Defiant Ecstasy

by Janelle Taylor

  She strolled through the edge of the village toward the river. Near the last row of teepees, she saw women scraping meat and fat from animal skins. They would stretch them out and attach them to wooden frames to tan and cure with the juices of the sumac and other bushes. She noticed many skins and hides from buffalos, deer, elk, wolf, and other animals. Like most of the plains Indians, they also survived mainly on the buffalo and larger game. She saw one hide which was particularly soft and beautiful. It was from the wapiti and was known for its tender meat and beautiful skins.

  She pondered if these Indians were what Powchutu had called nomadic, those who only stayed in one location as long as the hunting was good. Then they would pack up and move on as the game would become scarce. The camp looked permanent to her, but what did she know about such things?

  She noted evidence of sun worship here, too. She had studied the pictures drawn on the teepees with great detail and skill. She saw the sun etchings on armbands and shields. She had seen the morning salutes and chants to the rising sun and heard him called Naki. Did the scalp-hair decorations on the teepee poles and weapons mean they also practiced scalping? Alisha wondered.

  Powchutu had told her scalping was not done to kill or torture a person, but to show bravery and daring. The warrior was to touch his enemy by taking a scalp lock of his hair, but not kill or injure him. In the process, he was to avoid death, injury and touch from his enemy. The daring was not in the killing of an enemy, but in the touching him at great risk to oneself. This was a very great coup for any warrior or hunter.

  Some braves believed that by taking a man’s scalp, he could be endowed with that man’s power and courage. For that reason, warriors always tried to scalp brave and powerful men. Alisha had a hard time understanding this concept when Powchutu had spoken of it to her.

  She recalled the many long talks she and Powchutu had back at the fort about the Sun Dance and its meaning in the life of the Indians. It would soon be time for it. Alisha was excited that she could learn first-hand of its importance and meaning.

  Each dance and ceremony had its own chants, songs and dances. Many appeared to be beliefs about the elements the Indians worshipped, like the sun, wind, rain and fire. Others were about battles, animals and events in the tribe’s life. She remembered Powchutu had said they believed all things, whether living or inanimate, had good or bad spirits which dwelled within them. When Alisha learned Brave Bear’s tongue, she swore, she would learn more about these beliefs and customs.

  She determined to watch and learn all she could so she might someday be wholly accepted. I shall always be grateful to my friend Powchutu for all he has taught me, she thought. He was right when he advised me to learn all I could about them, and quickly.

  Do all Indians worship the cottonwood trees, the buffalo, the sun, eagle and snake, as Wanmdi Hota’s tribe does? she wondered. I must learn of these similarities and differences. Those things are painted on nearly everything, but is it for decoration or for some purpose?

  She realized, if the eagle had to do with the symbol of Wanmdi Hota’s name, this warrior here must have bear in his name. He not only wore the bear claws to the ceremony, but usually wore a bear’s head wanapin. Perhaps I will soon know, for I shall find some way to ask him.

  Englanders would call this kind of life and existence primitive, but these people were well-suited to this wild, untamed wilderness, and it to them and their way of life. They were free and happy people.

  Alisha strolled on a little further. She saw children playing games in a meadow across the river, while older children gathered wild vegetables and berries. The older boys and girls worked in a small garden near the river on this side. It looked as if it had corn, wild greens, and a type of tobacco growing there. Evidently these Indians had been at this campsite for a long time.

  The river bank was busy with women doing their washing or fetching mni. She had noted the Indians did not seem to care for fish, or maybe, they considered it too time-consuming for the small amount of meat one got. They went after the larger game which had more meat and skins. The buffalo, besides supplying food, clothing and shelter, gave sinews for thread, paunches and bladders for water and storage bags, bones and horns for cups and utensils, and hooves for tools and glues. Nothing was wasted from an animal. All parts had some use. They did not kill for sport or only for select cuts as the white man did. This was a great wrong in the red man’s eyes.

