All I Want: Rod & Daisy (All Of Me Duet Book 1)

by A. D. Justice

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  Rod

  After a bit of negotiating, threatening, begging, and an extended staring contest that I lost, Juliana finally consented to having a home health care nurse come with us to Florida. Thank God for the dedicated health care professionals who work weekends and holidays. I don’t want to imagine what could happen otherwise.

  “Did you pack your bag?” Juliana asks Isa, referring to the toys she wants to take with her for the two hours we’ll be on the plane before reaching Naples.

  “Yes, ma’am. It’s already in Uncle Rod’s car.”

  “That’s my smart girl. What about you, Rod?”

  “Yes, ma’am. All my favorite toys are already in my suitcase too.” I wink playfully, and she smiles, despite trying not to.

  “We’re meeting the nurse, Daisy, Tracy, and Kevin at the airport, right?”

  “That’s right.”

  I’m both excited and hesitant to see Daisy, who I haven’t talked to since last week, when I called her after I’d had way too many shots of bourbon. She kept her promise to visit Juliana and spend time with Isa over the past week, but she went out of her way to avoid running into me. At my own house. I’ve continued working at home to help both my girls as much as I can, but there are times I still have to go into the office. My official leave of absence begins after the new year starts.

  Kevin is running the business like the professional he’s always been, but some clients will only deal with me. It’s nothing personal against him. The key contacts find change difficult to navigate when our business relationship was established a decade ago. Our history keeps them attached to me, and as long as I’m available, they won’t deal with anyone else. It’ll just take time to transition them over to Kevin, but we’re working on it together. The more exposure they have to him, the more likely they are to accept his help when I’m away.

  With both of us away from the office over the holidays, neither of us can officially take off work, especially since we had an extended vacation only a couple of months ago. We’ll tag team and handle issues as they come in, relying on each other’s strengths to get the job done while we work remotely. Admittedly, my head hasn’t been fully in the game over the last several weeks. Reeling over Juliana and driving myself crazy over Daisy hasn’t helped me focus on work as much as I have in the past.

  I cringe when I recall what I said to her on the phone that night. With no prelude to the conversation, I dumped my shit on her lap and expected her to make it into something worthwhile. Sober, I know better. Drunk, I let my insecurities get the better of me. She was right to call me on how I’d allow my employees to act while at work, and yet I continued to fuck up my chances with her even after that conversation.

  I’m my own worst enemy, sabotaging every chance we have to have any kind of relationship.

  “We’d better go so we’re not late.” Juliana tries to herd me toward the door.

  “It’s not as if my plane will leave without me.”

  “That’s not what I meant. The others shouldn’t have to wait for us, Rod.” She rolls her eyes at me, not bothering to hide it.

  Juliana and Isa walk out to my car while I take one last look around to make sure we haven’t forgotten anything. When I slide behind the wheel, I glance over at my sister and concern immediately grips me. She’s already tired after walking from the kitchen into the garage. I’ve always looked forward to the future, never fearing it, until now. The possibility of losing my sister is too real, and more than I think I can bear.

  “You’re wasting time staring at me. Start the car and drive us to the airport, peon.” She doesn’t bother to look at me when she issues her command.

  “Yes, ma’am. Whatever you say.”

  Despite Juliana’s attempt to be the first to arrive, we’re actually the last. No one seems to mind, though, since they’re all talking and laughing. Madeleine, the home health care nurse, is here, already part of the gang as if she’s always known them. When we join them, the excitement of Christmas and a beach vacation rolled into one gets the better of us, and we’re like one big pack of kids. The private airstrip staff checks in our luggage and informs us we’re free to board the plane.

  “I’m glad your mom enjoys entertaining large groups. How does she feel about loud and rowdy ones?” My attempt to engage Daisy is obvious, but I don’t care as long as it works.

  “She’s used to that. My entire family will be there at one time or another. There’s not much she hasn’t seen or heard by now.” Daisy’s answer is polite, but there’s a coolness to it I can’t pretend I don’t feel.

