Defiant Ecstasy

by Janelle Taylor

  Will the truth matter to you, Lese? Will it take away some of the pain and hurt? You had forgiven and accepted all the past hurts and shames, but now, you have this new pain to hold against me in your heart. What will you say when Powchutu erases it, or my part in it? Still, you have known love and happiness here. Does your love possess the strength and courage to choose me over what you have found and known here? Will you trade your new life here for my love? He winced at what his answer was...

  There is so much she must learn this day, but even more to accept and understand. Can you, Lese? Will you? Has there been too much pain, hurt and suffering for the truth to wipe out? Was there too much to forgive from him? Can she not see I love her and need her? No, for I have not allowed her to see or know. What if I lose her for good this day? What then?

  He could not imagine his life without her in it. He had gone through great suffering white she was at the fort, knowing he would soon have her back again. But to think of losing her forever, and to another man, this he could not bear.

  He raised his arms in supplication to the Great Spirit and vowed, “You can return the love of my life to me. I ask you for this as I have never asked for anything else. Hear me, oh Great Spirit. I must have her.”

  He shook his fist at the sun and declared, “Before you cross the sky once more, Wi, she will be mine, or my spirit will walk the Mahpiya Ocanku with Cantoohpi! He turned and slowly walked back toward camp with a heavy, sad heart, but filled with determination - to regain the woman he loved.

  He was not too far behind them now, for they had stopped by the river to allow her to wash her face and calm down before they returned to camp. He had watched Mato Waditaka take a cloth from his waist and gently wipe her face with the cool water and remove the tears streaked there. Doubt and alarm rose in him at the loving exchange between them by the water.

  I should be the one showing her love and kindness, not him. It is I who needs you, Lese, not he. He ached to go to her and take her in his arms and tell her all the feelings he carried in his heart for her. But they had to wait until she was his once more, or remain unspoken forever.

  As they re-entered the camp, she glanced about wondering what all the commotion was about. People were standing around talking, whispering, and ... Powchutu!

  Her eyes widened in surprise and joy. She pulled her hand free from Brave Bear’s and ran, shouting and calling loudly to Powchutu. Brave Bear stared at the confusing scene before him. The scout turned at the sound of her voice and opened his arms to gather her into his embrace. She clung to him, crying and saying his name over and over. He held her very possessively, boldly, and tenderly as everyone looked on in astonishment.

  He whispered words of love and comfort into her ears. She laughed and cried all at the same time. They were both oblivious to everyone and everything but each other for a time. Soon, the initial shock and excitement wore off. She leaned back and gazed up into his face, taking in every line and expression. The looks which passed between them were understood only by Gray Eagle and White Arrow.

  Brave Bear’s eyes narrowed in suspicion and alarm. Who was this man brought here by Wanmdi Hota, and for what reason? It took a few moments for the change in Powchutu’s appearance to register and spark recognition in his mind and eyes. The scout from the wasichu fort! Why was he here?

  She stormed him with questions, but did not allow him the time to answer one before she had the next one out. “How did you get here, Powchutu? When? Why are you here? How have you been? What are you doing now? Where are you living? Are they kind to you? Do you like living with them? Have you been well?”

  Sensing hesitation and something akin to mystery in his face and eyes, she slowly and fearfully asked, “Did you come with Wanmdi Hota?” She paled as he nodded yes.

  “Why is he here, Powchutu? Why did he come back into my life again? What does he want from me this time? Why did you come here with him? It has been terrible since the fort. I have been so frightened. He sold me, Powchutu ...” Her face filled with anguish and her eyes glistened with unshed tears. To hear it said aloud made the hurt cut deeper.

  She asked just above a whisper, “Did he tell you he sold me to Mato Waditaka?” Then, to cover her hurt, she added, “But I am glad, for he has been very good and kind to me, and his people have, too. He treats me as if I matter, as if I am one of them, not some camp slave and wh ... he is not like Wanmdi Hota at all. He is kind and gentle. Please tell me he has not come to force him to send me back. He can’t make him give me up if he does not wish to, can he? I could not endure his hate and brutality again, Powchutu. You must beg Mato Waditaka not to return me to him.”

