by Amy Gutman
sands of documents to be reviewed and catalogued. Dozens of de-24
position outlines and routine motions. But did female associates 25
get stuck with any more of the grunt work than their male col-26
leagues did? Not from what she could see. In her year-plus at Sam-27
son & Mills, she couldn’t think of one time when she’d been 28
singled out because of her sex. Of course, she belonged to a privi-29
leged breed. For the vast majority of women, stuck in word pro-30
cessing or secretarial pools, the situation could be very different.
31
Kate was about to close the book when another underlined sec-32
tion caught her eye. Not being attractive enough does have an eco-33
nomic effect. You know you can’t get really well-paying jobs. If you ever ort 34
reg 35
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go to the top floor of an office building, you know the women look a cer-1
tain way.
2
The women look a certain way.
3
Kate smoothed her newly trimmed hair. Hair carefully cut and 4
styled like that of most of her female colleagues.
5
But, again, so what?
6
The tendentious writing was beginning to annoy her.
7
The point is that it is the very qualities which men find sexually at-8
tractive in the women they harass that are the real qualifications for the 9
jobs for which they hire them. . . .
10
Sudden allegations of job incompetence and poor attitude commonly 11
follow rejection of sexual advances and are used to support employment 12
consequences. . . .
13
Men believe that whenever women are advanced on the job, an ex-14
change of sexual favors must have occurred. . . .
15
Kate could hear the bathtub filling. Still carrying the book, she 16
went to turn off the tap. While it didn’t do much for her, she had 17
to wonder what this book had meant to Madeleine. Had it perhaps 18
called to mind her own career? Kate thought about what Justin had 19
told her at the Harvard Club, how Drescher had argued that 20
Madeleine had slept her way to the top. Kate hadn’t really given 21
the attacks much thought. Now she wondered if they’d contained 22
a grain of truth. Of course, Madeleine was a very good lawyer. But 23
had she really been so outstanding that partnership was a foregone 24
conclusion? Had it been her abilities that set Madeleine apart from 25
her less successful peers? Or was it her sexual relationship with 26
Mills?
27
As the thoughts circled in her mind, Kate peeled off her clothes.
28
She could feel the steam floating up from the tub, smell the bub-29
bles’ flowery fragrance. Suddenly, she was tired of thinking about 30
Madeleine. Couldn’t she just relax for one night? Still naked, she 31
walked back to the bedroom, where she returned the book to its 32
place. What she needed tonight was something soothing. She 33
34 sh
35 re
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pulled out a dog-eared copy of Sense and Sensibility and headed 2
back to the bathroom. She’d read and reread each of Jane Austen’s 3
six novels, and this was her favorite. An elegantly orchestrated 4
moral fable that preached the eighteenth-century virtues of bal-5
ance in life and love. Book in hand, she slipped gratefully into the 6
tub. She closed her eyes and let herself drift, let the water’s blissful 7
warmth enfold her. The strains of a violin floated in from the liv-8
ing room.
9
This really was a perfect evening.
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
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Sunday, January 10
1
2
Kate tried to stifle a cough. She’d awakened that morning with the 3
beginnings of a cold, and the drafty church sanctuary wasn’t help-4
ing. Furtively, she shifted in her seat, trying to find a more com-5
fortable position on the hard wood pew. Her throat was raw, and 6
her head felt as if it were stuffed with cotton. Pulling her cape more 7
closely around her shoulders, she wondered if she might have strep.
8
It seemed as though the service would never end. Arthur Daw-9
son had begun to speak. Dawson, who’d long since retired, was well 10
over eighty by now. As his reedy voice droned on, Kate’s eyes 11
roamed through rows of black-clad figures until settling on Carter 12
Mills. Mills had been one of the first speakers, delivering a careful 13
and detailed account of Madeleine’s career. Her arrival at Samson & 14
Mills as a newly minted attorney, her rapid ascent in the Samson 15
hierarchy, her election to partnership. As the words flowed out, 16
mellifluous and measured, Mills referred obliquely to challenges 17 sh
faced, to obstacles surmounted. Kate had eagerly awaited Mills’s 18 re
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turn at the podium, but once he’d started to speak, she’d found 2
herself fast losing interest. The day after Madeleine’s death, she’d 3
seen real emotion in his face. By contrast, today’s offering seemed 4
artificial, prepared for public consumption.
