Shanna looked at her as if she’d lost her mind. “Why on earth would you say something like that? First, right this second you have no idea if surgery will even be necessary. Second, you’re a wonderful woman. Any man would be lucky to have you. And everything Mack has done has been about how much he loves you. For heaven’s sake, Susie, he’s planning to start a newspaper so he can stay here to be with you. I’d say that alone suggests how devoted he is.”
Susie wasn’t convinced. Or maybe it was just the depressed mood she was in that made her doubt everything. “Who knows if that will ever happen,” she said glumly. “Did you know he went to New York to talk about a book deal? If that comes through, he could leave.”
Shanna looked startled. “He never mentioned any book thing to me. Isn’t that something you’d tell a bookseller, especially one who’s practically family? Maybe it didn’t happen. I still say he’s going to start a paper so he can be with you. If you didn’t matter to him, why would even consider taking such a huge financial risk? It would have been a lot simpler and more financially rewarding just to take another newspaper job in some other city. He’s had offers. A couple of really good ones, in fact. Kevin told me. Mack didn’t even go for the interviews. He turned them down flat because they were too far away.”
Susie hadn’t realized that. “Good papers or lousy papers?”
“Does it really matter? The point is that he chose to stay here, rather than leave you behind or ask you to make a move with him. He knows how much this town means to you.”
“But I have no idea what the future holds for me, or if I even have a future—”
“You will,” Shanna said, cutting her off. “Everyone has a future. We just don’t know how long it might be, which is why we need to live every minute as if it could be our last. You’ve heard that Tim McGraw song, haven’t you? All of us should live like we’re dying.”
“Now, that’s exactly what some man wants to hear. Make love to me because I could be dying and I really want to know what it’s like before I go.”
Shanna scowled at her. “Now you’re just being maudlin. What I know is that there are sparks between you and Mack. And it’s a crying shame that the two of you haven’t done anything about those. For a man who could get any other woman into bed with a single glance, he seems to be terrified to take that step with you. Want to know why that is? Because you really matter.”
“Nice spin,” Susie said, though she desperately wanted to believe Shanna was right.
“It’s not spin,” Shanna replied. “Change the dynamics, sweetie. Take a risk before it’s too late, and I don’t mean because you might be sick. I mean before you lose him. It’s time. Seduce the man.”
Susie stared at her incredulously. “Now? With everything completely up in the air?”
“No time like the present,” Shanna said.
Susie laughed. “As if I know how. I think three years of celibacy is proof enough of that.”
“Get Mack alone,” Shanna said. “Set the scene. Light some candles. Play romantic music. Something tells me the rest will take care of itself.”
“It hasn’t before,” Susie said disconsolately. “We’ve been alone plenty of times. We’ve even been in situations that were totally romantic, and nothing. Well, except for one kiss under the mistletoe.”
“And it was hot, wasn’t it?”
Susie blushed. “Well, yes, but—”
“It’s a start,” Shanna said, not letting her finish the protest she’d been about to utter. She reached for a bag she’d brought along. It couldn’t contain much, because it had been tucked inside her purse. “Maybe that’s because you weren’t wearing this.” She dangled a sexy scrap of black silk and lace in front of Susie.
Susie stared. She wasn’t sure what it was supposed to cover, but obviously it wouldn’t conceal much.
“I would have gone for red,” Shanna continued, “but with your coloring it would have been all wrong. Now take this, go back to your own apartment and call Mack. Put the man out of his misery.”
Susie took another look at the lingerie. She tried to imagine herself wearing it, tried to envision the glint of desire it would stir in Mack’s eyes, but her imagination failed her. Besides, the timing was all wrong.
“I can’t do it,” she told Shanna. “Not until I have the test results.”
Shanna regarded her with sympathy. “I understand your instinct to wait, but I think it’s wrong. I think you need to know how Mack feels before you get those test results. Otherwise you’ll always wonder why he’s with you. I know you. You’ll convince yourself he’s only with you out of pity.”
“But it would feel like cheating to seduce him without telling him what’s going on.”
“What do you think is going to happen if you fill him in? Do you think he’s going to walk away from you?”
“He might. He likes things casual and uncomplicated.”
Shanna looked dismayed by her assessment. “Susie O’Brien, this is the man you love. Do you honestly think he’s that shallow? If so, why on earth would you want to be with him?”
“Okay, deep in my heart I certainly don’t think Mack is shallow, but right now I’m too scared to find out if I’m wrong,” Susie admitted. “I don’t think I could handle it if he turned his back on me. I need him. He’s my best friend, aside from you, of course.”
“Then he should be with you,” Shanna said stubbornly. She handed Susie her cell phone. “Let’s forget about the seduction for the moment. Obviously you need to resolve whether he’s the kind of stand-up guy you need in your life. Call him now. If you don’t, I will. I have a lot more faith in him than you seem to.”
Susie held Shanna’s unrelenting gaze, hoping she’d back down, but she didn’t. Susie sighed and dialed. He answered on the first ring.
“Mack, I need to see you,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’m at Gram’s.”
