Perception

by Nicole Edwards

  If she were so adamant that she didn’t want this, why was her body burning for him? Why was she feeling things she hadn’t felt in… well, in years? Why was she suddenly wanting to relive what she’d felt last night when he was touching her?

  God, this was too confusing.

  Staring back at him, she suddenly hated herself for allowing him to wear her down, but she knew that she couldn’t lie to him. She wasn’t built that way. The truth was the only way she knew, because without the truth, what was left?

  “Tell me, Mercedes. Tell me that last night wasn’t just a demonstration. You felt more, didn’t you?”

  “Maybe. I don’t know,” she finally said, rationalizing her thoughts. She didn’t know anything anymore. In the span of one night, he’d flipped her world upside down, and she didn’t know which way she was going anymore. The emotions that churned inside of her were unexpected and left her hovering on the brink of insanity.

  “Tell me this,” he prompted. “Last night, what did you feel?”

  What did she feel? An easier question would be what didn’t she feel. He’d made her feel more in twenty minutes than she’d felt in years, and that scared the shit out of her. She wasn’t looking for anything. She was content with her life and what he represented was nothing more than danger to everything she’d created for herself. And she knew that one wrong decision could very well damage their friendship beyond repair.

  Was she willing to risk it?

  Mercedes looked away, breaking eye contact with him. He didn’t allow her to disengage though. He just curled his finger beneath her chin, turning her head back so that she was facing him, and she let him.

  “Tell me,” he ordered as he dropped his hand to his side.

  “I’m used to being in control. You know that.” He didn’t say anything, so she continued. “I’m in control of every aspect of my life – business and personal. And that includes my sex life. I control my destiny. I decide what and when. That’s who I am, Xander. What we did last night goes against who I am.”

  “But you enjoyed it.”

  It wasn’t a question.

  This time Mercedes didn’t look away. “Yes. I did. Are you happy now?” she bit out. “That doesn’t change anything. I still crave the control.”

  Sort of.

  “Do you?”

  She hated when he did that. She didn’t want to talk about this.

  “Yes, dammit,” she snapped. “What happened last night…” Mercedes closed her eyes briefly and then reopened them, a renewed sense of purpose filling her. It was her turn to get answers. “Remember that night at Kink when you volunteered to let Mistress Desiree demonstrate on you because no one else had the balls to do it, how did that make you feel?”

  “Like I was in someone else’s body,” he told her, his answer surprisingly honest.

  “Then you know exactly how I felt, X,” Mercedes stated firmly.

  “When are you going to stop lying to yourself, Mercedes? To us both?” he argued, his voice low, his tone even. “I was with you, remember? You came apart at the seams when we were together.”

  Yes, she did. Against her will.

  Ok, no, not really. But still.

  “And you think that’s all I need? An orgasm?” Mercedes tried to pull away again, but Xander held her wrists more firmly.

  Xander opened his mouth. Closed it.

  She wanted to know what he had to say. But then actions replaced words and Mercedes found herself giving in to something she’d dreamed about since the moment Xander put his hands on her last night.

  As he looked into her eyes, he tightened his grip on her wrists just as little and moved his free hand up, his knuckles lightly grazing her nipple as he did. Then he was sliding his fingers into her hair, cupping the back of her head, as he leaned down, pressing his lips to hers.

  He was kissing her.

  For the very first time.

  And sweet mother mercy, the man could freaking kiss.

  Mercedes was pretty sure her knees were going to give out.

  Contrary to the heated argument they were having, Xander’s lips were soft, his hand gentle as he held her.

  She hesitated only briefly before she gave in, kissing him back with delicious intent. Her legs weakened, her body ignited with sensation as the kiss penetrated her bloodstream, moving through her entire body in a rush.

  It didn’t take long before the passion of the moment overwhelmed them both.

