by A. C. James
Now that her decision was firmly cemented, she had no problem delving into sexy fantasies about Fallon. With any luck they’d have lots of alone time, filled with everything she’d pent up since she’d been gone. His touch, his scent, the feel of his skin against hers set her world on fire. She’d throw herself into his arms, as she’d done the first time, and wrap herself around him. Cyn blushed. She remembered their first meeting in the great hall, and she hoped their reunion would be a little more private. Bloody hell. It doesn’t matter, I’d still want to shag his brains out even if the whole clan was there! Desire rolled around in her belly like quicksilver. She imagined him nudging between her legs, pleasuring her until her body went limp. A delicious shiver swept over her as she pictured kissing him, her lips raw and swollen.
Cyn grabbed her suitcase and tossed it on the bed. She tossed her favourite everyday clothes into the case, and a few fancy pieces she’d picked up through her career. Shoes were another issue entirely, since she had over fifty pairs. She set to work divvying them up into two piles—one she would take, and the other she’d leave her sister. This is going to be a long night. She wore a ridiculously happy grin. It was the first time in her life she’d trusted someone completely. Hell, trusting herself was a first, and she knew without reservation she’d be happy no matter how it worked out. She loved someone enough to take a chance. And though her world was spinning out of control, nothing was ever more right.
“OF COURSE I’M HAPPY for you, sweetheart!” Cyn’s mum Ellen said as she rubbed her eyes. “But promise me you’ll come and visit, won’t you?”
“All the time,” Cyn said as she leaned in for another hug. Tears pricked her eyes. She didn’t want to get weepy again. “And for Lillian’s wedding, too.”
“You’d better not miss my wedding!” Lillian yelled with mock sternness. “And you can’t miss any of the fittings, either. I won’t have you showing up in one of those makeshift getups you used to make when we were kids. That would ruin the photos, but I’ll bloody miss you.” Lillian’s voice had turned serious.
Cyn wrapped her arms around Lillian and squeezed. Her sister’s floral perfume clung to her clothes. “I’ll miss you too. This scent is fabulous, what is it?”
“Romance de Provence, by Catherine Malandrino.”
“I can’t believe it...” Cyn said, grabbing her sister by the shoulders. “You wait until the day I’m bloody leaving to finally use the scent I bought you last Christmas!”
Lillian’s cheeks pinked as she shrugged. “Victor likes it. Thanks, sis. You always give the best presents.”
“Of course,” Cyn said.
“And you always will,” Lillian said, grinning at her sister. “Whenever you come home.”
They both laughed, pulling each other into another hug.
“So...” Ellen said. “When will we get to meet this man of yours?”
A pair of younger teens skated by on self-balancing hoverboards. Cyn stifled a laugh as she thought of Fallon re-entering her world. “Soon.”
Cyn’s happiness was overwhelming. She’d never considered bringing a bloke home to her family, but now she wanted them to see how he brought out the very best in her, parts Cyn hadn’t even known existed. Sure, she was a little awkward about it, but she realized the importance of letting Fallon into her life. Without him, she was empty. Cyn reached into her pocket and clutched the portal for comfort. He still hadn’t answered, but she would see him in person very soon.
“It had better be soon,” Ellen said, pretending to admonish her daughter. “Don’t think I don’t know what you’ve been up to for all this time. I may be old-fashioned, but—”
“That’s over now,” Cyn said as she reached out and squeezed her mother’s hand. “I promise.”
“So you’re really flying out this afternoon?” Lillian asked.
Cyn nodded. “Well, I’m going to have a nosh with Nathan first. I’ve got to explain a few things to him. He’s going to be quite upset.”
“More like lonely,” Lillian said.
Although Cyn tried to keep Nathan’s feelings in check, and her family never judged her for his unrequited love, the topic was still uncomfortable. It reminded her of a time when she’d been too immature to set him straight.
“That’s enough,” Ellen said softly. “If you mean so much to him then he’ll understand. Not right away of course, but he’ll get over it eventually.”
Lillian rolled her eyes. “Or he won’t, but if he hasn’t taken the hint or gotten a clue by now then it’s his own bloody fault.”