  Alisha looked up at the sounds of loud thundering of horses’ hooves and Indian shouts. At the far end of the village, older boys were practicing horsemanship, wrestling, weaponry, warfare and hunting. Some of the older warriors and younger braves were instructing them. Alisha remained there to watch for a while.

  She observed boys target-practicing with bow and arrows, knife throwing, and lance fighting and tossing. They used padded tomahawks and war clubs. She noticed the circles in which many boys were practicing wrestling and fighting in groups of twos. All things which had to be mastered by the young braves were being taught and learned on that dusty, hot field.

  Her green eyes wide with interest, Alisha watched others as they raced and exercised to build their muscles and develop agility and self-confidence. These and other qualities were essential for a warrior and hunter to insure his safety and success. They appeared to be serious and alert in their studies, but they also appeared to be having fun.

  She longed to go for a ride on one of those swift ponies which the Indian boys practiced mounting and riding. How she missed her riding! How she yearned to run over there and hop upon one of the horses’ backs and speed away with the sun and wind in her face! There was nothing else like that wild, carefree feeling of freedom—the wind whipping her hair and clothes, tingling her skin and caressing her hair with an untamed, unbridled spirit.

  Perhaps she could persuade the warrior to take her for a ride some day soon. She immediately mocked herself, Lese, you foolish girl, women don’t do that sort of thing out here!

  She recalled the lesson Powchutu gave heron the Indian and his horse. The Indians had only had horses for about twenty-five or thirty years. They had been brought to the New World by the early Spanish. Before the horse had come to them, they had hunted and fought on foot and had used dogs for burden bearing along with a travois.

  Powchutu had told her hunting and warfare had increased with the coming of the horse. The Indians had quickly become very skilled in horsemanship. They had even learned a few tricks of their own, such as the master’s knee command and whistle. They now rode with the ease and skill of experts. She had laughed as she recalled Powchutu saying they had called horses the “big dog.” She could easily imagine the burden the horse had lifted from the backs and shoulders of the women.

  She walked along the river bank for a time, then sat down. She took off her moccasins and dangled her feet in the cool water. How peaceful and quiet it was here. Who would have guessed only a few days ago a terrible bloodbath had occurred near here? Time seemed so remote here, so unimportant, so out of place...

  She contemplated her new surroundings and life. Her life and treatment here were so unlike what she had experienced in the Oglala village. She liked and respected these people here already. She could easily accept them for who and what they were and could pass no judgments on them or their ways.

  The warm summer sun beat down on her, the fragrant flowers and wild grasses across the river in the meadow filled her nostrils, and the cool water licked at her feet. She sank to the ground on her back, staring up at the billowy, white clouds moving across a periwinkle sky. She was thinking about the warrior who now held her prisoner. She knew in her mind she would go to him and accept him in any way he wished her.

  Alisha mused, I must show him this very day I accept him and my new life here. Perhaps that is what he is waiting to see. I will look for the peace and happiness I was denied in Wanmdi Hota’s camp. This day, I will belong to him in every way if he but says the word. It is time to lay the past to rest and try for a
new beginning here with him.

  Her eyes closed and she was soon fast asleep. After what seemed but minutes, she yawned and stretched like a feline, slowly awakening. A shadow fell across her face and she hastily turned to see the person who cast it. The brave was sitting beside her cross-legged, gazing off toward the hills at the edge of the meadow.

  She quickly sat up and flushed hotly at her lax behavior. He gave her a few minutes to straighten her clothes, compose herself and put on her moccasins.

  “Piintwike, Shalee. Matu tipi.”

  They walked back to the village. He did not appear to be upset or angry with her for leaving his teepee or for wandering off alone like that. They walked to a teepee, ducked, and entered. Matu was sitting on a buffalo skin sewing on a garment.

