Winter Beginnings

by Elise K. Ackers

  Alice swallowed and looked away.

  ‘If I were you—’ He got no further. When Alice interrupted him, her tone had become low and dangerous.

  ‘You’re not me. You have no idea what it’s like to be me.’

  The atmosphere in the room had changed. Gone was the heady relief of a recent rescue. Dean was now in the middle of a building emotional storm.

  ‘I never said I did,’ he began, standing. ‘I doubt anyone could claim that.’

  ‘Meaning what?’

  Her temper fuelled his. ‘Meaning you keep people at arm’s length! Everything I know about you I’ve had to wrench over the walls you’ve put around yourself!’ He checked himself, lowering his voice so as to not wake Ben. ‘Don’t stand there and get pissy about what I don’t know about you. I’m in the dark because you’ve put me here.’

  How, he wondered, had this conversation got so off track? Moments ago he’d been trying to talk her off the ledge, away from a path that was clearly unsustainable. She’d fallen asleep behind the wheel of her car, for Christ’s sake. Clearly, balance was a thing of the past. Something—anything—needed to change. Couldn’t she see that?

  Alice had closed her eyes. After a deep, steadying breath, she opened them—they were cool and unfriendly now. ‘Well, allow me to shed some light on the moment. I don’t have time for this. I don’t need your advice or judgement. I don’t need your opinions. I work very hard, I’m a good mother and a good worker—’

  ‘I never said—’

  ‘Thank you so much for your help. Please don’t let my tone make you think I’m not grateful, I really am. But I don’t need any more help tonight.’

  The dismissal settled in the space between them and stretched. The air was teeming with tension, thick with all things said and unsaid. Dean took a step back, nodding at the floor as he retreated towards the door.

  ‘Fine,’ he said to his feet. ‘Your life is your business. Ben made it my business tonight when he called me’ —frightened, lost, confused— ‘but now I’m out again, I get it. You’ll do what you need to do, what you think’s right for you and Ben.’

  She said nothing when he opened the front door to the night. A cool breeze rolled around his ankles and began to fill the room.

  Stop me, he thought. Say something, anything so I’ll stay, so that we can work this out. But she didn’t. Alice let him walk outside, and she didn’t follow.

  When he was standing just outside the small circle cast by the porch light, he turned, hands in pockets. He couldn’t think of the words that would fix everything, couldn’t even be sure where everything had gone so wrong. An hour ago he’d wanted this woman enough to comb the night for her, yet now he was cast out into it alone.

  Couldn’t she see how much he loved her? Didn’t it make any difference?

  Silhouetted in the door, she crossed her arms over herself in a feeble attempt to keep the cold at bay. ‘Really,’ she said, ‘thank you.’

  He nodded.

  It was hard to see the finer details of her face in this light, so he chose to believe what he wanted—that her expression was pained, full of unspoken wishes similar to his own. It was the only comfort he could afford himself beyond finding her safe tonight.

  When he’d walked the distance to his car and curled his fingers around the door handle, he looked over his shoulder and spoke loud enough that his voice carried. If he couldn’t speak for himself, he’d speak for Ben.

  ‘He’s worried about you. And he has cause to.’ Then he added, ‘I’m worried about you too. Whether you want that or not, I am.’

  She sighed and stepped forward. When she was half a dozen steps closer to him, she said, ‘Worrying about me is one thing, but trying to make my decisions is quite another. You might not agree with my working two jobs, but I don’t need your permission and I don’t want it. Ben and I have been just fine, just the two of us, for a long time. We don’t need saving, Dean.’

  Dean stared at his hand, flexing it on the handle. He wanted to deny it, but hadn’t that been exactly what he’d been trying to do?

  He said, ‘I guess that’s who I am. It’s what I do. But spreading yourself so thin … there has to be a better way.’

  ‘You’d know all about spreading yourself thin,’ was her answer. When she took another step forward, the angle of the porch light on her face changed and he could see her clearly. She touched the fingertips to her breastbone. ‘I may do it professionally, but better that than personally.’

  And the conversation swung again.

  Dean rounded on her, his back to the car. ‘I knew you were still pissed about Lana!’

  ‘Why wouldn’t I be?’