Cyn swallowed. “I hope you’re right, Mum.”
But she couldn’t help the tightening sensation in her stomach. Being a flirt, or even downright bitchy, was far easier than confrontation with someone who really mattered. When she’d called Nathan and invited him to dine with her, he’d been over-the-moon ecstatic. Her gut told her he hadn’t forgotten the night at the club, and she didn’t relish revisiting the topic. His bubbly tone had made her grit her teeth.
“I’m so excited to see you,” he’d chirped on the phone like a little bird lost from the nest. Cyn had winced on the other end.
“It’s just for a lunch,” she said.
“I know, but any lunch with you is one I look forward to...”
Ellen cleared her throat, breaking Cyn from her reverie. “It’s about time you’re getting on, love. You’d better bring him home soon. I want to get a good look at the man who finally managed to snag my daughter.”
Cyn laughed. “Right, I swear I will, Mum.”
Her mum saw her out and she caught a taxi to Thai Thai, watching as the cabbie loaded her bulging suitcases in the boot.
“All right?” he asked, slamming down the hatch.
She nodded and hopped in the backseat. To her surprise, her hands were shaking. London traffic was thick as usual, and people strolled past the taxi, easily beating their speed. As the minutes crawled by, she shook her leg up and down, praying lunch would go smoothly. The driver rounded a corner, and with the restaurant in sight, she was getting even twitchier. Bloody hell. He’s going to hit the roof. And she really couldn’t blame the bloke. Cyn had tried to be his friend, but he’d always wanted more.
The taxi pulled up to the restaurant and the cabbie helped Cyn with her bags. She tipped him and approached the restaurant. She was still a wee bit early, which didn’t help her anxiety. The unpleasant conversation ahead needed to be quick and to the point. Her worry rose when she didn’t see Nathan. He was usually there way ahead of her, even when she was on time or a little early.
A waitress recognized Cyn and pulled her into a hug. “You look fab. Off to somewhere posh?”
“Maybe,” Cyn said. Whenever she thought of Fallon, her heart pounded like a drum. “Could you stow my bags up front please?”
“Of course,” she said, and placed Cyn’s bags in the coat room. The waitress grinned, leading her to a table. “You’re absolutely glowing. Whoever he is, you deserve it. You always seemed a bit lonely.”
She was caught off-guard. Had it really been this bloody obvious to almost everyone but her? “Really?”
“Yup.” The waitress nodded, and dropped some menus on the table. “I take it you’ll start with a Thai iced tea? D’you fancy some spring rolls to split?”
“How about a whiskey-ginger,” Cyn said in a low voice. Nathan had walked in the front door, but he hadn’t spotted her yet. “I’m going to need a little bit of liquid courage.”
Nathan’s eyes landed on Cyn. He lit up like a Christmas tree as he trotted over to her table. His cheeks were pink, and her sense of unease increased.
“’Ello, love!” Nathan greeted her, leaning down for a kiss. She turned her head, and he caught a mouthful of hair.
He looked confused. “What’s the matter? Aren’t you glad to see me?”
Just then she lied her not-so-little-ass off. “Of course, but I think I’m getting sick. Wouldn’t want you under the weather.”
Nathan shrugged. “Rig
ht.”
She opened a menu. “D’you know they have some new specials? We ought to try one. Here, this beef Khao mok nuea looks good.”
Nathan eyed her with renewed interest. Cyn realized she was babbling. “Are you all right?”
Cyn dropped her gaze to the menu again. “Sorry, I’m starving.”
“We can order it, if you want,” he said.
He sounded a bit put-off. She’d never meant to hurt him, and she was terrified of losing her second closest friend, but there was no getting around the truth. With a twinge of guilt, Cyn realized maybe this lunch would be their last.
“No, I’m good with whatever you want,” Cyn said, as she leaned back in her seat.
Nathan wore a new sport coat and tie. It was an unusual effect. Most of the time, he showed up in jeans and a polo shirt.
“What’s the occasion?” Cyn gestured to Nathan’s outfit, regretting the words as soon as they were out of her mouth.
“Oh, do you think I clean up pretty good then?”