  She looked up and spoke with the brave. She held up the garment for his inspection. Alisha noted its delicate beauty and feminine design. The skin was a creamy white, but she did not know if it had come from some unknown animal or an albino. It looked to be about her size. The old woman was working on a design of beadwork around the neckline with small gold beads.

  He took the dress from her and held it up before Alisha. He was pleased with the beautiful sight she would make in it on their joining day. She was astounded. Is it for me? she wondered, but knew it was. It is exquisite and very special. Why would he have such a lovely dress made for me? What could it be for? She shyly and carefully touched its softness and the fragile beadword. He saw her look of pleasure at the dress. He smiled and she returned it.

  He handed the dress back to Matu and they spoke again. He turned and spoke to Alisha. Pointing to Matu, he said, “Matu.” She looked confused. He thought for a minute, then spoke again, “Mato Waditaka,” pointing to himself. Pointing to the old woman again, he said, “Matu.” He touched Alisha’s face and called her Shalee.

  Her eyes quickly went to the old woman, realizing this was what she had called her. She shook her head and said, “Alisha,” pointing to herself.

  He realized she did not understand he was telling her the name her father had given to her at birth. Recalling what Wanmdi Hota had called her at his camp, then what she had just called herself, he began again.

  He spoke clearly and distinctly. “Hiya Lese... hiya Alisha.” He touched her face and softly said, “Shalee.”

  For a short time, she looked perplexed, then her face brightened. He was giving her an Indian name! She beamed her understanding. Pointing to herself, she replied, “Shalee.” Pointing to the old woman, she said, “Matu.” Then she lay a small hand upon his chest and said, “Mato Waditaka.”

  He smiled broadly and replied, “Sha.”

  He spoke again with Matu for a few minutes. He called to her to come. She smiled at him and followed him outside. She was overjoyed with the events of moments ago.

  He was accepting her as an Indian! He wanted her to look, act and live like one, and had even named her like one. Matu had smiled at her and treated her with respect and friendliness, as had all the others today. Could this really be happening to her? Matu had returned to her work as they were leaving, but had handed him a small bundle first.

  They had walked along happily until they reached his teepee and entered. A different girl served them food this night, but she was too excited to notice what she even ate.

  When the meal was over, Brave Bear and another man sat talking and smoking by the campfire while she sat on the buffalo skins watching them. Brave Bear called her to come to lie down to sleep. She quickly and unhesitantly did so this time. She was soon asleep, but it took him quite some time to relax and sleep.

  He had to fight the desire to hold her and love her. There will be time for loving and touching in two moons, he reassured himself. I must be patient until I have won her to my heart. I saw the look in her eyes this day. She has accepted me and her life here. I am pleased by the softness I see growing in her. She no longer fears me or my people. She would come to me in willingness this very night if I but asked her and this inflames my blood and body. If I but kissed her or touched her, I would take her, so I dare not.

  Once again, he felt the hatred and rage for Wanmdi Hota and his abuse to her. How could he have crushed this lovely flower? Gray Eagle had not realized what he had, but by now he surely realized what he had given up.

  He smiled and went to sleep.

  Chapter Five

  When Alisha awoke the next morning, she was surprised to find Brave Bear still there. He was sitting near the fire, sharpening his knife, then restringing his bow. She lay quietly for a short time, feigning sleep as she watched him. She saw the powerful muscles in his arms and shoulders harden and bulge at the strain of bending the bow taut to attach the new string. Possessing the hunter’s sixth sense, he knew she was secretly watching him. He glanced over at the mat and called to her to come. She sat up and stretched as if she had just awakened. He smiled to himself in amusement.

  Matu came with their food. When both of them had finished eating, Brave Bear handed Alisha the bundle he had carried from Matu’s teepee the day before. Alisha excitedly opened it to find two more garments equally as lovely as the first one. To her mild disappointment, the white one was not among them. She recalled Matu was not finished with it yet.

  She held one of the dresses up and twirled around like a child at Christmas time. She squealed with unsuppressed delight at the new pair of moccasins which were prettier than the other pair.