  Hope bloomed in his heaving chest. His breaths were fast now, because something was coming, he could feel it. If Alice wanted him out of her life, she would have let him walk away. Antagonising him had only served to keep him here longer, and the barb she’d thrown said more about her than it did about him.

  ‘Why do you care,’ he challenged, closing the distance between them, ‘what I do with my personal life if you don’t want all the drama? If the timing’s so “off for you”, why are we talking about this?’

  Parroting her words pushed temper back into her eyes. ‘The timing’s off for you, not me! I’m not the one coming out of some great sleep and wanting to throw myself around a bit!’

  ‘You’re saying I am?’ Dean said, pointing at his chest.

  ‘Yes!’

  Dean thought of Liv, her expression sympathetic, telling him that Alice wanted him so much she couldn’t think straight. If there was any truth in that, Alice was hurting just as much as he was. So maybe this was the moment for a gesture. Saving her from the dark, scary highway had scored him some points, but it was time to lay everything on the line.

  ‘You’re the first woman I’ve kissed in almost three years, and that makes me loose? Lana kissed me, I didn’t see it coming, and I frikkin’ came back to the garage to ask you on a date! We’ve covered this! I don’t want anyone else! Damned if I know why I want you, given you can’t seem to stand me half the time, but there it is!’ He spun on his heel and stalked back to the car, sat on the bonnet and glared at the ground.

  After a beat of silence, Alice said quietly, ‘You think I can’t stand you?’

  ‘At least half the time.’

  ‘Well, half the time I want to shake you for being in my space and in my business.’ She walked towards him and put two fingers under his chin. With one foot she tapped his feet until he’d moved them together, then she stepped either side of his legs. Her hair had fallen forward over her shoulders and it hung between them, full of body and knots. She smelled of water and of gardens—floral and earthy.

  Straddling him now, she put her arms around his neck. ‘The other half of the time I’m wishing you were closer.’ She smiled. ‘In my space and in my business, even.’

  Dean tried to memorise the flecks of colour in her eyes as his hand came up to stroke her cheek. ‘Really?’

  ‘I’m head over heels for you, Dean.’

  He dragged her closer with his other hand and breathed her in. ‘I’m in love with you. And I love Ben.’

  She laughed through a wobbly smile. ‘You can’t be serious.’

  ‘About you?’

  ‘About all of this.’

  ‘I can be very serious about the things I want.’ He trailed his thumb along the line of her cheekbone then looked significantly between Ben’s bedroom window and the woman in his arms. ‘I want all of this. All of you.’

  She nodded slowly, and moved a little closer.

  He held her gaze. ‘So you’re … head over heels?’

  She nodded. ‘Head over heels, and probably, mostly in love with you.’

  Everything in Dean’s body felt like it expanded, swelled and filled with colour.

  He drew her close. ‘Then the timing’s perfect for us. We can figure everything else out.’

  This time when she kissed him, Dean was ready. His
hold on her tightened as she explored his mouth, offering him promise and possibility with every brush of her lips. Pure energy pulsed through his bloodstream, recharging him like liquid light and warmth. Her tongue brushed against his lips at the same moment that he thought of Bree.

  He’d been so happy with Bree. Truly in love. But since she’d died, he’d lived day after day in moments, struggling to get from one to the next, never looking too far forward because the present was overwhelming. But now, with Alice in his arms, he wanted the future.

  Beautiful Bree Foster, the mother of his children and his first love, was alive in his memory and would always hold a place in his heart, but Alice Jaye was his tomorrow. And his next week. And his next everything.

  Chapter 21

  ‘So now that I’m sleeping with the boss I have to work Saturdays, is that it?’ Alice grinned when Dean looked over his shoulder at her, and despite her good-natured complaints, she made no move to shake her hand free from his. Not when he held it so tightly, not when he led her forward so confidently.

  He stepped through the reception door of Foster’s whatever-they-were-calling-it-now and led her into the middle of the room. The light was on, but none of the mechanics were here. Dean had asked the kids to wait outside with Cal and Cal’s dog, and Ethan’s ute was parked out the front. Something was about to happen, but Alice couldn’t guess what.

