Defiant Ecstasy

by Janelle Taylor

  Alisha wondered if the old woman had anything to do with her being sold, or had she, too, been sold to these people? Even so, she still had that chilling, uneasy feeling when she looked at Matu or was near her. She could not guess what part this old woman was playing in her fate. She looked away from Matu to study the rest of the large teepee.

  She took in her new home and surroundings. She noted how one side of this teepee was used as a living area and the other side for storage. Clothes and weapons hung from pegs jutting out of the brace poles and on a handmade, wooden rack, constructed of willow poles lashed together. There were extra buffalo skins and blankets; many weapons, new and used; and clothing. There were many bags, pouches and parfleches that were stored there also.

  Black Cloud and Brave Bear sat down on a buffalo skin and were served by the old woman. Alisha did not know what to do or what was expected of her, so she simply remained by the fireplace. Soon, the younger warrior came ower to her and led her over to his buffalo skin and placed her at his side. The old woman came to her and served her food also, secretly grinning as she did so. Alisha ate the food given her as she watched Matu move about working and cleaning up after the two men. By now, she was completely confused and she could make no rhyme or reason from what was going on. Until they chose to tell her, she had no choice but to do as they bid.

  When the two men finished their smoking and talking, the warrior stroked her hair gently as they rose to leave. His moods and actions were completely perplexing by now and she only stared after him. When she had finished, she got up and walked to the flap. She slowly lifted it and peered outside. She found the two braves sitting with many other men by a large campfire, talking, laughing and smoking pipes. He looked up and caught her eyes watching him and smiled. She stared blankly and guiltily for a moment, then lowered the flap. She went back to the mat and sat down. Time passed monotonously.

  When her head began to nod and her lids drooped sleepily, she lay down and was quickly asleep. It seemed as if she had only been asleep for a short time when movements at her side aroused her from her light slumber. She cried out in alarm and would have screamed instinctively if the younger warrior had not covered her mouth with his hand. He tenderly shushed her. She stared at him wide-eyed until she realized he meant her no danger and had only meant to calm her down. Her rigid body relaxed and her bewildered eyes met his. He removed his hand from her mouth and lay down beside her. She waited...

  Nothing ... was he actually going to sleep again tonight without... I do not understand him or what is going on. Do I belong to him or not? She gazed warily at him from the corner of her eye; but he made no move to touch her. This waiting and not knowing is torture in itself, she thought. When is he going to take me? What is he waiting for? Will he be cruel or brutal? I remember the first time Wanmdi ... But this man is so different from him. I cannot even compare the two. Powchutu told me nothing which would explain this situation. Why this standoff and how long will it last?

  I wish he would go ahead and take me and get it over with! At least that way I would have some idea what I am up against. I’ve seen the way he looks at me and I’m sure he wants me that way. Why does he hesitate? Does he wait for me to accept him? He has been so tender and kind. But why should he care how his slave feels or what she thinks? Still, it would be like him to care from his previous actions. The axe will soon fall, but which way will my head roll?

  She assumed from his steady breathing and stillness he was asleep. She propped up on her elbow and stared down into his sleeping face. Her body trembled and her pulse raced to think she had been sold to this handsome warrior. Perhaps Wanmdi Hota had done her a great favor without realizing it! For certain, he was almost as handsome and virile as Wanmdi Hota. But this man possessed winning qualities which Wanmdi Hota did not. It was like comparing black to white, or good to evil...

  Alisha recalled how easily Brave Bear smiled, revealing white, even teeth. His features softened and life was added to his obsidian eyes. She could still picture his smile and glowing eyes. His touch was always gentle, even when firm. His voice was rich, deep and vibrant.

  Her eyes traced his facial features—the strong, chiseled jawline; the aquiline nose which was just right for his face; the proud, arrogant chin; and the sensuous mouth which curved in a slight smile even in sleep. His hair was sooty black and silky and she was tempted to reach out her hand and touch his braids. She could tell from the small, thin lines at his eyes and mouth that he smiled much.