  This was her only chance to retain what she had found here and she seized her only hope of communication with him.

  “Tell Mato Waditaka I beg him to let me stay here. Tell him you will explain what he expects of me and I will do whatever he asks. I will do anything to remain here! Tell him this, will you, Powchutu? I have been happy here with these people and him and do not wish to leave ever. Tell him of Wanmdi Hota’s hatred and cruelty to me. In his kindness, he would not send me back there. I’m sure of it. Powchutu, I think he likes me, maybe even loves me. And I know he wants me, but he hasn’t harmed me in any way since I’ve been here.” She pinkened at these words and their apparent meaning.

  “You must make him understand that I long to stay with him. You must convince him not to re-sell me to Wanmdi Hota. I would prefer death instead! I told you once, I hoped and prayed I would find the courage and willpower to say no to him and his love. Here with Mato Waditaka, I have found that courage and willpower. Mato Waditaka has taken his place in my life and heart.”

  Powchutu gazed deep into those green eyes and wondered how much of what she said was really true, and how much she only wished was true. For once, he could not read it in her tormented eyes. Still, he would do as she asked. Until...

  Gray Eagle felt the knife plunged into his heart and cruelly twisted at her words. He wondered if he should just forget it all and mount up and ride away, out of her life forever. Had he finally succeeded in destroying their fragile love? Could any love survive what he had put theirs through? Do I love her enough to leave her here and let her find happiness with him? He turned away to gaze out across the meadow, visualizing her running through it with Mato Waditaka, laughing, singing, talking and gathering wildflowers. Could he spend the rest of his life without her? Could he endure the pain and emptiness of never seeing her face again, or hearing her musical laughter, or feeling her body and lips pressed to his in desire, passion and love, or forget she might even be carrying his child at this time? Could he ever give her up forever, even if this was what she wanted? He resolved, hate or no hate, love or no love, she is mine and I must have her!

  Her words reached his ears again and he listened. “He lied to me and betrayed me, Powchutul He showed me the most painful torture of all, what it would be like to love him and to have him love me. How could he be so cruel? I hate him! I’ll never go back to him ... never!”

  Her tone of voice had shifted from anger, to hurt, to hate, and back again. Powchutu had never seen her like this before and he was deeply concerned. Wanhinkpe Ska had been right when he had said she was hurt more now than ever. He could feel her heart bleeding. Anger flared in him against Wanmdi Hota. He was to blame for all her hurt, shame, torment and suffering. If he had only shown her love and kindness from the beginning, none of this would have happened. He did not know Wanmdi Hota also realized this truth and cursed himself daily for what he could never change ...

  Powchutu looked at Alisha sadly and hopelessly and replied, “I am here to speak with you about things you do not know and must be told. Wanmdi Hota asked me to come with him and tell you of these things. I have learned many surprising things since I last saw you and you must learn these things, too.” He sounded mysterious. She gazed at him in uncertainty.

  Perplexed at his tone and words, she asked, “Why?”

  He answered calmly, �
��There is much you do not know or understand. Wanmdi Hota said you are confused and frightened by what has happened to you. He asked me to explain it to you.”

  She softly retorted, “What is there to explain? I already know what has happened to me and what he has done!” She bitterly added, “Why should he care how I feel or what I think? He merely wishes you to tell me in my own tongue what he has done to me and why. He hopes it will be crueler. Well I do not need to hear the words to know of his hatred and contempt for me. His actions speak far louder than your words could. I will listen to no more, not even from you.”

  She jerked her arms free and turned to walk away, but he caught her arm and said, “Alisha, I must speak with you! There are things you must know! I will not speak of him or what has passed between you if this is what you wish.”

  A warning chill passed over her. She wondered what Wanmdi Hota wanted him to tell her if it did not concern him. She turned to glare suspiciously at Gray Eagle. The look he sent her surprised her. What was that strange gleam in his eyes? She could not understand it, for she had never seen it before. The look she could not read and he had not completely suppressed was the hurt and fear her words had given him.

