by Mindy Carter
My heart dives at his confession. He blames himself. A lot of things start to make sense. The way he's so adamant about us having children. There is remorse in his eyes, and my first instinct is to grab him and hold him, and convince him that this wasn't his fault. These things happen and as horrible as they are, they can't be avoided, they just happen.
"She lost the baby in the accident?" It's a rhetorical question, but he nods anyway.
I squeeze his hand, sharing in his loss, and wipe tears from my eyes. I feel his loss as if it's my own, even though I should be relieved that he isn't tied to Gretchen, the woman who took the love of my life away from me not once, but twice.
"I was the one who insisted we tell her parents. I hadn't even told Kaleb, and I didn't want to hide it from anyone any longer. We had plans to meet with mine a few days after the accident. "
I understand his guilt, but no one deserves to be blamed for an accident.
"Keegan, it wasn't your fault. If you had just told me, I would have been there for you. I wouldn't have pushed you away. I would have been devastated, but for you, Keegan. You should have had someone to get you through it. I would have told you that it was in no way your fault."
"That's the thing, Aimee, I couldn't tell you any of it. I ruined Gretchen, and I ruined you as well. There is no way that we could have gotten through it. Gretchen and I barely did. She blamed me. The doctors told her there was too much scar tissue and that she may need to use other alternatives to have a baby. I took that away from her."
I can't imagine Gretchen ever thinking of anyone but herself. Knowing she experienced this tragedy, I have a tinge of remorse for her. If I were to go through that kind of loss I would be changed forever.
"I'm so sorry. I wish you had never gone through something like that." I pick up my glass of water and take a large gulp. Suddenly I'm very thirsty.
"Aimee, I know this is a lot and I don't expect you to forgive me overnight. I know the last couple of days have been difficult and shocking, to say the least, but I can't lose you. Not now, and not ever. I love you, and I've only ever loved you."
I'd already made my decision, the moment I left Keegan's father's party. I promised myself I was done. Nothing has changed for me. I'm not going to let him think there is a future. He has a company and a partner, and none of that includes me. Our lives are too far apart.
I remove my hand from his. "Thank you for being honest with me, Keegan, but—"
Keegan cuts me off. "Aimee, no buts, no ifs, just don't give up on us." He's pleading with me.
"But, nothing has changed. Too much has happened. I'm not going to be able to move past it all. I won't lie to you, Keegan, and no matter what has happened I will always care about you. So please just respect my decision."
Saying those words is harder than I ever thought it would be. Keegan's eyes tell me I haven't gotten through to him. I know him, and I can tell he's already thinking of his next move. It's why he's so successful and also why I've always looked up to him: He never takes no for an answer. Unfortunately this time is different, and I'm different. Keegan James shined a light on me, but now it's dimmed. If I don't walk away now, there won't be any light left.
"What about Liam?" He interrupts my thoughts.
"Liam has nothing to do with us."
"Aimee, he's not just Reese's brother, is he? He's the one, your ex and the only other person you gave yourself to. I'm not the only one who has been dishonest."
He has no right, after what Gretchen put me through, to throw Liam in my face. Liam and my situation is not the same. It's unique, and if he knew that he was the very reason I couldn't give my heart to Liam, then he wouldn't be mentioning this. He's right that I can't put all the blame on him. I'm not perfect and that's exactly why I can't give him what he wants. It's just too much. The wounds are still fresh; I'm surprised I can even wrap my head around it all.
"Keegan, there wasn't much to tell. Liam and I are just friends. He moved away and we split amicably," I say.
I'm not sure if I'm trying to convince him or myself of that. The way Liam reacted at the party was jealousy. He was so angry, and everyone noticed.
"You should have told me," he says softly.
He's right, I should have, and I don't know why I didn't. All the opportunities just passed us by. It doesn't matter anymore.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but Keegan, he's not part of my life anymore. We live on opposite sides of the country. I mean, we don't work together, and he doesn't influence my decisions. He's a friend, but like I said, he has nothing to do with this."
He nods. I pray I've gotten through to him.
"Are you done? I'd like to get back to my dad."
He pulls out his wallet and stands, throwing three crisp twenty-dollar bills on the table. He stares down at me and a shiver runs through me.
"Aimee, I'm never going to be done, and I'm going to prove it to you."
What is he saying? He has to get back to work. He can't just abandon his company, or whosever it is.
He walks away, and like so many times before, I follow. He holds the door open for me as we exit the diner.
"You can't bully me, Keegan James, and you're no one's prince. It's time for you to go back home."
He looks at me and smirks like he's just come to an epiphany.
"Aimee, I am home. Once you realize that, the better for all of us."
There's no getting through to this man. He's so stubborn and irritating.
We drive back to the hospital in silence, and I do my best to get myself together for my dad. I don't want him to see me upset; it's not good for him. His recovery is what's important. The sooner he can come home, the better.
I walk ahead of Keegan, ignoring him. He's behind me, and I know he's not leaving, so I try to escape him. His closeness isn't helping my mood and the few moments I have before he catches up are exactly what I need.