  Her eyes drifted down the thick, muscular neck to the hard, smooth chest. She admired the network of brawny muscles there. His skin was almost flawless and bronze, with only two diagonal scars to mar its perfection and beauty. He had also submitted to the obedience and daring of the Sun Dance, proving his courage and stamina. She noted the power and strength of his shoulders and arms. Yes, he was a proven warrior.

  Her eyes slid still lower to his hard, flat belly, the slender hips and sinewy, strong legs. She pinkened and hastily passed over the bulge in his breechcloth. Her eyes slowly and pleasantly traveled back up the full length of his body to find his jet eyes grinning at her inquisitive boldness.

  Her face, neck and upper chest flamed as red as blood. She quickly lay back down, not wishing to provoke him. She waited for his reaction to her daring study.

  He turned on his other side away from her, savoring the thoughts of the way she had been looking at him. Didn’t she know hunters and warriois had a keen, alert sixth sense which warned them when they were being watched, even in their sleep?

  He dared not touch her or even look at her right now, not after her reaction to him moments ago. He was much too moved by it and her and this was why he had to turn away. His condition would have been very obvious to her also in a few more moments! She was not ready to deal with him in that way yet, nor was her father! He had no doubts he could have easily seduced her that very minute and she would have willingly come to him. He was even afraid to kiss or touch her, knowing neither of them would stop there. He was confident Wanmdi Hota’s memory would give him no trouble.

  I must not take her until after we are joined, even though she has known a man before. I must not teach her to hate or fear me as she does Wanmdi Hota! As it had been with Gray Eagle, he had been caught unprepared to deal with what he had read in her eyes—desire and passion. Let these things come and grow in her, then I will possess her, not before. It must be her idea to come to me first. I must not take her forcefully or before she is ready. I am sure she wonders why I do not take her. She will come to think I wish to give her time to accept me and come to me of her own free choice. She is ashamed I caught her watching me. I should have feigned sleep, but I could not resist seeing the look of desire for me in her eyes. Perhaps it is best for her to see even if I do want her, I will not rape her. Her fear will be replaced by gratitude.

  She is greatly aware of me as a man. I thank Napi for the looks and strength of body he has given to me. When it is time, she will come to me in desire and willingness. Later, maybe in love also... I feel her heart softening toward me even now. I will be very careful not to cause her any hate or fear toward me.

  Alisha’s pounding heart finally slowed and her erratic breathing came more easily and slowly. It was so humiliating to have him catch her staring at him that way. What must he think of the way I was observing him? He smiled as if he were pleased! He must realize what I was thinking and feeling. It was probably written all over my face and in my eyes. Mama warned me... I should’ve spent that time before my mirror like she said. Sometimes openness and honesty can be a woman’s downfall.

  Suddenly, she wondered why she had been looking at him like that. Why had he made her feel so trembly and fiery inside? His smile and eyes had touched her like a physical caress and made her warm all over.

  If he had tried to take me, would I have resisted him? she thought. Would I have wanted to? I think not, for I truly wanted him as a man. I wanted him to hold me, to kiss me; even worse, I wanted him to
make love to me, passionate, consuming love as Wanmdi Hota has done many times. What has come over me? We are strangers and I love another! Is it possible that once a woman knows love with a man, she craves and hungers for it, like the women back home I used to spy on? Perhaps it doesn’t even matter who the man is at that point! Is that why they behaved so brazenly? Am I becoming like them, or like Kathy?

  She shuddered to think she might be turning into an unbridled, wanton hussy. Will all virile, attractive men affect me this way? I suppose not, for neither Jeffery nor Powchutu did this to me and they are both handsome and sensuous. Why this man? Is it because he is so kind and gentle when I feel so desperate and vulnerable?

  Perhaps I am only reaching out to him in spite and revenge against Wanmdi Hota and myself! Am I trying to use this brave to wipe all thoughts of Wanmdi Hota from my heart and mind? Can another man’s touch do this? Could I forget him in this man’s arms? I will, if it is possible...

  I might not even belong to this man. He has not taken me. Could it be he doesn’t even desire me, that I have misread the look in his eyes and touch? It would not be the first time I have made this mistake. If I do belong to him and he does want me, then why did he withdraw just now? This is maddening!