  Dean let her hand go, turned to her and put his hands on his hips. ‘We have something to ask you.’

  ‘We?’

  The warehouse door opened and Ethan stepped inside. His smile was wide and there was a twinkle in his eyes. He held his hands up as he crossed to them. ‘So, I’ve been thinking, if the two of you are going to be all loved up at work, I’ll have to insist you take long lunch breaks to get all the sexual tension out of the way.’ He laughed when Dean whacked his arm. ‘I’m not even kidding. Anyway, I’m thrilled you’re into my brother. He’s okay. You’ll be moderately happy.’ Dean hit him again and Ethan laughed louder.

  ‘Okay, idiot comments aside,’ Dean said, attempting to sound businesslike, ‘we have something to ask you.’

  Alice tried to smile, but a sudden assault of nerves made her muscles taut.

  ‘Ethan’s been around here often enough to see how good you are at your job. In fact, he threatened to steal you from the garage payroll.’

  She laughed nervously.

  ‘Which got us thinking that maybe there’s an opportunity in this for you. It would be the same sort of role, similar responsibilities. The phone will ring more and there’ll be twice as much paperwork, but rumour has it we pay really well. In fact, this new job pays approximately the same as a part-time and casual job put together.’

  They waited, saying nothing as she considered what she’d heard. ‘You want me to … work for both of you?’

  They nodded.

  ‘But you can only work here,’ Dean clarified. ‘No moonlighting. And the company has a financial assistance program if you ever need it.’

  Alice searched both their faces as a swell of gratitude built and broke inside her. She nodded, laughed, then shouted, ‘Yes!’

  ‘You’re hired!’ Ethan cheered. He threw his arms around her and Dean and jumped up and down, knocking them around until Alice was laughing so hard that a tear was shaken loose.

  ‘Welcome to Fosters’,’ Dean said when they settled. He wiped the tear from her cheek and kissed her.

  ‘Just Fosters’, then?’ she asked the brothers.

  ‘Yeah,’ Ethan said. ‘It leaves room for further expansion. Doesn’t pigeonhole us. Nina may want to open a Parisian gift shop out the back one day, and then can you imagine? Fosters’ Garage, Carpentry and Shoppe—the business cards alone would be huge.’

  Alice laughed and pressed her fingertips to her mouth.

  ‘Speaking of Nina,’ Dean said, ‘I spoke with Jess, the school principal, and we’re going to move Neenz up a grade. Turns out she’s struggling to relate to kids her age, and she’s bored with her class work.’

  ‘That’s great,’ Alice enthused. She’d had quite enough of watching Dean stress over his little girl.

  ‘Yeah, maybe she just needs older company. She gets on with Ro and Ben really well, so … here’s hoping.’

  She nodded. ‘Here’s hoping, but I bet this is just what she needs.’

  They walked out of reception, Dean with his arm around Alice and Ethan at her side. When Ben looked over at them, curious, Ethan said, ‘Your mum works for me now, champ.’

  Dean laughed. ‘Your mum works for us now.’

  Cal got all the kids clapping, and congratulated her over the din. The blue heeler at his feet barked happily and she bowed, joy pinning a smile to her face and making her heart feel so light she thought it might fly out of her throat.

  ‘Brunch,’ Dean announced, ‘at my place. Everyone’s going to be there. And this time—’ he pulled Alice close and kissed her firmly on the cheek, ‘—I mean everyone.’

  Thanks for reading Winter Beginnings. I hope you enjoyed it.

  If you’d like to know more about me, my books, or to connect with me online, you can visit my webpage www.elisekackers.net, follow me on Twitter @EliseKAckers, or like my Facebook page www.facebook.com/EliseKAckers.

  You can also follow me through my publisher’s page here www.escapepublishing.com.au Reviews can help readers find books, and I am grateful for all honest reviews. Thank you for taking the time to let others know what you’ve read, and what you thought.

  You’ve just read a book in my Return to Me series. The other books in this series are Summer Return and Autumn Vows.

  If you liked this book, here are my other books: Dear Stranger and Unforgettable.

  This book was published by Escape Publishing. If you’d like to sample some more great books from my fellow Escape Artists, please turn the page.

  Bestselling Titles by Escape Publishing...

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