I walk into my dad's room and he's lying in bed watching an old episode of The Lone Ranger. I'm reminded that this was his favorite show as a child. He used to make me watch it whenever he found it on. I know way more about the masked man and Tonto than any girl should.
He notices me and smiles. "You're back already. Keegan, did she eat?"
Keegan approaches and I can feel his body heat.
"Yes, sir. She ate every last bite off her plate."
This is what I don't want. He doesn't have to ask Keegan these questions, but I let it go. Pick and choose your battles, Aimee.
"How are you feeling, Dad?" I ask, deflecting the attention.
"The ticker is still ticking." He must feel better if he's making corny jokes.
"Hey kids, do you remember when you dressed as the Lone Ranger and Tonto for Halloween?"
Of course my dad would remember that. I swear his mind is like a sponge. He remembers everything, and right now I'd rather not take a walk down memory lane.
"How could I forget? Best Halloween ever," I say sarcastically.
Keegan interrupts. "Don't let Aimee fool you, Mr. Brennan, she made us wear those costumes. She said she wouldn't go trick-or-treating unless we dressed up as the Lone Ranger and Tonto."
I did it for my dad, to make him happy. His happiness was important to me. We did look cute in those costumes though.
How does the conversation always come back to me? I guess I'm the one thing they have in common.
"Keegan, please call me Rick," my dad says.
There it is. They're bonding, and under false circumstances. I need to get Keegan out of here, away from my dad and me.
Turning around, I address Keegan. "You probably should start heading back. It was really sweet of you to visit, but I think we're set. I know you have a lot of work to get back to."
Please just agree and go. He needs to go; I'm not sure how much longer I can put up with this ruse.
"I wouldn't dare leave you right now, Aimee. I've already reserved a room at a hotel. I'm not going anywhere. I can work from here, I have my laptop."
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He tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear, and I curse the feeling his simple gesture causes. Then he winks, infuriating me. He's turned this into a game and he's determined to win. Could things get any worse right now?
"Keegan, don't be ridiculous, we have plenty of room for you at the house. Aimee can make up the spare room for you. Just no hanky-panky under my roof." My dad points at Keegan, warning him, and yes, it just got a whole lot worse. There is no way I can get rid of him now.
"That's not necessary sir," he tells my dad, and for a split second I am relieved, but also surprised that he wouldn't jump at my father's offer.
"Son, how many times do I have to tell you, call me Rick, and don't be ridiculous. I won't take no for an answer."
Seriously, can I catch a break? I'm still facing Keegan and he winks again. I've underestimated him, and I realize I'm going to need to work a lot harder.
"Thank you, Rick, it means a lot to me that you trust me," Keegan says to my father, but his eyes are on me the whole time. Trust, he wants me to trust him, and I'm not sure I could ever do that again.
Keegan grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze, and I'm sure he means it to be comforting, but it's the exact opposite. I'm losing my carefully composed exterior, and right now I just want to scream.
Keegan tells us that he's going to call his office. He steps out of the room and a feeling of dread falls on me. Is he going to talk to Gretchen? I'm reminded of how very hopeless this all is.
"That boy cares deeply for you, Aimee. I know I've given him a difficult time, but he's here to make sure you're okay. I can tell he loves you very much."
Sometimes love isn't enough, and the word's meaning is a mystery to me right now. He may love me, and he may believe he can fix what's between us, but it will never be enough.
"I know, Dad."
"That still doesn't mean hanky-panky is allowed, though," my dad says, winking at me. What is with all these winks?
"On one condition: Please stop saying hanky-panky." We both laugh and it's a real laugh that leaves smiles on both our faces.
"You know, Keegan runs a company and can't be away too long. So don't be disappointed if he has to leave suddenly," I tell him.
"That boy has stars in his eyes, Aimee. I saw it when he was a little boy and he's grown into a fine man. He'll do what needs to be done. As long as he takes care of you, then I'll be all right; you will be too. Your mother would be so proud of you. You know that, right? The only wish we ever had for you was for you to be happy."
I wipe away a tear and bend down to give my dad a hug, because I really need one right now. It's so easy to imagine a perfect, happy life with Keegan. Like everything else, it's just a fairy tale, and I don't believe in those any longer.
Chapter Five
My dad and I pass the time watching numerous episodes of The Lone Ranger and The Three Stooges, which apparently they have marathons of every day. My dad's retirement has been good to him—well, up until a couple days ago.
Keegan's been gone for a while but I doubt he's given up. My dad drifts to sleep, so I decide to take a walk. I step out of the room and Keegan is standing outside the door, typing on his phone.
"There you are. We need to talk," I tell him.
He looks up with hooded eyes and in a low voice says, "Your wish is my command."
Normally that would make me weak in the knees, and it does affect me a little. Flirty Keegan is hard to resist, but I need to beat him at his own game, and I haven't figured out how I'm going to do that just yet. All I know is that we need some ground rules.
He follows me as I make my way to the waiting area. We both sit down on a couch. Keegan is too close, so I move down, which is a mistake because he takes that as a challenge and inches even closer. There's nowhere to move to and he is making me nervous.
"Keegan, please stop. Your cute and flirty act isn't going to work."