  “Oh, Mato Waditaka! You’re wonderful! How can I ever thank you for all of these gifts and your kindness?”

  She ran to him and hugged him tightly. Throwing her arms around his neck, she impulsively kissed him. He did not have time to return the kiss, for she danced away holding her new possession like valued treasures. She recalled all too well her time at the fort when she had no possessions of her own at all. Brave Bear was much too good to be true!

  He could not withhold his laughter as he watched her gaiety and happiness. She was scurrying around like an excited chipmunk collecting a windfall of cone nuggets. He began to gather the items needed for bathing and called to her.

  “Shalee, piintwike. Menuah.”

  She quickly selected the prettiest dress and new moccasins and followed his lead. She walked closely behind him through the village in happiness. She smiled and nodded to everyone she met and they returned her greetings. He shook his head and laughed at her openly.

  She had been through so much heartache and suffering lately that she hungered for this kindness and attention he was offering her. She accepted his treatment without reserve or caution. For so very long, she had lived under constant fear, uncertainty, and intimidation that it was totally intoxicating and exhilarating to be freed, accepted and treated so very specially. His tender behavior, along with his gentle smiles, dissolved her fear and doubts about him and her life here.

  When the time came, she would go to him even if she had to force herself to submit to anything with him! But somehow, she imagined he could use his prowess and charm to easily seduce her.

  She vowed, I will make him replace Wanmdi Hota in my heart. I should thank my guardian angel it was Mato Waditaka who found and took me. If I had searched a lifetime, I could not have found another warrior such as he. I must learn to love him. Surely it cannot be so difficult, for my body leaps with desire for him even now when he is near. If I can want him that way, then surely I can love him in time ..

  He gazed over at her as they walked along the river bank, studying the relaxed, happy face and sparkling, green eyes. She is happy here, he thought. She is truly mine as she could never be Wanmdi Hota’s. In spite of his jealousy, Brave Bear was glad he had not found and taken her as wasichu, but had only known her as Shalee. The few remaining feelings she has for him will soon dim and fade in the light of my love and our happiness together. I wonder if he even knows what he has lost. Perhaps this is why he fought to keep her so fiercely. Blinded by his own growing love for Alisha, Mato Waditaka thought, nothing could explain Gray Eagle’s cruelt
y to her. If he dares to harm her again in any way, I will kill him!

  To Alisha’s mortification, this time he sat down to wait for her to bathe! She stood rooted to the floor, watching him with an uncertain gaze. If it must be, then so be it, she thought. She came forward very slowly and began to unlace her dress. Her face flamed in embarrassment. He noted her shame and hesitation and stood up. She looked up at him in suppressed modesty and shyness. He smiled knowingly and left.

  She sighed in deep relief, undressed, and quickly bathed. She dressed and was very careful with her grooming to look her best for him. She wanted to show him she accepted him and was glad he accepted her.

  These feelings he aroused in her were new and frightening to her. She knew what it was to want a man in love, but in lust? That was a very different situation altogether. Was this why she always pulled back? Did her inner self know something about her that she did not? Would she be unable to make love to him when it really came to the actual act? Would she pull away at the very last moment and resist? If she did, what would he do or say? Would he accept such a stinging rejection the same way Jeffery had? Fear prickled in her.

  I must find out if I can respond to him. I must not ever pull away from him. How long can I expect him to be so understanding and patient with my fear? I have already decided to try to love him, or at least, accept him completely. So do it, Alisha! No more withdrawals! No more freezing up! No more pulling away, no more withholding anything from him!

  Mato Waditaka is waiting out there for you, Lese, Alisha scolded herself. Forget Wanmdi Hota and all he ever was to you. Go to Mato Waditaka with open arms and an open heart. Love him, for he is worthy of your love. Belong to him in every way and in every part of your mind and body. Let him see and know this very day that you are Shalee and you are his...