Beating the Workplace Bully

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Beating the Workplace Bully Page 17

by Lynne Curry


  When you’re up against narcissist bullies, you can use the chinks in

  their armor to take them out.

  Tactic #1: Find Their Weak Spots and Exploit Them

  First, narcissists crave the limelight. Their hackles go up immediately

  when others receive praise or attention. This means they gun for pop-

  ular individuals like Molly, and, if they take on the wrong individual,

  they bite off more trouble than they can chew.

  Second, narcissists can’t take criticism or any comments that

  challenge their self-esteem. When she initially came aboard, Pauline

  enjoyed the employees’ admiration while Molly handled employee

  problems and took the brunt of their subsequent unhappiness. When

  Pauline became the clinic’s sole administrator, she found herself the

  target of employees with gripes.

  Third, narcissists manipulate everyone. Sooner or later, either

  someone with the power to fight back figures out she’s been “had”

  and retaliates or those manipulated compare notes and realize what’s

  going on. Narcissists, who expect others to idolize them, become

  enraged when their cover is threatened.

  Tactic #2: Collect Information; Build a Solid Case

  THESE VULNERABILITIES LED to Pauline’s undoing. Gretchen, the low-

  key, deceptively mousy-looking woman who ran the clinic’s accounting

  and billing department, had welcomed Pauline into the clinic. Pauline

  saw Gretchen as someone she could exploit, and cultivated this rela-

  tionship. When Mol y retired, Pauline took Gretchen out to lunch and told

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  Pierce the Facade; Topple the Narcissist ❚ 145

  Gretchen she planned to promote her now that the clinic was “mine, all

  mine.”

  Pauline’s glee disturbed Gretchen, as had Mol y’s premature depar-

  ture and the continuing employee exodus. Unsure about voicing her

  concerns, Gretchen prompted Pauline to talk about her “vision.” Like

  other narcissists, Pauline enjoyed talking about herself.

  Diligent and inquisitive by nature, Gretchen unobtrusively dug into

  Pauline’s past. She learned Pauline had left two prior medical practices

  on bad terms. Gretchen began patiently col ecting information from

  current and former employees, promising to keep who said what confi-

  dential. To each of them she said, “We built this clinic. We’re acting as if

  this reign of terror is our new lot in life. Do we want it to go on this way?”

  Gretchen prepared a spreadsheet for the physicians that contrasted

  employee turnover prior to Pauline’s rise to power with turnover after she

  assumed sole control. She presented it to the managing physician late

  one afternoon on a day Pauline had left early.

  He hurriedly cal ed a meeting of the physicians. Gretchen’s spread-

  sheet shocked the physicians, who hadn’t put together the extent of the

  employee exodus. While each physician had been aware that one or

  two nurses and several front desk workers had quit, none of them had

  realized the total number of nurses, lab technicians, admitting clerks,

  and other support professionals who’d resigned. Pauline had instead

  focused the physicians on the “superstars” she’d brought aboard.

  Without mentioning names or specifics that would reveal her sources,

  Gretchen also provided examples of what departing employees pri-

  vately stated as their reasons for leaving. Gretchen begged the physi-

  cians to avoid outing her to Pauline and admitted that she was close to

  resigning herself. She also gave them an Internet-garnered description

  of a narcissist, noting she’d circled phrases she’d personal y observed in

  Pauline, including grandiosity, inability to take criticism, salesmanship,

  self-absorption, and fury when others saw through their cover.

  The physicians then met with Pauline and asked her questions. Pau-

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  146 ❚ BEATING THE WORKPLACE BULLY

  line, unaccustomed to their scrutiny, flew into a rage, and accused them

  of being weak-willed children.

  After Pauline stalked out, the physicians admitted to each other that

  they’d been bedazzled by Pauline and had shut their eyes and ears to

  the damage she’d inflicted on employee morale. They hired a consul-

  tant to conduct an independent employee survey and exit interviews

  with former employees. The consultant’s report, along with legal advice,

  led the physicians to give Pauline a severance package in exchange for

  leaving.

  Tactic #3: Don’t Be Blinded; Be Aware of Warning Signals

  When hiring managers ask me how to avoid hiring a narcissist, I sug-

  gest detailed reference checks, which reveal bridges burned and ashes

  scattered. Narcissists leave a trail. When interviewers find themselves

  dazzled by an applicant, they need to ask themselves if the appli-

  cant takes all the credit for a past organization’s success, or shares it

  with others. They can ask applicants to describe a situation in which

  they’ve demonstrated teamwork. Narcissists can’t, and instead talk

  about their own extraordinary effort. They show disrespect for others

  and blame others for problems rather than taking responsibility.

  Your Turn: Where Are You Now?

  If you have not encountered a narcissist, imagine what it

  would be like if you had, and answer the fol owing questions

  accordingly.