  Holding her head firmly, Xander controlled the kiss, and she let him. It would serve no purpose to try to top him. He wasn’t going to allow it. And, truth be told, she wanted to remember what it felt like to be dominated, to let go of the control, to concede to someone else for even a brief moment.

  Just this once.

  She pressed up against him involuntarily, unable to stop herself. What this was between them wasn’t normal. It wasn’t run of the mill. And dammit all to hell, it wasn’t only about sex although it would appear that way from the outside looking in.

  But what most people didn’t realize about her was that she used her Domme status to keep her distance from people. The habit had been ingrained in her since she was a teenager, growing up in an abusive household with an overbearing father, then reinforced time and time again through a series of bad relationships when she was older.

  Being in control meant she didn’t have to give up anything, didn’t have to answer to anyone, and being a Domme in the lifestyle she coveted meant she could be satisfied physically without ever having to give too much of herself. As far as emotional ties, there weren’t any. Because she didn’t allow them.

  But this was Xander. Her friend. A man she admired, a man she suddenly craved which meant she would want more. Nothing about Xander was easy, and if she gave in to him at all, even one tiny bit, she feared she’d lose a part of herself that she’d been holding on tightly to for as long as she could remember.

  The kiss lingered, the passion between them fanning the flames as she was engulfed by the same overwhelming sensations that Xander had instilled in her last night when he’d used nothing more than his hands and a flogger to send her careening into the abyss.

  Seemingly unwilling to let go, he consumed her, tasting, teasing, seeking all that she was willing to give him.

  And she let him.

  Long minutes later, when he pulled back, Xander remained steadfast, holding her wrists, palming her head gently as he stared down at her. Why that made her feel good, she didn’t know.

  But she did. She felt… safe in his arms.

  It had been an incredibly long time since a man had looked at her the way Xander was looking at her now. Maybe it was her fault because she’d refrained from taking on a full-time sub for a couple of years now, disinclined to commit to something she didn’t think she was ready for again.

  The only thing she knew was that she shouldn’t feel good. She wasn’t supposed to want this.

  And that was the main reason she had to push him away.

  There was a long pause before Mercedes reluctantly said, “If you’re looking for a submissive, I suggest you consider taking Sam on. I think she’ll satisfy that urge and you’ll both get what you want. Hell, you’ll even get a threesome out of the deal, and we all know how you feel about that.”

  Did that make her sound jealous? God, she hoped not, but she couldn’t help herself. The idea of Xander dominating Sam, the thought of Sam crushed between Logan and Xander made her crazy, but she knew if she didn’t push him away, she ran the risk of pulling him close, and it wasn’t in her best interest to do so.

  “You, not Sam,” Xander said brusquely, his words coarse as though he were just as affected by this as she was. He brushed his thumb over her cheek, but he didn’t finish his sentence.

  “Me what?” Mercedes finally asked when it was clear he wouldn’t go on. Sucking her bottom lip between her teeth, she waited.

  “I want you,” he finally said, the gravelly tone of his voice had pleasure igniting beneath
her skin.

  Mercedes’s heart did a somersault, but she stopped it mid-flip, refusing to give in to the promises she could hear in his tone.

  “That’s bullshit, and you know it,” she argued, trying to keep her voice even. “I’m a challenge for you, X. That’s all I am. I’ve seen the women you play with. They’re meek and… they don’t pose much of a challenge. Hell, most of them aren’t even true submissives, they just want a shot at your money.”

  “If you think I’m looking for a woman who doesn’t challenge me, then you don’t know me as well as I thought you did,” he replied softly.

  Mercedes forced her eyes away from his. He saw too much.

  “Look at me,” Xander demanded, this time he used only his words, not his hands.

  Her eyes darted up quickly, too quickly. She knew he saw that she was still hovering on the fence that separated undecided and hell no, this is emotional suicide.

  “Let me show you,” he pleaded gruffly. “Five days. Starting right now. That’s all I’m asking for.”

