“Do you wanna talk about it?”
“No, I don’t think so.” She took a deep breath and lay her head back down. Just go back to sleep. Suck in his scent. Think about earlier. Just don’t dream bad things Lois. Change your dreams. You can do this.
*****
“Well, hello there sleepy head.” She stretched and yawned.
“I think I need more sleep. Wake me in an hour.”
“Remember the last time you told me that.” Fuck, why, why did he have to go there?
“Yes, I do unfortunately. How long have I been asleep?” Lois yawned with her question.
Tom looked at his watch, “Well, its 11:30, and I am assuming AM because there is some light that is what light you can get through the snow. How do you feel?”
“I'm hurting in places I didn't know I had.”
“Lois, I’m sorry, I didn't know. I swear I didn't know, if I had known I never would have taken this trip, we never would have come.”
“You’re right, we wouldn't have. But what’s done is done and it’s just as much my fault as it is yours.”
“No, I disagree. It’s not our faults at all. We can’t control the weather right?”
“Right. Looks like the fire is getting low. Better get some more on it. God, I’m starving.”
“Me to but not for food.” His devilish smile all but melted her into pieces right there. She finished stoking the fire and putting more wood on it. When she turned around he was standing behind her. Naked. She looked over his body. It had been way to long since she had lay her eyes on this gift of pure male.
“You like?” Her eyes slowly going back to his.
“Not too bad.” She turned and grabbed her backpack and start shuffling through it. I so am going to hell. Lied again. I have got to stop this shit. She pulled out an apple and bottle of water. Keeping her back to him she couldn’t help it. “Tom, I have something for you.”
“You do? What is it?”
“Something round, sweet, can’t wait to watch you sink your teeth into it. It’s gonna taste so good.”
“Baby you always taste good.”
“Hmm, glad to know it but I wasn’t talking about me.” She turned and tossed him the apple. The ‘I can’t believe she just did that shit to me’ look on his face was priceless. She just smiled and bent grabbing herself the same.
“Best damn apple you ever had ain’t it Tom.” His corners of his mouth turned up like he was the joker or something. “I don’t know what you’re up to over there but you better behave yourself.”
“Oh just about eight or nine inches I reckon. Why don’t you come over here and measure for me?”
“Shit ass.”
“No, but I wouldn’t mind trying out that ass.” He smiled before reaching for his jeans and putting them back on.
They finished eating. She watched as he paced the floors looking outside every now and again. She was having the time of her life right here with him. She couldn’t even be upset by the situation anymore.
She had him all to herself. There was no escaping. Just him and her. Perfect.
“Lois, tell me how you found me. The last thing I remember was praying to God I made it back to you and you were still alive.”
“Awe, how sweet you were worried about me.” She tried to joke about it. Make light of the situation. He didn’t want to though. He had this serious answer only look on his face.
“Well, I fell asleep and when I woke up the Tahoe was out of gas and it was cold. I bundled up and followed in the same direction as you. Just when I didn't think I was going to make it any further I seen a mailbox. I thought maybe you had gone to the house where the mailbox was so I started down the driveway. My foot hit something hard and I fell. When I was getting up, I seen a piece of your coat, I hesitated, I was afraid you were dead. So I dug you out and thankfully the snow was basically frozen and you kinda just slid along on top of it.”
“How did you start the fire?”
“I used our clothes and a lighter I had in my bag.” She paused. “Why do you look at me that way?” She questioned.
“What way?”
“That way, what are you thinking?”
“How you never seize to amaze me. You’re an extraordinary woman Lois. You truly are.”
“So now it’s my turn. What do you remember about before you left in the Tahoe?”
She watched as he rubbed his fingers through his hair. “Damn, nothing. I went to sleep and it’s like I woke up walking down the road. I knew you were in the Tahoe though.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“Lois, what are you not telling me? Did you do something freaky to yourself while I slept or something.”
“Ha, you wish buddy. Just wondering. You hit your head and I just wanted to make sure you were okay. That’s all.”
“Okay so now my turn. Right?” He raised one eyebrow at her. Sexy.
“Yes.”
“What were you dreaming about? And be honest with me no lies. Just you and me Lois.”
“I can’t. I don’t talk about my dreams Tom. I don’t talk about them because trust and believe me when I tell you, they are not pretty and you don’t want to know. I don’t want you to know.”
“Answer my one hard question, and I will answer one hard question for you. Deal?”
Damn it. She really wanted to know why in the hell he got his rocks off causing pain to her and the whole dominating her. Not that she was complaining thus far it was what she had seen on google that she didn’t like.
“I never told you the reason I left home. After Mom died, Dad became an alcoholic, and never really cared about me after that. When he lost his job, all he cared about was getting money for his next beer. His temper was short. He used to spank me until I cried because he was having a bad day. Or if I needed food, and he wanted beer, I got spanked.”
He didn’t speak only nodded. “You are the 2nd person I have ever told about this.
