Jag (Pandemic Sorrow #1)

by Stevie J. Cole

  “I need you to fuck me,” she panted, tugging on my hair.

  I laughed against her and gripped her clit between my teeth as I shook my head. I pulled back, looking up at her as I asked, “You believe I like you?” Then I swiped the tip of my tongue across her while my fingers felt parts of her I was certain no other man had ever reached.

  She stalled, then blurted out between obviously controlled moans, “I don’t really care if you do or not.”

  Laughing again, I pressed my mouth back over her fully, sensually tracing the tip of my tongue over her pushing my fingers harder into her, caressing her, coaxing her.

  “Would you just fuck me –” she stopped midsentence to gasp for a breath. “Please.” She was begging, and I fucking loved it.

  Shaking my head, I pressed my fingers against that little ball that women lose their shit over and swallowed back the sweet taste of her. “Too bad, princess. You may think you’re gonna call the shots, but that’s my fucking job.” I kissed over her bikini line, making my way back between her legs. “I’ll fuck you when you believe I like you,” I whispered over her flesh.

  Her legs buckled and she slid down the wall, her hands slapping at the tile while she whimpered, clenching around my fingers as her body gave into me.

  She wasn’t most girls, and I wasn’t going to treat her like she was.

  Her legs trembled and I made my way back up her slick body, rubbing my chest over hers with my fingers still inside her. Roxy’s breathing was hard and mixed with moans. She was panting when she opened her eyes and looked dead into mine. She whispered, “That’s not good enough,” and bit down on her lip. Her fingers embedded into my back, her nails slicing over my skin as she forced me back against the glass door of the shower.

  “Oh, really?” I said, ignoring the insult for the sheer fact of how hot she looked with that carnal, horny look flickering in her eyes.

  She grinded her hips against me, and I quickly grabbed her wrists in both my hands, spun her around, and slammed her up against the glass. Pinning her arms over her head, I let out a short laugh and stared at her. Roxy tried yanking her arms free, but I tightened my grip. “Nah, that’s just gonna have to be good enough for you. Now what you want to do to me that doesn’t involve your pussy, that’s up to you.”

  She narrowed her eyes on me. “Seriously? You’re not going to fuck me?” Her agitation was evident in her tone.

  “Nope. I told you, I’m not doing that until you believe I fucking like you. Like you said, you’re not most girls. I understand that in ways you don’t even understand, princess.”

  “And what if I decide not to do anything to you? What about that?”

  I shrugged. “Well, I’m a grown man. I can take care of myself.” I rolled my tongue over my lips and traced my thumb over her mouth. “But for some reason I think you’d rather take care of me.”

  Roxy huffed and fell to her knees, grabbing me and jerking me to her lips. She pulled me into her mouth, wrapping her tongue around me and flicking it right underneath my head. She tugged the bar with her teeth before shoving me back in her throat. I let out a deep groan and fell against the wall, my shoulders falling forward from the unbelievable sensation shooting through my body. I couldn’t help but watch her. There is no sight more tempting or more fucking erotic to me than one of a woman on her knees with me in her warm-ass mouth. And as I watched her, the steam rising up around her, the water trailing down her face, I felt like I wanted her – no, like I fucking needed her, and not in a physical way. There was some part of her I felt belonged to me, and for the first time, possibly in my life, I felt like part of me could belong to someone else.

  Chapter 26

  “Chinese. Let’s get Chinese,” Roxy said as we cruised down the strip.

  “Whatever you want.” I wasn’t hungry; I’d snorted enough coke before picking her up that my appetite was completely shot.

  She reached over and switched the radio station, stopping on a pop song.

  “Uh, no way! I will not allow this girl music in my car.” I flipped the channel back to some Godsmack.

  Roxy narrowed her eyes on me. “Hmm.” Again, she leaned over and changed the station.