“Is he coming?” Shanna asked when Susie gave back her phone.
Susie nodded. “He said he’d just pulled into the driveway.”
Shanna smiled approvingly. “I guess the man is brighter than I was giving him credit for,” she said. “Or else he’s just determined to cover every base. That should tell you something about how much he cares for you.”
“You can go now. Your work is done,” Susie said wryly. “I can take it from here.” Even as she spoke, though, she stuffed the lingerie behind a pillow.
Shanna looked disappointed by the gesture, but she stood. “I’ll let him in on my way out. Tell him everything, Susie. Don’t sell him short.”
Susie felt as if her entire future were riding on this conversation with Mack, which was ironic since it was really riding on the outcome of the medical procedure she’d had yesterday.
When Mack arrived at Nell O’Brien’s cottage, he was surprised to see Shanna emerge and head straight for him, a scowl firmly in place. He matched it.
“Don’t you dare make me regret insisting that she call you,” she said fiercely.
“You were behind the phone call?” he said, surprised. “A couple of hours ago you wouldn’t even tell me where she was.”
“Because that’s the way she wanted it. I persuaded her she was wrong.” She gave him a long look. “I also thought maybe I’d lead you straight to her without having to spill her secret.”
He shook his head. “I should have guessed. It would have saved me running all over the place and making a bunch of wasted phone calls.”
“Then your instincts brought you here,” she said approvingly. “That’s a good sign.”
“I’m asking you one more time, Shanna. Please tell me what’s going on. I know something’s very wrong.”
She shook her head. “She’ll tell you herself. If she doesn’t, if she hedges, come see me. I don’t want to break her confidence, but I will if I have to.”
Mack knew she would never offer such a thing lightly. Something in her tone caused dread to once again settle in the pit of his stomach. �
�Maybe you should give me a clue here, so I don’t blow this.”
Shanna smiled sadly. “I don’t think you’re going to blow it, not if you love her half as much as I think you do. But for once, the two of you need to be really straight with each other. No more of these stupid games, okay? Promise me. They’ve gone on long enough.”
Mack nodded. It was the one thing on which they were in total agreement. He leaned down and impulsively pressed a kiss to Shanna’s cheek. “Thanks for being her friend.”
“You’re the friend she needs right now.”
Mack stared after her as she walked away, then drew in a bracing breath and went inside.
He found Susie at the kitchen table holding a cup of steaming tea. When she set it down, her hands shook. It was apparent she’d been crying, too. His heart clenched at the sight.
He pulled a chair closer and sat down facing her, then took her hands in his. Hers were ice-cold. “Tell me what’s going on. Please, Susie. I’m going a little crazy here.”
She lifted her gaze and he saw something he’d never expected to see in the eyes of this intrepid woman—genuine fear. “Susie,” he pleaded, “you have to talk to me.”
“I know,” she said, then fell silent. When she spoke again, her voice was heartbreakingly weak. “I’m scared, Mack. Really scared.”
He brushed a tear from her cheek, then another. “Tell me. Just start at the beginning and tell me everything.”
She hesitated for a very long time, but he waited.
“I’ve had some problems lately,” she said eventually. “A little pain in my abdomen, cramps, that kind of thing. The doctor’s run a couple of tests. He…” She swallowed hard. “He thinks it could be ovarian cancer.”
Mack’s pulse pounded. Cancer! He didn’t know much about ovarian cancer, except that it could be deadly. Symptoms often appeared only after it was too late. “Has the diagnosis been confirmed?”
Susie shook her head. “He keeps telling me it could be nothing more than a cyst, but the biopsy will tell the real story.”
He nodded slowly, trying to process all of this without panicking. “You need a biopsy. Okay. When?”
“I had it yesterday.”
As her words registered, he stood up abruptly, unable to keep his temper in check. “Yesterday? And you’re just telling me about this now? How long have you known about all this?”
“A few days.”
“Before I went to New York?”
She nodded.
“And that’s why you were acting so strange when I was telling you about the trip,” he guessed.
“I didn’t want to spoil it for you.”
“Spoil it!” he exploded before he could stop himself. “Don’t you know that you’re more important to me than any stupid book deal?”
She leveled a look into his eyes. “No, Mack, I don’t know that. How would I?”
“Because…” He thought of the ring back in his apartment. She was right. How could she possibly know how deep his feelings ran? “We’ve been together for three years now, Susie.”
“We’ve been friends for three years. You were very clear about that. There’s a difference, Mack, and you made sure I knew it.”
“Because those were your terms, Susie. Your rules.” He sat down and ran his hands over his head. “How have we made such a mess of things?”
“It’s not too late to fix things,” she suggested tentatively. “If you want to.”
Mack looked into her eyes, saw the undisguised longing there and understood with absolute certainty that she wanted exactly what he’d always wanted, a life together. Please, God, they would have time….
“Aw, Susie,” he said, scooping her into his arms.
“Where are you taking me?” she asked, though she didn’t struggle to get down.
“Just into the living room. I want to sit in front of the fire with you in my arms and figure out where we go from here.”
