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Beating the Workplace Bully

Page 19

by Lynne Curry


  what actions will you take or recommend to protect your

  organization from liability and your employees from cyber-

  bul ying? This is a good time to put in place an anti-bul ying

  policy such as the draft one offered in Chapter 26.

  7. What advice would you give to someone facing a cyberbul y?

  NOTES

  1. Noam Lapidot-Lefler and Azy Barak, “Effects of Anonymity, Invisibility,

  and Lack of Eye-Contact on Toxic Online Disinhibition,” Computers in

  Human Behavior, 28, no. 2 (March 2012): 434–443.

  2. Proskauer, Social Networks in the Workplace Around the World, http://

  www.proskauer.com/files/uploads/Documents/Survey-Social-Networks-

  in-the-Workplace-Around the-World.pdf.

  American Management Association • www.amanet.org

  20

  HOW TO SURVIVE

  THE BULLY BOSS

  At the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring

  greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold

  and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

  —THEODORE ROOSEVELT

  WHEN NANCY ARRIVED AT her new job, prior to 8 a.m., she

  poked her head into the accounting manager’s office. “Hi,

  I’m reporting for duty,” Nancy said brightly.

  “Whoops,” responded Yvonne, “We don’t pay overtime.”

  “I wouldn’t charge overtime, I thought I’d just get to my desk and get

  a head start. I promise I won’t sign in.”

  “I appreciate your enthusiasm, but if I let you upstairs,” said Yvonne,

  biting off her words, “it’s on my head.”

  “Okay,” said Nancy, “I’ll wait.”

  At two minutes before 8:00, she returned. Yvonne looked up and said

  “I’ll take you up. You’re required to be at your work station by 8 a.m. every day; however, you’re not al owed to sign in until 8:00. Also, lateness is not al owed—not even a minute.”

  “Okay,” said Nancy, as they headed upstairs. “Do you know when my

  boss gets in and if there’s an orientation?”

  Strain clearly showing on her face, Yvonne replied, “Our general

  manager prefers to orient you himself. He’ll be in when he’s in.”

  Nancy looked shocked.

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  How to Survive the Bully Boss ❚ 165

  “I’m sorry,” said Yvonne, “It’s just that Steve has certain rules and we

  don’t question him.”

  “No problem. I’m sorry if I’ve overstepped.”

  After Yvonne left, Nancy turned her computer on, and was cleaning

  her desk drawers when she heard heavy footsteps.

  A man stuck his head through her doorway, and in a deep, raspy

  voice snapped, “I’ll see you, now.”

  “Yes, sir,” Nancy said, hustling after Steve into his office. There were no

  chairs in front of Steve’s desk, so she stood while he sat down, thudding

  into a giant, black leather chair.

  “Pay attention, and you’ll do wel ,” declared Steve, without any

  welcoming preamble. “I expect eight hours’ work for eight hours’ pay.

  Phone numbers are to be repeated twice for accuracy. I expect total

  discretion. Plus, I don’t like idiot questions.”

  “Yes, sir.” Nancy shivered.

  “I’m done,” bellowed Steve, with obvious irritation.

  Nancy fled back to her desk.

  THE BULLY BOSS TURNS A JOB INTO A NIGHTMARE

  Bully bosses chip away at their employees’ self-confidence and poten-

  tial with belittling comments. They demand instant and complete

  obedience. If you challenge the bully boss’s opinions, or ask too many

  questions, the “I rule” boss reacts angrily, forcing you to back down

  and teaching you to keep your mouth shut.

  Bully bosses dominate, exploit, and devalue their staff. Their idea

  of give and take is they take, you give. They ferret out your vulnerabil-

  ities and use them as ammunition. Even if you’re used to standing up

  for yourself, you may find yourself outgunned and defeated.

  Bully bosses rarely see themselves as bullies. Instead, they see

  employees and others as the problem, often saying things like “You’ve

  got to kick people to get them going” or “I’m yelling because they

  don’t hear me unless I shout.”

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  166 ❚ BEATING THE WORKPLACE BULLY

  Bully managers live in a feedback vacuum because peers don’t

  call them on their behavior, and subordinates don’t voice concerns,

  fearing they’ll be fired.

  REAL-WORLD TACTICS THAT WORK

  NANCY RECOGNIZED THE situation for what it was. She’d been married

  to a bul y who’d died of a heart attack at fifty-six, but not before he’d

  flattened her self-esteem. She gritted her teeth and reminded herself

  that it took her three months to land this job.

  She returned to her computer and plowed into the piles of work on

  her desk. Twice, Nancy knocked softly on Steve’s door.

  “What d’ya want?” he asked.

  “I have completed letters for your signature.”

  “Wel , bring them in!”

  As Nancy handed them to him, she saw the plaque, “It IS my way or

  the highway, and the highway is right out front.” She suppressed a smile.