"No?" He winks.
"No, and stop with the winks; they're making me dizzy."
He smiles at my comment, and now he definitely knows he's affected me. I'm going about this all wrong.
"What do you want to talk about?" he asks.
I had this picture in my head where I would be stern with him and he would nod in understanding, but looking at him now I can't find the words. I get up and move to a chair diagonal from the couch. I need at least a few feet of space between us.
"I don't want you staying at the house, I know my dad wants you to, and I don't want to upset him. I'm going to tell him that you had to leave, that something came up with work."
I hold my breath, waiting for him to respond.
"Or what?" he says coolly.
"What do you mean, or what? There is no or, there's just you doing what I ask."
"Aimee?" He leans in closer and I straighten my back and cross my arms. This is our standoff.
"You're not telling your dad anything, and I'm not leaving. I told you I'm not going anywhere. Your dad invited me to stay with you, and I accepted," he counterattacks.
"Is that so?" I say through gritted teeth.
"Like I said, the sooner you realize that I'm serious about staying, the better off we all will be."
"Fine, but we are setting some rules. I don't want to upset my dad, and soon you'll realize you're wasting time with me."
"I'll take that as a challenge, then." His eyes gleam with anticipation.
Rules, I need some rules like yesterday. I have to think this through, but there's no time. He needs to know he can't just bully me into getting what he wants.
"First, when my dad's not around, cut the act. We aren't together anymore. I don't want you doing any holding of hands, kissing, and no innocent gestures like tucking my hair behind my ear. Anything intimate is out of the question."
He brushes my cheek and I back away, shocked by his touch. It's like he's just scorched my skin.
"Like that?" He asks, still playing his game.
"Yes, and the next time you touch me without my permission I am going to break your hand. This isn't a joke, Keegan. I don't want you to touch me at all, but I'm worried about what will happen to my dad if he's upset. Second, when we are at the house, you will sleep in the spare bedroom. Don't get any ideas that us being alone will give you the opportunity to sneak into my room. I'm going to have the door locked when I'm sleeping, anyways."
He eyes me curiously and says, "Aimee, if I wanted to sneak into your bedroom there are other ways, you know that more than anyone. But don't worry, I won't unless I'm invited."
He's referring to when he used to climb through my window to sleep in my bed with me every year on the anniversary of my mom passing away. He did that for years, even after my dad caught us. The first year he was away at college was the first time he didn't.
"Third, when we are around my dad, please don't go over the top. I don't want him to find out we are acting. Also, no kissing on the lips. That's too intimate for me, and weird to do in front of my dad."
He stretches and the hem of his shirt lifts a tad. I catch a glimpse of his stomach. A warm feeling courses through my body. The attraction I feel for him is maddening and ridiculous, since I'm determined not to be with him.
"Is that it? I mean, are those all your rules?" he asks.
"No, I have more." I pause before I continue, because I know I need more rules, but he's making it difficult for me to concentrate.
"Fourth, no dates or big romantic declarations from you at any time. I don't want you to distract me from what's important, and that's my dad's recovery. I'm upset that you are taking advantage of him, and me. If you felt an ounce of the hurt I have right now, you wouldn't be doing this." I turn my head away from him, looking toward the nurses' station.
"All right, Aimee, you have a deal." He's holding out his hand for me to shake, and I look at it. Now this just feels like a business arrangement. Which is good; if he follows these rules, everything will be okay. He can't stay here forever; he has a life and a career.
I pu
t my hand in his, and it's soft and warm. We shake and now I've entered into a verbal agreement with Keegan James. I pray this doesn't end badly for either of us.
His phone rings. He looks down and excuses himself, telling me he has to take the call. He doesn't give me any info, and walks down a corridor for privacy. The feelings his brush-off gave me aren't good ones. I should be happy that I have an opportunity to finally breathe without him. I lay my head back, looking up at the ceiling, contemplating how on earth I'm going to get through all of this. Times like these are when I miss my grandmother. She always knew the right things to say. Her comforting words were what had gotten me through losing Keegan all those years ago.
I suddenly can hardly keep my eyes open. They drift closed, and I open them again, but I'm way too tired. This whole day has completely drained me. I tell myself just a few minutes of shut-eye and I'll be all right.
What seems like only a few minutes later, I'm nudged awake. Keegan's deep voice is in my ear, and I curl into him, wanting his warm body to lull me back to sleep. He puts his arms around me and pulls me in to his chest.
Stroking my hair, he whispers, "Aimee, just go to sleep. You need your sleep. I'll be here if anything comes up."
I don't want to fight him. I'm utterly exhausted. The last words that escape my mouth are, "This breaks the rules."
I shouldn't be seeking any comfort from him, but it just feels too good.
***
I inhale the sweet and familiar musky scent. My head is lying on a hard chest, and a strong hand is rubbing circles on my back. I look up, a little disoriented to see crystal-clear blue eyes looking down at me. This is so wrong on so many levels, and after I insisted we follow those rules. This definitely breaks most of them.
"Hi." He smiles down on me.
Lifting my head, I remove myself from him and look toward the window. It's no longer light outside.
"What time is it?" I ask groggily.