Cyn laughed like she always had, but her discomfort grew. She’d always brushed him off and it never ended his pursuit.
His gaze grew serious. “I have something I need to tell you.”
Her stomach lurched and her voice was barely a whisper. “Please don’t, Nathan.”
Nathan reached across the table, his hand settling on hers. “All right, I’ll tell you after lunch, but I want you to hear me out.”
She nodded. And they made uncomfortable small talk until the waitress returned.
She brought Cyn’s whiskey-ginger, along with a basket of spring rolls and crab rangoons. “These are on the house,” she said, placing the baskets on the table with a smile. “I thought we’d do something drastic to lure you back. It’s been ages since we’ve seen your lot around here.”
“It’s been much too long,” Nathan said. He reached into the basket and bit into a spring roll. “What d’you say about that, Cyn? We ought to make an effort to stop in more often.”
The waitress nodded. “You definitely should.”
Bloody hell, she wanted this lunch to end. Nathan and the waitress bantered back and forth, oblivious to her immense discomfort. She took a large gulp of her cocktail, barely registering the familiar, alcoholic burn. When the waitress sashayed off, Cyn was determined to get everything out in the open.
“I know this is going to catch you off-guard,” she said, and folded her hands in her lap.
He kept on smiling like he’d done with the waitress. “I’ve been waiting for this moment for longer than you know.”
This was not going how she’d planned. Cyn realized with horror that he expected her to confess her love.
“But it’s about time we had this conversation, if you ask me,” Nathan said as he grabbed the last spring roll from the basket and took a bite.
Cyn shook her head. Beneath the table, her fingernails were digging into her sweaty palms. “Yes, but you don’t understand. It’s not what you think.”
“How d’you know what I’m thinking?” Nathan took another bit of the spring roll, teasing her.
Cyn sighed. This flirtatious, cocksure Nathan which made an appearance every now and again was worse than typical, lovelorn Nathan. And his bravado was even more nauseating, and harder to deal with.
“I’m sorry if I haven’t been clear with you, but you’ve misunderstood my feelings,” she said, steeling herself with another sip of whiskey-ginger. “You’re a brother to me, Nathan. And you’re a very important part of my life, one I don’t want to lose...”
He finished chomping on the spring roll, and wiped at his mouth with a napkin. “One of these days, you’re going to realize how much I love you and what I’d do—”
“I don’t need to wait for that day to come. I know you love me, and you’d do anything for me, Nathan. I’ve tried to explain, brushed off your flirting, or even ignored it. But I can’t keep brushing you off, hoping you’ll know the kind of love I have for you isn’t what you’re looking for.”
The hurt, betrayal, and anger in his eyes cut like a knife. “I guess you’re going to tell me next that you just want to be friends.”
There was a cruel, mocking smile on his face. Anger bubbled up inside her. He’d never understood how many times she’d tried to let him down gently. Perhaps if she’d never flirted back in the beginning; but the moment she realized his intentions she’d stopped. He’d wanted her no matter how many times she tried to tell him. He had no idea how hard it was to shatter his hopes and possibly lose the friendship they shared.
Cyn chewed on her bottom lip. “Nathan, I’m leaving. That’s what I came here to tell you.”
He laughed, and took a long drink of iced tea. “Sure.”
“I’m actually leaving this afternoon. I have a flight in three hours.”
Nathan snorted. “Right.”
When Cyn didn’t argue with him, his smirk faded. “Really?”
“Yes, really,” Cyn said.
His expression hardened. “Why?”
Cyn swallowed. She was unwilling to admit the depth of her feelings for Fallon, and hurt him any further. “I’ve wanted this since the moment I came home. It’s because I fell in love with...the island...and I need to go back.”
He slammed a fist onto the table. “Bollocks! You’re not bloody leaving. This is another one of your wild ideas. And mark my words, you’ll come running home once boredom sets in. I know you. I’ve known you better than anyone.”
Cyn shook her head. “I’ve made up my mind, Nathan. Please don’t try to stop me.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, with a pause.
She could almost see the wheels turning as he shifted gears, changing tactics.