I moved out, I was in this little town in Arkansas. I was working at a bar as a waitress, it was the only job I could find but I had to lie about my age and say I was 21. They didn't ask for any information because I was paid in cash. It was the perfect job or so I thought.” She had to stop for a minute and catch her breath. It was already beginning to quicken in fear.
“A couple of the customers would get handsy from time to time, but I handled it pretty good. One night I was closing up, I locked the door and turned around and there was a man standing there. I knew who he was, he was a customer, a regular customer. Early that night, he was kicked out of the bar because he just wouldn't keep his hands off me. He grabbed a hold of me and drug me to his truck, opened up the door and threw me down on the seat. He started trying to take off my clothes. I was fighting him, so he hit me. It hurt so bad, I was afraid if I kept fighting he would kill me, so I just lay there and cried, and begged him not to, every little bit, I couldn't help but to try to stop him by holding on to my clothes. But it didn't work”
She looked up at him and she couldn’t tell what he was thinking. His expression was pale and blank. “Are you sure you want to hear the answer now?” She waited for his response and it took him a minute but he again only nodded.
“He took my pants off of me and I started screaming, another man came and saved me. He took me to the hospital, made sure I was okay, spoke to the police and gave a statement to what he had seen. The man that tried to rape me was found like a week later dead in the alley next to the bar.” Relief swamped his face. She watched the color return and fade when she told him she wasn’t done yet.
“I was staying in my grandpa’s truck at night. I would drive down to the river and park and sleep there. I was saving up enough money to get my own place. I went back to work and about a week went by. I noticed over in the corner booth of the bar, was the man that had saved me. I felt obligated to go talk to him and thank him for what he had done. So I did.” Damn this was going to be a lot harder than telling a fucking shrink.
“So, I ta
lked to him. We started seeing each other. I eventually was living with him in separate bedrooms. I was a virgin and wasn’t ready for that yet. Anyways, we fooled around a little but, that was pretty much it. I came in from work one night and I heard him talking to his friends about some things. Weird things. Cuffs being included in that.”
“Oh my God Lois, that’s why I freak you out. I’m so sorry. If I had known I would have done it differently.” He stood going to her. Holding her. She pressed him back.
“You wanted to know, you have to hear it all.” She watched as he backed away. “I walked by him headed to the kitchen. I heard him say I’ll show you how it’s done boys, he grabbed me throwing me over his knees holding me, and starting slapping my ass. The next thing I knew my pants were gone and they were taking turns. When it was finally over, they left. He told me if I repeated it to anyone he would kill me. I waited for him to go to sleep and I left. I couldn’t sit down for a week. A week.”
“Lois, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe he treated you like that. Lois that’s not what I am about.”
“You don’t get it. A year later I met you.”
He sat there staring at her.
“Lois, I know this isn't any of my business, but you don't ever have to worry about that again. You will always have a home, you will always have a job from me, and you will never want anything or go without anything you need again. And you damn sure will never be spanked like that again or anyway for that matter.” Tom reached out to touch her shoulder when she turned and looked at him.
“I didn’t tell you that so you could join the pity party Tom. I told you that because I have questions that I need answered.”
“Well you know, what I mean, you don't have to worry about anything. I am going to make sure you are taken care of or at least have the resources to take care of yourself. And this isn’t a pity party. I shouldn’t have spanked you either. Knowing what I do now that is.”
“Yeah well too late now. But anyways. My question next.”
“Ok shoot. If you can give an answer like that surely I can answer anything you come out with. Let’s have it.” She watched him get all nice and comfy on the shitty ass couch they were sitting on. It was almost comical watching him.
“What if you don’t like my question and refuse to answer it?”
“Is this your question cuz I can answer this one easy. Each time one of use refuses to answer a question we have to remove an article of clothing. How about that?”
“I’d say that is hardly fair. But you don’t have shit on me now. Game on. Okay. Why the do you like inflicting pain on me?” His mouth dropped open. She didn’t believe it. His face turned red. Hell yeah. This was going to be good. Real good.
He stood. Pacing running his fingers through his hair. “Oh fuck it.” That was the only response he gave me when he took off his shirt.
“Hey, that’s not fucking fair. I told you all of that and you can’t even answer that one question?”
“It’s not that I won’t. I just won’t right now. Next question Lois.”
“Ok then. What is it exactly you get out of pain and sex then?”
“Damn it Lois.” He took off his socks. Son of a bitch.
“Ok, Fine. Fuck you let’s make it harder then. Why the hell am I not good enough for you to have a real relationship with?”
“That’s not the case at all. You are good enough. Too damn good. And to be honest, I thought we did have a relationship. I love you. I never wanted to hurt you. I can’t imagine my life without you in it.” He stood and put his pants back on.
Lois watched in shock. She couldn’t believe he had said it. Why couldn’t he say these things to her before? What was it about him that made it so hard to stay mad and angry at him? And then she focused on what he was doing.
“What the hell? You didn’t say anything about putting clothes back on.”
“Did you like the view?”
“That’s not fair you know I do.”