  When we walk out onto the tarmac, I notice Juliana intentionally places herself at the end of the line before we reach the jet. Daisy notices, too, and nonchalantly moves to the back of the line to stand beside Juliana. The captain emerges to verify my identity before contacting the tower for clearance to take off, giving me a chance to watch Daisy and Juliana without being overt.

  The two ladies chat continuously as they climb the stairs. Daisy is in front of Juliana, stopping on each step to say something to her as the rest of the troop sit down and buckle in. To anyone else, they’re simply engaged in conversation. But I know better. I know Daisy is helping her in the only way she knows how—she’s preserving Juliana’s dignity by appearing to be the one delaying our departure.

  My heart swells inside my chest until I think it’ll rupture. She’s the most loving and thoughtful person I’ve ever met.

  The captain finishes with my identification just as they buckle into their seats, and the crew instructs us to prepare for takeoff. Luckily, I secure a chair facing Daisy, directly across from her. Isa decides to exercise her freedom, from all the way across the aisle, and sits beside Madeline. By the time we reach cruising altitude, Juliana is fast asleep, but her skin isn’t as pale as it was before.

  “Stop worrying.” Madeleine directs her comment to me while removing the stethoscope from her bag. “Her body’s been through a lot, so it’ll take time to rebuild her stamina. She’s a fighter though, and she’ll bounce back quicker than you think.”

  “Thanks for that vote of confidence. It must be obvious if you recognized the signs in me before I even said a word about it.”

  “I may have seen the same expression on others’ faces a time or two.” She chuckles then moves to Juliana’s side, listening to her heart and her breathing without waking her. My guess is she became so accustomed to it while in the hospital, she doesn’t even feel it now. “All good. Let her sleep as long as she wants. It’s good for her.”

  Madeleine moves back to her seat, leaving Daisy and me without a buffer. Where to start?

  “Thank you for letting me come with you. I wouldn’t have stopped my sister from coming with Isa if you didn’t want me here. But I know it was your kind heart that wouldn’t allow that to happen. I promise… I’ll try my best not to make you mad in any way.”

  She smiles. “You couldn’t quite promise not to do it at all, could you?”

  I can’t help but laugh. “No, because I don’t want to lie. There’s no use in denying it either. I have a knack for saying or doing the wrong thing at the worst possible time. It’s a gift, really.”

  “You should regift it, and I don’t usually encourage that behavior.” Her laugh at my expense is music to my ears. “There’s no way any of us would leave you behind like that, especially at this time of year. Thank you for trying to behave, but don’t change on my account. That never works. Just be yourself and let the chips fall where they may.”

  “I’m not sure who I am anymore, to be honest with you. With everything that’s happened, it’s hard to tell right-side up from inside out.” That’s a brutally honest confession, coming from me.

  “You realize those two aren’t opposites, right? I mean, you can be both at the same time.” She tilts her head to the side and lifts her eyebrows.

  “See? This is where I’m at in life. That sums it up fairly well, I think.” My self-deprecating
chuckle doesn’t fool her.

  “You’re doing the best you can with what you have to work with. None of this is easy for anyone, that’s for sure. But you have to stop being so hard on yourself, Rod. Besides, that’s my job.” She has the cutest smirk. It’s a cross between an angel and a true smart-ass.

  “Easier said than done, I’m afraid. I’ve been so good at it for so long, I can’t give it up now. What would my superpower be then?”

  “Being hard on yourself is not your superpower. Pissing me off is. I think you need to pick one to give up as a New Year’s resolution, then you can work on the other one later.” I love that sassy mouth. Fuck, how I’ve missed it.

  “Fair enough. In that case, I’m willing to give up my current superpower and develop an entirely new one that doesn’t involve making you homicidal when I’m around.”

  “That would help me a lot, because prison orange is just not my color.”