  I playfully slapped her hand away. “Woman, I said no. The one thing you can’t fuck with is a rock star’s radio. We’ve got to teach you these rules. I can’t accept behavior like this, not even from a hot chick who gives a wicked blow job.” I squinted at her. “Not even for a blow job. That’s how serious this is, Roxy.”

  Giggling, she shook her head and leaned back in the seat. “Sure, Jag. I’ll remember that.”

  A few minutes later I parked the car, hopped out, and opened the door for her.

  She adjusted her purse over her shoulder. That bitch look she was so good at fell over her face as she glanced back at me, and I knew some smart-ass comment was about to fly out of her mouth.

  “I’m still confused about who the hell you are. I could’ve sworn you were some narcissistic asshole, but –” One side of her glossed lips curled up. “But I guess maybe I should just chalk some of these chivalric behaviors of yours up to your being raised in the south. I wouldn’t dare call them manners.”

  “I mean, I can be an asshole if that’s what you want,” I said, slamming the car door.

  “No, it’s okay. It makes me think you like me.”

  I reached for the door to the restaurant and groaned. “Fucking about time. Shit.”

  While we were waiting on our food, Roxy reached across the table and swatted my glasses off my face. “It’s nighttime. You’re in a restaurant. You look ridiculous.”

  I snatched the glasses up. Settling back into the booth, I tapped my fingers over the surface of the table. “You don’t like attention, right?”

  She stared blankly at me.

  “Those glasses were your protection.”

  Roxy rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”

  “Don’t believe me?” I tossed them down, then placed my arms behind my head. Arching my brow, I said, “Fine, they’ll stay off. Wouldn’t want to draw attention by looking ridiculous.”

  A few minutes later giggling came from the table across from us. I couldn’t tame the grin tugging the sides of my mouth up, and I kept my eyes locked on Roxy as I thumbed under my nose.

  The whispering girls grew louder and I heard my name mentioned. Seconds later, two girls were standing at the end of the table, eyes sparkling and chests heaving. “Hi,” one of the girls said.

  I waved. “Hi.”

  They squealed. “Could we get our picture with you?” the same girl asked.

  “Oh,” I glanced over at Roxy and smiled. “Absolutely.” And I stood up, pushing some of my hair behind my ear. “What’s your names?”

  The shorter girl grinned, her eyes lighting up. “Jackie.”

  “Nice to meet you, Jackie.” I turned to face the silent one. “And what’s your name?”

  “Uh. It’s, um, Nicole,” she squeaked, swallowing loudly.

  I grabbed them by the shoulders to pull them against me. “Here, let me get in the middle, if that’s okay?”

  Nicole panted, “Oh, yeah. Totally fine.”

  I draped my arms over their shoulders and noticed that half the restaurant was now staring in our direction. Roxy was glaring at me, and I wasn’t sure if she was pissed or embarrassed. “Protection,” I said to Roxy, and my grin deepened.

  “What?” one of the girls gasped.

  “Oh, nothing.”

  “Are you asking her for a condom?” Jackie blurted out.

  I turned to face her. “What? No. No, I –”

  “I wouldn’t think he wears them,” Roxy called out, a slight giggle coating her voice.

  The girls giggled, and I could feel them both staring at me.

  “Picture. Give her your camera. She’ll take it.” I pointed at Roxy, and one of the girls handed their phone to her.

  Roxy quickly took several pictures. I released the girls and walked back to the booth.

/>   “Thanks. God, I love you,” Jackie said.

  I laughed. “Thanks. I love my fans.”

  She reached out to grab her phone from Roxy and said, “Who are you?”

  Roxy’s eyes widened and then darted over to me. “A friend.”

  “Oh, really, princess?” I made eye contact with Jackie. “She’s my girlfriend. Just embarrassed to admit it, can you believe that?”

  Jackie’s face relaxed. “Girlfriend? Huh. Didn’t know you had a girlfriend.” Her eyes narrowed on Roxy. “Congratulations. Lucky fucking girl,” she mumbled as she turned back to me. “Thanks for the picture. Best moment of my life.”