5
Mills sat toward the front of the church, surrounded by other 6
partners. As she studied the somber group, Kate realized that this 7
was the first time she’d seen the thirty-seven partners all in one 8
place. To an unknowing observer, they would hardly seem a re-9
markable bunch. A collection of middle-aged white guys — the 10
few women seemed beside the point — barely distinguishable one 11
from the other. The occasional bald head or goatee did little to 12
alter the effect. Samson’s partners were like tract houses, where 13
occasional unique “features” only underscored a basic sameness.
14
Tara was constantly getting them confused. Even the names, she 15
claimed, sounded alike.
16
And yet, these ordinary figures were the stuff of legend. Mythic 17
heros of an oral epic passed down through associate generations.
18
There, behind Mills, was Colin Barfield, a litigator known for his 19
single-minded vision. Barfield had once dragged an associate to the 20
airport with him because she hadn’t yet finished explaining a 21
memo. When departure time came,
and she still wasn’t through, 22
he’d taken her with him to Japan. With his tortoiseshell glasses 23
and bow tie, Barfield looked like a gentleman lawyer. Who would 24
guess that this courtly man made associates pack his clothes?
25
Everything — underwear, shoes, shirts, and suits — had to be 26
neatly stowed in his suitcase before checkout time arrived.
27
Next to Barfield was David Kirkpatrick, a man with strange 28
habits of his own. Kirkpatrick insisted that associates telephone 29
restaurants in advance to ask that any vegetable he ordered be 30
served in its pureed form. Kirkpatrick couldn’t be bothered with 31
making the request himself. Nor did he want his associates dis-32
tracted while they ate, interrupting the flow of his instructions.
33
(“Ever try eating escargots and taking notes at the same time?” one ort 34
of Kirkpatrick’s associates had once asked a group of his peers. “It’s reg 35
tough. ”) A favorite Samson story was The Time That Kirkpatrick 9858_02_153-356_r6jm.qxd 9/28/00 3:59 PM Page 155
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Ordered the Artichoke, the agonized deliberations among associ-1
ates on his team as to whether artichoke puree was in order. It 2
went without saying that they couldn’t ask. They were simply ex-3
pected to know.
4
And on the other side of Kirkpatrick was . . . Martin Drescher.
5
With a shiver, Kate snapped her head back toward Dawson, still 6
rambling on up front. The time she’d spent under Drescher’s desk 7
still made her dizzy with remembered fear. But after taking a mo-8
ment to collect herself, Kate shot another glance across the aisle.
9
She’d hoped that something in Drescher’s face would give insight 10
into his emotions. But try as she might, she could discern no clue 11
from his politely expressionless features. After a time she gave up; 12
she looked back to the front of the room.
13
But while her eyes now focused on Dawson, Kate’s mind con-14
tinued to wander. As she picked at a hangnail, it occurred to her 15
that it was strange to be here on a Sunday. This was a church, after 16
all. Didn’t they have services? Maybe someone had pulled some 17
strings. It was a beautiful space, though.
18
A prism-like flicker danced on the floor. Kate tilted her head to 19
the right, trying to locate its source. When she saw what it was, she 20
rolled her eyes: Angela Taylor’s ring. Angela was seated just across 21
the aisle with several other third-years. Julie Whiting, Margo 22
Price, Irene O’Shaunnessy. Out of Angela’s conversational orbit, 23
Kate could appreciate how pretty she was. Shiny blond bob, high 24
cheekbones, a finely turned nose. And she wasn’t the only one.
25
The women clustered around her shared the same patrician good 26
looks. Clear skin. Elegant profiles. Straight, gleaming hair.
27
If you ever go to the top floor of an office building, you know the 28
women look a certain way. There was, perhaps, something to this 29
observation. They were definitely a good-looking group, the fe-30
male lawyers of Samson & Mills. Good-looking in a certain way.
31
For the first time it occurred to Kate that Catharine MacKinnon 32
might just be right. Not that women were hired based on looks 33
alone. Of that, she was very sure. But was beauty perhaps a sort of 34 sh
threshold test? A way to limit the pool? What about a smart 35 re
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woman who wasn’t much to look at? Would she still be in the run-2
ning at Samson & Mills? Kate realized that she didn’t know.
3
A brief shuffling up front and Dawson relinquished his post.
4
Kate saw that the minister, a stocky man with a neatly trimmed 5
beard, was again assuming the helm. A good sign. And then she 6
heard the words she’d been waiting for. “And now, in closing, 7
please join together in our final hymn.” The song was Cat 8
Stevens’s “Morning Has Broken.” Kate had to stifle a laugh — she 9
couldn’t imagine a song less in keeping with Madeleine’s persona 10
than this classic sixties anthem. Still, as the voices surged around 11
her, Kate felt a lump in her throat. Andrea, seeming to sense her 12
distress, gently squeezed her shoulder.