“Yeah, your right I do. Now what do I want to know about you next.”
“You already asked your question. It’s my turn.”
“Bullshit. I didn’t ask you anything.”
“Oh I beg to differ. You asked me if I enjoyed the view.” Yep, got him.
“That shouldn’t count but I’ll give it to ya.”
“You said I was good enough. Then what is the problem? Why won’t you let this go somewhere?”
“That’s two questions. There isn’t a problem. You left me remember.” Damn it he was right.
“Fuck this game of yours. Stick it in your ass. I’m done.”
“Not my ass. But I could stick it in yours anytime you’re ready.” Damn him.
“Yep, sure that would cause some pain to. The thought alone probably is just about enough to make you come all over isn’t it?”
“Lois, you don’t understand it?”
“Your right I don’t and you won’t explain it.” She stood walking to the window staring out it.
*****
The hours went by as they sat there and finally began to talk again. Just small talk. She didn’t want anything else. She didn’t want to explore this any further. She wanted it to be over. He was making her feel the way she used to feel.
She could feel his eyes on her watching every move she made. She repositioned herself and started rubbing her neck again. She could feel his eyes as if they were burning wholes through her back.
“What happened to your neck, you rub it a lot?”
“Who knows, it’s been bothering me for a while.”
“Did you ever have it looked at?”
“Nope. Don’t really plan on it either.”
“When we get out of here, we are getting it checked out, you never know, maybe something was hurt or something.”
“Nothing was hurt, I'm fine really.” Fucking scum. How could he say that? I would take that pain ten times over then to feel the pain he is causing me.
“Lois, I’m sorry.” He leaned in and tried to kiss her, but she just turned her head and stood sitting back down on the floor in front of the fireplace.
“So is that it then?” His voice almost for a brief second sounded like he was dreading the answer.
“Yep, I think so. I want more than just sex Tom. You don’t. I don’t wanna talk about it. Please let it go.”
“How many times do I have to tell you I thought what we have is more than sex? What do you want from me now?”
“I want answers.”
She sat back on the couch and began to replay each moment she had with him. It was just as much her fault as it was his. She should have never let it get this far.
About thirty minutes went by and she heard Tom come back in. She quickly wiped her face and stared into the fire. Tom walked in and hesitated for a moment and then went to warm his hands by the fire. She watched him as he knelt down rubbing his hands back and forth, holding them close to the heat. Not a word was spoken between the two of them for the next few days. The blizzard had come and gone.
“The sun has been out, the snow has melted a lot, I ‘m going to head out in the morning. I will send help back for you.” Tom turned and looked back out the window.
That night while she lay on the couch, she could feel him watching her. As soon as she didn’t feel his gaze anymore she opened her eyes and sure enough he had fallen asleep. She stood. Grabbed a notebook and pen from her bag.
Dear Tom,
I am grateful for everything you did to help me. I know that you were just being kind to an extent. I truly didn't mean to cause you any discomfort, confusion, or pain. I should have known people like me and people like you just don’t belong. I know that gives me no right to hurt you or myself any further. Before I cause either of us anymore pain, I am leaving. I will not be returning to work. I do not want to take the chance of something else happening and feelings being hurt worse than what they already are. This should of never of happened. I can't let this happen again. Once again thank you fro
m the bottom of my heart. I truly hope you find whatever it is you are looking for in life. Please allow me to go and find what I need as well.
Love,
Lois
She left the letter on the couch. She left her bags. Everything but the clothes on her back. No sooner than she hit the pavement, she ran into a state trooper and begged him to take her somewhere anywhere before he went back for Tom. Thankfully he did.
Chapter Sixteen
A few months went by and everything continued as normal. But for her it wasn't normal anymore. Mark had questioned what had happened while they were missing, but she never told him. Lois had thought about what had happened every day since she had been back. She thought about how she could have done things different. How she should have handled things from the beginning.
She couldn’t go back to her place. She had a feeling he wouldn’t let this go and come looking for her. She told Michelle she needed to just get away again. She couldn’t give her much detail either because she knew without a doubt Tom could have gotten it out of her.
Every moment she was awake she dreamed of him. She wanted to beg and plead with him to forgive her. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and never let go again. But it was too late now. If only she had done things differently, maybe, just maybe none of this would have happened.
She knew that Mark was Tom’s best friend. She also knew that we were now friends as well and he wouldn’t tell anyone anything she didn’t want him to. Even if it included Tom. It might almost kill him to keep it a secret but he would do it.
“Mark, I can't tell you how much I appreciate this.”
“Lois, you’re very welcome. Look, I think I need to tell Tom, he has been my best friend for so long and I feel as if I am hiding something. He loves you Lois. I can see it in his eyes. He's not himself.”
“No, you can't please, he doesn't need this right now, and he most certainly doesn't need me, I have nothing to offer him. I can’t be what he wants me to be.”
“You know Lois, sometimes you don't have to offer anything but your heart. To some people that is what truly matters.”
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