  The girls walked off and I picked my glasses up, shoving them back over my face. “A friend, huh? Never had a woman embarrassed by me before. It’s a new feeling. Not so sure I like it either.”

  ****

  After dinner, we went back to my house to watch a movie. I pushed the Blu-ray into the system, and I heard her ask, “What are we doing?”

  I turned from the television and arched a brow at her. “About to watch a movie. Isn’t that what normal people do? I mean, I try to take you to do stuff most normal people can’t do, and you turn your nose up. So I figured I’d just stick to normal.”

  She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “No. I mean with each other. How did this even happen?”

  I plopped down next to her on the couch and took the remote in my hand. “Well, let’s see. You were a bitch to me, which made me hard. Then you were an even bigger bitch to me at The Club, made me even harder. Then you fucking hosed me down like I was some kind of stray dog – that gave me a good soft long. After that, you caught me rubbing one off, and I’m sure that made you dripping wet,” I snickered, and playfully grabbed between her legs. “Then you seduced me at that dive bar. Sound about right, princess?” I curled one side of my mouth up, my hand still sandwiched between her thighs.

  She tossed my hand to the side and rubbed her lips together. “Sounds ridiculous, but…you know we don’t belong together, right?”

  “Really?”

  “We don’t. I’m too…antisocial. You’re too…” she trailed off, lost for words, and spastically waved her hands at me, “whatever all this is!”

  I pulled her into my lap, nuzzling my face into the crevice of her neck. My lips trailed up her skin, stopping right beneath her ear. “I like you, though. I want you. I like having things I’m not supposed to,” I breathed the words over her flesh and traced my tongue over her soft flesh. “So it sounds to me like we’re just fucking perfect for each other.”

  I felt her body relax briefly before tensing back up. Then Roxy slid off of my lap back onto the couch, distancing herself from me, which I knew was not good. That’s how girls act when they’re confused, uncomfortable, or just don’t fucking like you anymore.

  She shook her head again. “You don’t get it. I – I’m a wreck, and I have no business being with somebody like you.”

  She wasn’t joking, and that comment pissed me off. “What the fuck does that mean?”

  “Forget it. I just, I can’t stand being around drugs. I grew up around them. They ruined my life, my brother’s life… and I can’t respect you because of your habit. I shouldn’t be with you for that very reason.”

  I felt my jaw unhinge and warmth spread over my chest.

  “I’m sorry. That came out kind of wrong. I mean, I like you. And I don’t like liking people. I don’t like being dependent, or vulnerable. And you’re about to go on tour, so why I’m even bothering with you – why I’m even entertaining all this shit – it’s beyond me. You called me your girlfriend –”

  I shrugged and lowered my eyes to my lap out of embarrassment. She obviously wasn’t where I was at with my feelings. “Yeah, so?”

  “You’re not a relationship guy. I’m not a relationship girl, and even if I really liked you, you’re not by nature a monogamous person. You –”

  I leaned close to her face, cutting her off by saying, “You just said five seconds ago that you liked me. You’ve said you don’t like that you like me a hundred times.”

  She sighed and whispered, “I think part of it boils down to the fact that I feel sorry for you and just want to fix you.”

  She feels sorry for me! Is this girl telling me she’s fucking around with me because she pities me?

  My jaw clenched and I swallowed. Then I closed my eyes and blew air through my lips in an effort to relieve some of the tension rapidly building inside me. “I don’t need you to feel sorry for me, and I sure as hell don’t need anybody to fucking fix me. I’m fine just the way I am. And I don’t have a drug problem, princess. It’s just part of it.” I leaned closer to her, narrowing my eyes on hers. “It’s obvious I like drugs. That’s not a secret, never has been. So if that’s a problem, why even fuck around with me to begin with?”