  He lowered his head, concealing his expression from her sight and that of the others. She boldly studied the lowered head. He had never looked away from her before. His eyes usually bored into hers. What did this mean? Why could he not look at her, or not want to? What did he know about her that could make him look and act this way? She trembled ...

  Brave Bear had demanded to be told why the scout was here as he was talking with Alisha. Gray Eagle told him. He reminded him of Alisha’s and Powchutu’s friendship and trust in each other. He reminded him it was this man who had befriended her at the fort and was the one who brought her out to Gray Eagle that day. He said he had granted Powchutu’s life and freedom for his courage and help. He said she must be told all the things she did not know or understand. She would trust only Powchutu to tell her the truth.

  Brave Bear vividly recalled the scene between Shalee and Powchutu at the fort, the looks and embraces which had passed between them. He cautiously asked, “What will he tell her about you?” He feared what the whole truth would do to his relationship with Shalee and to any remaining feelings for Wanmdi Hota.

  Gray Eagle calmly and quietly replied, “He will not speak to her about me or us. He believes as you do that she belongs here. He wishes her to join with you, not me.”

  These words pleased Brave Bear, but he doubted if the scout would keep his word, or if Wanmdi Hota spoke the truth. He asked, “How will I know he speaks the truth? I do not know the wasichu tongue.”

  Gray Eagle retorted coldly, “By the look on her face! She thinks you bought her for a slave, that I sold her to you. She is much afraid and confused. He will tell her what took place in my camp that day and why. Do you not wish her to know who she is, who you are and why she is here? If so, then he can do this for you. Also, he can tell her of the other things you wish her to hear and know, of the joining ...”

  The old chief had listened to the exchange between the two warriors. He smiled and said he wished his daughter to hear and know these things. Her heart would be free and happy to learn she was at a home where she was loved.

  Brave Bear was still reluctant, but could not change the old chief’s mind. Black Cloud called to Powchutu and Alisha. They came to him. He asked the scout many questions and told him many things. Powchutu listened with great respect and interest.

  “We are friends, Mahpiya Sapa. I will tell her the truth. She is confused and afraid. I will not hurt her with lies or tricks. She needs to know these things about you, herself, and her people.”

  Satisfied with the honesty, pride and love for his daughter in the scout’s eyes, he agreed. He led them to his teepee.

  Alisha gazed around her in total mystery. Powchutu had said they would speak in the chief’s teepee. She saw Brave Bear, Gray Eagle and Wanhinkpe Ska sit down together by the campfire, while the chief was leading them to his teepee.

  She had seen the smile of reassurance on Brave Bear’s face. She had been unable to read anything in Gray Eagle’s. For a brief instant, there had been a flicker of something there, but it had gone before she could read it. What she did not know was his flicker was brought on by the flash of light in her eyes when she had looked at him. He had seen and recognized it, and relief had touched his eyes.

  Powchutu began his talk with caution. “Alisha, what I will tell you will be confusing and hard to believe. But you must hear me out before you question my words to you. I will answer all the fears and doubts which plague you now. Do you understand me?”

  She tensed at his warning. Will I know at last what is going on here? Why does he look so hesitant? Could his words be this hard to hear and accept? What is it they all want from me? Am I ready to hear this truth and know everything as he says? Suddenly, she wanted to run and hide, to cover her ears, to get away from all of them. But did none of those things. She looked up into his face and waited for him to begin ...

  He opened with, “I’m not really sure where to start. So much has taken place since I last saw you. You recall, I told you at the fort that one of the reasons you were rejected and hated so much was because of who had been your captor. I have already told you Wanmdi Hota is one of the most feared and respected warriors of the Sioux nation. Because you had been his woman, they took their hatred and revenge for him out on you. I told you of the seven tribes who are members of the ‘Dakota Ocenti Sakawin.’ As you know, Wanmdi Hota is a member of the Oglala tribe. These men here are members of the Si-ha Sapa tribe. There are five other members, but these two are the largest and most powerful. They are considered invincible and are widely respected and feared.”