  She couldn’t have asked for a more “in your face” bul y.

  After her husband died, she’d sought out a grief counselor, who told

  her she needed to repair her self-esteem as well as grieve. Nancy real-

  ized quickly what she might gain from a short stint working for Steve.

  Tactic # 1: Help Them Attain Their Goals

  Bullies appreciate those who enhance their reputation and help them

  realize their ambitions. By supporting your boss you decrease the like-

  lihood you’ll be the victim of choice.

  Tactic #2: Avoid Confronting a Bul y Boss

  DURING NANCY’S FINAL counseling session, she’d told the counselor,

  “I’m afraid to ever date again. What if I pick another bul y?”

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  How to Survive the Bully Boss ❚ 167

  “You now have bul y radar,” the counselor assured her. “If you date

  someone who acts like a bul y, you’ll dump him. If you end up working

  with bul ies, consider it practice in how to stand up to them.”

  “You mean fight them?”

  “You can stand up to bul ies without a fight. The trick is to not let them

  destroy your sense of wel -being or force you to retreat.”

  As Steve blew by her desk on his way out to lunch, Nancy thought,

  “This guy may be my final exam in handling bul ies without letting them

  trash my self-worth.”

  Nancy learned Steve’s triggers and took great satisfaction in doing a

  better job than he expected. She kept her head down and worked hard.

  She sensed that Steve was trying to bury her in work so he could blow up

  when she cracked.

  Don’t challenge bully bosses by expressing your opinions or ask-

  ing questions. Instead, if you can tolerate their arrogance, let them

  know what you admire about them and quietly go about doing what

  you think is right. Learn what triggers their anger so you can avoid

  setting them off.

  Tactic # 3: Don’t Expect Their Approval or Loyalt
y

  Even if they temporarily treat you well, bullies’ positive regard can

  evaporate in a nanosecond. Then, they’ll turn on you no matter how

  much you’ve done. Bullies are guided by their own risk/reward radar.

  They pick on the weakest members of their team first; however, even

  if you don’t fall into that category, you can’t afford to threaten them.

  Instead, strengthen yourself, inwardly and outwardly, by developing

  an ally base.

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  168 ❚ BEATING THE WORKPLACE BULLY

  Tactic #4: Use the Bul y Boss’s Interest in Their Favorite

  Person—Themselves

  ONCE A DAY Nancy grabbed coffee from the break room and ate

  her sandwich at her desk. On her second week, she walked in on two

  coworkers she’d not met, who were betting on how long she’d last.

  “Hi! Can I get a cut if I stay?” The two jumped. “So what odds are you

  giving me?”

  “Ten to one that you won’t last out the month.”

  “Has he always been this bad?”

  “Ha!” one snorted. “You haven’t seen anything until you’ve seen him

  in a rage.” They heard heavy footsteps coming down the hal . All three

  scrambled out the door and back to their desks.

  That night, Nancy began looking for a new job. Not wanting word to

  get back to Steve that she was job hunting, she omitted her new job from

  her résumé and used her maiden name, thinking it was time to legal y

  change her name anyway.

  Two months later, she lined up a new job. By then, she’d met and liked

  many of her coworkers. Several told her how surprised they were that

  she “wasn’t a b----.” The first man who made that comment said, “Your

  predecessor was. We all figured that was what it took to handle working

  that close to Steve.”

  Nancy wanted to do something for her coworkers before she left. She

  was getting out, but, in the tight job market, many of them were stuck

  working for Steve. Also, most of them liked their work, although not the

  oppressive environment.

  As she’d suspected, Steve had put her through trial by fire and,

  because she’d handled it without faltering, now relied on her. While he

  barked at her occasional y, he often asked for her thoughts about one

  of his plans. Wisely, she always told him what she admired about what-

  ever he proposed, and never voiced objections. Because she opened

  his mail, Nancy also seized the opportunity to put things into his mail

  stack she wanted him to see.

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  How to Survive the Bully Boss ❚ 169

  When she learned about 360° reviews, she sought out information

  and realized the potential benefits.

  Generally, bully bosses have an inflated view of themselves, their

  leadership qualities, and how much their employees admire them—

  and they like having those views confirmed. If you work for a bully

  boss, consider what you appreciate about him or her and let the boss

  know it.

  Bully bosses also desire information that they can use as ammuni-

  tion to increase their control of their employees and organizations. As

  a result, they often accept a consultant’s or human resources profes-

  sional’s suggestion to implement a 360° review. Sometimes, this neu-

  trally gathered information can convince a bully boss to learn new

  ways of treating others.

  Tactic #5: Document Your Boss’s Behavior

  If your bully boss runs your department rather than the organization,

  or reports to a board of directors, demonstrating the cost to the orga-

  nization in morale, productivity, and turnover carries great weight.