  The rest of the plane ride goes by way too fast, with us talking and laughing like friends do. But I meant every word I said. I’ll do my best not to screw this up the way I have every other chance she’s given me. Maybe it’s the time of year. Maybe she’s more sentimental than I realized, letting the holidays fill her with cheer. Or perhaps she’s more forgiving than she should be, because I don’t think I’d be as compassionate and charitable as she is.

  When we reach her parents’ house, I’m floored by the amount of festive decorations adorning their yard, the outside of their spacious home, and every palm tree in their yard. Even with the bright Florida sun high in the sky, all the lights are lit, and the animated characters are doing their thing.

  Landen rushes out to meet us, thrilled to see his mom again. Then he turns his attention to his friend. “Isa, isn’t this awesome? You should see it at night.”

  Isa stares at the trimmings with her mouth gaping open and her eyes as big as saucers. When I glance at Juliana, I realize she’s in awe as much as the children are.

  A hit-and-run sledgehammer slams into my gut when the stark realization hits me. In all the years I’ve raised Juliana and helped with Isabelle, we’ve never celebrated Christmas like this. I was so focused on providing them with the best of the material things money can buy, I never realized these moments, these memories, are what would’ve stayed with them forever. All the money and success in the world couldn’t buy her expression, or replace the many lost opportunities for a lifetime of reminiscing.

  I feel like a complete and utter failure.

  Daisy’s parents come outside to greet us with warm smiles and open arms. Everyone gets a hug and a kiss. They don’t care that we’ve never met. They don’t mind that we’re not family. They’re both thrilled to invite us into their home and share their lives with us in every way.

  “Rod, this is my mom, Chelle, and my dad, Brian.” Daisy pulls me out of my past and into the present.

  “Yeah, we met just a minute ago when your dad laid one on me. I think he snuck a little tongue in there too, I’m not sure.” I’m kidding, we all know that, and a little joke helps break the ice, anyway.

  “I did, but just a little. I’ll do better next time.” Brian chuckles as he claps me on the shoulder, then Daisy moves down the line to finish all the introductions.

  Brian grabs suitcases out of the SUV we rented and heads toward the door. Kevin and I follow his lead and head to the back of the vehicle.

  “Dude, have you ever met parents like that? They literally didn’t think twice before kissing me when I first met them, and I’m dating a friend of the family. I’ve never had anyone’s parents embrace me the way they do. Too bad they’re Daisy’s parents instead of Tracy’s.”

  “Then you’ve been around the wrong people, my friend. You’re the best man I know. I don’t know what’s up with Tracy’s family, but they’d never find a better man for their daughter, even if he fits in better with their skin tone.”

  His brows draw down and a grim expression covers his face. My poor choice of words didn’t help. I meant what I said as a compliment, but I may have unintentionally implied he shouldn’t be with Tracy. That’s not the message I intended to convey at all.

  “Hang on, man. Get that thought out of your head. Tracy isn’t like her parents, the same way I’m not like my dad. We can’t control who raised us, only what we do with the rest of our life.”

  He nods, his expression brightening a bit. “It’s hard to keep that in mind sometimes. I’m working on it, though. I’ll get there, eventually. She hasn’t given me any reason to doubt her, other than not taking me home to meet the parents yet.”

  “Did you ever consider you may not want to meet them? Tracy doesn’t even go around her family if she can avoid it. Maybe you should cut her some slack. She’s crazy about you.”

  “Maybe you’re right.” He tucks a bag under his arm before lifting another one. “Maybe you should take your own advice.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  He nods toward Daisy. “You just said you’re not your dad and not to judge Tracy by the people who raised her. Take your balls out of your purse and stop being a scared little bitch.”

  We walk into Chelle and Brian’s house and I’m the one rooted to the floor with my bottom jaw hanging open. The outside decorations are nothing compared to what’s on the inside. Every room looks like it’s been personally decorated by Santa’s elves. Lighted garland is draped along the staircase bannister and curves around the second-floor landing. Every room has a tree decorated with a theme that matches the other decorations adorning every surface.