  1. Have you worked with narcissists?

  2. How did they show their preoccupation with themselves?

  3. How did they demonstrate their arrogance and their deval-

  uation of others?

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  Pierce the Facade; Topple the Narcissist ❚ 147

  4. How did they show their sense of entitlement to do whatever

  they wished?

  5. How did they demonstrate their tendency to hold grudges

  or their sensitivity to slights?

  6. How did their behavior affect you?

  7. How did their behavior affect others?

  8. How did their behavior impact organizational morale and

  productivity?

  9. What did you or others do to cope? What worked? What

  didn’t?

  10. Have you seen a narcissist attack another individual who

  got too much credit or attention? What happened?

  11. Have you met someone who double-talked as well as Pau-

  line, looking good on the surface despite rottenness under-

  neath? How did you figure it out?

  12. Although Pauline temporarily took her “throne” with her ret-

  inue in place, Gretchen toppled her. What characteristics

  did Gretchen show that al owed her to succeed? Which of

  those characteristics do you share?

  13. Have you ever worked alongside a narcissist who dazzled

  others with his/her tinsel?

  14. What advice would you give to someone else facing a

  narcissist?

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  17

  TAKE DOWN THE RHINO

  BEFORE IT CHARGES

  Success is not measured by what you accomplish

  but by the opposition you have encountered and

  the cou
rage with which you have maintained the

  struggle against overwhelming odds.

  —ORISON SWETT MARDEN

  WHEN KRIS, A LEAN, red-headed woman with slate-gray eyes,

  took over the Alaska branch office of a Texas-based contract-

  ing company, she knew Don would present a major chal enge. Not only

  did Don, a craggy-faced giant, openly share his “women don’t belong

  in the field” opinions with anyone who’d listen, but he also expected star

  treatment.

  The senior executive gave Kris her marching orders, “We expect you

  to corral Don. We don’t want to lose him, but we can’t afford him acting

  like an oil field Michael Jordan.”

  On her first day, Kris held a managers’ meeting. Don failed to show.

  “Thumbing his nose,” she thought. After the meeting, she sent Don a

  meeting request message. He didn’t respond.

  Kris’s temper simmered as she reviewed her options: wait him out or

  go to his office. She marched toward the elevator, thinking “All right,

  showdown at the O.K. Corral.”

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  Take Down the Rhino Before It Charges ❚ 149

  REAL-WORLD TACTICS THAT WORK

  Authoritative, forceful, mean-spirited wounded rhinos like Don count

  on pushing other people’s buttons. If their targets react, the domineer-

  ing rhinos charge and gore. Don had counted on Kris coming to his

  office and Kris almost fell into his trap.

  Tactic #1: Launch a Preemptive Strike

  INSIDE THE ELEVATOR, Kris caught sight of her clenched jaw in the mir-

  rored wal . She pushed the button for the first floor, exited the building,

  and went to lunch. After lunch, she headed to one of the work sites Don

  managed.

  As she drove up in her red 2015 Mini Roadster, three guys on a smoke

  break outside the building looked over as she exited her car. One gave

  her a long wolf whistle. “Gentlemen,” Kris asked authoritatively, “is that

  how you greet the new branch manager?”

  “Oh, s---,” muttered one.

  “What the hel ?” said another.

  “Indeed,” announced Kris, “Call everyone into the lobby, right now,

  for a meeting.”

  Within six minutes, twenty men had assembled. “My name is Kris Wil-

  liams and I wanted to meet you. In the next four weeks, I’ll visit every

  Alaskan job site. I want to see firsthand what’s happening in the field

  and give you a chance to put a face to a name. I have three initiatives,

  which you’ll hear about in the coming months. None of them, however, is

  as important as safety. We’ve had two lost-time incidents in the last three

  months, and that’s two too many. Any questions?”

  A murmured “No” swept through the crowd.

  “Thank you, gentlemen. I’ll let you get back to work.” As Kris finished,

  Don roared up in his Jeep and stomped through the lobby doors. The

  men saw his storm cloud face and headed for the elevator or the stairs.

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  150 ❚ BEATING THE WORKPLACE BULLY

  “You visited my site,” Don snapped through tight lips. “Without asking

  me?”

  Kris rose to her full five-foot-six-inch height and calmly said, “You

  missed the managers’ meeting and then apparently didn’t see my

  meeting request. I figured you might be on-site.”

  Don looked hot enough to light a cigarette. “Lady, you don’t need to

  be in the weeds.”

  “Devil’s in the details, Don. There’s a managers’ meeting every Mon-

  day at 7 a.m. See you next week.”

  Natural dominators, rhinos control others through deliberate

  undermining, ill-temper, and calculated malevolence. Kris recog-

  nized Don’s first two tactics: (1) disrespect evidenced by not showing up at the managers’ meeting and (2) pushing her button by not

  responding to her meeting request.