  When you have enough documentation bring it to the chief executive

  officer or board chair’s attention; it may convince them to rein in the

  bully.

  Tactic #6: Know Your Legal Rights

  While bully bosses may rule their organizations or departments,

  they don’t rule the world. If your bully boss discriminates illegally

  against you and you’re a member of a protected category based, for

  example, on your age, sex, race, or pregnancy, or a part of another

  statutorily protected group, seek help from your state’s Human Rights

  Commission or from the federal Equal Employment Opportunity

  Commission.

  If your bully boss lashes out at you because you’ve engaged in a

  American Management Association • www.amanet.org

  170 ❚ BEATING THE WORKPLACE BULLY

  protected activity, such as protecting your right to work in a safe work-

  place, document the situation and bring it to the attention of the rele-

  vant regulatory body. Chapter 27 provides a full list of the protected

  activities and categories that may help you take out your bully boss.

  Tactic #7: Don’t Let Your Bully Boss Steal Your Visibility

  This is especially true if you’ve generated new, innovative ideas that

  may help you leapfrog past your boss in the organization’s hierarchy.

  Establish credit for your ideas before a bully boss claims your work as

  his or her own.

  Tactic #8: Besting the Bul y Boss

  ONCE NANCY KNEW she had another job lined up, she cal ed a con-

  sultant on her personal cell phone and outlined the situation. “I have a

  tyrant boss—fifty-three people in this organization and one man makes

  their lives miserable. I’m thinking a 360° review would hold a mirror up to

  our boss.”

  “It does, better than almost anything else I know.”

  “Would it be possible to do one of these reviews and keep it

  confidential?”

  “Everyone emails me their forms. They can do it from their home

  computers or another computer that’s not part of your office network

  because anything that is sent from your network to an outside third party

  can be captured and reviewed. Or, I can send you fifty-three printed

  questionnaires, along with self-addressed stamped envelopes, and they

  can mail them to me confidential y.”

  “What if our boss asks you for them and recognizes people’s

  handwriting?”

  “You have my word I’ll input the data and shred the original

  questionnaires.”

  “We have a plan.”

  The consultant provided a brochure along with the names of the larg-

  American Management Association • www.amanet.org

  How to Survive the Bully Boss ❚ 171

  est companies for which she’d done 360°s. Nancy slid the information

  into Steve’s stack of mail and placed the mail on Steve’s desk.

  “What the hell is this crap?” he asked her, fishing out the brochure on

  the 360° leader review.

  “What, sir?”

  “This stuff from some management consultant?”

  “Oh,” she said, as she took the brochure. “I’ve heard about these.

  A lot of Fortune 500 companies are using them, but only for their top

  leaders.”

  “Hrmh!” Steve grunted.

  As she exited, she heard Steve making a cal , and crossed her fingers.

  Nancy handed Steve her resignation the day after she knew most

  employees had mailed in their questionnaires. As she
had predicted, he

  fired her on the spot. “Thank you, sir,” she said gaily. “I consider that an A.”

  Your Turn: Where Are You Now?

  If you have not encountered a bul y boss, imagine what it

  would be like if you had, and answer the fol owing questions

  accordingly.

  1. Have you worked for a bul y? What bul ying behaviors did

  your boss exhibit?

  2. In what ways did this boss try to control or dominate you?

  3. What other maladaptive behaviors did your boss exhibit?

  4. What happened to your self-confidence when you worked

  with this boss?

  5. In what other ways did your bul y boss affect you?

  6. Did your bul y boss realize he or she was a bul y?

  7. Nancy helped her bul y boss realize his goals; did you use a

  similar strategy?

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  172 ❚ BEATING THE WORKPLACE BULLY

  8. Although Nancy didn’t fight her bul y boss, in what ways did

  she stand up for herself?

  9. How did you strengthen yourself internal y?

  10. How have you found and used al ies?

  11. Were you able to access a member of the board of direc-

  tors or a manager more senior than your bul y boss to help

  you?

  12. If you’ve been bested in the past by a bul y, how could suc-

  cessful y handling a bul y transform your life?

  13. If you currently work under a bul y boss, are there any reg-

  ulatory agencies, such as the Human Rights Commission or

  the Department of Labor, that can help you? (Note: You will

  find more ideas in Chapter 27.)

  14. How did your bul y boss’s behavior affect others?

  15. How did the boss’s behavior affect morale and

  productivity?

  16. What did you do to cope? What did others do to cope?

  What worked? What didn’t work or made things worse?

  What would you do differently in the future?

  17. What advice would you give to someone who works for a

  bul y boss?

  American Management Association • www.amanet.org

  21

  HANDLING THE BULLY EMPLOYEE

  WITHOUT GETTING BURNED

  Nothing is a waste of time if you

  use the experience wisely.

  —AUGUSTE RODIN

  EARLIER, YOU MET golden boy employee Geoff, who bullied his

 

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