  “Five days?” That was all? Shit, that was only the beginning. “You think you can turn me from a Domme to a submissive in …? Wait, why five?” she asked curiously, all other thoughts coming to an abrupt halt.

  Xander smirked, a glint of humor in his radiant smile. “Five’s my lucky number, you know that.”

  She did know that. Just like seven was her lucky number. And twenty-three was Shane’s. They’d had a long conversation one night over a bottle of vodka. That had been interesting.

  But it wasn’t the point.

  “Xander—” she stopped herself, trying to realign her thoughts once more. Calming down, she followed up with, “I like being in control.”

  “Do you?” he asked, sounding unconvinced and rightfully so since he still held her up against the window and somewhere along the way she’d forgotten that she had pressed her body up against his, her breasts against the hard planes of his chest.

  But it didn’t matter that she was physically attracted to this man. This Dom. She did like being in control. And she was good at it. She was successful. She was independent. And she’d kept the attention of more subs than she cared to count through the years. They kept coming back. It didn’t seem to matter that she never promised them anything. That said something about her; she knew it did. But it didn’t explain these mixed up emotions churning in her belly.

  She wasn’t giving up yet though.

  “Are you saying you want to top me? That in five days I’ll just hand over the reins to you?” she asked. “That’s a little optimistic, X. Even for you.”

  “That’s exactly what I’m saying,” he answered easily that time, his restraint palpable.

  Having him dominate her was something she’d never even considered until last night at Devotion. Since then… well, since then she’d thought about little else.

  Confusion overwhelmed her. No matter what she wanted, regardless of whether she gave in to it or not, it still didn’t explain what Xander’s ulterior motive was.

  “Why me, X?” Knowing she was moving into dangerous territory, Mercedes stared into crystal green eyes, searching for the truth. He didn’t answer her question, so she continued. “And once you break me? Once I’m nothing but a puddle at your feet? Then what? Are you telling me you wouldn’t get bored with me like you do all the others?”

  Mercedes knew him. Xander hadn’t had a serious relationship since the day she’d met him. He played at the clubs, took some of them home, but they never lasted more than a week at the most. He claimed that it was due to work. He didn’t have time for anything else.

  Right.

  Mercedes wasn’t willing to give up the friendship they’d developed for a few days of sex.

  No matter how good she suspected it would be.

  Chapter Seven

  Although Xander heard every single word Mercedes said, he didn’t believe her for a second. Oh, she gave a convincing argument with her direct questions, trying to turn this around on him.

  And maybe she had a point, Xander hadn’t had a real relationship in as long as he could remember. He’d been content with work and play, keeping the two completely separate, yet knowing that work would ultimately take priority over anything else.

  That was before last night. Before his entire thought process had changed at the hands of this one woman. Or rather, when he’d finally gotten his hands on this woman.

  After years of subtly trying to get her to see him the way he saw her, Xander had finally been handed an opportunity too good to pass up. Thanks to Logan’s request, Xander was given the chance to get her in a position where he could convince her that he was the man she needed. Because she was whom he needed. Who he wanted. The woman he longed to have beside him. And not just as his friend.

  In all of the years he’d played at the clubs, all of the pets he’d commanded, never once had any one woman touched a place so deep inside of him the way Mercedes had.

  Not that he could share that with her just yet because it would likely come back to bite him in the ass and right now, he just wanted a commitment from her. Five days. That’s all he needed to show her exactly how good the two of them could be together.

  Hell, he could still feel the way her body had relented to his last night. The way she’d come apart in his arms. It had taken right at ten minutes to bring her down from the sexual high, which he believed is what really pissed her off.

  Not him. He loved every fucking minute of it and yearned to do it again. So much so that Xander couldn’t even contemplate the idea of being with another woman ever again. He wasn’t even sure he could simply play with a sub because the only person he would be thinking about was Mercedes. And he couldn’t stand the thought of her with someone else either. He knew himself, knew that he’d lose his shit if he saw her with another man.