  Juliana and Isa wander from room to room, gushing over the elaborate decorations. “Mommy, is this the real North Pole?”

  Chelle laughs heartily and bends to speak to Isa. “I wish, my sweet little girl. But no, we’re not that lucky. Brian and I just like to make our home as close to the real thing as possible. We might go a little overboard.”

  “No, this is not at all overboard. This is perfect.” Juliana turns in slow circles, trying to take in every detail.

  “Mommy, this present has my name on it!”

  “It sure does. There may be a few more around here too. You never know.” Brian waggles his brows at Isa, and she giggles uncontrollably.

  Without warning, the front door swings open, and a large group of people walks in. Before I can move out of their way, arms squeeze my neck and lips leave warm kisses on my cheeks. The oldest man in the group walks over to Daisy, lifts her off the ground, and twirls her around. She squeals with laughter and wraps her arms around him.

  “Uncle Adam, put me down, you lunatic. I’m too heavy for you to lift me like this.”

  “You don’t weigh more than a feather, sweet girl.” He gives her a big kiss before putting her down.

  She turns to the rest of us, makes introductions of her uncle, aunt, and all the cousins, along with their spouses and kids. I’ll never remember all the names, but everyone is as warm and welcoming as her parents. When Daisy gets to my little family, I glance over at my sister and niece. The sheer joy on their faces nearly drives me to my knees. I can’t recall ever seeing them this happy before.

  They’re surrounded by a large, loving family. Enveloped in a multitude of arms, kisses, and love, from complete strangers who have a talent for making them feel like a part of the family from the moment they met. In Juliana’s twenty-five years, I’ve never been able to provide this type of environment.

  My house may be the largest and most expensive in the area, but it’s cold and unwelcoming.

  Even when I have the best of intentions, I fuck up the simplest relationship that has the least bit of emotion tied to it.

  Though I’ve never shirked responsibility or failed to meet their basic needs, I’ve still somehow turned into my father. I’ve resented missing out on my own carefree twenties because I had to raise my sister, though I never let her know. My father and I are both nothing more than cold, unfeeling, uncaring, selfish motherfuckers.

  I have to get out of thi
s room, out of this house, right this second, because the walls are closing in on me and I can’t breathe. While everyone is busy mingling and catching up, they won’t notice my absence. Even if they do, I’m the master of making up excuses of why I’m unavailable, emotionally or physically.

  As nonchalantly as my racing heart will allow, I move toward the front door until I’m outside in the stifling humidity. I slowly walk around the exterior of the house, keeping my gaze trained on the decorations in case anyone asks, but inside I feel like I can blow at any second. After several minutes of practicing deep breaths, I feel my pulse slowing and my mind clearing.

  When I turn around, Daisy’s watching me the way one would watch a wild animal that’s wounded and needs help. Unsure of how to approach it, but too invested in saving it to turn away, regardless of the damage it can inflict. I’ve already caused her enough pain and trouble. The last thing I want to do is add to it now.

  “What are you doing out here?” I finally ask.

  “I could ask you the same thing, but I doubt you’d tell me the truth. I’ve seen that look in other’s eyes before, Rod, so I have a good idea what’s going on with you.”

  “Oh, yeah? What’s that?”

  She takes a few steps closer, keeping a leery eye on me while trying to close the gap. “It looks like maybe you’re a little overwhelmed by my family. Possibly on the verge of an anxiety attack. So you came outside to get a little air, put a little space between you and the horde of people inside.”

  “I’m very strong-minded. I don’t have panic attacks, Daisy.”

  “No? Okay. My mistake, then. I thought you might need someone to talk through whatever’s bothering you. Problems aren’t quite as overwhelming when you let them out, instead of bottling them inside.” She raises her brows in question, giving me the chance to save face and talk at the same time.

  When I’m silent too long, she nods slowly. “You know where to find me if you change your mind. I won’t pressure you.”