thirty. I toss a load of laundry in the washer and finish my makeup.

  The doorbell rings, and I rush to check the peep hole. Blaze. I open the door and fight the urge to fan myself as my body quickly heats up. He’s wearing an emerald green sweater that matches his eyes perfectly, a white dress shirt underneath, and black dress pants. His hair is tousled as always, and he’s flashing his pearly whites.

  “Do you ever not look like you stepped out of a billboard ad?” I ask, before realizing I said it out loud.

  He laughs as I stand there, silently cursing myself. “Would you like to come in?”

  “Actually, do you mind grabbing a sweater and coming with me?”

  “But I thought we were staying in tonight—you know, take out and a movie?” I say, panicking. I didn’t dress to leave the house!

  “Yes, but that was my plan before I knew Marie would be gone. There is no way I can be alone with you in that
apartment, and not do things I know you’re not ready to do,” he says, winking.

  “Should I change?” I ask, noticing he’s in dress pants, and I’m in jeans.

  “No, you look fabulous.”

  I grab a white cardigan, and we head downstairs.

  “So what are we doing?” I ask as he holds the front door open for me.

  “Well, first I thought Cinderella should take a ride in her carriage,” he says, gesturing to a carriage sitting out front of my building, drawn by two beautiful white horses.

  “Are you joking?” I ask. “This is the kind of thing that happens in movies, particularly the Disney kind. It doesn’t happen to girls like me.”

  “Beautiful, there is only one woman like you, and I promise you, things like this will always be happening to you,” he says, guiding me into the carriage. Blaze sits down beside me, and the short man flicks the reins, as the carriage starts moving slowly through the streets.

  “I’ve walked these streets dozens of times,” I say, looking around, “but somehow they just look magical from in here. Thank you, Blaze, you have no idea how much this means to me.”

  “I can promise you it’s not nearly as fun for you as it is for me,” he says, pulling me close to him. I lean my head on his chest as we trot down the road in silence, taking in the views and the beautiful horses. Children smile and point as we pass by, and I give a little wave. I feel like a princess, I just wish I hadn’t worn jeans.

  We stop at a little place in Times Square called Patzeria Perfect Pizza. “I swear it doesn’t look like much, but they have the best pizza in New York City,” Blaze explains.

  He helps me out of the carriage, and I turn to thank the driver and say goodbye to the horses. “He’ll be taking us around all night. No need to say goodbye just yet,” Blaze says.

  I’ve got a smile from ear to ear entering the restaurant. This is definitely one of the best nights of my life. There are three stools and a ledge, no sit down tables at all. The guy behind the counter greets Blaze, and he orders, all the while I’m still confused. He grabs the pizza and leads me over to the stools where we sit down.