  Perhaps his only attraction to me is physical. What if he is brutal with his lovemaking as I have heard some men are? I wonder what he would do if I pulled his shoulder down and went into his arms and kissed him? What would he do and think if I seduced him as I did Wanmdi Hota? Would he take me and be pleased, or would he be angry and push me away?

  She mocked herself, my how you have changed Alisha! A few months ago, you would never have been having this kind of talk with yourself! In fact, you wouldn’t even be having these kinds of thoughts and feelings about a man! Do not act the harlot! Wait for him to make the first move. When he wishes you, he must come to you and you will not turn him away.

  Dreams, thoughts and illusions coalesced one with the other until sleep came to both of them. Sometime during the long, cool night, he pulled her into his arms. She naturally embraced him.

  They awoke at the same time the following morning, locked in a loving embrace. Their eyes instantly fused. He caressed her with his warm gaze and she flushed in answer. He placed a light kiss upon her lips and stood up, flexing and stretching like a cat. Her gaze followed him as he moved about the teepee before he left.

  The knowledge she had been at his mercy for two days and he had not harmed her in any way was foremost in her mind this morning. She laughed at the thought of being a virgin sacrifice to some god of his. I am sure I will learn soon enough what his plans are for me.

  Alisha yawned and stretched lazily as she waited for his return. She asked herself what this new day would bring. More secrets and questions, no doubt. Without warning, Gray Eagle’s face visualized before her and thoughts of him tugged at the edges of her mind. She realized her mind now betrayed her as her body had. I must force all memories of him from my mind, she sharply warned herself, then sadly added, and banish my love for him from my heart. I live here now and belong to another. I must accept what Gray Eagle has done. If only it did not hurt so much...

  The flap of the teepee lifted and the young brave ducked and strolled in, apparently in a good mood. Her eyes followed him and his movements as he gathered some items from the storage area. He had his back to her so she could not see what he was holding. He motioned for her to come.

  “Piintwike, Shalee.”

  Her face betrayed her confusion and mistrust. He came to her. Taking her by the hand, he pulled her to her feet. He led her to the flap and outside into the warm sunlight. They walked along the river bank to a place where the hills formed a high cliff like a wall at the edge of the rocks. She gazed at the beautiful waterfall which cascaded over the cliff into the river.

  Brave Bear guided her along the bank to the edge of the falls, then pulled her under the spray to a protected path beneath it. A light mist touched her face and arms. The sunlight danced in bright colors on her and the rock wall beside her. He led her to a cave-like opening, then inside to a natural, three-foot round pool which nature had cut into the floor of the cave. Water trickled down the side of the wall and into the pool which evidently ran out simultaneously from somewhere near the bottom. The filtered sunlight gave the cave an irridescent glow and a mystical, enchanting aura.

  Brave Bear lay the bundle which he carried down on a flat rock by the pool. When he unfolded it, she saw it contained a small cloth, blanket, and a bar of yellow soap—no doubt booty from some raid.

  He pointed to her, the items and then the water, saying, “Menuah.”

  She knew he indicated for her to bathe. He turned and left. She stared at his departing frame in relief and astonishment. She assumed she was to bathe or be bathed; so she hastily undressed and slipped into the cool, refreshing water. At first, she scrubbed hurriedly, wanting to finish before he returned, but began to dawdle at the relaxing and delightful feel of the water and the smell of the yellow soap. The soap had a creamy texture and wildflower scent. A real bath, with real soap!

  In spite of her former intention to hurry, she found herself relaxing in the pool and leisurely bathing. She shampooed her dusty hair several times, until it was squeaky clean. When she finally forced herself to get out, the scent of jasmine filled the air and clung to her skin and hair. She dried off with the blanket and turned to reach for her clothes.

  They were gone! He had come and gone unnoticed and silent while she had been bathing. Her face paled, then reddened at the thoughts of him secretly watching her. She wrapped the blanket around her slender frame and knelt to squeeze the water from her dripping hair.