  Alisha would nod understanding to his words every so often and he would continue. She waited and listened to see what all of this had to do with her, a ska kaskapi.

  “You can see and understand why the whites and the cavalry feared and hated Wanmdi Hota so greatly after what he did at your fortress and at the fort. I have also told you Wanmdi Hota is the chief’s son and the next Oglala chief. Chief Mahpiya Sapa has no true sons, so he has chosen Mato Waditaka as his son and heir. Both of these warriors are respected and honored by their own and other tribes. Mato Waditaka will be the next chief of the Si-ha Sapa.”

  Alisha thought in self-mockery, from one chief’s son to another! At least a ska wincinyanna is fit for royalty! But at least here, there was no Chela to compete with.

  Powchutu began to speak more slowly and distinctly. “Mahpiya Sapa had only one child, a daughter. Many winters ago, he captured a white girl with flaming hair and grass green eyes. He kept her as his squaw. Her name was Jenny Pilcher. He says you look just like she did, with the same hair, skin, and eyes.”

  Alisha quickly interrupted him here, “Surely he cannot want me to take her place! Or does he wish to give his son a gift of a woman like he had?” She stared at him in horror of the old chief possessing her sexually, and maybe his son as well. Powchutu was rapidly shaking his head no. “Then what does all this have to do with me, Powchutu?”

  Powchutu shook her gently and said, “Wait until I have finished and you will understand and know all. He does not want you for his squaw.” She sighed in deep relief, but instantly realized he had only excluded the old chief, not his son. Was that her purpose here?

  Powchutu was asking the chief some questions to clear up his own understanding. He turned back to Alisha and told her the whole story, about Jenny, her life among the Indians, her death, the love and child she had shared with the chief. He spoke of how Jenny had been killed in a raid on his camp and of how the small child had been captured and taken away, never to be seen or heard of again. He spoke of Matu and her banishment to the camp of the Oglalas for her lack of protection for Jenny and his child.

  Alisha realized at this point, no wonder she hated me and looked at me with such contempt. If I look exactly like this Jenny
who caused her such grief, such sadness and even banishment from her people and perhaps the old chief’s life, I understand ...

  Powchutu waited until he had her full attention again to continue. “After the cavalry took the child, Mahpiya Sapa could not locate where they had sent her. The child bears a mark called an akito on her left buttock to match that of her father’s for identification.” He spoke to the chief.

  Black Cloud came to her and held out his right hand for her to view and study the tattoo. She noted the half moon and two stars, but it meant nothing more than to remind her of the ceremony she had viewed here and the very strange way the two men had watched her. They had tattooed the father’s right hand and the baby’s left buttock ...

  Without warning, the fuzzy events of that morning at Gray Eagle’s camp and this man’s behavior cleared and flooded her mind. Cold, soul-shaking, unexplainable fear gripped at her heart as she vividly recalled what area of her body this old chief and Gray Eagle had viewed. Humiliation filled her just remembering it and she pinkened like the sunset. The way the chief and Powchutu were looking at her now, warned her of his next words. Her heart screamed, don’t listen, but her brain retorted, you must!

  With quavering in her voice, she softly asked, “Powchutu, what is it you are trying to tell me? Isuddenly feel I am overshadowed with danger. There is a cold warning in the air around me. Say it!”

  He gazed deep into her somber eyes and stated, “You are Shalee ... you are Black Cloud’s daughter. You bear this same akito on your body which Mahpiya Sapa bears on his hand. The old woman saw the akito when she doctored you after the icapsinte. She immediately knew who you are and why you looked so much like Jenny. She left to come to Mahpiya Sapa to tell him this news, but the raid on Wanmdi Hota’s camp and your rescue that same day stopped her. She did not dare come to him and tell him she had found you, only to lose you again. She waited until you had been safely returned to the Oglala camp to come to him.”