She touched his cheek. “I can think of a better alternative,” she whispered in his ear.
He stared into her eyes. “Here? You want us to have sex for the first time in Nell’s house? Not a chance! She could be home any minute. Where is she, by the way?”
“She went to Annapolis with the rest of the family for Uncle Thomas’s big fundraiser. She won’t be back for hours.”
“I am still not making love to you in her house on her sofa,” he said, though the temptation was strong to do just that.
“We could go to my place,” she suggested hopefully. “Or yours.”
“I don’t think so. I think we need to work on our other communication skills first.”
She frowned at him. “When did you turn so stuffy?”
“When I fell for an impossible woman.”
“I am not impossible. In fact, at this moment I am very, very possible.”
She reached behind a pillow on the sofa and extracted some scrap of black lace that had him nearly swallowing his tongue.
“That’s yours?” he asked, not sure if he was more shocked or intrigued.
“Shanna bought it for me. She thought it might come in handy.”
Mack fingered the revealing lace, then shook his head. “I’m sure it will, but not tonight. You put that on tonight and there will be no talking.”
“That works for me,” Susie said. “I’m tired of talking.”
“You also had a medical procedure yesterday. You’re probably not thinking clearly. I imagine whatever anesthesia they gave you hasn’t worn off yet.”
She scowled at him. “Did you make all these excuses to avoid sleeping with all those other women? Is that why they kept coming around because you were a challenge? I always thought it was because you were easy, to say nothing of sexy and very skilled.”
“Gee, you think a lot of me, don’t you?”
The glint of amusement in her eyes died, and she nodded solemnly. “Always have.”
Mack settled on the sofa with Susie in his lap. Despite his resolve, the situation was more arousing than he’d anticipated. While the prospect of sex had always been in the back of his mind—he was a man, after all—he’d sublimated the desire beneath a ton of very rational reasons for sticking to the friendship boundary that had seemed so important to Susie. Tonight it was clear the boundaries no longer applied. That made it trickier to remain rational.
“Maybe this isn’t such a good idea, after all,” he said, his mouth dry.
He set her at the opposite end of the sofa. “There. That’s better.”
She gave him a wry look. “Really? It’s not actually working for me.”
“What has gotten into you tonight?”
“The realization that I might not have much time left,” she said a little too brightly. “I intend to go after what I want.”
Her words slammed into Mack like a freight train. “Stop it!” he commanded. “Don’t you dare say that. We haven’t even started to fight this thing. We don’t even know if there’s something to fight.”
“I know,” she said. “I think that’s why I was so scared to see the doctor. I already knew.”
“And you got your medical degree where?”
She frowned at his sarcasm. “Women know their own bodies, Mack.”
“Then I’m surprised you bothered with the biopsy. Do you already know the outcome, too?”
“Of course not.”
“When will you get the results?”
“I have an appointment tomorrow.”
“I’m going with you,” he announced.
“But, Mack—”
“No arguments, Susie. I’ll take you or I’ll meet you there, but I am going to that appointment. I have a stake in this, too.”
“I was just going to say that Mom’s going with me.”
“Fine, then you’ll have plenty of backup.”
“Have I ever mentioned how stubborn you are?”
He laughed. “This, coming from an O’Brien?”
“Well, you are.”
“Which make
s us a match made in heaven,” he told her.
She studied him quizzically. “Do you really think so?”
He looked into her eyes, saw the traces of fear lingering there and pushed aside his own panic. “I think we’re going to have years and years to find out for sure.”
He prayed that God was listening and would make sure this one prayer, above any others he’d ever made, would be answered.
Susie fell asleep in Mack’s arms. Admittedly, she’d crawled back into them after he’d fallen into a sound sleep, but when she’d shifted ever so slightly, his arms had tightened around her. She was still in place, listening to the sound of his heart, when her grandmother got home from Annapolis. Thankfully Nell had come into the cottage alone.
She regarded Susie with a lift of her brow and a faint smile on her lips.
Susie pressed a finger to her own lips and managed to extricate herself from Mack’s embrace. She followed her grandmother into the kitchen.
“I leave for a few hours and come home to find you snuggling on my sofa with a man,” Gram said, though she clearly approved.
Susie grinned. “Not just any man. Mack.”
“The two of you have worked things out? You’ve told him what’s going on?”
Susie nodded. “He’s been amazing. He insists on going with me to see Dr. Kinnear tomorrow.” She blushed. “And I think maybe he really does love me.”
Nell shook her head. “Well, of course he does. The man has good sense, doesn’t he?”
Susie looked into her grandmother’s sparkling blue eyes, which were filled with compassion and wisdom. “What if there’s not enough time for us, Gram?”
“There’s never enough time,” Nell told her. “So you treasure every minute you do have.”
“I don’t remember very clearly when Grandpa died. He was older than you, wasn’t he?”
“He was.”
“Was it a shock when he died?”
“A shock? No. He’d been sick for a while, but that doesn’t make the loss any easier. There are still days when I think I can smell the scent of his pipe tobacco. I’ll turn around, expecting to see him.”
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