Nathan cleared his throat. “I’ve been bloody selfish lately, and I made a mistake the other night. But you can’t uproot your life just because you had a bit of fun on holiday. I promise it’ll be better. We’ll spend more time together, and we can take our time. Give me a chance.”
Cyn gritted her teeth, the anger inside her reached a boiling point. “You’re not getting it, Nathan. This isn’t where I belong anymore. I’ve fallen in love with him...”
“Of course you bloody have!” Nathan roared.
His hand crashed down and the basket that once contained spring rolls fell off the table. Cyn flushed with embarrassment, and she pushed her anger aside to try reasoning with him.
She swallowed hard. “I’m sorry. I hate hurting you. I’ve always valued our friendship, but don’t you realize you deserve someone who looks at you the way you look at me? I could never make you happy, and I know what it feels like because I met someone I’m crazy about. Can’t you be happy for me?”
“No. That thought never occurred to me.” He sounded dangerously angry, and even though Cyn was afraid to provoke him further, she needed to be crystal clear with him. Then he’d know this was it, and finally stop chasing her.
“I won’t make you happy, Nathan. Any girl would be lucky to have you, but I’m not that girl.”
Nathan glared from across the booth. “Why couldn’t you have told me that before?”
Cyn was helpless. This wasn’t going anywhere productive. It was even worse than she’d imagined, and her voice came out a pathetic whisper. “I’m sorry.”
“You know what...” His eyes were cold as he shook his head. “I don’t believe you’ll go through with this.”
Oh, god, Cyn groaned to herself. Not this again. “Why not? You’re like a brother to me.”
“No, not that. I really wish you’d bloody stop saying it already.” Nathan paused. He slowly reached out for a crab rangoon, popping it into his mouth. “You don’t really love him, Cyn. You barely know him. After all, if you don’t love me and you’ve known me for years, how can you love this bloke? It’s not like you ever keep anyone around. This is another fling that’ll run its course, and when it does you’ll regret it.”
Cyn was miserable. Somehow, his sarcastic mood was even tougher to deal with t
han his anger. “I do regret hurting you, but I don’t need to explain my feelings to you. I’m leaving.”
“It’s because he’s a stallion,” Nathan said, clearly not listening to anything. “You don’t really love him, it’s just because he’s a sexy bloke who can transform into a bloody horse.”
“That’s not true.”
Nathan was gazing out the window. She wondered if he realized how hurtful he was being, and that he’d made comments like this in the past. He’d joked about her countless flings so many times, but it never bothered her because she was fine with her life. When she met Fallon it had changed everything.
Nathan leaned forward as if letting Cyn in on a secret. “You’ll be back in a month. You’ll miss London, or you’ll miss modelling.”
“Yeah, I’m definitely going to miss being stuck with pins and sweating to get into a sample size,” Cyn said, downing the last gulp of her whiskey-ginger. “And waiting for weeks on end to find out if I got a job or if I’m being jerked around.”
As Nathan countered her argument from across the table, Cyn thought back to when she and Nathan had first met. Felicity had been talking about him for weeks. She’d been so excited to meet him. She’d liked him instantly—he was funny, smart, and very sweet. Later, after they’d left the bar, Felicity was unusually quiet.
“What’s the matter with you?” Cyn had teased, pulling out a compact from her purse and fixing her lipstick. “You’ve gone all silent on me.”
“D’you really have to act like that with every man we meet. He’s my boss, and he’s obviously in love with you already.”
It hadn’t occurred to Cyn that she’d been overly flirtatious. Of course, now she could see it. Cyn could flirt in her sleep. She was a champ at winking with subtlety. If she had a quid for every time she caught a bloke checking her out, she’d probably have more than she got from her first modelling gig. And with Nathan, his warm and friendly demeanour seemed to encourage her. Before she knew it, she’d been standing close and running a finger down his arm. He’d been entranced with her the whole evening, and unfortunately the obsession only grew from there. Felicity often urged her to be honest with him, but as more time went by, it seemed like an impossible task. No matter how much she dodged him or talked about dates right in front of him, he never gave up. Besides, Cyn never thought she’d have a reason to come clean. She always thought she’d be single, with a new bloke every week and no commitments or heartbreak.