  Nor was he willing to just let her go. If required, Xander was more than ready to fight to convince her.

  He understood her reaction. Hell, he’d be thoroughly confused if somewhere along the way he showed any sort of submissive tendency as well. But Xander knew her, knew that she’d never submit to another man.

  Only him.

  And that fucking made his dick hard.

  To know that she would never kneel at another man’s feet, would never give up the control she held close to the vest… it made him want to dominate her in every way.

  Starting right fucking now.

  “It can’t happen, X,” Mercedes told him, drawing him back to the present.

  Staring down at her, watching the storm clouds brew in her eyes made him want her all the more. She could argue with him until the end of time, but he wasn’t willing to be thrown off course. Not now. Not after last night. After they’d made it this far.

  Xander opted to take a more direct approach. Shifting so that he could slide one knee between her thighs, he released her hands and gripped her hips, forcing her skirt up high and grinding the steely length of his cock against her belly. All while he crushed his mouth to hers.

  She was so soft in his arms. The abundant swell of her breasts against his chest, the heavenly feel of her generous hips against his palms. She was perfect for him.

  He was hanging by a thread, holding her close, reveling in the heat that generated between her legs. When she began grinding her pussy against his thigh, he knew she was done. No matter what she said or what she told herself, this combustible energy that generated between them was hard to resist.

  No, not hard. Damn near impossible.

  “Xander,” Mercedes moaned when he gripped her hair, tilting her head back so he could deepen the kiss. Thrusting his tongue into the sweetness of her mouth, Xander almost came when she grabbed his ass and jerked him closer.

  It was a stalemate. He held tightly to her hair; she held onto him with her relentless grip. Breaking the kiss and staring into her eyes, Xander opted to go with the cold, hard truth.

  “I’m going to dominate you, Mercedes. I’m going to have you
begging me, pleading for me to make you come. I’m going to show you exactly what it feels like to lose absolute control. And I’m going to do it over and over again until you don’t want to think about anyone but me.”

  Her eyes went from soft gray to a thunderhead, blackened with resistance. Or was that need?

  Mercedes slid her hand down between their bodies and began stroking his rigid erection through his slacks. Xander fought the urge to thrust into her hand. What he wouldn’t give for her to jerk him off right then and there. Or better yet for her to drop to her knees so he could watch his cock slide in and out of her pretty pink lips.

  He wished he was naked. If he thought she would be game, he would strip them both right then and there. Toss her across the table and fuck her senseless. Xander wanted her more than his next breath, but he knew he could only push Mercedes so far and right now there was a delicate balance that he couldn’t afford to throw off.

  “I don’t have any desire to submit to you,” Mercedes explained as she stroked his cock roughly. “If you think I can be forced into enjoying it, you’re wrong. And on top of that, we both know we’ll tire of each other before long.”

  Xander didn’t hear anything after the word “force”. He’d never had to force a woman to enjoy anything.

  “Force you to enjoy it?” Xander asked incredulously as he slid his hand up her thigh slowly, easing his finger beneath the lace of her panties. He grazed her clit with his fingertip and then eased lower until he found her soaking wet entrance. “I don’t think force is necessary, baby.”

  Xander fought to keep his eyes open even though she continued to stroke him more firmly, and he wanted nothing more than to get lost in the sensation of her intimate touch along his aching cock.

  Mercedes suddenly stopped, gripping his cock painfully, forcing him to inhale sharply as she tried to control the situation.

  Determined to fight fire with fire, Xander pushed his finger inside of her slowly.

  “One of these days, you’re going to learn that not everyone wants what you want. This is what I want,” she said, tightening her grip on his dick and making him damn near choke on his tongue. “I want a man with my collar around his neck. I want a man who is on his knees and naked when I come home. Begging me, pleading for me to let him come. I want a man shackled to my bed, one I can have my way with whenever I choose. I want a man who knows that I can offer him the greatest pleasure ever to be had.”