  Moccasins loomed before her vision. She lifted her eyes to his face. He held a garment over his arm. As she raised herself up, he held it up for her view. It was a fawn color and laced up the back for some reason. It was soft and lovely. It had a deep band of exquisite beadwork on the neckline. The midarm sleeves and hem were fringed.

  She stared at the dress in disbelief and asked, “For me?”

  His hand reached out, released the blanket, and let it fall to the floor at her feet. The brave gasped sharply at Alisha’s naked beauty. He averted his eyes, for he knew he must wait until their wedding to consummate the passion he felt for her. As he went to place the dress over her head, Alisha lifted her arms to aid him. The garment fell into place and fit perfectly. But then it should have, for it was Matu who had made it for him and she knew Alisha’s size well.

  Brave Bear gazed at her in admiration as she childishly twirled around for him. He caught her shoulders and stilled her long enough to lace the back. She lightly fingered the softened skin and delicate design of beadwork. He smiled his approval.

  She quickly returned his smile and beamed, “It’s beautiful!”

  He handed her a porcupine-tail brush, some beaded ikans and a winyan cehnake. He left once more to allow her to do these things in private. She donned the breechcloth, then combed and braided her hair.

  When she had finished and was waiting for him to come back, she hummed a lively waltz.

  She began to pirouette gracefully around the cave. As she twirled and whirled with dreamy, half-closed eyes, she landed right in his arms!

  Brave Bear cupped Alisha’s flushed face between his hands and pressed a light kiss on her mouth. She panted breathlessly, but did not pull away. He was glad to see her so lighthearted and relaxed. He called to her and motioned for her to come.

  They walked along the path and back through the village. Her rising spirits soared even higher at the friendly smiles and nods she received from the people they passed along the way. Not a single person gave her a sneer or taunt. Instead, they seemed to be studying her closely. A feeling of acceptance of her was felt in the air. She warily looked around in utter confusion.

  He regarded her troubled face. Taking her hand in his, he smiled and walked on. I do not understand this, she thought, but I’ll accept it and be grateful.


  Soon, they arrived at another teepee and went inside. A brave who was sitting by the fire spoke to him and motioned for them to come and be seated with him. They came forward and he said to her, “Lalematahpi,” and sat down. She sat down very close to him. He pointed to the brave and said, “Kola,” meaning friend. She nodded understanding.

  She watched them as they smoked and talked for a short time. There was a young winyan preparing to serve the men food. She came forward and served them. When they had eaten their fill, they returned to their talking. The girl then served herself and Alisha.

  She smiled shyly at Alisha as she handed her the dish containing a soup of meat and berries. Alisha returned the smile and said, “Thank you...”

  The soup was very good and filling. For some reason, Alisha felt totally at ease here and now. It was like the gathering of good friends for luncheon, except she could not join in on the conversation. The girl took her dish when she had finished and they exchanged smiles again.

  Seeing Alisha had finished eating, Brave Bear rose and called to her. She came forward, but halted at the flap and turned to the girl. She smiled and thanked her. They all grasped her meaning and smiled. She beamed at their politeness and kindness.

  Brave Bear and Alisha walked out into the warm sunlight and returned to their teepee. He walked to the buffalo mats and told her to sit down. She did, but eyed him carefully as he went to get something from the storage area again. He came back to where she sat with a pair of “mihkissons” which were beaded and quilled. She took them from him and put them on. He had measured her foot while she had slept and let Matu make them for him.

  He had wanted to surprise her with this gift. Alisha smiled happily and her green eyes danced as she pulled the rawhide strip snug and tied it securely. He then tied a beaded, leather headband around her forehead. There was one red and gray queque attached to the back. He held up a mirror, also taken with plunder, and let her view herself.

  She carefully examined the girl in the mirror, the clothing, the features, the dark hair, the slightly tanned complexion, and feathered headband. She realized, except for her green eyes, she could easily pass for one of them. She gazed at her reflection in bewilderment. Why was he doing this? Why did he try to make her look like an Indian? Why was he giving her such lovely things to wear and have? Why were the others treating her more like a respected, honored guest than a slave and enemy? It was very clear Brave Bear was her owner and was pleased with what he saw.