  With that comment, she diverted her eyes to the floor. “I tried not to.”

  “Not hard enough.”

  Her nostrils flared and she let out a short groan. “I fucking can’t stand that I like you.”

  “Yeah, yeah. I get that. You have made that clear, fucking crystal clear. Well, guess what? I’m starting to not like it either. You really need to work on your fucking people skills.” I leaned back on the couch and looked at her. Anger and embarrassment pulsed through my veins, and my patience was wearing thin with her bullshit. And just when I was ready to toss my hands in the air and tell her the door was unlocked if she was ready to be done with me, her expression softened. She looked confused and worried. She looked lost. Pissed that she liked me, scared she was fucking something up. She had no idea what she wanted…but neither did I. I exhaled and grabbed her knee. “I mean, just let yourself fucking like me. Just go with it. All that matters is right now anyway, huh? And right now, whether we should be or not, we’re together.”

  She flopped back against the cushion and pulled her legs up.

  I didn’t get her. She seemed so put together, completely levelheaded at moments, absolutely unaffected by me – like no one could get to her – and then seconds later she’d freak out.

  The opening credits flashed across the screen, and I felt her hand rub up my neck. “What do you want with me? What is it that makes you think you like me?” she whispered.

  “Why not? You’re gorgeous, fun; you put me in my place. You’re real. Better yet, you think I’m real.”

  “You are real.”

  I laughed and grabbed her by the back of her head, pressing her forehead to mine. “Princess, if you only knew how long it had been since I felt someone believed that, you’d understand what a big deal that is.” I loved that she believed I was a person, because sometimes I didn’t even believe it myself. She twisted a piece of my hair around her finger and I said, “Your turn. Why do you like me?”

  Roxy drew in a breath. “Honestly?”

  I nodded. I felt like we were in fucking high school, but I kind of liked the silliness of it all.

  “Because I feel like you would fight for something you cared about. There’s depth to you that I don’t even think you know about. And that’s not common.” She stared in my eyes, a soft smile shaping her lips as she continued. “Inside…” she touched her finger to my collarbone. “Inside you’re what I always wanted. It’s just that the outside of you is kind of fucked up.” She sighed and closed her eyes. “That’s my problem. The thing that has you fucked up is the very thing that has ripped everything I ever cared about away from me. And I’m just pissed that I gave into you knowing you’re a disaster waiting to happen.” She grabbed her soda and sat back on the couch. “We’re both just a fucking mess, huh? Chasing after things that’ll kill us.”

  I pulled away and stared at her. “What?”

  Roxy shrugged. “We’re both chasing something that’ll kill us in the end, Jag. You’re chasing after an unending high. And I’m – well, I guess as much as I fucking hate to admit it, I’m chasing after you.”

  Damn.

  Chapter 27


  I’d spent damn near every day with Roxy since that night in the dive bar. We fit together, surprisingly. And in a way I’d never experienced. That chick kept me in place and had no problem whatsoever reeling me in and knocking me down a few pegs. Somehow, I had managed to not fuck her. Thirteen days together. Thirteen days of nothing more than a blow job here and there, a few swipes of my tongue across her pussy, and I was about to fucking die!

  In some ways I’d almost enjoyed making her wait, letting her wonder if there was something about her I couldn’t handle, but more than anything I reveled in the confusion my actions caused. I knew Roxy had pictured me as nothing more than an egotistical, cunt-hungry rock star. Maybe that assumption had been right – would be right with another girl but that wasn’t how I was going to be with her.

  We’d gone to dinner at one of those froufrou white tablecloth places that I couldn’t wear my swag outfits and combat boots into. Roxy had dressed in this killer little black dress and the pair of Chanel shoes I’d gotten her, and she’d coated her lips in bright-ass pink lipstick. During dinner my eyes kept straying over the tabletop to her thighs, and all I could think about was taking her home and tearing into her in a way I was certain she’d never had a guy tear into her before.