13
And then the service was over. Gathering up coats, the mourn-14
ers began to file out. On the other side of the church, Bill McCarty 15
hurried toward the door, dodging clusters of people who’d stopped 16
to talk en route. Peyton Winslow huddled with Chuck Thorpe and 17
a woman in a fur-trimmed suit. Kate couldn’t suppress a wry smile.
18
Even at Madeleine’s funeral, Peyton was in networking mode. And 19
Chuck Thorpe, what would he be thinking? Again, Kate wondered 20
about the chain of events. Chuck Thorpe claimed that Madeleine 21
had stood him up. But had it really happened that way?
22
“How’re you doing?” Justin asked, curling an arm around Kate’s 23
shoulders.
24
“I’m all right,” Kate said. She was a little embarrassed by the 25
wave of sadness that had hit her as the service ended. “I think I’m 26
coming down with a cold. You know how it is when you’re feeling 27
sick. Everything gets to you more than usual.”
28
“Right.” Kate was glad that Justin didn’t loosen his grip.
29
“Do you guys want to grab something to eat?” Kate asked.
30
Justin consulted his watch. “Wish I could,” he said. “But believe 31
it or not, I have to get back to the office.”
32
“Hey,” Andrea whispered, grabbing Kate’s elbow. “Look — com-33
ing down the aisle — Madeleine’s family.”
ort 34
Kate turned as a nondescript threesome made its way toward the reg 35
door. They were nothing like she would have imagined. Made-9858_02_153-356_r6jm.qxd 9/28/00 3:59 PM Page 157
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leine’s mother — it must be her mother — was slack-faced and 1
maternal. Beneath a stiff arrangement of gray-blue hair, her fea-2
tures were a baffled blur. She was propelled forward by a tall, thin 3
man — Madeleine’s father? — who grimly forged through the 4
crowd. Both wore the shell-shocked look of unwitting tourists.
5
Trailing after them was a harried-looking woman in her mid-forties 6
tottering in black high heels. Behind the younger woman’s pan-7
cake makeup, Kate made out a fleeting resemblance to Madeleine.
8
She must be Madeleine’s sister.
9
“Listen, I’ve got to split,” Justin said, pulling on his coat. “I’ll 10
call you later on, Kate. See you, Andrea.”
11
As Justin disappeared in the
crowd, Kate caught sight of a dark-12
haired man who seemed to be watching her. But before she could 13
try to place him, he’d already looked away. Briefly, she wondered if 14
he was someone she knew. He didn’t really look familiar. Still, 15
she’d met so many people since moving to New York. It was hard 16
to remember them all.
17
“Hungry?” Andrea asked.
18
“A little,” Kate said. Her nose was starting to run, and she 19
reached into her purse for a tissue. “You know what I’d really like?
20
Some kind of chicken soup.”
21
w
22
Outside the church, Sam Howell walked quickly down Seventy-23
sixth Street, heading for the Seventh Avenue subway. He couldn’t 24
wait to get away. Couldn’t wait to get out of the city, to be back at 25
home in Sag Harbor. He thought about the work he’d set out for 26
tonight. Film to be developed from his India trip. A stack of busi-27
ness correspondence to answer. He’d planned it all out yesterday, 28
knowing that he’d need to keep busy, that he’d need to keep the 29
memories at bay.
30
His mind went back to what he’d just seen. The girl. Her ap-31
pearance had left him breathless. He’d stared at her mesmerized, 32
unable to sort through his feelings. The cap of dark hair, the heart-33
shaped face. Only the glasses were wrong. Then she’d turned 34 sh
toward him and he’d looked away. Not wanting it to seem like he 35 re
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was staring. Furtively, he’d scanned the room. Could he really be 2
the only one who saw it?
3
The wind pushed against Howell’s face, but he barely felt the 4
blast. His thoughts were still focused on the past two hours. He 5
hadn’t wanted to be there today, hadn’t wanted to be there at all.
6
At the same time, he’d had to come. He’d known it would be diffi-7
cult. He’d tried to brace himself for the encounter. Still nothing 8
had prepared him for the visceral rage that he’d felt on seeing 9
Carter Mills. He’d clenched the edge of his pew. It was all he could 10
do to stay seated. He’d wanted to leap into the aisle and take hold 11
of Mills, to shake him until his teeth chattered. But of course, he’d 12
managed to restrain himself. That showdown would have to wait.
13
Again, he thought of the girl. Her haunting beauty. Her youth.
14
Was it just a coincidence that she’d been there today? Somehow, 15