  She had no intention of letting Don run rampant. Her preemptive

  strike worked. She’d rattled him.

  Tactic #2: Strategize and Act Before You’re Gored

  You’ll recall Lexie faced a rhino named Jack who ruthlessly sabotaged

  her department in his battle to become executive director. Although

  the employees favored Lexie for the ED position, and she had earlier

  won many small private battles with Jack, the board wanted an ED

  who could handle Jack and chose an outside candidate.

  What should you do if you face a rhino? Strategize and act before

  they charge, while they’re still testing you. Once they’ve decided to

  take you out, rhinos gallop forward at thirty miles an hour, attacking

  with vengeance and giving no quarter. You need to take the high

  ground first, as Kris did on her first day—and each day after that—

  until Don gave her grudging respect.

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  Take Down the Rhino Before It Charges ❚ 151

  Your Turn: Where Are You Now?

  If you have not encountered a rhino, imagine what it would be

  like if you had, and answer the fol owing questions accordingly.

  1. Have you ever worked with or around a rhino? What did the

  rhino do and how did it affect you?

  2. How did the rhino’s behavior affect others?

  3. How did their behavior affect morale and productivity?

  4. What did you or others do to cope? What worked? What

  didn’t?

  5. What trap did Kris almost fall into?

  6. What will you do differently in the future if you face a rhino?

  7. What advice would you give to someone facing a rhino?

  American Management Association • www.amanet.org

  18

  UNDOING A CHARACTER

  ASSASSIN’S WOUNDS TO YOUR

  REPUTATION

  Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has

  the courage to lose sight of the shore.

  —ANDRE GIDE

  WHIPPET THIN AND DRESSED for battle in a tailored red suit,

  cream silk blouse, and red suede pumps, Heather wore her

  air of superiority as obviously as her strut proclaimed it. She cared about

  one thing, and one thing only, and that was Heather. She loved power

  and money. To her, that required establishing her reputation as the num-

  ber one real estate agent in her city. Cassandra, long acknowledged as

  the city’s leading authority on real estate matters, was the only obstacle

  in her way. Heather set out to destroy Cassandra’s reputation among

  buyers, sel ers, the media, and others in the real estate community.

  Like many character assassins, Heather established a relationship

  with her target, fawning over Cassandra’s accomplishments to her face

  while plotting to stick a reputation-slashing knife in her back.

  Heather used LinkedIn to scope out Cassandra’s connections, and

  linked to each of them, flattering them with complimentary introductions

  and inviting them to lunch. Most of them agreed. If they begged off,

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  Undoing a Character Assassin’s Wounds to Your Reputation ❚ 153

  she delivered banana nut muffins and cappuccinos to their offices, first

  checking with their receptionists to determine whether they preferred

&
nbsp; caffeinated or decaffeinated beverages. Once Heather established a

  relationship with them, she passed along discrediting rumors about Cas-

  sandra at the same time as she pretended to admire her.

  Heather worked her other connections to establish herself in the

  media spotlight. Her best friend from high school worked as a television

  reporter and featured her regularly in spots about real estate news.

  Heather cultivated relationships with other women whose assistance

  she anticipated needing—a newspaper reporter, a public relations guru,

  and several leaders in the title and banking industry. These women met

  monthly and cal ed themselves “the gang of seven.” They dedicated

  themselves to helping each other realize their ambitions.

  Heather attended every real estate or title insurance industry lunch-

  eon. Smiling, she quietly yet ruthlessly told agents about nasty remarks

  Cassandra supposedly made about them. Because these title and real

  estate agents saw Heather and Cassandra greet each other as friends in

  public, they swal owed Heather’s stories, and cold-shouldered Cassandra.

  Heather’s friend, an IT guru, helped her create alternate Hotmail,

  Facebook, and Yahoo accounts she used to post defaming stories,

  al egedly from disgruntled buyers and sel ers, about Cassandra.

  A REAL-WORLD TACTIC THAT WORKS

  Character assassins act without remorse, knocking others down so

  they can feel taller. Like many targets, Cassandra felt overwhelmed

  by the negativity swirling throughout her work community. When

  she attended industry functions, and individuals she had considered

  friends cold-shouldered her, she wondered what she’d done wrong.

  She cringed when she logged on to social media and saw postings

  criticizing her. At first, she wanted to retreat.

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  154 ❚ BEATING THE WORKPLACE BULLY

  Launch a Counterattack

  If a character assassin targets you, you can’t run or hide. You can’t

  afford to take assassins’ gibes personally or signal that they’ve hurt

  you. To do so only emboldens them. Instead, you need to mount a

  counteroffensive.

  When Cassandra called me, I suggested she take heart from the

  fact that her connections called to let her know what they’d heard

  instead of worrying about how much of the mud adhered to her repu-

 

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